


How to Not Raise a Sith Lord

by WillyDJ



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-23 07:30:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 91,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21316471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillyDJ/pseuds/WillyDJ
Summary: Can a middle aged pleb from 21st Century Earth succeed where some of the most bodacious bad asses in the Galaxy failed and prevent Anakin Skywalker from becoming Darth Vader? Can he survive encounters with aliens, other worlds and melodrama? Can he avoid a shanking from the Legion of Sithfriends? Will he ever work out the pasta utensil? A light hearted tale of action, danger, sports and some kissing.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. My My, That there Anakin Guy

I slept in the small cabin allocated to me. Bare walls, bare floor, uncomfortable bed. Why couldn't we ever travel in style?

"Master Dee-Jay. Wake up, you must." came the voice.

I stirred awake and opened an eye. Great, still on the transport. Serves me right for being part of an order of celibate aesthetes.

"For your information I was meditating." I said to the diminutive goblin.

Yoda harrumphed and gave me a number four glare. "Part of meditation, snoring is not." he said.

"Yeah, alright. So, are we there yet?" I asked.

"Almost, descending we are now." said Yoda.

Wonderful. I could have used the extra thirty minutes beauty sleep. I need a lot, but try telling a small green methuselah that.

"Allow young Skywalker to be trained by you we shall." said Yoda.

"Great. I have no idea what the council was thinking a few days ago." I said.

"Dangerous, the boy is. More dangerous only, training him will." said Yoda. Number three glare.

"Because casting him adrift in the Galaxy to be snapped up by some random dark side mystic or an actual Sith was such a good idea." I said.

That earned me a number two glare. Little troll must be off his meds.

"Question the wisdom of the council you should not. Also." said Yoda charging up for a full bore number one glare.

"I know. I know. No giving Palpatine a lightsabre enema. Trust me. I'll behave." I said and gave Yoda my best 'trust me' smile.

Yoda held out his hand. I tilted my head and the little goblin nodded. I unclipped my lightsabre and handed it over.

Okay, okay. I wouldn't trust me either.

\-----

Naboo has 0.9 standard gravity. I literally have a spring in my step on this world. Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy. Stop that. You're a stoic monk who eschews material desires.

I am a stoic monk and I eschew material desires.

I am a stoic monk and I eschew material desires.

I am a stoic monk and I eschew material desires.

I am now on a planet where the climate is warm, clothing is largely optional and everything, bounces.

Why the hell did Palpy go evil growing up here? I would have told anyone whispering of dark secrets to bugger off and go back to watching whatever the local equivalent of beach volleyball is.

Is it possible he was the stereotypical dateless loser? Comp Sci majors could pull here. Would explain where he got all that anger to fuel his powers from. Could all of this Empire/Rebellion palavar have been avoided if he had manned up and taken the local equivalent of a Licenced Practical Sexuality Course?

Yes. They exist. I've definitely considered taking one when I have been kicked out of the order. In fact LPSTs may feature in my evil plan of Galactic non-eventism.

It would be a whole lot easier if they just let me shiv Sheev. Oh shit. Here comes the bastard now.

Wow. It is almost beyond words. There are people out there who say they would never follow a populist Dictator despite all evidence to the contrary. Those bastards have a presence, a charm, a cocky smile that says 'follow me, I can make things better'. Normal people fall for the regular version. Palpatine has all that backed by the Force.

I like him. He looks okay. I trust this. No stop. Space Hitler. Space Stalin. Remember the plan! I don't know, is it really necessary? Space Hitler!

The good Chancellor is pressing the flesh, shaking hands with everyone. Hopefully he's no Puppetmaster. Here he comes.

We shake hands. Palpatine has a good firm handshake while mine, is not. However since giving a feeble handshake is part of the plan mine is particularly limp. Palpatine squeezes and grins as he does so.

"Hello Master?" he says leading like a pro.

"Dee-Jay. Master Dee-Jay." I say nursing my bruised hand. Just couldn't resist could you.

Sucker.

\-----

I hurry off to the med centre with my hand. I walk in.

"Hello Master Jedi. What can I do for you." says the medtech.

Damn. No plan ever survives contact with the enemy. Or the alien. Like this alien.

No, the sight of non-humans casually doing their thing still weirds me out. Give me a break, its been a rough two months. Its still a shock ordering lunch from a fish-man. How the hell do you ask for fish of the day?

And the alien standing before me isn't just any alien. Not some random, brightly hued being with gills, tentacles or other weirdness. No, she's a Twi'lek. A hot green space babe radiating 'bang me' pheromones because her patient is a space monk aesthete and she can relax and let her hair down for a change.

Okay. Head tentacles. Whatever. Hot green space babe. Definitely a mammal.

I am a stoic space monk and I eschew material desires.

I am a stoic space monk and I eschew material desires.

Not working. I hold up my hand like an idiot.

"Your hand? Are you okay?" she says.

I just shook hands with the personification of evil and need the help of someone who can excite corpses to get the bastard's skin cells tested. This is a platonic example of 'not okay'.

I close my eyes. There is no emotion, there is peace. I say to myself.

That actually works! Calmer, and more relaxed I open my eyes.

"I think I have an infection. I need it isolated and tested. It may be Force related so, can you do a midichlorian count too?" I say.

She smiles and places my hand in a medical device. It hums, buzzes and my skin tingles.

"Do you need anything else Master Jedi?" she asks.

A cold shower? Another grilling from Yoda?

"I, I will be fine. Jump lag, that's all." I manage.

She places a hand on the arm still trapped by the device.

"Oh I know. It's horrible. I'm hopeless for days after space travel. Call me Shayla." she says.

"Dee-Jay. Pleased to meet you." I say weakly, smiling at her. Our eyes meet and bam! Contact.

Batshit crazy Sith that she was, Kreia had a point.

Been in this crazy universe only eight weeks and I am already weary of The Force and its shenanigans. 

\-----

I staggered out of med centre and went looking for the Jedi. After asking for directions, I made my way to the Palace.

Entering, I am directed up some stairs by a flunky. Starting up them I spy Obi-Wan Kenobi heading down looking angry. He sees me, scowls and marches towards me.

"You!" he says pointing a finger at me.

"Something the matter, padawan?" I ask calmly.

"It's Knight now." he says. Of course. No trials for the Sith killer.

"Congratulations. How may I assist what I presume is our newest Jedi Knight?"

"You can tell me why you stole Anakin."

"Steal? Anakin Skywalker is a person." I said.

"You know what I mean." said Kenobi.

"Do I? Do you? Who is Anakin Skywalker? Is he a slave? Just another pathetic life form? Or a duty which must be discharged? The Chosen One. If he is any of those things to you perhaps it would be best for him to train under someone else." I said calmly.

"Then why do you wish to be his teacher?" said Obi-Wan.

Now was not the time to bring up my Vader allergy.

"Because it would be both cruel and callous to turn him away. Not to mention bloody stupid." I said.

"You said that to the council?" Obi-Wan looks astonished.

"Even the eldest and wisest among us need a good kick in the pants. Besides, you have not been a Knight ten minutes. Maybe a little experience and wisdom is needed before undertaking one of our more sacred tasks?"

Okay, not that much more. It's a vital amount though. Hopefully. Still Kenobi stops scowling.

"Yes I do see the wisdom in that. Anything else Master?"

Now that you mention it.

"This Sith warrior you slew. The body has been retrieved I trust? Along with his unusual weapon." I said.

"I cut him in half and he fell."

"So it won't have gone far. But, just to be on the safe side, take some friends. There are some other Knights here. Go as a team." I said to him.

He looks doubtful. As if it's another chore.

"This is important. Who knows what secrets we could learn. Also if by some random miracle he survives you'll kick yourself if you end up having to fight him again and again. Best to be sure." I said.

Seemingly convinced he hurries off.

\-----

Then it's parades, wakes and a pile of speeches before the other Jedi return to Coruscant I am left alone with Darth Vader.

Talk about instant perspective. Screw up and the Galaxy burns. No pressure.

He's a really cute kid. Bit scrawny, but we can fix that.

"Hello Master." he says. I reach out with the Force, just to be sure.

Fear, uncertainty, resentment. Knew it. I sit down, not far from him.

"Anakin. My name is Dee-Jay and I am a member of the Jedi order like yourself. Do you know why my title is 'Master'?"

Anakin gives this a level of thought not normally seen in a nine year old. Certainly not in Anakins. Did you have a head injury sometime in the next ten years?

"Because you're old?" he hazards.

"A good guess and partially correct. Because of the time I have been a Jedi, I have demonstrated mastery, that is to say a clear and working understanding of both The Force and more importantly, myself. So, I have the title of Master." I say.

Anakin nods. Is he listening or just, right.

"That is not what the word means to you though. What does 'Master' mean to you Anakin."

Anakin looks at me defiantly. I am reminding him of his past life.

"It means the person I must obey because I am their slave." he says.

"Well, since you are no longer a slave you should call me by my name only. How you speak helps determine your reality. The Jedi paid a great price for your freedom and I do not want to waste that. So no more master and apprentice. Its Dee-Jay and Anakin." I say.

Anakin looks at me as if he's uncertain.

"Okay, Dee-Jay."

"Excellent Anakin. That's enough for today. Time for recess. Say, how far down those banisters do you think you can slide without falling off?"

He may still become Darth Vader, terror of the Galaxy. Just now he is still a nine year old boy. He grins.

"Are you going to come too?" he says.

"Of course." I reply. Hmm, this Palace is probably older than the Pyramids. "Best take our shoes off first."

One of the best things about being a Jedi is the near perfect balance. We get to make three runs before being confronted by the Queen herself. Arms folded she looks annoyed. Anakin jumps off, perfect dismount, a ten from the judges in front of her.

"Hi Padme. Would you..."

I am not far behind. I go for the leap and instead have my feat slip out in front of me and skid on my bottom to a rest beside them. All Force assisted.

"Why, hello your Majesty." I say.

It is too much for Anakin and he bursts out laughing, followed soon by the teenager.

All part of the cunning plan. Sith don't giggle.

They laugh for several minutes, their sides and gasping for breath. Just two kids laughing at a pratfall. Hopefully this memory sticks. If not, I can manufacture others.

"Do. You. Wanna go. Too." Anakin eventually manages.

Padme looks down at her ornate, restrictive costume and shakes her head.

"No. I cannot. It is not allowed." she says regretfully transforming from carefree teenager to avatar of her state.

Palpatine tried to murder you, but that was reasonably impersonal. He would have done that to anyone. Fourteen, forty, one hundred and fourteen, it would not matter. Naboo regularly tosses a girl's childhood on the pyre of tradition.

I guess it goes on the list. It's already long enough as it is. Is this how a Jedi thinks all the time?

Poor buggers.

I look up at the titular ruler of everything within twenty billion kilometres, affecting a smile.

"So, would now be a bad time to ask for a ship or two?" I said.

\-----

The Queen tries to fix me with a stare, but I've had Yoda on my case recently with Windu and conehead subbing. Sorry kid, but you need practice.

"You want what?" said Padme.

"I intend to head to Tatooine and pick up Anakin's mother. One ship to make the trip, the other to make payment, unless of course you have a pile of whatever they use as money over there." I said calmly.

"You're going to get my mom?" said Anakin, the hope evident in his voice.

"I thought Qui-Gon had organised that already." said Padme.

"With respect Qui-Gon is gently wafting through your atmosphere. In the rush to save your world it was overlooked. The Jedi almost all grew up separated and never knowing their parents. It honestly just won't occur to them. This war saw many casualties but a child separated from his mother is among the worst of them. Yes Anakin, I am going to get her too. It's largely up to Her Majesty though. " I said.

Anakin turns to Padme and looks up at her.

"Please? Can you? Please?" said Anakin.

I have a good half dozen arguments all ready to go. I also have a nine year old who misses his mother. We also only have to convince this universe's version of Desdemona.

"Yes. I will make the arrangements." she said smiling and bending down to hug Anakin.

"Yippee!"

\-----

It takes a couple of days to organise matters. Two cruisers, crews, droids and supplies all take time to get together in one place and facing the right direction. I am about to board when a voice cries out.

"Dee-Jay!"

I turn around. It's Anakin.

"Yes Anakin?"

"I want to come too."

This is a simple mission. Go to Tatooine. Buy Vader's mom. Come back. Every additional factor is another potential point of failure. Still.

"You want to see your mother again as soon as possible. That is admirable Anakin. You are however now a Jedi. We let our feelings guide us but they do not rule us. For that, we use reason. So, to come along you need a good reason why." I said.

Anakin scrunches his face in the effort of thought.

"Um." he begins.

"It's okay Anakin. Take your time." I said.

Is this too cruel? This is Anakin He's only nine.

"Um. I can guide you through the town. So you don't get lost." said Anakin after a while.

"That's correct. Very well then, come along." I said looking over my back as I ushered Anakin aboard. Just to be on the safe side I check out the crew. Reasonably sure the Queen hasn't snuck aboard I give the order to depart.

With a working hyperdrives it is a very short jump to Tatooine. We soon land.

"Anything I should know about going out on Tatooine?" I said to Anakin.

"You asking me?" said Anakin, surprised.

"Sure. You're the expert here. I actually have never been to a desert planet."

"You may want a scarf round your mouth and nose. Breathe in through your nose too." said Anakin.

"Thank you." I said and went to get a scarf. Properly attired, I stepped out onto Arrakis lite.

\-----

Gods, it is hot. It is also dry, dusty and desolate. The ground is often uneven underfoot. I'm hating this place in the ten minute walk to the shop.

Inside is the small blue flying alien. He? It? Whatever. Watto looks up at us as the bell rings and moves back.

"Augh, another Jedi. Come to bring the boy back? No deal." Watto points to a sign. It's in Huttese but I can guess its meaning.

"No refunds?" I say in aside to Anakin. The boy nods. I look back to Watto.

"I wish to purchase Shmi from you. I believe you are in a spot of bother so I thought I would trade with this." I activate the holo projector and appears above my hand, alongside its specs start scrolling down. "A Nubian J type. Factory new. Excellent on sale value." I add.

Watto's hand is making little twitching motions. Mind Tricks won't work on you Shylock? How about money, an Imperial shit load thereof?

"How do I know this isn't another trick?" he says suspiciously.

"How do I reach the roof." I ask.

A short while later we are on the roof with a set of binoculars. I hand them to Watto.

"Over there. The ship on the left. All yours in exchange for Shmi and anything in her house she may want to take with her." I said.

Watto looks at the ship, then at me, then back to the ship.

"Deal." he said, still looking at the ship.

"Excellent. Let's go down to make transfer." I said.

As I suspected, Tatooine doesn't have a legal economy. Watto gives me the slave control switch and a flimsy covered in Huttese. I give him the cruiser's control codes and owners manual. Done.

"Thank you. Come on Anakin. Let's go get your mother." I said.

Anakin looks up from where he had been tinkering with a droid. So hard to break habits. Well, we will have to work with that. He gets up and we leave the shop.

\-----

It is a short walk to Chez Skywalker.

"Mom!" Anakin yells as he cannons into his mother and hugs her.

"Ani, what are you doing here? What has happened?" Shmi says looking up and glaring at me.

'Who the hell are you and why have you brought my son back to this hell world?'

As a Jedi I am now a functional telepath. Totally redundant at the moment. All it does is make me wonder if we should test her as well. A little training and I would have had a hole in my chest.

Note to self. Keep all Skywalkers away from Palpy.

"I have just purchased your freedom and have arranged travel off world so you and Anakin can see each other."

Naboo has a much lower incidence of Fremen murder. I wonder what the leading cause of death is on happy time fun planet is. I will have to look into that as well as possibly arranging for Shmi to live on the opposite side to Palpatine.

"You did this?" she says half disbelieving. No one normally escapes Tatooine.

"Merely carrying out what I believe was Master Qui-Gon's intention all along. As well as the desires of a grateful system. Anakin is quite the hero." I say.

"Where is Qui-Gon? Is he, is he alright?"

He met Darth Maul and no he's toast. Thanks Weird Al, succinct but too cavalier. I look down.

"He was killed in battle. His loss was a terrible blow to us all." I say.

Shmi sits down. Her hand is shaking. She places it on the table to steady it.

"No." is all she says.

What do you say to that? How long did she believe a dead man would come rescue her? So I wait patiently.

"Dee-Jay? Do you want to see the droid I built?" says Anakin, breaking the silence.

"Sure." I say. Why wouldn't I want to meet one of the most annoying beings in the universe?

I follow Anakin over to the droid. Still half clad in grey metal plates it is still recognisably C3-PO. Anakin switches him on.

"Why hello there, Master Anakin! What a surprise. What are you doing here?"

Turn him off. Turn him off!

"Remarkable. What are your functions?" I say.

"I am a protocol droid. I can translate and also provide advice on proper etiquette." says Threepio.

And neurotic comedy, let's not forget that.

"Amazing. You built him all from spare parts? We should see what you can do with a fully equipped workshop." I say to Anakin, who beams as if on demand.

I am so not letting this kid major in stabbing. It's a total waste of his natural talents.

"Do you think Threepio will like Naboo?" asks Anakin after a pause.

"He will. Recall that the Queen has recently resumed relations with the Gungan. A protocol droid will be invaluable. Clearly your foresight is as remarkable as your engineering skills." I say.

"Naboo? Where is that?" says Threepio.

"A lush, verdant world where it rains regularly. You will be helping the Naboo treat with a warrior race of Amphibians." I say. How many Dark Side points do I get for tormenting this droid?

"Warrior amphibians? Oh my. My circuits will be a rusted mass within weeks." says Threepio in worry mode. Not that he has another setting.

"It will be fine." I say. It had damn better be.

Shmi has evidently composed herself and has come over.

"I am ready." she says brushing away a tear.

"You sure? You don't need anything?" I say.

Shmi places her hands on Anakin's shoulders.

"Everything I need is right here." she says.

"Very wise. Well, we should get going." I say and usher everyone out.

You are so getting tested.

\-----

I have this nagging sense of dread as we walk back to the ships. Is that The Force alerting me to impending danger? Could be, its not like there is a handy manual, say Force Sensitivity for Dummies. I definitely qualify. On the off chance, I quicken the pace.

"Hey Anakin, perhaps they'll let you help take off." I say.

"You think so?" he says. I nod and Anakin starts running. The others start jogging as well. I check over my shoulder. Don't see anything.

Wait. There. My attention is drawn to a dust cloud. Coming towards us rapidly. Looks like they will be at the ship when we get there. I sigh.

Kreia was right.

I wait at the bottom of the ramp for our guests. Nine riders looking like they took a wrong turn at the Spaghetti Western. If you ignore that half are aliens and they're riding Velociraptors. Giant ostrich lizards at any rate. I take note of the one with the bazooka like weapon. Greedy, not stupid.

"Why hello Watto. Your ship is over there. No tricks." I said indicating the other cruiser.

Watto unclips himself and hovers away from the ostrich lizard.

"Yes, but then I thought there are two ships here. Why not have both?" he says.

"Double or nothing?" I said emphasising the last word as I shrug off my cloak. "A gambler to the end I see."

The minions raise their weapons. Can I block a volley of nine? Probably not.

"Last chance Watto. We can all just walk away." I said and then dove to my left, rolling. I push out with The Force. Not at them, but at the ground. Specifically, all this damn sand. Rough, course, irritating. I make sure it gets everywhere. Now I scream, not all that impressive. However, when you add in that I'm projecting 'Krayt dragon'

Chaos, panic, confusion. The velociraptor ostriches panic, sensing this hell world's apex predator. Their riders, who can say. A few shots ring out as they fire, several cry out as they fall and then run off. I walk to where I can sense Watto. I walk over to him, the sand still whirling about me. He is on the ground. One of his wings is twisted.

'Slay him!' comes a voice.

My lightsabre is out and on before I realise. I am ready to strike.

'Kill the bastard. He betrayed you. They're all like that. Just run him through and leave him as a warning.'

No. I shake my head and walk away to the ship.

So that's the Dark Side. Beguiling, seductive, but seriously?

It speaks to me in the voice of my wife? Damn.


	2. Happy Time Fun Planet

Til death do you part. I know what that means. It's been a year and if there was a way to hear her voice again I would have said sure, anything. Name your price.

It's the Dark Side. I can just go over to genocidal, cackling evil and I'll hear her again.

I look over at the nine year old. It's not some Shakespearian actor channeling Macbeth or Henry saying 'Do it'. It was her. This is why there are rules against falling in love, attachments and everything else educated people in their comfy chairs scoff at. Because we're trained to believe the devil speaks like he walked off The Globe.

But that's not it at all, is it? True evil uses the voice you won't want to disobey. The voice who says 'I love you'. The voice some of us really would set the Galaxy on fire for.

Anakin looks up at me and smiles. Sorry kiddo, I am going to fail. We are so doomed.

Another thought strikes me. Yoda. He must have known. The old ways are right, the old ways are good. He didn't want him trained and got gift wrapped the perfect opportunity to not do so.

The rotter.

"Excuse me." I said and left to look for a toilet. Fresher. Whatever you call it. Small room you can scream and swear in without causing undue distress in crew and passengers.

I am a stoic space monk and I am so screwed.

\-----

It was a short trip there and a short trip back. I lead Anakin and Shmi down the ramp to happy time fun planet, days since last murder raid by psychotic indigs, forever.

The bay is a bit more crowded than when we departed. Padme and all her attendants are out in force like a heavily armed Girl Guides troop. Or the St Trinian's hockey squad.

Happy time fun planet. Leading cause of death? Lese Majesty. Punishment swiftly administered by all girl ninja team. Smile, be nice, don't snark on pain of death.

Since there are no options I step off the ramp and bow. So do Anakin and Shmi. That's when Padme starts clapping. Ninja squad joins in.

Stop, stop. You're doing it wrong! The heroes left last week. I've just done something even Baldrick couldn't screw up.

Thankfully they stop. What do I do? Do they want a new badge?

"Your Majesty is too kind. This was only the first and easiest step. Shmi Skywalker this is Queen Amidala. Queen Amidala, Shmi Skywalker." I said. Ninja squad tenses. Oh, do you do that the other way round?

Padme smiles.

"Thank you Master Jedi. Allow me to welcome you to my home Ms Skywalker. Naboo cannot thank you and your son enough. Please come, let us find out how we can now help you find a new life here." she said.

Shmi looks worried. I walk back to her fumbling through my kit until I find it.

"Go with them. It's okay. Just don't buy any biscuits. Oh, can you hold out your hand?" I said and quickly take a blood sample. "Just checking you for Jedi powers." I assure everyone.

I am a weird space monk. I can get away with weird stuff.

"Sorry everyone. Got to run. Enjoy the Palace." I said and left at a run. Mainly to get Shmi tested. Also to avoid death by ninja squad. I need to think and heavily armed cheerleaders interrupt my thought processes.

Need a plan. Need a plan. Need a plan.

\-----

The med centre has Shayla on duty. Of course it does. I could come in at three in the morning and she would be on shift. Cos destiny innit?

She also does not look happy to see me. She scowls and folds her arms. Totally a pans-species gesture. No pheromones either.

"Master Dee-Jay. If that is your real name." she said.

"That is the name I was given by the Temple." I said, smiling. "Not the best, but it could be worse. Ever hear of Plo Koon?"

"No. Prove yourself. How would I know you are a Jedi." she said.

I cause a small object to rise using the Force.

"There, that sufficient? Why are you suspicious?" I ask. She nods, after glancing about to check I don't have a hand tractor nearby.

Shayla flipped out a pad. On it were odd glyphs and the wacky Basic alphabet. I can sort of read it now, but this mass of technical jargon? No idea.

"This is your so called infection. Human male. M count off the scale. Who is it? I'm guessing they're not a Jedi?" said Shayla.

Palpatine. Someone who would order your death if he even thought you knew. He wants me dead too, but that's the whole 'Kill all the Jedi with my cunning plan' thing.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Shayla says.

"No, it's a deadly secret. And the killer is telepathic." I said.

"Well, then there's the other thing." Shayla said and tapped the pad showing more glyphs.

"What's this?" I said.

"You." she says scowling. She taps the pad showing something recognisable. A representation of a bunch of chromosomes. Mine, I guess. Looks like every other one I have seen.

"So, all present and correct?" I say hopefully.

Shayla slams the pad down.

"No. Your genes are all over the place. Wrong order, wrong chromosomes and that's another thing. Humans, real humans have forty four. So, Master Dee-Jay. What the hell are you?"

Arms folded, she glares at me. I'm not human? Damn.

I look at Shayla. Absolutely marvellous. Of course I'm not human. I just look like one. My ancestors ambled out of Africa several million years ago, unlike any other 'human' within a hundred thousand light years. I have more in common with my tomato plants back home than anything here.

I need a really good explanation, right now.

"I don't know! What do you mean I am not human?" I said. There, real cool.

"I, I am not sure. You look human." She raises her hand to my forehead. "Temperature seems normal. Hold out your arm."

That last instruction usually is a prelude to getting stuck with a needle back home. Here too, in all likelihood. Still, I hold out my arm. Could be they have some technological marvel that, nope it's a bloody needle. Shayla applies a pressure band, finds a vein and deftly removes a few millilitres of blood. That does get placed in a small device which probably replicates several large machines that go ping. She looks at the results on her pad after a minute or so.

"Blood, is normal too. Well within limits to account for any outbreeding in your family tree. You're a damn good copy of a human, whatever you are." she said looking at me.

"Maybe I'm a magic construct of the Force." I said. Not a total fib, even true, from a certain point of view.

Shayla gives me a look. "The typical Jedi response to anything they don't understand? Just invoke the Force and stop thinking?"

I see why the Jedi are not universally loved. For all it's wackiness, this universe runs on rules, rules the locals understand. Except when it comes to the Jedi. Having your system rely on the support of people whose response to most matters is 'Hey, it's a kind of magic' must be infuriating to those who usually need more comprehensive answers. Ten weeks ago I would of agreed with her. I was a member of a similar society where 'magic' was not an acceptable explanation. Or, so I thought. At least it has convinced her that I am a Jedi.

"I am sorry Shayla. I know it's not much of an answer, my first memories are of the Jedi Temple." I said. Complete rubbish, but what am I going to say?

Shayla's expression changes, softens. "Why? How could knowing where you are from be a bad thing?"

Just ask my charge in thirteen years. Or don't, he will probably kill you.

"It isn't really. But it's another potential distraction to people who can casually warp everything to their desires. The Jedi Order acts as a limiter on those who, unrestrained, can cause almost limitless damage." I said.

Shayla nods. "You believe this mystery person is a danger?"

More than you can imagine. I nod however. Oh yes. Almost forgot. I hold up the sample.

"That reminds me. Can we test this person too?" I said. At Shayla's suspicious look I add. "Don't worry, I think this person is okay."

I get another pan-species gesture, as she shrugs and sighs before showing me how to use the scanner. The small machine beeps and we look at the display. While I cant usefully read, the graphs are telling enough. I point to the bar way outside the green line showing the average or median for humans, I think.

"Is that saying what I think it does?" I said.

"Are you going to tell me who this is?" said Shayla looking at me.

I really cant see how I could keep this a secret.

"Well, you know the kid who flew a ship and saved everyone..." I began.

\-----

I wander through the streets trying to think. In hindsight it seems kind of obvious. Why would the Force choose Shmi to be this universe's version of Mary? Or Palps, Random Sith Lord 15 or whoever it was? They wouldn't have chosen someone on Tatooine to tie in with some twenty year old story. They have their own reasons. Tatooine is just outside the Republic's sphere of influence, but conveniently accessible, especially to Naboo, adding to the 'it's Palpatines all the way down' theory. I stop. Are there other Anakins out there? You know, just in case something happened to this chosen one?

Is that something Palpatine would do? His plans do seem towards the all eggs in one basket with way too many moving parts type. So only the one Anakin if he's in charge. Same with the Force. If it's someone else though. Well, we can't act on that stuff, can only keep our eyes open and all. Speaking of keeping our eyes open.

Theed is really beautiful. Broad avenues with covering frondy plants. Open plazas with ornate fountains. Sculpted parks and swimming pools. People and aliens, who I really should start thinking of as people too walk about everywhere. Droids too. Droids seem plentiful, cheap and do all the boring work unless you want to show off and employ people. Which seems to be one of the main forms of conspicuous consumption here. Want to show off how well your shop is doing? Hire a minion. Even if they do nothing but stand about being decorative. Or learning how to be ninjas.

There's the other thing. The people are good looking. Really good looking. I am a total spud compared to everyone round here. I never harboured any real illusions about my looks but at least people didn't call me out on it. Unlike the child a few minutes ago. I smiled at the poor parents as they dragged their offspring away while it exclaimed about the 'huge spot on my face'. Just another thing to think about. Good thing I'm a space monk and am above such things. Still, just one biosculpt session? No. I'm high profile enough what with the Chosen One and all. Later, when they kick me out of the order.

Eventually, one of the ninjas arrives to summon me back to the Palace. As I walk back with her she looks at me and wrinkles her nose. Great, ugly and smelly.

"Do you have any other clothes?" she says disapprovingly.

I shake my head. "No. Technically these are not mine either." I said.

"I am not letting you eat with the Queen until you have cleaned and changed." she said, mentally adding 'and burn these appalling rags'.

"Okay, well be carefull with my current set. I've worn them since becoming a master." I said. Not true, I have other sets, but they are back at Coruscant.

The ninja contrived to walk in front of me back to the Palace.

\-----

Wearing a light green shirt and trousers I am led to dinner with the Queen. It's a small informal dinner with a teenage monarch, two Skywalkers and several ninja scouts. Currently I was trying to work out how the utensils worked. I'm told I use the knife and fork the wrong way round, but here? What is that thing?

The rather bland conversation which I wasn't really paying attention to was interrupted.

"What are your plans now Master Jedi?" said Shmi with a worried tone.

'Where are you taking my son?' I translate.

I put down the spiral utensil which I couldn't work out. "Well, that depends on Anakin. To hear his story there are several places to begin training. His aptitude with machines is incredible and clearly related to his sensitivity to the Force. I feel that could be encouraged and developed by visiting the starfighter hanger here." I said.

Anakin, who looked even more bored than me perked up at that. "Starfighters? Can we do that?" he said.

"Well we will have to ask their owner for permission this time. No just jumping in one and flying off with it." I answered.

Padme smiles. Alright, it was going to be an easy sell there. Shmi however.

"How did you end up flying a starfighter Ani?" she said in a sweet tone that nonetheless set off alarms. Oops.

"It was great mom. Qui-Gon led us into the Palace..." said Anakin as he excitedly launched into a retelling of his role in the recent battle. Shmi would occasionally respond in a flat tone saying things like 'I see.', 'You did what?' and 'Of course' all the while looking up to glare at me. I wonder how claiming I was not here will go down? Badly, I suspect. The Jedi casually endangered Anakin and I'm now the local Jedi.

"Then I flew out of the exploding droid control ship and Artoo and I flew back down to the planet. He let me land by myself." concluded Anakin at the end of his tale.

"That's very interesting Ani. Can you just get my shawl from my room please?" Shmi asked, all sweetness and light.

One of the ninjas rises and escorts Anakin away. "Come on, I'll show you where to go." she says leading the boy off. Shmi waits until we can no longer hear them.

"Are you Jedi all completely insane! I thought that by entrusting my son to your care he would be safe. To be trained to use his powers. Not irresponsibly thrust into the next available war zone!" said Shmi, her voice rising.

"I am afraid we can no longer ask Qui-Qon. I however believe that events overtook him and that it was never his intention to endanger Anakin." I said.

"Last I knew was that Ani was being taken to Coruscant. How did he end up on another ship back to Naboo and a war?" said Shmi.

Good question. No bloody idea. Claiming dramatic necessity is not going to cut it. Is this my fate? Dealing with the Prequels' somewhat questionable writing decisions?

"If I may Mrs Skywalker, it was I who requested Anakin return with me to my planet. I had hoped to show him what his heroism on Tatooine had bought. I never intended for him to become involved in the fighting. As Master Dee-Jay said, events did overtake us and it was indeed fortunate they did so. Your son has not only saved my person, but my entire world." said Padme.

I take the time the two women spend looking at each other to close my mouth. Is that what happened? My memory of the Prequels is admittedly fuzzy, but I am reasonably sure that's not it. By the time anyone looks back my mouth is closed and I can look the part of a wise monk and not a complete fraudster caught with the goods.

"You will see my son is safe?" asks Shmi, turning back to me.

"I will do what I can. It remains however that the Galaxy is a dangerous place. I cannot make any further promises. If Anakin does start by working on ships I will make sure they stay grounded until he has a pilot's licence." I said trying on my best 'sage master' style.

Shmi seems mollified by this. "I, will think on that. Excuse me." she said, rose and departed.

That left me with the Queen and remaining assault girl guide.

"Thank you." I said looking at her.

"Anakin spent the entire time talking about how he would become the greatest Jedi ever." said Padme, she paused and reddened. "He said that he would always rescue me. It was very sweet."

Damn prescience in all it's forms. Nothing but trouble in my opinion.

"Your very own Jedi guardian. A shining knight with a magic sword to rescue the Queen." I said.

"Well, I won't be a Queen forever." Padme said. Was that a touch of regret? For a moment the mask cracks to reveal the fourteen year old underneath.

"And Anakin won't remain a child either." I said.

"What are you saying Master Jedi?" said Padme changing to a definite 'We are not amused' tone.

Is there a woman I have not annoyed today? Hmm, nope.

"I am a Jedi Master. Which means some things are obvious to me. Like the impression you two have made on each other. Anakin is potentially the most powerful Force user of the modern era. He will mold and shape everything and everyone around him as easily as you and I breathe. It would be good to remain mindful of that." I said.

"Oh please. He's nine." said Padme.

"In ten years he will be nineteen. You will be twenty four. I have no idea what will happen, but if you're both grounded in reality then it can only result in better choices for all concerned." I said.

Padme regards me. I am uncomfortably aware that Naboo monarchs are innocent, not stupid.

"I, see. What do you want?" she said.

"For a start, a grounded starfighter and a big pile of busted droid parts." I said.


	3. Patience is a virtue, honest.

"Pass me the plasma arc." said Anakin.

I look at all the weird tools. I look at my pad and page through until I see a picture of one. I then pick up the tool and take it over to Anakin. He looks at it, sighs and goes to get an actual plasma arc. He then resumes working on the droid. After a while the droid is assembled.

It's a B1 battledroid. We have a lot of spare parts of them. Which is handy given Anakin's project.

Anakin switches the spindly droid on.

"Okay, go down to the end there." said Anakin pointing to a pile of droid parts.

The droid looks at the pile. Then back at Anakin.

"Well. Go on then." said Anakin. The droid wanders down to the end of the warehouse.

"Ready?" I said.

"Ready." said Anakin.

I pick up the blaster rifle and sight down it at the droid. I fire. The blaster bolt takes the droid's head off. It topples to the ground. Then the energy shield comes on.

We walked down the length of the warehouse to examine the results.

"It didn't work." said Anakin.

"The shield did come on this time." I said, trying for some positive spin.

"Not fast enough. It's supposed to come on before the bolt hits." said Anakin.

We reach the stricken droid. While Anakin inspects it I retrieve the sensor data from a recorder.

"It's just not working." said Anakin, looking for an intact head and then bolting it on to the decapitated droid.

It's truly amazing how rugged everything is. I just blew this robot's head, sorry droid's head off and now Anakin is calmly sticking a new head on as if he were changing a car tire back home.

Well, maybe not calmly. Anakin sounds frustrated. I sit down beside him.

"Anakin, relax. Take a breath. Getting angry will not help here." I said calmly.

"But I've only got two weeks left." whines Anakin.

"Two weeks? This is a free time project. You don't even, wait, is this for Padme?" l said, guessing that his mother is unlikely to be the target of assassination attempts. I was wondering why we were no longer building a better booma gun.

"It's for her birthday." Anakin looks up at me.

'Did you see him hitting on the Queen.'

Not helping Weird Al. I take a breath.

"Let's meditate. See if there is any insight through the Force." I said. Hopefully it will calm him down at least.

Anakin looks doubtful but sits down in a cross-legged position. I notice he has not put down the tool that was in hand. Was he allowed to continue this passion for machines on Coruscant? I don't know. I hope they did. I know he was told to forget about mom and Padme. Let's just work it out. Plan A is in ten years for Anakin to be all 'Padme? Yeah, I had a crush when I was nine, but I'm older now.' Trouble is, I have no Plan B.

I close my eyes. Relax. Concentrate. Feel the Force. Try and make sense of whatever rubbish it sends your way.

'Yoda will take too long. You know that.'

And resist the Dark Side.

'Don't you love me? You promised.'

I did promise.

'You did. So just give in. You owe these fools nothing.'

No. I don't. I am not from here and do not owe these fools. Wait. Stop it. You are not my wife.

'Does it matter?'

Yes. It does. Anyways these fools are starting to grow on me.

'Then you will die like the rest!'

The Dark Side recedes leaving me to ponder what exactly is going on. Does the temptation come randomly or is there a method to the madness? A real Jedi would know.

"Dee-Jay." It is Anakin, snapping me back to reality. I open my eyes.

"Yes Anakin?" I said.

"Is there a way with the Force to make a circuit to act like a Jedi?"

"That's, I do not know. It's worth looking into." I said. Certainly there are fusions of the Force and technology. Lightsabres and Holocrons immediately spring to mind.

"Can we start now?" said Anakin.

I was about to tell him to go right ahead when his com beeps. Anakin activates it.

"Anakin? It's time for dinner." comes the voice of Shmi.

"Okay mom." said Anakin and cut the com. "Can we start tomorrow, after school?"

"After training, of course." I said.

"Can't we work on it first?" he says.

Well, it is a form of training.

"We shall see. Now get moving." I said.

Anakin runs off, leaving the door open, again. I walk over to close the door. I then go for an evening walk. I wander through an idyllic city before heading back to the warehouse and the office space converted into a living area. I prepare some sort of pasta based thing for dinner, stare at the spiral eating utensil and attempt to eat with it.

I am interrupted by a knock. Has he snuck out of the house again? I get up to answer.

"Okay, what have you..." I begin but trail off. It's not my young charge. Rather it's a hot green alien woman in a, red cocktail dress? Guess that's not a fashion crime for Twi'leks.

"Can I come in?" Shayla said.

I move aside to let the attractive Christmas tree in, then close the door and direct her to where I was attempting dinner. She sits down and looks at me.

"How can I help?" I said.

Shayla launches into a description of a date gone bad. Not physically assaulted bad, sounds like she got out okay, but still frightened. I briefly wonder why she came to me and not the regular authorities. Then I remember that according to one source the Jedi have been doing this since before my ancestors came up with the wheel and easily before working iron according to another. The Jedi are the authorities. Being the local Jedi, that puts me on the spot. Is this going to happen a lot? I've been here three weeks, but it's hardly common knowledge. Do I need a sign advising hours or am I available all the time? Yoda could have at least given me a manual.

"I see. I am sorry Shayla, that shouldn't happen to anyone. This Jacques, who is he? Where would I find him?" I said.

"He said he was in the Ministry for Tourism. He works at the Palace." said Shayla.

"Very well. I will speak to him tomorrow. What level of justice do you seek?" I said.

"What I want?"

"Yes. You are the person who has been wronged. So decapitation? Or something less?"

Shayla's eyes widen at my suggestion.

"The other end is a stern talking to." I continue. I'm guessing that's the range.

"I, I don't know." Shayla said.

"Then I shall seek guidance from The Force. Now, what do you want to do?"

"He knows where I live. He picked me up from there."

"Then stay here. Room's over there, just let me get some blankets for the bunker." I said as I got up.

"Bunker? What sort of Jedi are you?"

"One of kind." I said as left for a blanket.

\-----

As I told Shayla, the warehouse has a crash bunker, boom room seemed like tempting fate too much. Whenever Anakin proposes certain tests, we retreat there and then push the button. There's a lot of padding, and a couch. As I drift off I wonder if I should set up some guest rooms in case this happens again. I fall asleep.

I wake up with a rumbling in my stomach. Why am I in the bunker? Why is someone knocking outside? No, I am not a morning person and this horrible universe does not have real coffee. No, that unholy abomination the locals call caf is no substitute. Million planet polity and not a single bean. I am in hell. Because the knocking does not stop I walk over and open the bunker door. I close it again hurriedly.

I am a stoic space monk and I eschew material desires.

I am a stoic space monk and I eschew material desires.

I am a stoic space monk and I eschew material desires.

Great, breathe. Now get to the part where it says 'green space babes in towels'.

"Master Dee-Jay?"

No emotion. I open the door.

"Sorry, just surprised. Not my best in the morning. How can I help?"

"Um, do you have some spare clothes?" she says.

Fortunately I do have spares now. Robes also have the advantage of one size fits all. Soon Shayla is dressed in something resembling a tent.

"This is a bit big for me." she said.

One size fits almost all.

"It should serve to get you home. Are you okay now? Do you want an escort." I said.

"No, thank you."

"Excellent, time to seize the day. Just close the door when you leave." I said as I walked to the exit.

"Master Dee-Jay!"

"Yes?"

"Don't you think you should bathe first?"

"No. I'm hoping it will add to my fearsome reputation." I said and left.

\-----

Half an hour later I am walking up the entrance of the Palace. Along with a hundred other bods.

"Ministry of Tourism please." I said to a guard.

The guard regards me like some smelly vagrant who has fetched up on the doorstep.

"Go away." he says.

I move my clothing to reveal the lightsabre. It's my only identification really.

"I insist. Jedi business." I said trying not to smile. Who doesn't want to say that? This job needs some perks.

"You're the Jedi?" says the guard. I nod. "I will get you a guide."

Theed Palace can be best described as a Renaissance Palace with an aircraft hanger and refinery bolted on. It's kind of crazy. Also a maze. Or custom Quake level. There are galleries, there are halls, there are rooms and stairs, stairs, stairs. Eventually I fetch up by a door which I slowly read as Tourism, Ministry of. Going in I am reminded again that I am not in Kansas anymore.

Tourism occupies a massive hall which is dominated by a holo representation of the planet. The image rotates slowly as various workers flit about it in flying chairs reminiscent of motorcycle side cars. As they approach the holo a beam will connect the car and holo, highlight a particular attraction followed by much work on a terminal. I try not to look too gobsmacked. I'm a real Jedi mate. This sort of thing's old hat. I ask the guide to point out my, victim and walk over to a knot of men and women. I've crossed into a universe with real wizards, no coffee and casual technological marvels, but middle management is a constant?

One of them is gesticulating and describing in lurid detail the results of his date last night. As the tale winds down I cough politely.

"Very well. I will take that as confession. Coupled with the testimony of the victim, I believe the term is 'you're nicked mate'." I said.

The man I am guessing is Jacques spins round. The others also look at me.

"Who the hell are you?" he says.

I throw back the cloak and and unclip my lightsabre.

"Master Dee-Jay. Jedi Master." I say.

'Kill him.' cajoles the Dark Side. Oh hell. Not now.

All eyes are on the weapon. Jaques and company take several steps back.

"I hardly touched her!" says the man.

I walk forwards.

"Sorry? You just described something quite different. So which is it?" I say.

"Does it matter? Why do you care? She's just a Twi'lek!" he says backing off.

'Just a filthy Jew. Another dumb Asian. Bloody Darkies. That's humanity in this Galaxy. You know how this ends. You can prevent it all. Start the purge with this one.'

I follow.

"Just a Twi'lek. Why is it permissible to terrorise them?" I say.

'Why ask? You know already.' calls the Dark Side.

I suspect. There's a world of difference.

"They're always in heat. It's in their blood. They always want it." he says.

"I. See. Very well. It remains that you terrified this woman. You will cease. Do not approach her or communicate with her." I say before turning and walking away.

"Or what! More bland platitudes? More empty threats? I'm not afraid of you!" he says.

This time the lightsabre is on. I spin, aiming straight for the neck as the Dark Side sings to me.

No! I stop the blade a few inches from him. I switch it off. I look into his eyes.

"I suggest you reconsider that." I say.

I then turn and walk out. As I open the door I spy four guards running down the hall towards me. They draw their weapons.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" I say.

\-----

Now I am in another office. Chairs, desk, terminal, four really nervous guards. One angry guard, captain? Probably.

"Why should I not have you arrested?" he said, leaning over his desk.

I consider my answers. Let's not make enemies of everyone today.

"Because I did not overstep my authority and used the minimum of force required. " I said.

"Minimum force? You nearly took his head off!" said Captain Name will come to me in a minute.

"He nearly sexually assaulted someone last night. Now, there is balance. Harmony." I replied.

"You cannot just waltz in and threaten people."

"And some here feel reporting to the regular authorities is a waste of time. Because they're just an alien. Might I remind you that the Galaxy's attitude to your entire world being under the boot was 'Who cares? It's just the Naboo.' Just some little no name world with no real power?" I said standing up. "Now, if I am not being detained, I have work to do." I turned and walked for the door.

"I'll be keeping an eye on you." said Captain whoever.

I look over my shoulder at the door.

"Good idea. My neighbourhood is a dangerous place according to some." I said.

It would of been a great dramatic exit if I didn't have to come back to ask for directions out.

\-----

I walk home and get there before lunch time. I reheat last night's dinner. I mess about with the silly utensils before giving up and using a fork. Then I set to making a small kiosk. All this time with Anakin is teaching me some much needed handyman skills. Hopefully it wont fall down. Then I make a sign.

'The Jedi is in.' it reads. I refrain from the 5c bit. That would cause no end of trouble.

It's a nice pleasant day outside. I want a good book. I settle for trying to make sense of Republic Law. After a few hours I begin to understand the call of the Dark Side. Life is so much simpler for a fanatic with a blade.

"Excuse Master Jedi?" comes a voice.

I look up from the insane mess that is the Law here a into a young man's face.

"Yes. How can I help you?" I said. So long as you have not stolen something recently, particularly off world. What a mess.

"Everyone says I should study finance but I want to be a playwright. What should I do?" said the man.

Not everyone has major heavy issues.

"I take it by 'everyone' you mean your family? Does this interest in the arts coincide with romantic feelings towards anyone?" I said.

He takes a step back.

"Why do you ask that?" he says.

To answer I point to the word 'Jedi' on my sign. He nods.

"Alright, so there's this girl." he begins. I sort of tune the rest out. Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder and all that. The list of virtues held by this apparent mortal runs down.

"I suggest patience. Also joining an amateur theatre group. See how making a play goes. Meanwhile, follow your family's advice too." I said.

"So, what sort of play should I do?" he said.

Sorry kid. You're going to be an accountant. Or whatever. Banking Clan? Is that this universe?

"I suggest a comedy. With Pirates. Everyone likes both of those. Say, what's your name?"

"Sacha. Pirates you say?" said Sacha thoughtfully. "Thank you Master Jedi." He then walks away.

That leaves me waiting only a few minutes for Anakin to turn up.

"The Jedi is in?" he says.

I flip the sign over.

"It's so people can know when I can help them. Which it no longer is." I said.

"Can we work on the shield bracelet first? You said. I have been thinking about it all day. I have an idea. " said Anakin.

"Okay. Let's go in and see what you have come up with." I said and opened the door.

\-----

We work on the device all evening until it's time for dinner. Which is to say Anakin builds the thing and I hand him tools. This goes on for three days. During the day I see to a few more minor problems and disputes. Sacha visits again and I hum a few bars of my favourite comedy involving pirates. Eventually the device is ready. Anakin attaches it to droid and we repeat the exercise.

Zap.

The bolt zips down the interior and the shield comes on, disapating the blast.

"It worked!" said Anakin.

The shield winks out.

"And it turned itself off. That way it won't hurt her." said Anakin triumphantly.

"Well done. Now comes the hard part." I said.

Anakin looks confused. "Hard part."

"It's a bit grey and clunky looking. We will want to make it look like an actual bracelet so no one suspects what it is." I said. Also so someone will actually want to wear it. Even I think it's hideous, fashion wise.

That thankfully takes only two more regular sessions and we can resume actual lessons.

\-----

On the actual birthday I guide Anakin up the steps of the Palace through the crowds. People see us and make room. We quickly reach the entrance. More guards about today.

"Place your gift over there." says the bored functionary waving at a pile.

I thought this might happen.

"The Queen has many subjects and she is very popular. She cannot see everyone personally." I said.

I get a name tag from the pile and Anakin writes his name on it and we affix it to the box with the bracelet inside. I then guide a dejected Anakin back.

"I didn't get to see her." he sniffs.

"I know Anakin."

"It's not fair!" he whines.

Vader alert! Vader alert! I stop and crouch down.

"I know it's disappointing Anakin. As Jedi, we must be patient. We must see the greater whole. Padme has not forgotten you, I am sure. As Queen however she has a duty to the entire planet just as we Jedi have to the Galaxy. Sometimes we will be called away too. That's what the bracelet is for isn't it? "

"I guess so." he says.

"Excellent. So how about we dismantle the old fighter she gave you?" I suggest.

\-----

We return to the warehouse and begin the assault on what must have been a museum piece. There are a couple of interruptions.

The first is Shayla. She has returned my robe, all folded and clean.

"Thank you." she says handing me back my clothing.

"No problem. How are you?"

"I'm, fine. I guess."

That's a no.

"If you need someone to talk to, I am always here." I say.

Shayla backs away. I reach out with the Force. She's afraid. Of me? Damn.

"Sure. Look, I have to go." she says, before leaving in a hurry.

The next is Shmi. She's brought Anakin dinner since it's doubtful anything short of a tractor beam is going to get him out.

"Just another minute and I'll be done." he calls out for the third time after his mother warns him that the food is getting cold.

"Can't you do anything?" Shmi says to me.

I reach out with the Force briefly. Oh.

"Patience." I say.

"Patience?" says Shmi.

I count upwards. On eight there is a knocking on the door. I go to answer it. Two attack girl guides. Am I in mortal peril if I don't buy any biscuits?

"Come in. Come in." I say and then walk into the large space. "Anakin! There's someone here to see you."

"Who is it?" calls out Anakin.

"It's me. I came to thank you for your present." says Padme right behind me.

Anakin quickly climbs out and rushes over. He then drags Padme over to look at the antique fighter parts everywhere.

"You're not worried by this?" says Shmi as we watch the children playing in a scrapyard.

"Not yet. I recommend patience." I say.


	4. Learning experiences all round

I sit in a park near where I live in the bright warm morning. Weather control is absolutely amazing. Every morning is clear, crisp and fine for everyone to start the day. Hiding under the covers because it's dark, stormy and awful cannot happen here. It makes mornings almost bearable. If only they had coffee.

"Master Jedi!" calls someone, disturbing my attempts to mentally compose the week's lesson plans. Anakin is coming along with basic telekinesis. He doesn't need me to fetch tools anymore. He can just hold out his hand and the desired tool leaps into his grasp.

I open my eyes. It is a young couple. About twenty-five a piece. Just two dumb kids. Don't even need the Force to tell that this is their first big fight.

"So, how can I help you two." I say.

They both start at once. I listen and nod understandingly.

\-----

"Is he asleep?" the voice stirs me to wakefulness. Reaching out with the Force I sense it is Anakin. With some other children. Five, no six. The one standing behind my charge is almost eclipsed by his presence.

"It's called meditation. We do that, a lot." says Anakin.

"He looks like he's asleep." says another child.

I reach out and cause the stall to rise off from around me. I cause it to come to rest beside me. I then open my eyes.

"Welcome Anakin. Have your friends come to learn the Jedi arts as well?"

"You mean like painting or sculpture?" says a boy.

"Close. The ability to feel and manipulate the Force is different for everyone. So, we call it an art. I can show another the basics but everyone learns their own way. Now, I see we will need to practice some actual Force powers rather than just meditation." I say.

Seven heads nod up and down.

"Very well." I say and stand up. "Legs apart. Stand up straight. Now, breathe in, and out. Breathe in, and out." I instruct.

"When are we going to use the Force?" asks a girl.

"You just did." I say smiling. "The Force is part of all life. So, just by breathing, you are using the Force. The very act of being alive is a tremendous gift. Treasure every moment."

My class looks unimpressed.

"Alright. Alright. We'll do some fun stuff. You all know how Jedi can block blaster fire with our lightsabres?" I say.

Seven pairs of eyes light up. Everyone loves lightsabres.

"Are you going to give us lightsabres?" says the same girl.

No. No, and hell no. No plasma psi blades for nine and ten year olds. I am still shocked that I have one. I guess whatever deposited me in this universe couldn't complete the Jedi master disguise without one, but still.

"No. I don't have any training sabres here with me. We will use Roundball bats and balls."

The children look disappointed I am not handing out lethal weapons but perk up at the idea of sports equipment. Roundball resembles Softball or Baseball, it being a bat and ball game. The field is a lot bigger due to the lower gravity. We retrieve the bats and balls from inside thanking foresight to have several on hand. Originally that was because, things break. Anakin has destroyed two already. I distribute the bats and balls and get them starting to pitch and hit.

"Okay, now that you have had some practice we will use these." I say holding up blindfolds. "Space yourselves out a bit more." I add after they have put the blindfolds on. The children do so. Bat to the face is still painful. "Now, Anakin is going to pitch the ball to you and you are going to try to hit it. Reach out. Sense the ball and let the Force guide you when to strike." I then turn to Anakin. "Now Anakin, I want you to throw the ball so that they will connect." I say quietly.

And so it begins. Anakin pitching, the other children hitting and myself fielding errant balls with TK and making sure no one gets swatted. A pleasant way for everyone to get involved and get some actual training in. The afternoon is punctuated by cries and whoops as bat meets ball more often than not.

I wonder about the plan. I mean, everything looks like the movies but that's hardly the totality of the universe. There's novels, comics, computer games, RPGs, radio dramas and other stuff. What is true for here? How would I know? It's not like I read most of that. Just a filthy casual. I need a look at the Jedi Library to get an idea what is where. Also I can pick up some primers, lesson guides, actual training equipment.

Noticing that the swings are getting a little erratic I decide that's enough practice for the day. Gathering up the balls with some TK I call out to the impromptu study group.

"Alright. Now we need to reflect. Hands up if you could feel the balls and when to strike." I said.

Six hands go up. Much excited murmuring and commenting on how they could almost feel the right time.

"That is excellent. Being able to feel the Force is like anything. Just as some of you are stronger, faster or better at sums than your friends so it is with the Force. Also like those things, practice is important. So, I want you to practice the bat and ball exercise for 10 minutes every day for two weeks. Then come back and we will see."

Six heads nod and then the children disperse, heading home hopefully. I am left with Anakin.

"What did you learn Anakin?" I say.

"It was easy to pitch the ball to Grete and Alex. It was a lot harder with Kelli." he said after a while.

"Why do you think that was?" I said.

Anakin gives this some thought.

"Well. Grete's my best friend at school so maybe I sense her better. Um." he says.

"Very good. The others could be anything. Everyone is different. Now, I am going to be gone for a brief while. Hopefully only a few days. So I want you to keep up with the meditation and help your friends with the exercises."

Anakin nods.

"Can I work on the fighter while you're gone?" he asks.

"Sure. Just don't fly it till I get back." I say.

"Sure thing Mr Dee-Jay. Can I do some work on it now?"

"Only until your mother calls." I say.

Anakin smiles and runs off to the warehouse.

"I need a towel." I say to myself.

A Babel Fish would not go amiss either.

\-----

Getting a lift to Coruscant is surprisingly easy if you're a Jedi. Well in the more civilised parts of The Republic. Just walk to the Starport and request passage. A quick I.D. check and I was on the first ship back to Coruscant. I'm guessing everything is charged to the Jedi Temple. I don't have anything beyond a couple of robes and a lightsabre but the organisation itself? Loaded. Upshot being that eighteen hours later I am jogging up the Jedi Temple steps to the entrance.

"Master Dee-Jay." says Yoda, waiting at the top

Of course they know I was coming. If they weren't all precogs there's the little matter of paying for my ticket.

"Hello Master Yoda. How can I help." I said.

"Walk with me. Much to discuss, there is." says Yoda.

I wander along the halls of the Jedi Temple. Initially it is quite crowded, but soon we are somewhere secluded. Yoda finds an unoccupied side room and sits down.

"Training young Skywalker, begun you have." he says.

"Yes. Even starting out he is extremely powerful. I feel directing his abilities towards his skills as a mechanic and an engineer is most beneficial at the moment. All part of my plan to raise a far less angry Anakin." I say.

"Go on."

"On the subject of minor heresy Anakin is living with his mother and has occasional contact with Padme."

"Only minor heresy you say this is? Know well you do the rules against attachments."

Tell me about it. The Dark Side comes without warning and always in her voice.

"Yeah. I know. Maybe you Jedi have the right of it. Trouble is, Anakin already had a mother and what became an unhealthy infatuation. Ignoring that won't work."

Yoda holds up a hand.

"This understand do I. But incorrect you are. Not 'you Jedi'. 'We Jedi' it is." he says.

Well, damn. He's good. Guess that's why he's in charge.

"Think Palpatine a distinction will make? Hmm." Yoda continues.

"No. How's it going with investigating him?" I ask.

"Difficult that is. To all appearances normal, he appears."

"You saw through me in five minutes."

"Yes. Yes. But shocked and surprised were you. Such a disturbance here, unusual it is. So, see through you I did. Palpatine, if what you say is true is hiding himself very well. Knows he does, what must happen should see his true nature we did."

We're discussing the fate of the Galaxy and Yoda keeps up the cryptic master act. Twelve year old me would of thought it cool.

"But now that you know to look, have you?" I say

Yoda nods.

"Seen through him I have. The Dark Side surrounds him it does. But first, patience."

"Patience?"

"Yes. Patience. Right now, very popular our new Chancellor is. Even a few months, a difference will make."

"Well then, perhaps this will help." I say pulling a memory crystal from my pouch. "It's Sheev's gene scan and more importantly, his midichlorian count."

"An indicator only, realise that is?"

I nod. "Still, every little bit helps." I say and toss the crystal over.

"Thank you. Now, why else you are here?"

"There is this other little matter..." I begin.

\-----

The Jedi library archive is one of the most comprehensive stores of knowledge in the Galaxy. That means there is a hell of a lot of information. Which means it really helps to know what you're doing. I'm sure the natives do fine. I'm guessing it's easier if you can read the damn glyphs without a finger.

"Can I help you?"

I look up. It's that unhelpful librarian from the movies. Um, names were not my thing with real people. Well, people I thought were real four months ago.

"I felt that brushing up on Galactic History would be useful. What, with a new Padawan and all. To get a good feel for what we should focus on. After all, if you don't learn from history..." I say.

"You are doomed to repeat it." completes Whatshername. It does not help that her entire appearance practically screams 'librarian'. Which is a thing in film, but life? Was there something else you wanted to do? Also, it's a saying here too.

I nod. "So, what are the current political and social trends in the Galaxy at large?"

The librarian beams at me. Any chance to impart knowledge.

"The Galactic Republic is currently undergoing a centralisation of power, consolidating the power in the hands of the developed or 'Core Worlds'. Traditionally this has led to tensions..." says the Librarian as she begins a lecture.

The impromptu lesson is quite the eye opener. The Senate is currently consolidating powers. Even with hyperspace and near instant communications it is just too big. What typically happens is that the underrepresented areas petition for representation, the Senate gets even bigger, reforms decentralise powers and then it repeats. This has been going on forever. The civilising of the Galaxy has been powering away so long that what I would consider the main event, Sith vs Jedi, is a relatively minor sideshow. In the eyes of a historian there's always a warlord, darksider, lunatic with a super weapon, Mandalorian crusade or some other threat. The Republic endures. The Jedi protect. Civilisation comes to the masses. Alright, so not 'always', but exciting highlights aside, Republic history is one of slow, steady expansion. My Librarian friend believes that after the current reforms are done with, the next big event will be the consolidation of Hutt Space. All very psychohistory. Small wonder given I'm basically at Trantor's more photogenic cousin.

What's worse is that the psychohistory believers are right. Palpatine's Empire lasts two decades and I don't hold much faith in those First Order chaps. That doesn't make it any better for those who have to live through the 'interesting times'. It would be good for all the trillions killed by the coming 'little hiccup' on Galactic history to miss out on The Empire. So, we're still going to try and avoid all that. Trouble is Palpatine's a smart guy. He must know all this, on some level at least. Aside from being a loony and doing it for the evils, why do Sith maniacs constantly try this 'conquer the Galaxy' thing?

'Let me show you.'

I should also learn not to ask dumb questions as I am plunged into a vision.

\-----

I stand surrounded by motes of light as the material world seemingly fades from view. The motes seem connected or attached to a gigantic web in a spiral shape. The Galaxy I guess. It's beautiful and entrancing to see it this way. So entrancing that I don't register that someone has slipped their arms round my waist until they whisper in my ear.

"Always easily distracted." says Sharon.

Make that something. I disentangle myself from the apparition.

"What's wrong? It's me, your wife." says 'Sharon'.

"We both know that's not true." I say.

'Sharon' smiles in that way when she was up to something.

"What's true? You really believe you're in this fictional universe? Force Powers? Training Anakin Skywalker? And flirting with a Twi'lek? Get real, she's half your age."

Damn, you almost had me. Yes, I had been worrying about all that. Retreating into some fantasy as a result of some trauma? Of course it had crossed my mind. One slip. Sharon could never name an alien beyond Wookies. If this had been Arda then I would have been buggered. So this is an apparition or projection of my own thoughts.

"No. I have to act as if the experiences are real. You're the fiction here. And I am not flirting with Shayla. Please." I say. Okay, maybe a bit, but seriously? She is half my age.

"And you are still trapped in this vision." says the apparition

I know, for varying levels of 'know' that I am in the Jedi Temple Library. Someone should eventually figure something is up and have some way to help me. I fold my arms and look at the apparition.

"This is the Galaxy, I guess. So? Why would I want to conquer it?" I say.

The apparition walks over to a small mote. It nudges it with her foot.

"This is the Lenare system. Completely non-descript. Nothing to see. Not mentioned in your universe. Home to some five billion beings. What happens if you kill one?" the apparition makes a small gesture and I feel a jolt, almost like a morning coffee.

"How about a city? A continent? The entire system!"

The rush surging through me is incredible, like nothing else. As the high continues the apparition walks back up to me and leans in.

"That's just one system, imagine if you could set the entire Galaxy on fire." she says.

Resist the Dark Side and all it's wiles. Now do that on a Force high while it sticks a tongue down your throat. I would say that's totally unfair, but I guess that's the point.

\-----

With a jolt I awake. I am in the Library once more. Lying on the floor with concerned faces looming over me.

"How long was I out?" I ask.

"Just a few minutes. I was speaking with you and then you collapsed." said the Librarian.

I sit up and try to clear my head, Was that real?

"A vision. I, I need time to process it. First though, contact the Lenare system. See if they're okay."

The good thing about the Jedi is when someone says they had an ominous vision concerning something they act. The Force isn't some abstract plot device, it's real. Premonitions and visions are taken seriously. Someone contacts the System and after a few minutes they confirm that while a bit surprised to be receiving a call from the Jedi they are otherwise fine. Meanwhile I try to calm down. I just got snogged by an avatar of cosmic evil. While on a truly fantastic trip. Is it unfair to blame this on the series coming out in the Seventies for that? After assuring everyone I am fine I wander off, eventually fetching up in a room with gardens, waterfalls and various Jedi sitting on benches meditating on cosmic wellness and harmony.

Why the hell am I doing this? Sharon, the Dark Side, a figment of my imagination, whoever it is. They're right. This isn't real. It can't be. As delusions go, no, treat your experiences as real. Get a grip. So you're up against one of cinema's iconic villains? So, the actual forces of darkness play dirty? So they have a handle on your insecurities? So?

They only win if you let them. They wouldn't be on your case so bad if it didn't matter. Sharon, the real one, my wife would have told me to harden up, stop grizzling and get back out there. Very well.

I stand up. I have a Jedi to train.

I still make sure to pick the primers and training gear before I leave. No point in being silly about this.


	5. Getting the pebbles to vote.

Another few days sees me back on Naboo and into the 'routine'. Rise, wash, breakfast, meditate, review lesson plan and catch up on some local reading in-between sorting out minor problems from the locals. Currently I am reading Gorge Heha. Not only a familiar name, but the same style. Also a history nut. So not only do I get an entertaining tale, but a good insight into local history and culture as well. Which is illuminating, to say the least.

This universe's Heyer doesn't do it as much as some, but girl, or boy meets dashing Jedi love interest is a bloody romance sub-genre. All the way from bodice ripper through to Le Morte d'Revan. No attachments? Not the way the Galaxy's romantics see things. Those that don't outright ignore the rules in favour of some hot Jedi action have come up with some rather curious reasons why their protagonist can keep their own Jedi, or five. I'm reading Heha for insight on those times the Jedi Order did make an exception for humans. Or near-enough humans. Well, and because I like my universe's version.

Is this why, atrocious dialogue notwithstanding you fall for Anakin, Padme? Cultural conditioning? Because your own personal space paladin is a romantic ideal here? How do I check your reader in a way that doesn't seem totally creepy? Somehow claiming it's in the interests of Galactic Peace and Harmony is not going to cut it.

"The Jedis is in?" comes a voice dragging me away Johanna and Hiro and back to reality. I look up.

Long snout, floppy ears, eyes on stalks, amphibian. Take one slash die four SAN loss. Okay, that's cruel. Gungans are not Cthulhu nasties. They are weird though.

"Hello, how can I help you." I say.

"It'sa me, Jar Jar Binks. Meesa looking for Ani." says Jar Jar.

"He's not here yet. Anakin's still at school. Would you like to come in and wait for him?" I say and get up, open the door to the warehouse and I lead the creature inside.

I show Jar Jar round the warehouse. True to form the ungainly being has had an accident within five minutes and I offer to patch him up. While we are doing that Anakin arrives.

"Hello Dee-Jay, Jar Jar!" he says entering and then rushes the alien.

"Ani, it's good to see you." says Jar Jar. He straightens and puff out his chest. "I is now Ambassador Binks. To the Naboo. It is great honour." he says.

Well, guess they couldn't banish their hero, so the Gungans have settled on the next best thing.

"Congratulations. Does this mean we'll be seeing more of you?" I say.

Jar Jar nods. "Yes, but I do have many important duties now. Got to maka the peace last." Jar Jar says.

"Well, that is good. Feel free to drop in any time. It may be a good idea to com ahead though, Sometimes we are working on projects and it would be unwise to just walk in." I say.

"Do you want to see what I'm working on now?" says Anakin and drags Jar Jar away.

I watch them go. So, that's the most hated being in the universe? I have had worse flatmates. Also, this is important, he's yet another friend of Anakin. First though, let's settle that weird Darth Jar Jar theory. I slip out.

\-----

"What do you want now?" snaps Shayla as I enter the med centre.

"Two things. I need this individual tested." I say holding up a blood sample of everyone's favourite amphibianoid.

"Are you intending to test every individual on this world?" asks Shayla.

The thought had crossed my mind. After all, they missed Sheev, which, intentional or not, was a biggie.

"Not everyone. Just those the Force prompts me towards." I say.

That earns me another 'don't fob me off with magic' look. She does take the sample and pop it into the machine. We wait a minute for it to do it's thing, beep and display the results.

"Gungan? He's fairly normal. Look." says Shayla.

Well that settles that. Highish Force potential but nothing that would imply a secret stock of black robes and a red lightsabre. So, I'm not in a completely crazy universe.

"And the other thing?" she says.

"How are you?" I say.

Shayla scowls, her tentacles twitch and she sits down.

"Just mad. At myself, I guess. I thought it would be different here. Naboo seemed so civilised. I was a fool to think so." she says.

"So, what do you want?" I say affecting my best Mr Morden impression.

"What do I want? I want to not be constantly looking over my shoulder in fear of slavers. I want a future beyond concubine, mistress or pleasure slave. I want my planet no longer raided while everyone looks the other way. Can you do any of that, Jedi?"

She thinks I can't do anything. Because nothing has been done. However, little does she know that I have a secret weapon. He's currently nine going on ten and if Jar-Jar doesn't cause my home to explode then we can be on. It also fits into my agenda. Slavery has always been a puzzler here. Back home it exists because this is a pulp setting and hot slave girls in revealing outfits is part of the genre. Anything a slave can do, a droid can with the added bonus of not revolting or need feeding and sleep. Except suffer. Such suffering and misery powers the Dark Side, a lot given the scales involved. So, by dealing with slavery I am kicking out one of Palpy's supports. It should be impossible, but like I said, secret weapon. Also, if I'm wrong, then it is still something good to do.

"What will you give for that? Before you say 'anything' take care. This Galaxy is littered with reminders that there is such a thing as too high a price." I say.

Shayla stares for a while.

"You can't be serious."

"Why not?"

"It's impossible. You are just one man."

"You are mistaken. My ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is." I say with a smile.

Also the Chosen One. I'm told him and the Force are 'like this'. I've also got a good idea what he thinks about slavery.

"Anything else?" I say and turn to leave.

"Thank you." she says.

\-----

The next day I go see Shmi. The Skywalkers live in a comfy home that I should not be jealous of. Stoic space monk and all that. I'ld probably never work out how to use all the devices a Galactic takes for granted. Can't even use the spirally thing.

"Master Dee-Jay. How do you do today." says Shmi somewhat suspiciously. Okay, I would be suspicious of me too.

"I thought it was time for a walk and a chat. To be specific, come with me to the Palace and talk to the Queen."

"Why?"

"It is the perfect time for her to hear your story."

"My story?"

"Yes. You're important too."

Shmi looks at me for a moment. Come on Mary. Be something more, move beyond story conventions.

"Why are you doing this?"

A hot green space babe asked me to, while true, is not the politic answer.

"Because this is where it begins. It's a Jedi thing." I say.

As we walk to the Palace I wonder at what is going on. Are these my thoughts, my actions? Shayla is cute and all, but hardly 'set the Galaxy on fire' cute. Because that's what this will do. Is that why the Dark Side has been so quiet? No matter how this goes, a lot of people will die and I could still end up with Vader very easily. Oh well. I start humming. Low notes, fairly regular rhythm.

"What are you humming?" asks Shmi besides me.

"Just something I picked up, catchy isn't it." I say and resume humming.

After all, who here knows the Imperial March?

\-----

At the Palace I pick up a flunky and ask to be directed to the Queen. Being a weird space monk has it's privileges. If you say it's important, the good guys just sort of believe you. Of course that's because all the other Jedi would never dream of abusing that trust. Me? Yoda seems to think I'm a Jedi too. I don't want to disappoint the guy. Besides, he still has teams of Jedi Knights to sic on me.

We enter a room after mainly sticking to the Palace bit. Inside is the Queen and murder squad, all hopefully working on something important. Several rise and approach us just in case we're changelings or in masking net. Padme looks up.

"Master Dee-Jay. Ms Skywalker. This is, unexpected." she says standing as does everyone else.

"Is it? It is time to hear Shmi's story. The life of someone just one short jump from here." I say.

"We are aware of life outside the Republic." says Padme.

"In the abstract, yes. Now you will hear a first hand account. I recommend you sit down." I say.

No one moves. Can't say I didn't warn them.

"Very well. Your story Shmi. Leave nothing out." I say and sit on the floor cross legged.

"I am told I was born into the service of..." says Shmi as she begins.

\-----

No emotion, but peace.

No ignorance, but knowledge.

No passion, but serenity.

No chaos, but harmony.

No death, there is the Force.

I repeat the code mainly to keep a calm demeanour. I am a space monk. A Jedi. We do not tear up. I knew this would be awful, but to hear it first hand is harrowing. The code is more than words. They really act to bring clarity, focus, understanding. This is of no help to Padme and co.

I am making a room of girls cry. Shmi's tale is typical, is perhaps the nicest way of putting it. Hers has been a life of unending brutality and casual malice. Being forced into a life with absolutely no choice of your own. Ever been whipped for not making a circuit fast enough? Been starved or beaten for showing any signs of independence or defiance? Got your slave implant installed, her words not mine, without anaesthetic? Watched the closest thing you had to a friend die because she got an infection with her implant? Watched another die simply to 'test' that batch of implants and serve as a warning to the others? And that was before she was ten. From there it gets worse. Let's just say that one of her happier memories is when Watto buys her. Because he would only beat her.

The tale eventually winds down. Padme isn't crying, not anymore. What now Desdemona?

"Thank you. Master Jedi. You may go now." she says.

No argument from me. I leave. I try to look nonchalant as I walk out of the building fully aware of the stones I've knocked over and the growing rumbling sound. Still blissfully unaware, they all let me leave.

\-----

"Hello Dee-Jay." says Anakin as he arrives after school.

"Hello Anakin. Sit down." I say.

Anakin looks a little confused as this is not the regular routine. Normally we start with a quick set of exercises followed by meditation. So he frowns, but otherwise sits down.

"What do you want to do as a Jedi?" I say.

Anakin scrunches up his face in typical 'Anakin is thinking' style. Does he know he does that? If this wasn't potential Vader I would find it cute.

"Um, what the Force directs me to?" he says after a moment.

Wow. The lessons do take hold.

"Yes. We Jedi follow the Will of the Force. But what if you could choose Anakin? What would you do to bring Peace and Justice to the Galaxy."

More scrunchy face.

"I would go back and free everyone else on Tatooine." he says.

"Okay. Then what?" I say.

"What do you mean?" he says, puzzled.

"Peace and Justice in the Galaxy. Not just Tatooine. Not just Naboo, or Coruscant or any other system. All of them." I say.

"Is that what I am supposed to do?"

No, you are supposed to become one of the most famous fictional villains ever. That's destiny. We really don't want that. It's typically considered a fail if the student ends up killing their teacher.

'Not if you're Sith.'

Not now. Just go away.

"I want you to choose your own life Anakin. As freely as it is possible."

'He will never be free.'

"Why are you asking this?" Anakin says.

"Because things are in motion. I have started something that could lead to greater emancipation in the Galaxy. That means freeing slaves." I say, adding the last bit for clarity because emancipation is a big word.

"Why?"

Why indeed? Because slavery is an abomination to civilisation. Because the effect it has on people I've grown to like really sucks. Because I want to not so much derail canon as dynamite the tracks, blow up the locomotive and set fire to any stations on the route. Because this will harm the Dark Side.

'You are wrong on that.'

And you lie. Besides, there's always the answer.

"Because it's the right thing to do." I say.

"How do we start?" says Anakin.

"We train. We practice and we get stronger." I say.

"is that all?" Anakin says.

It's a pretty big all kiddo.

"Yes. Patience. When we are ready, then we act. Which means warm ups." I say standing up.

Thought I had forgotten? Anakin gets up as well and we begin to warm up for the exercise routine.

\-----

Nothing happens for a few days. Well, nothing particularly unusual. I mean, some might have remarked on the new hole in the ceiling from when we tested the recalibrated repulsors, but I'm used to that. It did mean I was on the roof fixing it and so missed on a few events.

"Dee-Jay! Dee-Jay!" calls out Anakin.

"I am up here Anakin." I say.

A few minutes later Anakin is up here too.

"Did you hear the announcement! Did you? Did you?" he says.

I put down the hammer.

"No. What was it?" I say.

"Padme made a speech. She says she wants to end slavery. Mom says you started it. Everyone is talking about it." said Anakin excitedly.

"I did very little Anakin. I asked your mother to speak with Padme about life as a slave. That is all." I say.

"So, what happens now?" he says.

"Well, first we finish fixing this roof. then some practice and then I think we try something different with the repulsors."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes. Patience Anakin. For now we do what needs doing. We shall however watch and observe. What will others say to the Queen's announcement? Who are her allies, opponents, friends and enemies? It is a time of watching. To learn both about ourselves, and those who would oppose us. For that is how we achieve victory." I say.

"That doesn't sound very exciting." says Anakin, clearly not a fan of the General.

"I would not worry about that. I forsee excitement enough in our future." I say and get back to work.

It is best to prepare for interesting times while being able to keep the rain out.


	6. Travel broadens something I'm told.

"Ow" I said in response to getting the stimheal jab. I'm at the medcentre. Again.

"Oh, shush." said Shayla as she readied the sleeve for my arm. "How did this one happen?"

"Would you believe arm wrestling?" I try with a wince as she fitted it.

"How do you break your arm doing that with a twelve year old?" Shayla said incredulously.

"We were using the Force. Anakin's strength is extraordinary." I said.

On reflection it was a bad idea. Telekinetic wrestling? With Darth Vader? In my defence it was at the end of a training session and I had suggested it as something fun. Kid damn near tore my arm off. That was okay though, I popped the heavy duty pain killers I keep on hand for these moments and then Anakin drove me here.

"You, need to be more careful." scolds Shayla.

"I am the image of probity and caution. For I am a Jedi." I intone piously.

In return I get 'the look'.

"What about the trampling last month? Or when you nearly drowned? Or got poisoned?" Shayla said, pushing the buttons on the sleeve. The device beeps, there is a brief series of jabs into my arm and then a cool sensation as hyper-advanced medical technology gets to do it's magic. Well, advanced to me. Even after almost four years the ability to pretty much walk off anything that does not outright kill you is still amazing.

"Training accident. Training accident. Occupational hazard." I recited.

"Getting shot at is an occupational hazard?" said Shayla disapprovingly.

"They were not shooting at me. Anakin and I just happened to be there. They were shooting at the Queen." I said. Who Anakin saved, again, and I got almost killed, again. Does anyone scold them? No.

"I do not understand how you can be so casual about it all." said Shayla.

I am a stoic space monk and I am supposed to take this stuff in my stride. However since I'm a fake the real reason is that I have bigger problems on my mind.

Anakin is almost thirteen. He's about to hit puberty.

It's going to hit back.

\-----

I walk back to my apartment after promising Shayla I would wear the sleeve for the prescribed two days while my arm heals and to not do anything foolish. Since to me that means 'more foolish than training the Chosen One, work out a way to stop Palps and not get killed' my levels of risk assessment are a little different. For example, the assassin from two weeks ago is a typical 'I disagree with your politics' memo. Just a friendly reminder how I don't live in Kansas anymore.

"Evening Master Dee-Jay. Oh, hurt again, I see." says a voice. It's Sacha. He's a neighbour, has become an accountant and amateur thespian.

"Good evening Sacha. Just a small accident. How's the play?" I said, turning.

"Almost ready. It was a stroke of fortune meeting you. It will be quite the romp." said Sacha.

"I merely supplied a few ideas." I said humbly.

"You Jedi are too modest. It could mean a whole new career for me. You will come to the performance?" said Sacha.

"Force willing, yes." I said.

"Excellent, excellent. Just one question. Where is the Penzance system?" said Sacha.

"You know, I don't remember." I said and then started walking. "Sorry, have to go. The mail has been."

I continue my walk home. Well, what was I to do? The Mikado would see the Naboo reinstate their lese majesty laws.

\-----

I reach my home. Wasn't lying, there's a mail bag. I pick it up off the hook and go inside. The interior is small, comfortable and now actually my home. It also has a twelve year old in the main room.

"Anakin! What are you doing here?" I said.

"Mom sent me round to apologise." he mumbled.

"Well, I am as much to blame as you. I suggested it well knowing how powerful you are Anakin. It was an acceptable risk." I said.

My charge looked unconvinced. I sat down in a chair and motioned for Anakin to do so. Once he was settled I began.

"Why do the Jedi exist?" I asked. Besides to entertain millions back home, that is.

Anakin gives this some thought. He is really trying to think. I am worried about him. What turns this rather normal kid into Mr Sexually Repressed Edgelord? I really hope it's not all puberty and hormones. Because then it's all over and I may as well try to discover if that nudist planet really exists.

"To be the Guardians of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy?" said Anakin finally.

"So why limit that to only people who can use the Force like us? Lots of people could dedicate their life to a Galactic Peace Corps and make the Galaxy a better place. No Force superpowers needed. Our role as Guardians of the Galaxy is something we do, but it is not our primary goal." I said.

"Padme could do that." said Anakin.

If I could throttle a cosmological constant I would. Every now and then the bloody Force nudges Anakin to think about her. I know this because I can sense it doing so. It's gentle, subtle. You would not notice if you didn't think to look. No wonder he became obsessed.

"Yes, she probably could. But no TK or TP means she would never be in such an organisation as the Galaxy is now." I said. Not that the Galaxy's newest poster child for Abolition needs more work.

There is a knock on the door interrupting my train of thought. I rise to answer it.

Oh hells. It's Padme. I really hate it when Kreia is right.

"Come in. Come in. Sit down." I said to Padme and her trained attack minion, Sabe, I think. They're both dressed down in what I've come to think of as 'privacy cloaks'. Don't want everyone to recognise you wherever you go? Wear one of these with the hood up and you need some state of the art gear to look in. Or the Force.

Anakin brightens as they enter and lower the privacy screens.

"Padme! We were just talking about you!" he said.

"You were?" Padme said.

"Yes. Dee-Jay says you should be a Jedi." said Anakin.

"Don't be silly. I don't have your powers." said Padme.

"A lot of what the Jedi do does not demand use of the Force. We were discussing that and Anakin thought of you." I said.

"Yeah, you would be good at it. We could all go off and have adventures together." said Anakin.

"How sweet." said Padme. She looks from him to me. "That sounds, tempting."

No. No. A thousand times no. Come on! A Jedi can influence the Force, can't they?

'Not enough for what you want.' whispered the Dark Side.

Ignoring the Dark Side, I try to concentrate on the matter at hand.

"While you would be good at it I suspect that's not why you're here. How can I help." I said.

Padme takes a breath. She looks at almost certainly Sabe and then back to me.

"Gunray was found not guilty by the Courts. Insufficient evidence. He will walk free." said Padme.

"And?" I said, guessing there was more.

"And I am under pressure to drop the matter. Let the past be. Look to the future. Show that we can forgive and forget."

"I see. This comes from the Chancellor?" I said.

"Yes. How did you know?" Padme said.

Because it's Palpatine. He's the bad guy. He wants to break you. Because if you go bad, turning Anakin gets so easy. Why didn't he do this before? No, we're Jediing. Focus.

"Being seen as the peacemaker between Naboo and the Trade Federation would be of tremendous benefit to him. Such a gesture could see him re-elected." I said

"We could get Gunray for you." said Anakin.

Padme smiles at Anakin's outburst. She is, however the least of my worries.

'Good idea love. Do to Palpatine what he does to Anakin. Take away his supports, one by one.'

"That's, not what we do Anakin." I said.

'Why not? You don't owe the Jedi anything. You are not one of them. Anakin never really was either.'

"Why not?" says Anakin

"Vengeance never ends. You think it will end with Gunray, but it won't." I began.

'Then go for the head! Sideous. Give in to me and I will grant you the power to do so. There is no way you would be as bad as him.'

The Dark Side would be so much easier to resist if it were not whispering into my ear. Sharon did that. It's like she is doing it now.

"I could post a bounty. Insist on alive only." says Padme.

And that's legal? Galactic law is weird. As long as she contests the Galactic Court ruling Gunray can be arrested anywhere Naboo holds sway. So a bounty hunter can nab him, bring him here, have the locals arrest him and walk off with the cash.

"Say, say Gunray is captured. Brought before you. What do you do then? What of the other captains who blockaded Naboo? Will you want revenge on them too? What of those who blocked you in the Senate? Them as well? It will never end Your Majesty and it will leave you hollow and empty." I said.

I always feel like a heel pulling the Queen card on Padme. Reminding her that she has duties and responsibilities beyond her person. Because she will always do her duty.

"Are you saying I should do as they ask?" Padme said.

"No. Demand further investigation is required. If they insist that you drop it, um, abdicate. Show them you and by extension Naboo will not tolerate this travesty." I said.

"Abdicate?" said both women at once.

"Yes. You are allowed to do that?" I said and they nod. "Well then, bear that in mind as a superior option to bounty Hunter's. Also, request that the Jedi aid you in any follow up investigation. I recommend Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi." I continue. Where did that last bit come from? Okay, it's not like I can remember the names of the others.

I am then hit by a burst of, excitement? Anticipation, from the two women in front of me. Oh come on. Seriously? They stand up.

"Thank you Master Jedi. I shall consider your advice. Goodbye Anakin." said Padme before leaving with most likely Sabe.

That leaves me with Anakin.

"That goes for you as well. Revenge only feels like it will solve things. But it never does. Any questions?" I said.

Anakin shrugs.

"Just one question. Who is Sharon?" he says.

\-----

Damn. Was kind of putting off this conversation til later. Like when Palpatine is really dead or just before the kid Darths out. Oh well.

"Like you, I learned I could use the Force later in life. Sharon was my wife." I say, then pause.

"What happened?" said Anakin.

I take a few breaths.

"There was, an accident. She, died." I say.

A car accident. Bad weather, night time, a missed turn. She had said, no. No more. I am mostly okay now. Mostly.

"Oh." said Anakin. "I'm sorry."

"Then I became a Jedi. They say trauma sometimes can awaken someone to the Force." I said.

We will leave out the astoundingly bad coping mechanisms attempted.

"You miss her." Anakin says.

"Yes, yes I do. Which means the Dark Side has a way to tempt me that it does not the other Jedi. I believe it will be the same for you." I say.

"Me?" he says.

"Yes Anakin. You have already made connections with people and it was thought that my perspective would best help. I will not be doing it alone though. Since you are older, I thought now some travel to other systems are in order." I say.

"Other systems? Like where?" asks Anakin perking up at the anticipation of travel.

"Well, first on the list is Corellia." I said.

\-----

"Corellia!" said Shmi a few days later.

I can tell she is unimpressed. Okay, so the Galaxy's main point of contact with Corellians are the owner operators of the light freighters produced there. Not all are drug runners like Solo, very few in fact. Still, 'fell off a the back of a Corellian' means exactly what you think it does. They're space truckers. They mostly haul boring stuff, but they all have a stash of curios they thought they could buy low and sell higher. So everyone has a tale, often cautionary, about them.

"Yes. They have many engineering firms and flight schools. They're not all Rogue Traders." I say.

Shmi still has her arms folded and is scowling. You would think I was taking Anakin off to the Orb of Unearthly Delights or the Bazaar of Deva.

"We're going to be visiting engineers and flight school instructors. All serious beings who are not in any way excitable." I say.

Let's leave out that Anakin could scare up a swashbuckling adventure at a math expo.

"No trouble?" she says.

"None that I forsee. Jedi's honour. It's a Core World. Civilised. " I say evoking sincerity.

"I'll think about it." she says.

That's Shmi for yes. Well, yes in a couple of days. I can wait. Patience is something we space monks do. Or so I'm told.

\-----

"Corellia?" said Padme a few days after that.

I don't get summoned often. The Queen and Ninja Squad usually just drop in at random whenever they want. Less wear and tear on the apparatus of government that way. Perhaps they're busy, or maybe, what?

"Yes? Anakin's of an age where visiting other bits of the Republic is sort of encouraged. Didn't you visit Alderaan and Kalidor at a similar age?" I said.

"Yes I did. Corellia though..." she begins.

"With it's engineering, trade and flight schools will be an ideal environment for Anakin to develop his skills." I say.

"The Royal Engineering Corps are not sufficient?" she says.

"I am afraid not. While I thank you for all your support Anakin does require a broader perspective. While the Royal Engineers are some of the finest in the Galaxy the Corellians have a style nearer to Galactic norms. The experience will be good." I say. Getting better all the time from the sound of things.

"I. See. When can we be expecting you back?" says Padme after a while.

"Of that, I am not sure. No more than a year." I say.

"A year?"

"I expect to enrol Anakin in some courses. They will last that long. Of course, we will visit." I say.

Padme pauses and takes a breath.

"Very well. I suppose. Please let us know where you will be." she says.

"I shall do that." I say, bow and leave. Once outside in the hall I look about. Empty. Will they notice a series of indentations at say, head height? I am such an idiot. I pause. The Palace has been around since before my ancestors developed agriculture. Well, not this exact panelling, they probably change everything every few centuries, but still. Paddy's Axe and all. All this focus on Anakin and I ignored the other half of the equation. Admittedly it wasn't hard. When it comes to blank slate characters they pretty much wrote the book with her. Or not, in this particular instance.

But this isn't a movie character. This Padme has all sorts of ambitions, belongs to a political elite and while from a relative backwater, we all know that didn't slow old Sheev down any. Galactics have longer lives and can plan accordingly. Great, more to worry about. I make my way out of the Palace.

What else is not as it seems? How the hell do I find out?

\-----

I get home in short order. Since I've been a Jedi for a while now I try the Jedi thing. Sit down, get comfy, attune with the universe. Expect a goddamn answer. The Force however today wants patience to be today's insight since nothing else is forthcoming. Still, I do calm down. I become aware of other presences. I open my eyes.

Obi Wan Kenobi and plus one. A young girl, bright red skin, but otherwise human looking. Padawan braid. Neither look impressed at the clutter caused by several engineering projects.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You have arrived. Why don't you introduce me to your padawan?" I say.

"This is Helene. A most adept and promising student of the Force." Obi-Wan says. He looks around. "Where is your padawan."

"At school, but he will be here soon." I say.

"You are sending the Chosen One to a school!" says Obi-Wan.

"Not at all. His mother sends him to school. Quite a nice one." I say.

"What could he learn at a school for normals?" asks Helene.

"A thorough grounding in the arts and sciences as well as some socialisation skills." I say standing up. I walk over to the kitchen area and start popping various fruits into a giant blender, masher thing. I then start it up and ready the pitchers to receive the juice.

Obi-Wan walks over as I am swapping the pitchers over.

"What, are you doing?" he asks.

"Refreshments, it's important to be hydrated." I say grabbing a new pitcher.

"You're not seriously expecting him to drink all this." says Obi-Wan.

"Of course not." I say handing him two full pitchers. "Here, make yourself useful. It's for the others." I say as I take two outside myself. Obi-Wan and Helene follow.

"What others?" says Obi-Wan.

Then there is a sound. The sound of many feet. Of shouting, of excitement. A small horde of children and some adults tears into view and assemble into rows in the field.

If there is one thing I like about this universe, it is the amazing sense of timing everything has.


	7. This way to the next zone.

Obi-Wan Kenobi surveys my after school Force training and meditation class with a look of horror best reserved for monsters or Sith maniacs.

"What is this?" he asks.

"After school Force training." I say as everyone forms up in various groups and gets some personal space. There is an excited murmuring but it mostly dies down as they all look towards me. Some of them point at the newcomers.

"Greetings everyone. Today we have some guests, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and his apprentice Helene all the way from Coruscant. I am sure you all wish to speak to them, but first we must focus." I call out.

The crowd calms down and they all close their eyes.

"Calm your mind, concentrate, feel the Force." I intone as everyone concentrates, many repeating the words as an aid. "Now reach out with your minds, feel those around you, the grass, the creatures within. Now, reach out further, feel the city, feel the buildings, the open spaces and the people. Now further still, feel the world, sense its continents, seas and the forces beneath the surface. Reach out again to the system, your world's star, the other worlds. Now the entire Galaxy. See it swirl carrying us all through the universe. This is a part of you as you are a part of it. Now. Return to the now, where you are. Open your eyes."

As usual there is some excited chattering and commentary. I wait a minute for it to die down.

"Now. Knight Kenobi will guide us through our warm up and exercises." I say.

"I'm doing what?" says Obi-Wan.

"Quick warm up then thirty minutes of light exercise. They would all appreciate it from their hero." I say.

Reluctantly, Obi-Wan guides everyone through the session.

\-----

Then it's refreshments, games, some exercises, more meditation and then a quick question and answer session with everyone's favourite Jedi. Everyone is curious to know why he is here and duly impressed with finding out it is to further investigate the villain Nute Gunray. There are then questions about being a Jedi, what the various planets he's been to are like and about how he helped liberate their world.

Obi-Wan is quite the engaging speaker. He certainly knows how to keep an audience interested while imparting a lesson or two. He fields questions effortlessly and efficiently. Small wonder they will call him 'The Negotiator'.

"Tell us how you defeated the Dark Warrior." comes a voice.

A quiet falls over the crowd. As far as they know the two Jedi confronted the Dark Warrior and prevented him reaching the rest of the assault team. The battle went into the refinery. Only Obi-Wan survived.

I get to see that battle played out in parks and on holos. I've listened to Obi-Wan's report of the battle. One detail is left out of them all.

How angry Obi-Wan became at Maul. How he tapped into the Dark Side to win.

Like this version Obi-Wan is now recounting. Not false. Just a small omission. Could even be considered the truth, from a certain point of view.

"Was that Dark Warrior a Sith?" comes another question after Obi-Wan's account finishes.

Obi-Wan shakes his head.

"No. The Sith are gone, extinct. The Dark Warrior had some proficiency with a lightsabre and could use the Force, but he was not a Sith." Obi-Wan explains.

"But the red laser sword."

Obi-Wan holds up his hands.

"I don't dispute that. The Warrior may have imagined he was such. If so he was deluding himself. The Sith are no more, a matter for historians. Now I see it is getting on and I still have business with Master Dee-Jay. Please, be on your way and remember, the Force is with you, always." Obi-Wan concludes and dismisses everyone.

The crowd disperses as they head home, leaving only us Jedi. We go inside and Obi-Wan looks at me, arms folded.

"Care to explain what you are doing?" he says.

"Training. Teaching Anakin to use the Force and become a Jedi." I say. I then unclip my lightsabre and toss it to Anakin. "Okay Anakin, get the drones and start with two. Remember to set to low power."

"Okay. Hey, do you want to practice too?" says Anakin, the last to Helene as he walks to the cupboard with the drones. Helene looks at Obi-Wan, who nods and then the two apprentices hurry off. Pretty soon there is the sound of lightsabres, then an explosion followed by an "Oops." from Anakin.

"Low power!" I call out before looking back at Obi-Wan. He looks unimpressed. "What?"

"This, this is a mockery of everything we stand for! What was that business outside?" Obi-Wan says.

I hadn't intended for a small mob to turn up regularly for the warm up exercises. It just, sort of happened.

"Group meditation and exercise. It's good for everyone, sensitivity to the Force or no." I say calmly.

"You should be at the Temple. You should be focused on your padawan." accuses Obi-Wan.

"Nowhere in the texts does it say a Jedi must train solely at Coruscant." I say. Okay, not entirely true. The current training texts and manuals all heavily assume that most training gets done there. They just don't actually say it because hey, it's what everyone does. There are also large sections on how to continue training when in the field, again assuming that it will be the exception, not the norm.

"A Jedi must maintain a detachment and impartiality from those they protect." quotes Obi-Wan.

Well good. Yes, it does say that. Problem is, other famous masters have said different things.

"The Adept must walk among the people to know them." I reply back.

Like any religion or philosophy various bods have written stuff down on what it means to be a Jedi. Sacred texts, words of wisdom, parables, tales, poetry and songs. The 'No Emotion, Peace' coda is part of The Code in the same way the Ten Commandments is part of Christianity. There is a whole lot else. Unlike Christianity however, there is no central canon. All texts are co-equal, sort of. There are favourites, well regarded texts and others which are currently out of favour, regarded as no longer relevant or just plain silly. So while my quote is less well regarded than Obi-Wan's orthodox piece of wisdom it is technically co-equal. Kinda, sorta.

Obi-Wan frowns. "Kol? She wasn't even a Jedi." he says.

Neither am I. No matter what Yoda says.

"She was instrumental in the Third Reconstruction. As such, we honour her wisdom and contribution to our understanding of the Force." I say. Yeah, to justify my craziness you have to dig, well, a bit. I'm surprised Obi-Wan has heard of her.

Obi-Wan is silent. He looks down, then back up. Breathes.

"Qui-Qon thought highly of Ashra Kol. He said her words were what the Order needed." he says.

"I agree. It is always good to ask if we could be doing better." I say.

From the other room there is the sound of lightsabres clashing. Seems the apprentices got tired of remotes. Obi-Wan looks towards the door.

"But, Anakin is The Chosen One." he says.

Jesus has shown up, everyone look busy. Now is the time for orthodoxy, not radical reforms, or so everyone thinks.

"The prophecy to bring Balance to the Force. What does that mean?" I say.

Obi-Wan just stares.

"What? Eradicate the Sith. For good this time." he says.

"That's one interpretation. There are others. Lekosi, for example." I say.

"You can't believe that. Lekosi said the Chosen One will end both the Jedi and Sith." says Obi-Wan.

I don't need to believe it. I watched it happen. Hence the emphasis on a radical interpretation of the received wisdom. Hopefully without coming to the sticky end J.C. did.

"It's something to be mindful of. I am also aware that we are not the only ones to know of the prophecy. The Sith have their own interpretation and are no doubt working towards it." I say.

"Isn't that all the more reason to have Anakin trained at the Temple?"

Actually, there is nowhere safe. But Coruscant is way worse than Happy Fun Time Planet.

"The traditional recruiting ground for the Sith has always been the Jedi Order. So, I am attempting less orthodox training." I say. Yep, let's talk about the elephant in the room.

"Attempting? What if you're wrong? What if this leads to what the Council suspected about the boy? This is reckless." says Obi-Wan.

"Then, I am wrong. I give you permission to say 'I told you so' just before the Sith destroy us." I say.

"That's hardly reassuring."

"Take heart. We have the Force. We must let it guide us where it wills. Now, you are not here to check up on me, but to aid the Naboo against the Trade Federation." I say.

"Yes, any insight on how to deal with them, the Naboo? You have been here several years among them."

Let's see. You are the closest thing to a superhero in a culture which sees that whole pesky 'no attachments' rule as a challenge. Back home you were fighting them off with a stick, or not if you favoured the more apocryphal sources.

Is it considered heresy to suggest dipping in chocolate sauce before throwing him to Padme and Ninja squad? Does that, stop it from, no, bad idea. Bad idea. They're half his age. Eww. No!

"The recent clearing of Gunray may have awoken a desire for vengeance in the Queen and her advisors. It is just as important to curb that as to seek justice." I say.

Obi-Wan nods. "I see. Thank you. I still think this training is highly irregular and will advise the Council of my concerns." he says. He rises, summons Helene and then leaves leaving me with Anakin.

"Good practice?" I say.

"Yeah. I guess. Can I have my own lightsabre? Helene's got one." Anakin says.

Oh go on. All the other kids have one. At this age that's normally a bike, game controller or whatever else is considered cool. Who put lethal psi blades on the list? What sort of lunatic gives that to a child? Aside from every Jedi with a Padawan.

"You are correct. I have been neglecting that. So, we shall make building a lightsabre your next project."

Anakin brightens up.

"Thanks Dee-Jay! I think I see how they're built. Um, can I borrow yours to check a few things." he says.

The weapon is still in his hands.

"Sure, why not?"

Because 'it's a freaking plasma psi blade and responsible adults don't give those to children' is not a rule in this universe. I muse on this as we walk to a workbench.

\-----

Lightsabres don't make sense. Like, at all. As far as I understand it they are, no, that's not right. They're not plasma emitters although that's what you get if you make one and don't use the Force. A plasma torch can be a useful tool or brutal weapon, being sort of the local equivalent to flamethrowers here. Those require a big power pack. But if you have the Force then you can make a lightsabre. Don't ask me how. I mean, I can see how to do it and it does require channelling all that mystic energy field stuff, but beyond that, hey, it's 'a kind of magic'.

Anakin throws his together like it's no big deal. Alright, it's still two days. Mechanical genius. Chosen One. Right now he is grinding out a lens. Don't we need a crystal thingy or am I misremembering? It's been three and a half years and it's not like I can pull out a DVD or look up Wookiepaedia. Actually there is a Wookiepaedia, but it's exactly what it says on the tin. Everything you ever wanted to know about Wookies in one compact memory crystal for twenty five credits. Everything you probably didn't want to know as well.

My distracted thoughts are interrupted by the front door bursting open and Shayla storming in. Tentacles twitching in a way I've learned to interpret as 'bloody furious'. She points at me.

"When were you planning on telling me?" she accuses.

"Very well. Anakin and I are travelling to Corellia to continue his training. We will be gone about a year." I say blandly.

"Corellia!" Shayla exclaims.

Is there something about this world that everyone knows but me? Ravenous beasts? Psychotic wildlife? Vicious gangs?

"Corellia is the other end of the Galaxy. What if something happens to you there?" Shayla continues.

"I'll just have to trust the local medtechs are as brilliant as you are." I say.

"But I," Shayla begins but gets no further as she is interrupted by Anakin.

"Look Dee-Jay, I did it! Oh, hi Shayla. I've completed the lightsabre." Anakin says holding out the weapon.

"Excellent Anakin. Please, turn it on, carefully." I say.

Whoom. The small living area is suffused in a blue light. Anakin gives it a few waves and then shuts it off.

"Now I'm a real Jedi. Can I go show mom?" says Anakin.

"Sure. Building a lightsabre is an impressive achievement." I say and Anakin runs off. I watch him go, then get up and close the still open door keeping an eye on the short figure running across the field.

The hand on shoulder makes me jump. I turn round.

"Are you okay?" says Shayla.

Darth Vader has his murderstick. Totally not okay.

"Sorry, worlds away. You were distressed at our leaving." I say.

The alien woman frowns as I remind her why she was here.

"Yes. You cannot just run off like this. Why can't you stay?" she says. 'Stay with me.' comes the mental addition.

I am an idiot. A telepathic idiot but still, an idiot. There was one other Jedi in this whole equation who I totally forgot would have an impact on everyone. Me. I take a deep breath, another mistake, as I catch her pheromones operating at full blast.

I am a stoic space monk and, no I'm not. Not really. I am still me though.

"Because, it's what must be done." I say backing out through the door and, more importantly into a small breeze outside. My head starts to clear.

"Well then. I can come with you." says Shayla.

"No."

"No! But, but you care. The drive for reform. That was you. I thought. I hoped."

"Yes, you did prompt me to persuade others to begin the anti slavery reforms."

"So you do care." she says as her tentacles snake round me in an embrace.

"No. This isn't what you think. Please. Come inside. I will try to explain." I say.

I disentangle myself and go inside. I sit down at the table and motion towards the chair opposite. There, finally. Some sort of barrier between me and the hot green space babe. Remembering to not take any more deep breaths I begin.

"Years ago, I had a vision. Of a great darkness coming upon the Galaxy. It involves Anakin, my apprentice. I have to focus on preventing that vision coming to pass."

"Really, that's the... it's true." Shayla begins but changes as she looks at me.

"Yes, and you're involved somehow. That is what you are feeling. I am sorry. This most likely ends with us all dead or enslaved to evil."

"But, the reforms."

"Are related. Everything I do is to prevent that vision. Until then, my life is not my own." Probably not afterwards either, hell, I never was a subscriber to free will anyways.

"And afterwards?" she says.

What the hell did I do? This cannot just be the prompting of the Force or cultural conditioning as a result of too many bad novels.

"Afterwards? If I'm not dead I think I will take an early contemplative retirement. Please, by then I'll be almost sixty." I say.

"But."

"I am sorry." I say.

Shayla looks at the table, then up at me. She looks like she's about to say something, but the rises and leaves. I get up and close the door. Seriously, is everyone born in a barn here? I leave all the other doors and windows open so I can think clearly. What did I do? Aside from being a space paladin and being against slavery? No idea. I go to bed and soon fall asleep planning the trip into the Core trying to ignore a pair of green eyes.

\-----

As I half expected our departure is a crowded affair as everyone comes to say goodbye to Anakin. Well, almost everyone.

"Someone in the Royal Theatre Company saw a holo of my play and they're coming to see me!" says Sacha.

"Well, that's great. All the best."

"They're going to want another after this one. Any ideas?"

Since The Mikado is off limits.

"Maybe something like a coming of age story with a fish out of water and racers." I suggest. Does this universe have greasers I wonder as I hum a few bars and give a quick outline.

"Yeah, thanks, that could work." says Sacha wandering off composing in his head.

That leaves me with the other person who has come to say goodbye to me. Shayla looks at me and then gives me a hug.

"Be safe." is all she says.

"Don't worry. It's Corellia. A Core World. What could possibly happen?" I say.

\-----

Six days later I'm in the Sharbara Swamp on Leviatha herding some frightened people away from Hutt slaver teams. I'm tired, lost and I have no idea where the Chosen One is. Damn this universe and exciting adventures.


	8. Excitement, adventures. Not so keen on them myself.

"What's a buffalo?"

"What's a deer?"

"What's an antelope?"

Damn. So much for trying camp side songs to keep spirits up. Of course none of the ones admittedly fuzzy in my memory reference anything recognisable to anyone but me.

"Well, do any of you know any songs to sing round a fire?" I say.

Blank looks mostly. That could be because a few days ago they were looking forward to being hauled off to Hutt Space and an uncertain future as slaves. They're in shock. Also not helping is the Jedi who literally dropped out of the sky to rescue them insisting on a sing along. I can see how that would be weird to them. It certainly is to me.

Why am I here? Not just an ages old philosophical question but an extremely pertinent one. What actions, both my own and others have led me to here, in a swamp with a dozen or so rescues? Hmm.

\-----

"Dee-Jay?" it's Anakin tugging at me to wake me up.

I awake to the dim lighting of the small cabin aboard the Oberus Star. "What is it Anakin?"

"I think something bad is going to happen." he says.

I wake up. Fast. This isn't a kid having a bad dream. This is Anakin bloody Skywalker. If he says 'something wicked this way comes' you better damn believe it. I scramble out of the bunk, dress and telekinetically summon my lightsabre from where it had rolled under the bunk. Half a minute and I'm good to go. Well, as good as I can be on no sleep and a lot of apprehension.

"Let's get going." I say.

Anakin nods and we walk quickly towards the bridge. As we do so I glance out the viewing windows at the swirls of hyperspace. Wow. I pause. I have been living on another planet, talk to aliens on a regular basis but sights like this reminding me I am on an actual spaceship really blows me away.

"Dee-Jay!" calls Anakin ahead, noticing I have stopped.

Yes. Right. Attend to the peril first. Afterwards you can gawk at the wonders and marvels. I get moving again.

"No passengers on, oh Master Jedi." says the duty officer, a Grey Alien. No really. Short, grey skin, big head and even bigger eyes. Only divergence from how they're traditionally depicted is the Merchant's Guild uniform it's wearing.

"My apprentice sensed we are in danger. We are here to assist." I say.

The Grey inspects a console and confers with another crew member before coming back to us.

"We are currently in hyperspace and not due to enter sublight for another three hours. I don't think..." begins the Grey but is cut off as the entire ship shakes and the view outside changes abruptly from blue and white swirls to mostly black, white pin-pricks and an evil looking spaceship pointing at us. It looks like a shark, if said shark had thrusters, guns, was several hundred metres long and had an honest to goodness skull emblazoned on the front. I know I'm in a universe that runs on pulp conventions, but seriously?

"Pirates! Send a transmission. Wide band, call for assistance. All crew, prepare for boarding. This is not a drill. All passengers, please stay in your quarters and remain calm." says the Grey over the ship comms.

I look at Anakin.

"So, where will they make the boarding attempt?" I say to Anakin.

He looks up at me, closes his eyes briefly and then opens them before turning for the door.

"Come on. This way." he says as he breaks into a run. I follow.

\-----

Soon after we are waiting by the main airlock. Myself on the left, Anakin on the right. While in our hands our lightsabres are still inactive.

"Okay Anakin. Once they connect we open the door." I say.

"And then we get them." completes Anakin with a feral grin.

'Yes. An excellent idea. Listen to your apprentice.' comes the voice in my ear. I can feel hands snaking about me. Feel her breath. 'They're pirates. Designated bad guys. It is perfectly okay to slaughter them.'

I could just relax. Let the. No. It's the Avatar of Cosmic Evil.

"We will give them a chance to surrender first." I say. Because we're Jedi, the good guys. Not particularly exciting, but there you are.

"Why?" says Anakin clearly unimpressed and looking forwards to pirate murder.

'Yes why? These are not jolly scoundrels. All Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. These are murderers, rapists, slavers. Would you like to see what they did to their last victim?'

A woman. Naked, bruised and bleeding, banging frantically on an airlock door. The other door opens and she is whisked off to die in the void of space.

The Dark Side is nothing if not persistent. It knows every single button to press.

'This is what they are. This is what they will continue to do if left alive. You can end it now. Let me help love.'

"Dee-Jay!" says Anakin, breaking the spell. "It's her, isn't it?"

I nod.

"She wants you to just kill them."

Another nod.

"So, we don't do that." concludes Anakin.

Am I getting help resisting the Dark Side from Anakin? That's enough to snap me out of it. Just in time too. I hear the soft thud as the ships connect. I open the door and activate my lightsabre.

On the other side of the door is a short tube, several nasty looking beings all paused in the act of psyching up to storm in.

Do Jedi get some training on clever things to say in moments like this? Alas, there is no line prompter to one side, because this is real. We stare at each other for a few seconds.

"What are you, waiting for? Get them!" yells a pirate. One of them fires and then it all becomes a blur.

'Do you mean it controls your actions?' I remember the line from the film as I twist, step, parry, slash and stab my way through the throng. The lightest touch severs fingers and destroys blasters, a 'graze' across a pirate's front leaves a massive burn and he drops in shock, a low cut to the thigh and they are amputated.

Then, it is over. The shuttle is a slaughterhouse, pirates lie everywhere, dead, dying or insensate. Several are screaming. The air is full of the smell of offal and burnt flesh. I stagger back into the liner and throw up. As I do so I become aware of someone tugging on my robes. Anakin.

"You okay?" he asks. He seems totally unbothered by all the carnage.

I finish emptying my stomach.

"No. We need to get moving. The pirates back on their ship are soon going to realise what's happened. We need to get over there." I say weakly and begin staggering in the direction of the liners shuttle bay.

"More pirates." says Anakin excitedly as he follows.

Of course he's enjoying this, what did I expect from Vader in training?

\-----

Now we are doing the same thing the pirates attempted. This probably wouldn't work on any ship run by a military, but these are pirates. Some opportunist nicking back with a purloined shuttle and loot is probably normal. Probably. It's all a bit tense until Anakin bumps us up against the pirate and we connect. We're just about to cut our way in when the door opens.

"Alright, which one of..." begins the pirate's sole concession to security before reaching to draw his blaster.

Two steps and a quick swipe and he is on the ground clutching the stump of his arm. I step over the pirate and we continue into the ship.

Twenty minutes later it is done. Made easier by how most of the 'crew' were prisoners held at blaster point and many of the pirates decided on surrendering to the crazed Jedi in blood soaked robes. That's a little detail this place differs from PG movieland. Lightsabres cut through anything, Weapons, clothing, armour plate and body parts. Oh gods, the body parts. Cauterisation is neither instant, nor guaranteed, what with all the weird alien biologies involved. The Force also doesn't consider 'dodging arterial spray' a high priority. Anakin is relatively clean, since Chosen One, can't get him messed up.

Currently I am standing outside a door where the prisoners are while Anakin coms the liner. Specifically, I am guarding them from the crew. There's a small crowd in the hall with me. Understandably, they want revenge.

"Step aside Jedi." says their leader, a red hued man with horns. The spokesman is Satan. Figures.

"I cannot do that." I say. keeping my arms folded.

"Why not? They're animals." screams a Mon Cal shaking a fist. It occurs to me that they're quite big.

"Yeah. We'll take care of 'em for you." says a human.

"No. Vengeance is not the answer. Leave justice to the authorities. Piracy comes with stiff penalties." I say. This seems to mollify them. They back off a little. Everyone takes a breath.

The blast catches everyone by surprise. The bolt impacts the wall besides me. It's a yellow hued near human woman holding her left side with one hand and the blaster in the other.

"No! I don't care! You don't know, what they're like!" she says while the blaster waves erratically in front of her.

I unfold my arms and hold them out. "I am a Jedi. It is my job to protect..."

"You're protecting that filth!" she yells the blaster steadies and points at me.

I take a few steps toward her, no sudden moves.

"No. You. You are not a killer. Not yet. That's not something you can undo." I say

"But, but." she says.

"No. It never ends. You need healing, not vengeance." I say and take hold of the blaster. The woman lets go of it and collapses sobbing against me.

"Dee-Jay!" calls out Anakin. "I sent the message. They're sending the other shuttle over."

"Good. Good. Take these people back in our shuttle, get things moving." I say. Anakin nods and leads the crew away to the shuttle.

\-----

It takes a few hours to get everyone transferred over and safely in medical or a now very packed brig. Anakin and I are returning to the Pirate Ship to leave a nav beacon so the Patrol can come scuttle it while the liner heads for the nearest system.

"Dee-Jay" starts my apprentice, "Why did you not use the Force on those people? It would of been easier."

"Yes. I suppose it would have. So. Wave my hand and make them all stand down and disperse?" I say. Anakin nods. "Why didn't I do that?"

Anakin gives this some thought and a few 'Ums' as we dock again up against the Pirate vessel. We make contact and board the vessel, walking towards the bridge.

"Any ideas?" I say as we step over some bodies.

Anakin shakes his head.

"Those people were desperate, fearful and angry. Using the Force to influence them could have been unpredictable." I say.

"Is that why?" asks Anakin.

"There's more. They were also slaves. It would of been cruel to free them and then command them against their will. Being a Jedi isn't just about using our powers but knowing when not to use them."

Anakin scrunches up his face. "That doesn't make sense." he says.

Sorry kid we're mystic pseudo eastern warriors, there's going to be some zen.

"Some things don't make sense Anakin." I say in what must be a total understatement for this universe.

Anakin looks doubtful. "Okay." he says indicating I need to work harder on this and walks into the bridge. He moves over to the nav computer and flicks switches and looks at a screen as prelude to plugging in the beacon.

"Um, Dee-Jay? These pirates have a base. We could go there and activate the beacon. Then the Patrol can go there." he says.

"Okay. Do you know how to jump there?" I say. I don't.

"Oh sure. Shall we go?"

On reflection, a sensible person, a real Jedi would of said something clever like.

'Just note down the coordinates, we can tell the authorities when they arrive,'

instead of;

"Sure, make the jump Anakin." which is what I did say.

\-----

And so there we were. Landing at the base Anakin and I cautiously advance down the boarding ramp. There are several pirates with a coffle of slaves nearby. Prompted by the Force I activate my lightsabre as does Anakin.

"I don't suppose everyone would consider surrendering?" I try before one of them goes for his blaster and then it's all on.

Slide, jump, twist, strike.

"Arghhh!"

Duck, roll, throw.

"Aiieee! My leg!"

Spin, push, leap, slash. The decapitated corpse in front of me falls. Sensing no more danger I look about Anakin has seen to four of the others while the last runs away. Then it's a bit of delicate work cutting apart the coffle on the prisoners.

"Jedi, were saved!"

"Thank you Jedi."

Just before I can order everyone onto the ship I receive a prompting from the Force. Quite simple really.

"Run!" I yell echoing the prompt and herd everyone away from the ship. Just in time as iridescent bolts rain from the sky and a series of explosions marches across the landing area. It belatedly occurs to me that everyone was conveniently on hand for a reason. Also that the runner must of got a message off.

The other cruiser comes into view. It is large grey and bulbous. I spend little time contemplating it as I lead everyone to the base wall, cut a hole and direct everyone through. Just before Anakin is about to leave he looks at me.

"The beacon! We'll need it to get help! I'll just get it." he says, running back to the ship we came in.

"Anakin!"

"Don't worry Dee-Jay. I'll find you!" he calls back still running.

I can see the cruiser landing. Time to go. Escape and evade. I leap through the hole.

"This way!" I call to the people I am supposed to be rescuing and we run into the wilds of, where?

I have no idea where I am, what planet I am on and my charge is running in the opposite direction. Shmi is going to kill me.

Damn all exciting adventures.

\-----

Okay, so yes, that is why I am stuck on Leviatha. It's been two days of being cold, wet and hungry. My charges look exhausted and I'm not much better. Behind us I can hear the search party getting closer.

'Give in to me and I will make this better.' cajoles the Dark Side.

No. Never. Keep going.

'If you die here Palpatine wins. I can stop that love. Give in I will give you the strength to survive.'

Damn. There is a kernel of wisdom though in the beguiling.

"That raised area there. Make for that." I say.

"Won't they see us?" asks Leah, some sort of humanoid mammal like reptile.

"I am hoping they will." I say as I turn and dive into the water.

Humans are a common sight in this universe, but how well does anyone really know them? After all, we're everywhere doing normal things while other species get noted for things we are not. Wookies strong, Nemoidians cunning, bald guys with big heads smart and so on. How many know that humans can swim? Really well? Or can hold their breath for some time and even longer if you're a stoic space knight with mystic powers.

It doesn't take long. The skimmer appears and heads straight for the quarry going right past me. I turn and launch myself out of the water like being shot from a cannon. Landing on the skimmer I activate the blade and swing twice, stab and send a wave of telekinesis to knock the two remaining goons into the water. Neither bug thing or leatherface are at all aquatic or maybe it's just that these two goons can't swim. After that it's a moment to work out the controls and pick up the others. A quick search turns up rat packs, dry clothing and blasters. Emboldened we set off across the swamp and away from the enemy.

\-----

A couple of days later my com beeps. I activate it.

"Anakin! You're in range! Where are you?" I say.

"Right above you." comes the reply.

I look up and spy a small olive green ship descending. As it's ramp opens I guide my charges onboard and am greeted by Anakin.

"Anakin, thank you." I say and fall to the floor in the hold of our rescuer.

"Typical Coruscant. Always needing us to pull your asses out of where it doesn't belong." comes a new voice.

I look in the direction of the newcomer. Black boots. Green leggings and tunic. Lightsabre at her hip.

Great. Rescued by a Green Jedi. Was intending on meeting them, just in a state where I was able to make a better first impression.

"Thank you..." I begin, fishing for a name.

"I am Knight Captain Hera Koll. You can thank me by cleaning yourself up and then explaining what you are doing in our territory." she says abruptly before walking away.

I briefly consider falling asleep right there before getting Anakin to help me up and staggering off to do as the nice Knight Captain says. Is it too late to go back to exciting adventures?


	9. Is it easy being Green?

What I remembered about the Green Jedi could have gone on a small card.

From Corellia. Wear green. Independent. Don't bother with the no marriage thing. Nope. That's it.

Research revealed a little more. The Jedi don't really acknowledge all the little splinter groups, affiliates, sects and other splitters. Possibly it's to keep curious underlings from questioning their version of the status quo or it could be that these groups don't attract that much attention. Jedi often act as travelling firemen. Most groups, after the initial fuss of leaving just don't cause 'fires'. Records then get updated, archived, left out and then your super special Order of the Crimson Star is just a footnote to the Chorvalli Horde. It does not help that I am easily distracted by all the interesting things that have happened.

So, them Greens? During a recent reformation of the Jedi Order, recent meaning 'about two thousand years ago' the Order had gone through one of those periodic spasms any organisation does and formed a dozen or so splinter sects. The biggest remaining, the Coruscanti, called itself the Jedi Order and reabsorbed the splitters except for the second biggest, the Greens. Who said they didn't want to be part of the new orthodoxy. There was a lot of wrangling and disputing how you interpret the words of this or that master which went on for a century or two until everyone simply viewed it as the new normal. The Greens have since haemorrhaged followers to the Order until only the Corellian Branch, the true believers, remain.

All this runs through my mind as I 'experience' a sonic shower. Sonics gets the dirt and grime off and whisked away. It always feels, odd. Give me jets of hot water any day. There's that tingly feeling that is really weird on the toes and I just don't feel clean afterwards. It does have the added bonus that you can clean your clothes at the same time which is handy when you're in a hurry. Like now. After a quick check confirms I am actually clean I dress and head for the ships bridge. Within, I find my rescuer. She's working on some navigation thing.

"Sit down Coruscant." Hera says, not taking her eyes off the dials and readings. I sit and wait, noting that we are in space. Eventually she is finished and swivels round to regard me. "So. What do you have to say for yourself?" she begins.

"Thank you for your timely intervention." I say.

"Wait, what did you say?" she says as the upcoming tirade is revised.

"Thank you. I also apologise for acting in an area under you protection. Astro navigation is largely a mystery to me." I say bobbing my head to look a little less threatening. You don't need mystic powers to tell she's spoiling for a fight with a hereditary heretic. I'm the bad stodgy Coruscant Jedi. Everything wrong with the system. The Man. She's the noble bearer of revealed truth. She is right. When the hell did I become representative of the Establishment? Do not grin. Try for once to be a stoic space knight. A meek one at that.

"Typical. Not mystical enough? What are you doing here anyway?" Hera asks.

"We were coming to Corellia to enrol Anakin in some engineering courses. Being a mechanical genius I decided some exposure to the finest engineering in the Galaxy would be invaluable." I say.

"And you're encouraging that? How noble. I suppose it gives you an opportunity to visit and lecture us as well?" says Hera.

"I would appreciate the chance to learn from the Green Jedi, yes. Specifically in how you deal with maintaining balance in the Force along with the ups and downs of being married." I say.

Yeah. Ulterior motives. The Republic has dozens of planets with reputations as excellent shipbuilders but a lot less also have special Jedi splinter sects.

"Oh? What's wrong with your vaunted love 'em and forget 'em policy Coruscant?" says Hera.

That's a major oversimplification. Reality is of course, complex. The Jedi Order is older than human civilisation, comprised of all sorts of weird aliens and has to deal with a bunch of fit, athletic people all rubbing shoulders and inevitably, other bits as well. Solutions to this have ran the complete range, currently mainly sitting at 'We'll kinda, sorta look the other way, but attachments and Force use ends in tears and darksiders, so give it up .' Which is liberal but open to interpretation as to where and when you clamp down. All those co-equal masters and all. Obi-Wan was a bit of a hard-liner, but given his history and the fact that Anakin is Space Jesus, well, I forgive him. It wasn't like the poor bugger could succeed in those movies because 'ol Darth was already a thing.

"Not going to be enough in this case. So I need another perspective." I say.

Hera seemed unimpressed.

"You were just going to stroll in and demand our secrets, were you? Have us hand over our ways because you say so?" she says.

The trouble with being the sole bearers of the truth is that people become unwilling to lose that exalted status. They'd much rather be special than acknowledged.

"Why yes. I wish to ask for help." I say.

"Stop being so reasonable!" snaps Hera.

"Very well. I demand you turn in your lightsabre and return at once with me to Coruscant for, penance." I say, folding my arms with a smile.

There is a pause as Hera processes my 'demand'. Finally she smiles.

"Now that is more like it." she says with a grin. "May I enquire as to the nature of the penance?"

"Being spanked with a wooden spoon while being forced to listen to the wisdom of Belgrum Vas." I say. Not sure about the spanking. I mean, she's human and there ought to be some constants but you never can tell. I'm pretty sure about the Master though. It takes a special skill to transform experiencing the Force from a mystical trip into leaden dullness.

"Vas? That's cruel." Hera says.

"A punishment only for the direst of transgressors." I say.

"That serious?"

"The Sith are merely decapitated."

"A mercy by comparison."

"It is our nature to be merciful to our enemies."

"And what are we Coruscant?" Hera says, the epitaph lacking any bite for once.

People who Palpatine will execute for the crime of existing. For just wanting to be left alone. What happens to you? Dragged off and executed? Killed by Vader? Tortured by Palps to fuel grotesque sorceries?

He's a megalomaniacal totalitarian Space Nazi and one hell of a mood killer.

"People I would see live. Independent or reconciled I don't care. Alive and free is enough." I say.

Hera looks at me, she is not smiling.

"Who the Hell are you?"

"Master Dee-Jay. I have had a vision of a coming darkness. The entire Galaxy conquered and in chains. Mad Sith overlords and doomsday weapons. You know. The usual." I say.

In return I get a look equivalent to a number three stare. Anywhere else such pompous pronouncements of doom would be met with outright disbelief. Not here though. Not when you're Jedi. Still, the methods of my madness are questionable.

"So how does enrolling your apprentice into an engineering course fight that?" Hera says, cutting to the heart of the matter.

"I figured the Chosen One could major in something other than stabbing." I said.

"The what!"

Totally understandable reaction. There are days when I don't believe all this either.

\-----

While Hera processes all the crazy that is, well, my life I go find Anakin. He is in the dining room entertaining the people we rescued. Currently he is levitating several plates and utensils. He turns round while the objects dance about in the air.

"Hi Dee-Jay. I'm doing this to convince these people that we're really Jedi." he says.

"That we are. Where are you folks from?" I begin.

Five replies. Kelas, Jaikura, Nolan's Folly and two from Kaspera. Seems legit. Except. I look at the woman who has remained quiet. Very pale skin and features. I would call her an albino, but her entire species might look like that.

'Where, oh where is that girl from?' whispers the Dark Side.

Thanks for the heads up. There are times I relax and think 'Cool, this is Star Wars.' Then there are times like this. When I get the reminder that large parts of the Galaxy can make Oceania seem like Maplins.

She looks at me defiantly.

"You can't send me back." she says.

I find myself a chair and sit down. Just to be less threatening. Anakin and Obi-Wan literally look like movie stars. They're easy to trust. I'm just the crazy knuckle dragging lunatic with a lightsabre who dragged you through a swamp.

"We won't send you back if you do not want to go. The owner of this ship is a Jedi from Corellia. If that's not okay I can comm a few people. They will help find you a new home." I say.

'Ask her where she's from.' comes the voice.

The Dark SIde would be so much easier to resist if she didn't act like Sharon as well as sound like her.

"Just so we don't send you anywhere by mistake, what world are you from?" I ask.

The woman mumbles something inaudible.

"Sorry, I didn't get that. Please. Just tell me so I can make sure you are not sent there."

"Antoroine." she says.

Well, damn.

"Thank you." I say before getting up to leave.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

\-----

I walk to the bathroom, head, fresher. Whatever.

'Upset love? Angry?'

"Upset? How is that woman from Antoroine?"

'Everyone comes from somewhere, isn't that what you always said?'

"How is this possible? That place cannot exist!"

'Why not? Five years ago this was all just stories to you. What's one little, tiny, insignificant world?'

"You damn well know! Antoroine is a theocratic hellhole!"

'I know love. Question is, what are you going to do about it?'

Then as always, she is gone. Antoroine. Theocratic hellhole. Especially if you commit the crime of being female. Being overly clever and attractive is especially egregious. The solution? Transport the inconvenient away. In every sense of the word. Not give them passage to a world less offended by their existence. No, let's sell them as slaves and line our coffers.

How do I know this? Because I wrote that story. Just a writing exercise. Something to do while bored in hospital. Doesn't matter that less than a hundred people even looked at it. Doesn't matter it's alternate universe, as apocryphal as all out.

I wrote that and now it's real, for given amounts of real.

Sharon is right. What am I going to do about it?

\-----

I find a small cabin and try to think. This latest revelation has kicked the 'I am just hallucinating as I lie somewhere in a coma' theory back up several notches. It still all seems so real. Asides from the craziness that is this place, it does not have a dream-like quality to it. I think. Would I even notice if it were? No. My experiences are real, or at least to be treated as such. Anything else is a quick trip to madness. So that still leaves me with the other existential question. Something I created, as a subset to another work, however unofficial now exists, as a subset to the larger creation no less. How is that even possible? Of course that just begs the bigger question. How is any of this possible?

It probably goes without saying that whatever agency responsible for all this is not beholden to copyright laws on Earth. Wish that they did, the current holders do not have that kind of power. A story is a story is a story. Wait, some of these tales are pretty out there. The place still looks like the movies for the most part. Obi-Wan looks like Mcgregor, Padme is a dead ringer for Portman. Mace is Jackson. And so on. Far as I can tell Episode I happened. Anakin is a young lad, Maul went reactor diving in two bits and Obi-Wan isn't banging anyone from Naboo, probably. Does this universe comprise of some overarching consensus? Millions have seen the movies so that's the main reality. However there are differences, divergences, apocryphal sources filling in the other bits. Which explains Antoroine. It's otherwise another, no name system in the millions planet Republic. There's no reason for it to be here, but no reason for it not to be either. Deal.

Next question. Am I responsible? Really? I may of described a world into existence but the decisions of those that settled it and made it that way are still their own. Here, they were people. Going down the path of saying it's all my fault leads to Palps not being guilty or evil, because he was just 'drawn that way' to quote J. Rabbit. He's still, evilly, eviling away because he's evil. Still, I know about Antoroine now. What do I do about it?

'Just give in to me. I can help.'

Before Sharon can add anything else there is a knock on the door.

"Coruscant? Are you okay in there." calls Hera.

I rise and walk over to open the door. I'm suddenly face to face with my rescuer.

"Are you alright? I felt a presence." says Hera.

I nod. "Yes, just the Dark Side whispering and cajoling." I say.

Hera looks at me, a little surprised but no actual shock at my revelation.

"Really? When did Coruscant start letting you lot form attachments?" she says.

"I'm a bit of a unique case. Come in, I'll try to explain." I say.

\-----

"...and given I am a most unorthodox Master it was decided that perhaps an unorthodox training regime would best avoid disaster. Which is why we were enroute to Corellia." I say in conclusion. Okay so I have not been totally honest here. We left out that silly from another universe and did not so much have a vision as paid admission and bought popcorn and coke to watch them bit.

"What's so important about your apprentice. Why does it all hang on him?" asks Hera.

Well duh. Darth Vader. Not that I can, wait. Hera is right. Exactly why is Anakin important? Like, I know he is and all. Sharon wouldn't be on my case if he wasn't. Still, why? What part of Palpy's grand plan needs Vader? Instead of say Random Sith Apprentice Three? Bet those fans of the books and other supplements know, I'm at a loss. Is it just to suborn someone who could casually off him at the height of his powers and keep other Force users away? No, remember. Space Hitler loves his over complicated plans with 'too many imponderables' had you asked Jeeves. It's not like I can ask the only person here who does know. Well, I could, but it would be a very short conversation.

"I'm not sure. Not really. I just feel that if Anakin gets a chance at other things rather than be railroaded into becoming a Jedi then my vision won't come to pass." I hazard.

"But what would happen if he does choose another life, what then? History is littered with the damage done by maniacs with the Force." says Hera.

Yes. Let's haul out the real reason the Jedi Order exists. The Greens as well. We protect the Republic, obstinately from the visible threats, but that's just a smokescreen. The real threat is often powerful Force users, the majority of which are Jedi. The Jedi keep Force users calm, under control and under wraps.

"Anakin was a slave. He's going to recognise a cage or a cell, even if only subconsciously. That's why I'm offering other options. Good ones too. He can choose the Jedi, and that would be great. Key word is choose." I say.

"And if he doesn't?"

"He doesn't. If he chooses another life then he grows up not restrained and bearing a deep resentment for his captors. Something else happens."

"What if that leads to something terrible?"

"What if it does. Terrible things are always happening or going to happen. We do what we can." I say. All good Stoic Space Knight stuff.

"Well, that's, reassuring. Now, the other thing. The Dark Side, speaks to you?" says Hera.

I notice that she is leaning forward, so am I.

"Yes. I am not sure it's my own projection or not though." I say.

"Tell me Coruscant. Is the voice that of a close friend, a confidant, or a lover?"" she asks.

I nod. "Yes, how do you know?"

Hera reaches across to lightly touch my hand.

"Because it is that way for us. We resist it best by talking about the ones we have lost, reminding ourselves how they cannot be who the Dark Side claims to be. So, let me tell you of my father, Knight Champion Deran Koll. Let me tell you why he cannot be the voice I hear in the darkness."


	10. Nobody expects the Coruscant Jedi.

"Again Coruscant?"

Right. Rise. Relax. Salute my opponent and resume.

"Come on Dee-Jay." calls Anakin from the sides. This is followed by other shouts of encouragement from the former captives to both of us. Everyone loves lightsabres.

While enroute through hyperspace back to Corellia Hera suggested some sparring practice. To keep one's hand in and all that. Also to wipe the floor with the stodgy orthodox member of the establishment. To show off. To bloody blindside me because who expects 'sword and board' with a lightsabre?

Because that's what it is. Rapidly close and make a series of quick strikes while battering away with some telekinesis via the Force to block the opponent's blade and also buffet them some. Very fast. Very aggressive. Very Space Knight.

"Ready?" she says.

"Ready." I answer. I dodge left while thinking 'right'. It works and there is a tiny opening. Tap.

"Ow!" says Hera and shakes her arm in response to the jolt my blade delivered. "Typical, always deceiving."

"Then stop reading my mind for cues. Again?" I say.

"Again."

"Again."

"Again."

We spar until I am too sweaty, bruised and tired to continue.

"No, no more." I say to the latest request to continue.

"Very well. I believe I am ahead. I win." says Hera.

I bow, stagger to a wall and sit down. "That you are. Well fought." I say.

"Do you want to use the fresher first?" Hera asks.

"Thank you, but no. I will meditate first." I say.

"What is there to meditate on? I'm just better than you Coruscant." Hera smirks and leaves as do most of our audience.

"You lost." says Anakin, he sounds disappointed.

I look at my charge. "Yes. I lost. Hera is a better fighter." I say.

"But."

"But what? We were sparring, it's a learning exercise. Keeping score is good because competition is a good motivator, but it is not the end goal. It is to practice, so that when it does matter we can prevail. Now, we should meditate, understand, learn and next time, we shall see."

Anakin seems to accept this. He sits down opposite me and closes his eyes. Please kid, learn the right lessons.

I also close my eyes and go over the bouts in my head. Should I let everyone know? No. One's disposition should approach the formless after all to heed the master.

\-----

A few hours later I am buzzed clean and on the bridge as the ship transitions back to normal space. It still blows me away as the dreamlike realm of hyperspace reverts to the reality that is normal space. For given levels of reality of course.

"Anywhere you want me to drop you off Coruscant?" asks Hera as she adjusts course to account for the traffic.

Whenuapai Airbase would be ideal. Just drop in, let me off and you can be going before anyone panics too much. They'll arrest me but since 'being dropped off by a flying saucer' is not actually a crime I'll be sweet. Anywhere on Earth actually, but most places will shoot and dissect alien visitors, not give them a pie and a lift home.

However that's not an option.

"Dallath University will be fine." I say.

"Dallath? Okay. Your funeral Coruscant." says Hera as she reaches for the com.

"You have a better suggestion?" I say.

Hera swivels about in her chair. "Yes, Coruscant, I do. Layferra Hyperspace. They do apprenticeships and have a sideline in racers. Anakin told me how he won the Boonta Eve. It will be ideal for him."

"Any other reason?" I ask.

"So suspicious. I am helping. Layferra is sited near our headquarters. You can visit and lecture to your heart's content. Just not Vas." she says and then turns back round.

"Well, you are the expert, I bow to your wisdom." I say.

"So you should. Traffcom four? This is Knight Captain Koll of Avenger requesting descent vector to Green A1." she said.

"All clear Avenger. Vector two to Green A1 clear in ten." came the reply.

With that we are brought down to the industrial wonderland that is Corellia.

\-----

"So how do you keep the engine from melting?" asks an engineer as he inspects the holo.

"I put vents here, here and here. Then vanes here and here." says Anakin.

"Hmm. We're going to need to build one." says the engineer.

"Okay."

Getting Anakin an impromptu apprenticeship course was surprisingly easy. Of course, there was the little matter of him being the Boonta Eve Wonderkid that Layferra believes will help them clean up at the Argentuffe Open.

I leave the Layferra campus with Anakin wowing everyone. I suspect prying him away from the machines every day for Jediing is going to be a battle. Which is good. Layferra has a number of excellent programs, none of which are titled Murderous Sith Bastardry.

"Coruscant?", it's Hera. Great, she's waiting at the entrance.

"How may I assist?" I say.

"Just thought you could help me on a quick assignment." says Hera as she pulls out a pad displaying yet another famous face. "What do you know about Count Serrano?"

"Um, who?" I say. The name seems, familiar. Is this someone I should know?

"He's ex-Coruscant. Scrub up. You can be my plus one tonight." Hera says, turns and walks a few paces. She then turns round. "Well, hurry up. You can't go in those rags."

"I can't?" I say.

"You'll stampede them all into secession turning up like that." says Hera. "So, coming? Your charge will be fine."

Well okay. Maybe this Serrano person is a potential ally.

\-----

"In conclusion, I believe that the Galactic Senate is no longer capable of properly serving the Republic. Also, that change from within is no longer feasible. Thus, it is time for a bold new direction, forming a new, fairer and more functional system removed from the Republic."

I am listening to Dooku. That Count Serrano. He has finished giving an 'elevator pitch' to a crowded hall of Corellian movers and shakers. Said pitch concerning why they should secede from the Republic and join his utopian vision of the future.

"Well Coruscant. What do you think?" asks Hera as Dooku ends and begins circulating.

He's Dracula. Not that that will mean anything to anyone here. Is he with the Legion of Sithfriends yet? Probably. He's recruiting for the Separatists. How do you casually drop 'not to pry, but are you a Space Satanist' into a conversation?

"He talks a good game, but..." I begin. How do I hint that the idealist who left the Jedi Order is up to no good to a member of a group of idealists who left the Jedi Order?

"Yes. What are your thoughts? I too, would like to know of them." says Dooku who is now standing nearby. Circulated quickly to us I see.

"Historically, hasty calls to action have had far reaching and often unintended consequences." I say.

"Spoken like a Jedi. And what of those suffering now? Do we ignore their plight for the supposed greater good of some nebulous future?" says Dooku.

"We do what we can. Our service to the Republic is not a numbers game." I say.

"Oh, but it is. It is. The Jedi have always been seen to be active. However, at the behest of the Republic it is always at the fringes, never at the heart of matters. How easy would it be for every Senator to be checked personally by a Jedi? All their crimes, subterfuge and corruption brought out into the open?"

"Rule by the Force Dooku? That never ends well."

"So you are simply content to treat the symptoms and not the disease? Come now, you know the source of the problem. Cut off the head, and the body withers. And what is so bad about using the Force to rule. I myself, have cleaned up Serrano's bloated civil administration."

Is that a reference to Palps? Sith 'promotions' are a thing. Or the Jedi and the grand Sith plan?

"Or you could directly counsel the leaders. As advisors we keep from being dictators ourselves while keeping a watchful eye on our leaders." says Hera.

"Would that the Jedi Order followed the Green's example dear. Instead, the Coruscant Council is happy to remain the lackeys of the Senate."

"Well." says Hera. Ouch.

"You over simplify matters. The Jedi support the Republic because, for all its flaws, brings a great deal of good to many. Those on 'the fringes' as you say are often missed by the system and so it is where we are visibly active."

"And what is this so called 'good' you speak of?" says Dooku.

"Well, there's trade, education, medicine, emergency relief, technology, law and order, travel, culture and peace. But apart from that what has the Republic ever done for the Galaxy?"

"Now you over simplify. Take your first point. Trade. The rampant drive for protectionism and tarrifs makes trade difficult for honest entrepreneurs."

"Is that what you're promising? Free trade? A playground for the likes of the Trade Federation, Techno-Union and Banking Clans?" I asked.

Dooku eyes me. Is he reading my mind? Looks like he is getting out the red pen and is ready to make corrections.

"That is an oddly specific set of examples. Still, a solid economic base is a good foundation for good governance." says Dooku.

Why yes it is. So long as they're not all mustache twirling villains. Which for the droids was quite the achievement.

"That it is. Maybe we don't disagree on everything, after all." I say.

"Perhaps not. Now excuse me. I have others to see as well." said Dooku and departs.

"That was odd. Why was he so interested in you?" asks Hera.

Why indeed? My, for want of a better word 'disguise' has the locals semi remembering me as a bit of a plodder, as much as that can be applied to a Jedi. A disguise Yoda penetrated easily. Dooku was trained by Yoda. He's certainly suspicious. Not that I can tell Hera that.

"I feel I may remind him too much of his old apprentice." I say.

"He was dismissive of us, as if we simply did not matter." says Hera.

You don't. Sorry.

"Your policy of not getting involved in Galactic affairs does mean your impact is minor." I say.

"Oh? And you think we should look beyond our borders?" says Hera.

"Like it or not, Corellia is part of the wider Galaxy. Looking outside your borders makes your world more secure as everyone's safety increases." I say.

"So you think we're wrong? Misguided. Shortsighted?" says Hera. "You do? Don't you? I suppose you have some oh so superior suggestion too."

Now that you mention it.

"These pirates. They will have backers, people they sell to, places they resupply. Want to help me track them down?" I say.

"You don't have a ship. Or even know how to pilot one if you did. What you going to do Coruscant? Wave your hands and conjure a ship?" says Hera.

"In the Force, all things are possible. Even the impossible things." I say.

"How can that be?" she says.

"I don't know. I didn't write it!" I say.

\-----

The next day I spend a little time working out how time works in this crazy universe. Reminding myself I am not calling some distant ancestor I go to a local Comm station and place a call through to Naboo. It takes a while to get through.

"Master Dee-Jay! How unexpected. Is Anakin okay?" says Padme.

"Anakin is fine Your Majesty. I ran into some slavers. Know of anyone in the Corellian sector who can help me run them down?" I say.

Is that a glint in her eye or some feature of the holocom?

"Certainly. I have just the people for you." comes the reply.

\-----

A few days later I am waiting at a starport. Hera is beside me, arms crossed.

"You cheated Coruscant." she says accusingly.

"I am of the Jedi Order. Among our weapons are surprise, wisdom, cunning and curious devotion to the Code. It is seldom expected." I say.

A ship is descending. Silver Hull, fins, bottle shape, holy shit, it's a genuine rocket ship. The ship lands and an oval hatch opens. Stairs fold out and a man steps out.

I'm getting used to every other person being some dead ringer for an actor. Still, most of them have been from the tail end of the twentieth century. This chap is an exception.

"Mr Gordon?"

Mr Crabbe's doppelganger grins.

"That's me. You the Jedi? Great let's go bust some slavers.", he then turns to shout into the rocketship. "Dale! They're here. Prepare for blast off!"

Is it wrong to change my mind on exciting adventures so soon?


	11. Queen soundtrack goes here.

I'm in an actual rocket ship. Okay, that's an exaggeration. Somewhere, at some time it was the fashion to build ships like this. It has all the bits and bobs you need. Sublight thrusters, hyperdrive, life support, artificial gravity and a cockpit more sophisticated than some dials and levers.

"Where are we going Flash?" says Dale from the pilot seat.

"That all depends on what these Jedi tell us. So, where do you want to go?" asks Flash.

Flash Gordon. Dale Arden. In colour too. Hopefully the rest don't turn up. Because if Ming's daughter turns up I'm giving this stoic space knight gig up. Don't care if she's as evil as she is beautiful. Everyone has a limit and Ms Lawson in a fetching space outfit is mine.

But who am I kidding? No chance of that if Flash is around. Maybe I just see about some popcorn for the inevitable Aura vs Dale squabble. That and keep a keen lookout for large angry iguanas.

"Leviatha. That's where we start our search." I say.

"Sure thing mister!" says Dale as she turns her attention back to the ship's controls.

"So, who's the dame?" asks Flash looking at Hera.

"Oh sorry, excuse me. Hera, this is Flash, Flash Gordon. The woman flying the ship is Dale Arden." I say.

"Well, pleased to meet you ma'am." says Flash sticking out his hand. As they shake hands Flash notices Hera's lightsabre. "You're a Jedi as well, I say."

"Why yes. I am. Coruscant, how do you know these people?" Hera says.

"I expect that gal Amidala told him. Or it could be he's heard of us. This place is big and all, but word still gets round." says Flash.

Oh yes. Have I heard of you.

"So, where can I get one of them laser swords. I was dab hand at fencing at Yale." says Flash.

Say what? Okay, okay it's just a word. Probably just a coincidence. Only so many sounds you can make as words and all.

"Yale? I'm not familiar with that system." says Hera.

"Oh Yale is no system ma'am. It's a university. Just out of New York, on Earth. You haven't heard of Earth? Seems like no one here has." says Flash.

Oh I've heard of it all right. Some recognition must have shown on my face.

"You know where Earth is? Hey Dale. This Jedi knows how to get us home!" says Flash.

Dale is quickly at Flash's side.

"You can get us home? Please mister, your place is swell and all, but I just want to go home. Please?" says Dale.

Both Dale and Flash look at me with hope in their eyes. Tell us how. Which way to home?

"Well Coruscant? Where is the system? This 'Earth'?" says Hera.

I shake my head.

"I know of no way home. Earth is in another galaxy. One far, far away from here." I say sadly.

I watch their faces fall.

"No. It was silly to hope. I, the course is set. Just pull the lever." says Dale sniffing. "Excuse me." she says before walking down the corridor. I hear a door open, then shut.

Flash looks to where Dale has gone,then back at me.

"You sure about that mister? Damn. Just, damn." he says and heads off after Dale.

That leaves me in the corridor with Hera.

"You must be a hoot at parties Coruscant. Well, let's check that girl's calculations and then jump." she says and walks into the cockpit. She checks the jump, nods and pulls the lever. Outside, the view changes from a starfield, to streaked lines then the whorls of hyperspace. She then regards me with her typical 'What have I stepped in?' look.

"Another galaxy far, far away? Really? Is it a long time ago too? Were you about to tell them that as well?" she says.

"No, although it is true." I say.

"And you know this, how?" Hera asks suspiciously?

"As you are all too fond of pointing out Hera, I am a Jedi. From the moment Amidala told me their names it has been as if I have seen their lives played out on a holo. I wish I could help them, but I can't. All I can do is keep them from fruitlessly searching when they can do good here. Is that okay, Corellia?" I say, nearly shouting at the end.

"Okay." says Hera. She rises out of the seat and walks out. As she reaches the doorway, she turns. "That was true, from a certain point of view as the saying goes. I'll accept it, for now." she adds before departing.

I am left watching the hyperspace in all its glory.

\-----

"Hey mister, wake up.", it's Dale, gently shaking me. "We're about to arrive."

Everyone else is present and looking fresh. I must of dozed off. As I awake Flash and Dale take to the controls.

"Yes, so we need to know where to land." says Flash. "Also, a game plan."

"Don't worry, I can show you where I picked up his apprentice. Let me show you." says Hera, taking the co-pilot seat and then entering the coordinates.

"And the plan?" says Flash.

"We go down. Look for a lead and follow it. See if we can persuade them to stop kidnapping and enslaving people." I say.

"Just think they'll listen Coruscant?" asks Hera.

"No. I'm just hoping to get a lead on the larger picture." I say.

"What do you mean?" asks Dale.

"Yeah mister. They're slavers. They do it for the money, and because they like having power over others." says Flash.

That could just be it. Except, I know I am right. It's how this universe works. Good and evil are not abstract notions. They're real. Plus, I have guidance from the Force. There is a sense, of rightness to this.

"No, trust me on this. There is a deeper reality to all this. We find that, and I don't know, confront it, destroy it, then there really won't be a driving reason for slavery any more." I say.

There is a snort from Hera.

"Really, Coruscant? If it were that easy it would of been done already." she says.

"That's right ma'am." says Flash. He then turns to me. "You should listen to her. The world, um Galaxy, doesn't work like that." continues Flash.

Flash. Saviour of the Universe said that? Now I really am in crazy town.

"If you believe that, why are you helping?" I ask.

"It's still the right thing to do." says Flash as he shrugs casually.

"And Amidala pays well. Entering atmosphere now." adds Dale.

The view transitions from black to the bluish hues of an atmosphere. Almost immediately after a light starts flashing and there is a pyrotechnic display as blaster fire from the planet surface bursts all around us.

"Looks like they don't want us there. Hold on. I will try to land us nearby. Don't worry, this ship has a few modifications to handle this." says Flash as he and Dale begin buckling in. Hera and I do likewise.

"What's going on?" asks Hera.

"Don't panic, but I have a good idea about how these two to make hot landings." I whisper back as the ship lurches.

I remember almost every serial I have seen. Yes, Flash lands the rocket ship.

From a certain point of view.

There is an explosion and a sense of free fall as we plummet towards the surface.

\-----

I wake up in a bed. Wait, wasn't I just crashing in a ship?

There is a stirring beside me.

"Oh, you're up. Well, in a sense." says the Dark Side.

I take in my surroundings. Large bed. Decor best described using the words 'plush' and 'frilly'. Sharon dressed in some thirties western directors idea of a harem outfit.

"What is this place?" I say.

"Don't look at me. This is your subconscious. I just thought you could use a friendly face, so to speak." the Dark Side says while running a finger along my side. "You, and all your friends are out cold. In a few minutes a band of slavers are going to open the door and take you all prisoner. Dragged off to an uncertain fate. Now, you can take me up on my offer and I will let you wake up in time to prevent all that. Or you can stay here and we can, think of something else to do with our time together. Win win as you put it."

How come Luke never had to deal with this? Why can't I benefit from the 'family fare' nature of the 'official' works?

Official works. Right. Think. Use the Force. Ignore the succubus nibbling on your ear. Damn. No passion, serenity.

'Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter.'

So sayeth Master Yoda. How does that help? Oh. Right.

I rise and walk through a wall. Suddenly, I am back in the cockpit of the rocket ship. I can see us all still strapped in, a little banged up, but otherwise fine. Okay, now. How to wake me up. Body over there. Consciousness having an out of body experience here. Combine the two, how?

I become aware of a banging on the outer hatch. Great. No pressure. How the hell do I wake myself up? Or anyone really, but I feel I need to work out how to get back in my body at some point. Will that damn banging stop? It's hard enough as it is. Wait. I am effectively a ghost. I walk through the door to the outside and concentrate.

"Boo." I say.

The pirates outside trying to force entry do not take well to apparitions. There are a few attempts to blast me and then they run to the accompanying 'Woo.' noises. I walk through the door again.

There. That makes things less time critical. It takes another five minutes to work out how to get back into my body and wake up. Then I find a medkit and several stims later everyone else is up too. Thanks Shayla.

"We're down. They know we're here and soon they'll be back." I summarise.

"Still think we should try talking?" asks Hera.

"Nah. Think we can safely skip to aggressive negotiations." I say.

And they say AOTC has no redeeming features.

\-----

They had sent six of them to deal with us. Only six? That's almost, no. They did not know there were Jedi aboard. Otherwise they would of sent a small army. Not an insult, merely the fog of war. Flash and Dale are quite the team. Very nice fire and move routine they have going. The Force reveals just how strongly they are connected as they cover each other to flank and catch the disorganised pirates off guard. Hera, for her part cuts two down while I'm mucking about observing everyone's handiwork. I remember myself and move a vine to trip and then truss up a Rodian doing a runner. I soon have him before me.

"You will tell me who you work for." I say, attempting the hand-wave thing.

The Rodian is made of sterner stuff.

"I'll tell you nothing Jedi. I'm not scared of you. I know you won't harm a prisoner." he says.

"Good point." I say. "Hera!" I call out. "She's a Green Jedi. Different rules I'm told. And it's her jurisdiction. Tradition demands I bow to her wisdom."

Actually, I have no bloody idea. Fear, uncertainty and doubt are all wonderful things.

"Yes, Coruscant?" says Hera as she trots over, lightsabre still on.

"Prisoner won't talk. Wondered if you had any ideas." I say.

"You will tell me what I want to know." says Hera, for once directing her ire to someone else.

"I will tell you what you want to know." says the Rodian.

"Excellent. First. Who is in charge of this operation?" says Hera as she begins.

\-----

Twenty minutes later we have a list of names and contacts as well as a few systems they frequent. We leave the Rodian locked up in the ship and head for the compound. While they haven't repaired the hole I made they have posted a guard. It's a big headed alien. Alert too.

"Allow me." says Flash as he bends down and selects a largish rock. He then quickly stands and pitches it baseball style at the alien. There is a thunk and the being collapses.

We sneak in and make our way to the comm station. Inside we can hear a conversation. We creep closer and peek inside.

A pirate is trembling before the hologram of a beautiful woman in classic 'ruler of all I survey' dress.

"I don't care for your excuses. I know that ship. Flash Gordon. You will capture him and his simpering companion and hold them. I am dispatching Warlock and Ajax to bring them to me. Make sure you have them, for your sake." says Princess Aura's image before winking out.

I turn to Flash.

"Friend of yours?" I say.


	12. Flash! Arghhh!

Flash looks back at me. "You can say that, but it can wait. Our best chance of getting to Aura is to capture the Ajax."

"Good plan. We capture her lieutenant and head back with him looking like he's captured Dale and you." I say.

"Yeah. That's good too. First we need the Ajax." says Flash.

"What?"

"What do you mean? War Rocket Ajax. It's her personal ship. If Aura is not aboard we can use it to land unopposed at her base. What did you think I was talking about?" says Flash.

War Rocket Ajax? Okay, guess that makes sense too. Kind of amazed no one mentioned it till now. Then again when everyone's belting out the lyrics who has time to notice and correct?

"Nothing, let's get back to the others, see what they have for grand theft War Rocket." I say.

\-----

"This is a terrible plan. We're pretending to have captured these two and just walk aboard?" says Hera.

Currently, we are 'escorting' Flash and Dale to the camp. We had left the way we came in, waited till dark and the arrival of Aura's ship, then walked round to the front. I'm dressed in pirate off cuts, as is Hera. We have the others blasters in hand and our ligtsabres hidden under our clothes.

"Not a good plan?" I say.

"I like it." says Dale.

"Okay ma'am. I'll hear you out. What's wrong with my plan?" said Flash.

"You rely on everyone blindly assuming two pirates they don't recognise can just stroll into a starship. Then, once inside, we overpower the crew, decode their computer and jump to this Princess Aura. Once there we will have to bypass any security check and then, if we land we must overcome local opposition and apprehend Aura. Might I remind you that our lightsabres will not be readily available until we are aboard."

"Yes, that's the plan ma'am. It will require some flair, true, but everything I have heard of the Jedi gives me confidence." says Flash.

"And what if we fail? Get captured for real?" asks Hera.

"Then we are dragged before Aura in chains and then are still where we need to be." says Flash.

"What about you Coruscant?" says Hera.

"I have a good feeling about this." I say smiling.

Hera looks from me, to Flash, to Dale and then back to me again.

"Really? The Force told you this will work?" she says doubtfully.

No. This is the sort of daft plan that works here. Getting captured so that you are brought in through the enemies defences is pretty normal. Um, let's see. ANH twice, ROTJ twice, AOTC, ROTS done by the bad guy even.

"It's far better than fighting our way in." I say.

"Oh, all right. We'll give this a try." she says with a sigh.

"Do, or do not. There is no try." I say.

My attempt at cosmic wisdom earns me a glare.

Now we are at the gate.

"Boss said you want these people." I say.

The gate guard seems nervous, but he let's us in.

As we walk to the main compound we hear an angry tirade.

"I have given you everything. Guidance. Organisation. Weapons. What do I ask in return?" says a woman's voice.

As we round a building we see a bunch of regular pirates up against a wall covered by some fierce looking types in red and gold armour with rifles of some kind. Berating them is a holo of Princess Aura. No one notices us.

"All I ask is a few simple things. Flash Gordon and that pathetic Earth woman. Is that so hard? Too much?" Aura says.

"Who are you calling pathetic, you overdressed alley-cat." yells Dale.

Everyone turns to look at us. Aura's image smiles.

"Well, it seems not everyone is a complete loss. Escort them aboard my ship." Aura orders.

We happily comply.

\-----

Despite the name, War Rocket Ajax is more travelling Palace than combat ship. Aesthetically, it is reminiscent of a Goa'uld ship. Gold plating is everywhere decorated with engravings announcing Ming's magnificence and merciless nature to all aboard. Doors are hidden behind hangings displaying the starburst symbol of Ming. It's also another classic rocket ship. Bridge at the front, engines at the rear. Other rooms and places off the big central corridor.

We drop Flash and Dale at the prison cells and are then escorted to a cabin.

"I still don't believe that worked." says Hera once we are inside.

"It did. Have some faith. Besides, everyone saw what they wanted to. The pirates saw someone hauling their ass out of the fire and Aura and company didn't care so long as Aura got her man." I say.

"Easy for you to say Coruscant." says Hera.

"Why is that?" I ask.

"You damn well know why." she says.

I stand up to face her.

"No. I don't. What sin did I commit Hera? Is it being from Coruscant as you're so fond of reminding me?" I say.

Hera looks me in the eyes.

"You really don't know?" she asks.

"No idea. What is it?"

"No, you must know."

"No Hera, I don't. I have spent the last few years trying to train my apprentice and make sure some very bad visions don't come to pass." I say.

"But that's it. The Chosen One. You get to train him. All my life I've been told that we're correct. That we, not you understand the Force correctly. But, then you arrive with him at your side and that means. That means my entire life is wrong." she says.

Space Jesus came to the Vatican, not Kingdom Hall. Yeah, I see where that might mess up your world view.

A small tug. Okay, okay.

"There's something else." I say.

Hera is still staring straight into my eyes.

Her a looks like she is about to start, but pauses as a background hum starts up. We're taking off. "It, it can wait. We should get to a viewport so we're ready as soon as they jump." she says.

"Okay." I say and let her lead us out the door, past the tapestry and to a viewing lounge. As I follow I try to figure out the puzzle that is Hera. She sees me as member of a rival religion and I have the dubious honour of training Anakin. There's also something else. Some reason that makes her want to dislike me personally. Because she can get over the other things. She isn't some insular hick yokel. Corellia is a cosmopolitan member of the Galaxy. What am I missing?

Unfortunately right then there is a change in pitch of the background hum and moments later we jump.

Showtime.

\-----

Hera and I walk back to where Flash and Dale are waiting. Almost immediately we run across two guards. Why are these two patrolling the corridors? We're in hyperspace. Does this ship have a slave crew also? Just making sure everything is fine? Gives them something to do? In any event they are here.

"Stop you two!" says one of the guards.

We politely stop. Hera takes a step raising her hand.

"We are heading to see our prisoners. We want to see they are still intact." she says.

"Yeah. You want to see the prisoners and see that they're intact." says one of the guards.

"We don't want to lose the bounty and gratitude of," Hera pauses.

"Aura." I supply.

"of Aura." continues Hera.

The guard nods "I can see that. Just checking on the bounty?"

"That's right." says Hera.

"That sounds right. Okay. Carry on you two."

We walk on past.

"Thank you Coruscant." says Hera as we continue.

"Thank you. You're pretty good with the mind control." I say.

"Surprised? We're not just all about the lightsabre and TK Coruscant." says Hera.

Never said you were. Are there deficiencies in the Green Jedi curriculum? A result of specialisation? I want a wiki page dammit!

Then we outside the cells. The door opens and Flash steps out with a energy rifle. Inside I can see Dale besides an opened door mechanism and beyond two unconscious guards.

"Sorry folks. We got tired of waiting. So, do you two want to take the bridge or the engines?" says Flash.

I look at Hera.

"Bridge?" I suggest. Let's not have another 'landing' from our pulp heroes.

Hera nods.

We then split up.

Soon we are approaching the bridge. Two more guards at the door.

"Stop! This area is..." begins the guard on the left. Hera stretches out her hand and they slam against the wall, then collapse to the ground.

"Mind if I lead Coruscant?" says Hera as she ignites her lightsabre and adopts a guard position.

I switch mine on too and thrust towards the door just as it opens and impale the guard I sensed coming out to investigate the two bangs.

"Sure." as I draw back in a quick bow. "After you." I say.

Hera charges in. I follow.

I cover Hera as she tears through the defenders. A nudge here, push there to keep enemy shots off target and a quick blaster parry there. Mostly I get to watch her fight while not being buffeted by her telekinesis. It's very aggressive. Fast, deadly strikes accompanied by shoving her immediate opponents around. She blocks a few blasts but it's mostly about keeping the enemy off balance. In the Force, she is incredibly focused. Like a steel knife cutting through those who oppose her.

Only for knowledge and defence, never for attack? Not according to Hera. Is it just her or is this another difference between Order and Greens? Wait. I take two steps, spin and parry a blast from someone who wasn't completely out. I shake my head at them and they let go of their weapon. It is over.

There is a beeping from the ship's com. Hera looks at it dubiously. I check the Force and then flick the switch.

"Hello, is anyone there?" comes Dale's voice.

"Dale. This is Dee-Jay. Hera and I have the bridge. Do you two have the engine room?" I say.

"We do mister. Could you come down here? I need help getting Flash to the sickbay." says Dale.

After working out where the medbay is I stop off there to pick up an emergency kit before heading down to the others.

"Thank you mister Jedi." says Flash as I apply some bacta wraps over the larger bruises. "Dale can get over worried at times. I've had worse."

"Well, that lump on your head may need more attention. We're still taking you to the medbay." I say.

"See, told you so. Now, let's get you moving." says Dale.

As we head back up the corridor, Flash asks "So, how's your gal?"

"Hera? She's fine. We're not together in that way either." I say.

"Don't see why not. She's a fine looking woman." says Flash. Dale nods.

"It's. It's a Jedi thing." I say.

"Sorry there. It's hard to remember. You don't look like a padre." says Flash.

"And that gal is no penguin." adds Dale.

"It's not quite like that." I say as we reach the medbay.

"Then what's the problem? You okay mister?" asks Dale as Flash climbs onto the bed.

"For a start, we're different types of Jedi. Sort of, sort of like Catholic and Protestant." I say, sticking with the priest metaphor. "We have put aside our differences to fight the greater evil." I say.

That seems to satisfy them. I then spend the next few minutes trying to work out the medscanner. They're mostly idiot proof. Mostly.

"How do you, know about Earth religions?" says Dale slowly.

"Yeah. Just who are you exactly?" asks Flash.

Oops. Busted.

Bugger, bugger, bugger and, bugger.

Flash and Dale are still looking at me for an answer.

"Okay, okay. I'm from Earth too. Just not the same Earth as you."

"Another Earth? Like in Wierd Tales?" says Dale.

"Yes. Trouble is, for me, that's a pretty big secret. I need everyone here to believe I'm a local." I say.

"Undercover?" says Flash and I nod.

"So, you're not a real Jedi?" asks Dale.

"Still no. I can see where your going but my cover relies on acting as if I am one." I say.

The medscanner the beeps and indicates that Flash has no serious medical problems.

"Looks like you're fine. Still, I recommend some rest while we are in hyperspace. I should see how long that will be." I say and depart.

"Our two adventurers alright then?" asks Hera as I re-enter the bridge moments later.

"They're fine. How's it up here?" I say.

"Well, it's an ten hour transit rimwards to, New Mongo? Never heard of it. You?" says Hera.

I shake my head.

"On the good news front I think we have accounted for everyone on this ship." says Hera. "So we should get to cleaning this up." she adds.

A few hours later we have the few survivors locked up and the bodies on ice. I collapse into a bed rather exhausted and looking forward to some sleep.

\----

'Busy day dear?'

No rest because of the wicked.

'Is that what I am? Come now, you don't believe in moral absolutes. Not really. I can't be the personification of a Cosmic Evil because that's absurd.'

It is absurd. But so is everything else here. Sublight drives and hyperspace allow everyone to give Newton and Einstein the finger. Insane alien biologies and how people can interbreed casually, not to mention the Force itself. So Good and Evil being real things isn't that much of a stretch. Besides, whether it's evil or just our more primal urges, the result is the same. Burned worlds, enslaved or massacred populations. Bad things.

'Is that what I am? A Harbinger of Bad Things? How about Palpatine? He's Worse Things. Much worse. The Jedi are dragging their heels. Every day his position gets stronger. You know what needs to be done. Trust me love.'

That has been bugging me. Any enquiries over progress has Yoda telling me to be patient. Delicate, the matter is. What's taking so long?

'You know they're too cautious. That they will not act till too late. Trust me. Believe me. Love...'

"Coruscant!"

The lights come on and I am being shaken.

"Coruscant. Get it together damn it!" says Hera.

I blink and sit up. Hera is still leaning over me. She moves and sits down on the bed besides me.

"Thank you." I say.

"You're welcome. Whoever it says they are is a lie. It's not real." says Hera. She picks up my hand in hers. "This, this is real. Not the whispers in the darkness."

For given levels of real. Still, she's right. Mess up, surrender to the Dark Side and all these nice real people suffer. Hera doesn't even like me and yet charged in here to help. Or kill me comes the next, not so pleasant thought. Because if I do go over, that's what must be done. Don't get much realer than that.

I nod. "Thank you. Again." I say.

"Good, now get some sleep. We're five hours out. I find it it helps if you leave the light on." says Hera as she stands up.

"Well then, I will do that. Goodnight." I say.

"Sleep well, Coruscant."

\-----

The main benefit of being on what is a pleasure barge with guns is that there are actual showers. So despite the short, interrupted sleep, the hot shower does wonders. Everyone else is on the bridge working controls and things. I really need a pilot licence.

"I think that's it." says Dale. Flash walks over and looks at the screen.

"Looks like Aura's style. Let's look for a place to land." says Flash.

A few minutes pass and then we are descending, landing besides are large silver and gold structure. We're not alone, several ships are scattered about the same landing pad.

"This is incredible. If this is a major slavery ring then we can trace these ships." says Hera as she records the registry details from the Ajax's scanner.

When we open the main hatch and descend to the ground Aura voice booms out.

"Excellent, bring Flash Gordon to me now in the Auction Hall."

"Any idea where that is?" says Flash.

"How about we just ask for directions?" says Dale.

"Works for me." I say.

"Wait." says Hera.

"What for?" says Flash.

"We send a message. Call in the Patrol. Then we can arrest everyone." Hera says.

"Yeah, that's a swell idea too."

After calling in the troops we go looking for a lackey and from there to the Auction Room.

\-----

The Auction Hall is vast, opulent and filled with beings. Elegantly dressed beings wander the floor inspecting the merchandise, their minions, armed or otherwise orbiting about them. Others dressed in what best can be described as thongs and tassels circulate with drinks and those weird small snacks. There are guards in red and gold and on small raised platforms encased in shields are the slaves. Presiding over all this on a raised throne is Princess Aura.

She's kind of hot. Even in a universe where every other person looks like they wandered in off a film set, Aura is devastatingly attractive. She notices us and reaches for a speaker.

"Flash darling, you have arrived. Why are you not in chains?" her voice booms across the hall. Everyone turns to look at us.

"That's because I've come to arrest you and shut your operation down." says Flash.

"Really Flash? You and what army?" says Aura rising to stand.

Flash pauses as if such a problem had not occurred to him.

"THIS IS CAPTAIN VIROX OF THE PATROL. THIS PORT IS SURROUNDED AND YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST IN VIOLATION OF..." comes and even louder announcement.

Flash just shrugs and smiles as the list of statutes broken continues. He points upwards.

"Get them!" yells Aura as she runs for an exit.

Sensible running shoes, I note. Someone has been learning. Then there is little time for such observations as everybody tries to escape, fight their way out, panic or settle the odd score or five.

Covering Flash and Dale, Hera and I move with them in an attempt to capture Aura as she flees.

Battles are confusing affairs at the best of times. Made worse when there are no clear sides. Thankfully, a lightsabre is ideal for establishing some personal space. Even so, making it through this crowd of squabbling, panicking beings is tricky and slow going.

"Make for that big guy!" says Flash pointing at a massive alien on a slave plinth. It must be easily four metres tall and almost as wide.

As we reach the plinth I stab the controls with my lightsabre. There is a small explosion and the shield flickers out.

"Why thank you my dear man. How can I help?" says the grateful booming being.

"We're trying to get over there!" indicates Flash, yelling over the general din.

"Why certainly. Allow me." says the alien. It nimbly picks up a guard and swings him like a club while he roars.

Everyone gets out of the way and we run down the cleared path. Chasing through the halls we are just in time to see a small ship zooming away, it's hugging the ground in an effort to evade notice of the Red and Whites above.

"Oh darn, she got away. Again." says Dale watching the departing ship.

"Don't worry. We'll get her yet." says Flash hugging her.

"Freeze!" shout several red and white uniformed patrol troopers.

I raise my hands and let myself be arrested.

\-----

A couple of hours later and I'm sitting in a chair aboard a Patrol cruiser with the others listing to a dinosaur faced humanoid named Captain Virox.

"Thank you Knight Captain, and you Master Jedi. You two as well, I've heard good things about Anti-Slavery League, makes our job easier. Now is there anything I can do to assist." says Virox.

"Our ship is still at Leviatha. If you could drop us off there, that would be swell." says Flash.

"I need to report back to Corellia." says Hera.

"And you Master Jedi, Coruscant?" says Virox.

"Corellia as well. I have been neglecting my apprentice." I say.

That gets a raised eye ridge from our host.

"That seems, extraordinary. Very well. I'll see you people get where you're going." says Virox.

Not long after I'm saying goodbye.

"Well, we almost got her, but we did rescue those folks." says Flash shaking my hand.

"That we did. Good luck catching Aura." I say in reply.

"And good luck to you too mister." says Dale with a wink.

I leave, slightly puzzled over the cryptic farewell and board the cruiser bound for Corellia. A moment later Hera sits beside me scowling.

"Just for the record Coruscant, I..." begins Hera, but I interrupt her.

"No! Don't say it!" I say,

"I wasn't going to. No matter what that girl thinks I am not attracted to you. Don't know how she got that idea. It's preposterous." she continues.

Arrghhh! What part of my warning was complicated? Also, was that a chuckle I just heard?

It is not the done thing for a stoic space knight to bang their head. So I keep quiet and mentally will Hera to do likewise.

"What, nothing to say Coruscant? Please tell me you're not entertaining the notion." Hera says.

I turn to face her directly.

"I'm not saying anything, I'm not entertaining anything, least of all the semi-sentient energy field we both serve and who we both know has an appalling sense of humour. If we're really lucky it was busy elsewhere tormenting some other poor bugger and missed that." I say.

Which made for an awkward silence as we went home.


	13. Men are from Coruscant, Women are from Corellia

"Nabarra out! Nabarra out! Nabarra out!"

I sit in a sculpted park besides a pink monstrosity that the locals consider art watching local politics in action. Well a public demonstration against their current leaders. The arrests following the recent adventure had led to some wide ranging revelations. While still miniscule in the Galactic scheme of things, Aura's operation had attracted a number of interested persons, the arrest of their agents leading the authorities down some illuminating lines of inquiry. This in turn has led to a number of scandals, like the one playing out here. Gad Nabarra, leader of the Progressives and current premier of Corellia had been implicated in having his fingers in the slavery pie. He was currently at the 'deny everything' phase, while his opponents were not wasting time letting the voting public know. Some of which were now in the streets noisily clamouring for him to step down.

Democracy is indeed the worst form of government as Winnie was fond of pointing out and all that.

"This is all your fault Coruscant." says Hera from behind me.

I turn round. Hera is doing her best to glare at me, number four only though. Is she okay?

"How, is it all my fault. I neither participate in nor encourage the institution of slavery. Quite the opposite in fact. With regards to the local excitement, I am but a humble observer." I say.

That earns me a snort from Hera.

"You, you have casually strolled in and caused no end of embarrassment to us. The Isolationists are rising like anything and with the overtures made by the Confederacy things could propel people somewhere foolish. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me this was not your intention all along." she says.

I stand up and face Hera. I look into her eyes and concentrate.

"I primarily am here to further Anakin's education and to train him in the ways of the Force. I helped in busting that slave operation because it was the right thing to do. As did you." I say.

"No-one believes that. You conveniently stumbled across that operation, one that we had missed, just happen to have assets available to render assistance and the leakage from everything has damaged one of our allies in the government."

It is clear that acting according to the Will of the Force is almost indistinguishable from a meticulously brilliant and planned operation.

"I can only plead that I follow the Will of the Force. I cannot be held responsible for the slavers ability to remain hidden, nor the Greens inability to detect it. Nor am I responsible for their actions or that of your political allies. As often happens, the Force placed me in the exact right place at the precise time to knock the entire house of cards over." I say.

"The what?" says Hera.

"House of cards. Do people not balance playing cards to make small, rather unstable structures? For fun?" I say.

"No, why would anyone do that?" says Hera.

I try to remember what playing cards look like here. To be honest, I skipped those mini games. Are playing cards not oblong here?

"Never mind, bad reference. The Force placed me in the right place for events to happen." I said.

"Events that favour you Coruscant and harm us." says Hera.

Last month you were right. Member of the Order which had not lost it's way. Now, it looks like that may not be so.

"You would rather your Order be tied to a corrupt politician? That dearly held assumptions not be given some reflection?" I ask.

"No! Of course not, but why is it you that has to do it?" says Hera.

Again there is that sense of something personal. If this were, say Obi-Wan I do not think she would protest so much. Of course that's also because Kenobi looks like 'he can read me the phonebook all day' Mcgregor. Anyways.

"I am sorry this has had unforeseen consequences. How about I help you with one? Come train Anakin with me. Tell your supervisor you persuaded me to do so by demonstrating your martial skills." I say.

Think I hadn't noticed you popping up all week? Before she can respond.

"Why thank you Hera. I accept. Such cooperation could be a sign of things to come. Well, we should hurry. Training begins in an hour." I say and begin walking for the Layferra Campus.

\-----

Security at Layferra waves us through with little more than a raised eyebrow. After asking where Anakin is I head for the track because of course, that's where he is. Have Layferra even managed to get him into an actual classroom? Maybe. At the garage besides the track I find a mucky, mechanical fluids smeared Anakin and several older humans, who while not as liberally coated in the stuff as my charge have definitely been within the splatter radius. Anakin looks up from the racer, a gleaming silver affair resembling the Naboo ships.

"Dee-Jay! Sorry, I lost track of the time. Oh, hi Hera." he says.

Like every day we've been here. I get the sense he was extra distracted today.

"You do not need to be physically clean to use the Force, just clear of mind. Is the racer nearly finished?" I say looking at the sleek machine, it looks fast even just floating at rest.

"It is. It needs a test run. Can I do that first? Please?" says Anakin.

"It is best to focus on the task at hand. Since I doubt you're up to that until this thing has been round the track a few times, go ahead." I say.

Anakin beams and scrambles into the racer's pod. He dons a helmet and manoeuvres the racer out onto the track.

"Thank you again for taking on Anakin." I say to the Joffs, the senior engineer present. Joffs is a large moustachioed human a few years younger than me.

"It is we who should be thanking you. Most the time I feel it is we who are learning from him. Extraordinary." says Joffs as the racer lines up at the start position.

"Isn't that the way with any good student?" I say.

Joffs laughs. "Indeed it is. Indeed it is." the engineer looks at me, "Does Anakin have to become a Jedi? If he stayed with us he could revolutionise engineering. The field would simply explode."

Which is far better than planets if you ask anyone. Maybe not Palpy or Tarkin, but anyone sane.

There is a hum and a whoosh as the racer leaps and accelerates, flying over the track. Joffs and the other engineers ignore boring things like visiting Jedi and concentrate on truly important matters such as speed, handling, air resistance, power consumption, heat loss and a hundred other things to a chorus of 'Hmm', 'Well', 'My' as well as a few expletives as the racer zooms past us, Anakin figuratively giving what passes for physics here the finger.

'And did you see how fast his pod can go?' I guess it's my fault for memorising those lyrics all those years ago. Looks even faster in the flesh.

"Yes Coruscant. Are you really just going to let him go?" says Hera besides me.

"If that's what he wants, then yes. Anakin may surprise everyone though. He could pick several things. Space engineer, abolitionist and if he defects to the Greens he can also be a happily married man with a family and officially a Jedi." I say.

Hera opens her mouth, shuts it and stares at me.

"You can't do that." she says after a moment.

"Why not? These are not even the only options I intend to present to him. The Jedi don't just become lightsabre wielding Knights. He could be a terraformer, a healer or even an explorer." I say listing the other service branches of the Jedi Order, I think.

Another pause. "A terraformer. Really?" Hera says, the distaste evident in her tone.

"Yes! What's so bad about that? Practically every world in the Galaxy is terraformed to one degree or another, most with Jedi assistance. It may not be glamorous but it is an important and worthy part of our civilisation." I say.

"It's barely a step up from glorified dirt farmer. And they spend their entire time on the Rim." says Hera.

"Really? That's the public perception of them?" I say. Hera nods. "I wonder if I ask someone on the Rim their opinion I would get the same answer."

Further conversation is interrupted by the racer returning and it being swarmed by enthusiastic engineers. I wander over.

"With these numbers we can make a serious challenge at Argentuffe." says Joffs to various murmurs of agreement.

"I'm gonna be able to race again?" says Anakin excitedly.

Joffs looks a little worried. "That won't be possible son. Galactic racing regulations are that you must be of age to race. That's sixteen standard." he says.

Anakin scrunches up his face.

"Aww. That's not fair. Sixteen? That's forever." he says.

"It's not forever. Anakin is still able to work on the racer even if he is underage to pilot it?" I say.

"That he is. Come on lad, we can't break the rules but being the designer gets a whole lot of notice too." says Joffs.

"I still get to pilot it when testing? Right." asks Anakin.

"That should not be a problem. Oh well, better let you get on with your Jedi stuff." says Joffs.

"Thank you. Why don't you remain, join in. Before you ask the basic meditation is useful to anyone. After all, the Force is present in us all." I say.

Joffs looks unconvinced.

"Erm, well. I really want to check all this data. Another time perhaps?" he says before leaving. The other engineers follow.

Then it's a quick meditation session, warm up and run round the track.

"What am I learning today?" asks Anakin.

"I thought Hera could introduce both of us to her preferred fighting styles." I say before turning towards Hera. "If you want to, of course."

Hera frowns. Come on. He's the Chosen One. Show how you're better than me.

"Very well. Adopt a guard position. Is that it? Force help me." says Hera as she nods and begins.

\-----

Ow. I am now staggering back to the apartment. Ow. I want a shower.

"That was fun. Is Hera going to help us again?" asks Anakin.

"I believe so. Well, until she kills me." I say. Ow.

"She won't kill you. She's a Jedi too." says Anakin. "Also, I think she likes you."

Ow. "Really? Is that why I am one big walking bruise?" I say.

"Yes. She is pushing us because she cares. I think she is worried about you." says Anakin.

Ow. I open the apartment door. We go inside.

"Okay. Showers. You first, grease monkey." I say.

Anakin looks at me for a second, but since he is now used to random references that make no sense from me he just ambles off to the showers. I sit down painfully. I close my eyes and focus. I'm reminded that eventually I'm going to run into dark side fueled maniacs with deadly rave sticks. So some good combat training is valuable. It may even be useful when I face down the Sith.

How many of those bozos are there? I mean the 'Rule of Two' sounds cool and ominous to deliver at the end of your new trilogy even though the only people who didn't know it was Palpatine weren't on solid food either. How does that work? All those daft Sith buggers cheat and try to game the system. Wasn't Maul Palp's minion on the side? Who thought he was a Sith. Dooku had that bald chick. There are only two. Sure. There's accidents and mistakes. Incidents where there apprentice attempts to off the master and both end up thinking the other is dead. Now you have two two's. Or four, eight, sixteen? Less a few to account for when the bozos score a mutual kill.

'There are nine.' comes the beguiling voice.

Great. Thanks Sharon. Of course I don't have to speculate when I have her.

'Palpatine and Dooku have been busy. Soon it will be just them. Unchallenged, unopposed and with me enslaved to their will.'

Oh great, the Sith basically have their own psychotic Highlander thing going. Complete with their own prize.

'Yes. Me. You said you wanted to fight slavery. Then free me. Help me.'

Then she is gone. I open my eyes. From the noises coming from Anakin's bedroom the shower is free. I rise and walk to clean myself before going to sleep.

\-----

"Come on Dee-Jay, get up." says Anakin.

I am on my back. Again. Damn, Hera is both fast and powerful with those telekinetic hits. We're training today in a park outside our apartment as it's a day off for Layferra and co. but not us Jedi. Ever vigilant, or in my case ever bruised at the moment. It's been two weeks, tendays, whatever and I've been smacked around for most of them.

"Again Coruscant?" she says

I sit up wondering at the bruises I'll have today.

"Yeah. Again." I say and get up.

Salute the audience, salute your opponent and remember don't salute their majesties because Hera is charging right now. I counter charge. Strike, push, block, strike, push, strike, strike, block, push, lock.

"You're improving Coruscant." says Hera, her face only inches from mine.

"I'ld thank my teacher, but I'm told she's a heretic." I reply.

Break, charge, push, push, strike, block, block, push, hold, lock.

"Heretic? I'll show you."

"Now, now. Don't fight angry."

Break, strike, block, block, push, push, strike, block, strike, bam! I stumble, turn it into a roll and come standing up.

"Nice." says Hera as she charges again.

Block, push, lock.

"Had enough?" says Hera.

This time in reply I lean forward and kiss her on the cheek. Her determined expression breaks for a second. In that moment of lost concentration I telekinetically blast her off her feet.

I wait for her to get up.

"Stop cheating." she says.

"It is an illegal move to kiss your opponent? Oddly specific." I say.

"And when is that going to happen against a real opponent?" says Hera.

"You have to admit no Sith lunatic would see it coming. It could be the start of a new fighting form. Again?" I say.

"No. Anakin. Your turn while Coruscant considers his bouts. New form. And you call me the heretic." says Hera.

Anakin gets up and swaps places with me. I sit down and watch the two spar as I concentrate on letting the Force deal with the knocks. Mend those bruises, banish the lactic acid and repair those muscles. Hera is a bit gentler with someone half her size but they are still pretty furious. Even watching them is exhausting. After about twenty minutes of high impact, impact they break.

"Very good Anakin. Now we rest and focus on what has been learned." says Hera.

"Sure. Thanks Hera." says Anakin. He then bows and trots over to sit beside me, legs folded and closes his eyes. Hera walks over and sits on my other side.

"As for you Coruscant. I have a question. Why did you kiss me?" she says.

Good answer right now really appreciated brain.

"Would you have preferred I spat in your eye?" I say. Hand in your notice brain, we're not a teenager.

"I suppose not. Be warned Coruscant. I will not be one of your conquests." says Hera stiffly.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Yeah, thanks Gertrude.

"Then keep calling me Coruscant and you should be fine." I say.

"Fine. I'll do that." says Hera.

I meditate and concentrate on the session, replaying the events in my mind. The style is what you could expect from close quarters fighting like you normally get in the narrow confines of a starship. You do however, ideally want someone watching your back, on the defensive, covering for you. I consider asking Hera about what must be the complimentary style when there is a strange twisting sensation in my gut, like I had eaten something bad. Not a good idea. Okay.

Hera practices a highly aggressive fighting style and belongs to an order where you typically marry. Damn. The problem with puzzles is not seeing what is there, but rather what is absent. Also, in our recent little adventure I had fallen into that supporting role, almost naturally.

You idiot. Begs the question of course. What do I do now?


	14. Still worth it.

Of course the first thing I have to do is pack for travel to Albarra for the Argentuffe Open. Let's see. Changes of clothing, toiletries, reader, physical copy of Mazir's 'Of the Force', lightsabre. There, done.

"Dee-Jay! Have you seen the micro-waldoes?" calls out Anakin.

My charge of course, must have all his tools just in case Albarra is some barbarian outpost with nothing more sophisticated than a hammer. Which is unlikely since Argentuffe is part of the Galactic racing circuit. Still, everyone likes their tools.

"Where were you last using them?" I ask.

"I was working on a pulse charger. Oh." comes the reply. There is the sound of running feet then "Found it."

Anakin eventually appears with a much bigger bag. He looks back.

"I might need that charger." he says and then looks at the bulging bag.

"Don't worry Anakin. It can go in mine." I say.

"Thanks Dee-Jay! Can I take a few more then?" he says.

I look at my bag. I consider the parts littering every flat surface in the apartment. There is pretty much an unassembled racer here.

"Let me com Layferra. We can get them to send a lift van over." I say.

It will take a while longer, but it's not like they will leave without him. I make the call.

\----

Some hours later we are at the campus ship pad loading everything into Layferra One. A technician pushes a pallet with a large box up to us.

"Package for Skywalker." says the technician.

I look the box over. It's large enough for a dwarf to fit in and covered in transport stickers and stencils. Just in time, as always.

Anakin leaps aboard the pallet and opens the box. Inside is a squat droid.

"R2! What are you doing here." he says.

In response the droid toots, warblers and beeps. It then swivels it's top. A hologram appears. A message.

"Hello Anakin. I hope this reaches you in time before you leave for Albarra. I think it is exciting you are following your dreams and so, as an early birthday gift I present you this R2 unit, who I think, needs no introduction to you. Happy birthday Ani." says Padme's image before smiling and winking out.

"Awesome. R2, you can help me go over the racer specs. This one's much faster, you'll love it." says Anakin.

In response the droid twitters and beeps. The pallet is lowered and R2 and Anakin head for the ship's boarding ramp.

"Those two look like they're actually talking to each other." says Joffs besides me.

"Not normal?" I hazard.

"No. I mean you can get a sense of what a mech is trying to communicate but it's not speech as such." Joffs explains.

"With Anakin, it will be different I feel. Why do astromechs lack vocal circuits?" I say.

"Hmm, don't really know. Must of been a reason originally, but now it's just how things are done. It's not like it's hard to connect them to a computer. Anyways, we best be aboard too. Can't win by staying here." says Joffs.

With that, I pick up my bag. I then sigh, levitate Anakin's bag onto the pallet and push it aboard as well.

\-----

Layferra One is a lot more comfy than previous ships I have been on. A lot faster too given that I have been directed to something reminiscent of a seat in a personal jet than a cabin. This is nice I think as I settle in. An hour into the journey Anakin hasn't shown. I go looking for him.

'Happy birthday Ani.' comes the end of the message as I approach the droid bay.

"Okay. Can you play that again R2." I hear Anakin say.

Uh oh. I wait for the message to play out and then enter.

Anakin is kneeling besides R2. Both look towards me.

"I, I was just checking on R2" says Anakin with a guilty expression.

I sit down in the cramped droid bay.

"You're going to tell me to stop." says Anakin defiantly.

"No." I say.

"No? But..." begins Anakin.

"But what? We shall examine what is going on and then you can decide for yourself." I say calmly.

"But it's not allowed. Even I know that." says Anakin.

"What is not allowed?" I ask.

Anakin looks at me defiantly.

"You know. Being in, in." says Anakin struggling.

Come on kid. You're going to have to say it. I wait patiently.

"Being in love." he finishes.

"Padme?" I say. Anakin nods. "Excellent news."

"What do you mean? I'm in love and I'm not allowed to be."

"I think it is excellent news because despite your unusual origins and extraordinary connection to the Force, you are still a normal thirteen year old boy." I say.

"It's still not allowed." says Anakin stuck on his personal sticking point.

Did you stew away like this constantly for ten years, feeling you couldn't tell anyone? Then against all common sense you decided to have a secret relationship where you totally could not say anything? The Jedi may well be a stodgy bunch of mystics in good need of a kick up the bum, but you dug your own grave and then lay in it expecting a miracle.

"We'll get back to that. I want you to understand what you are feeling. It's not love, not yet." I say.

"I know what I feel!" says Anakin. He glares at me.

"Do you? What you feel is attraction. That's normal and hardly forbidden. Might as well order stars to stop shining." I say.

"You don't understand!" says Anakin.

"I don't understand? I was thirteen once too. I was attracted to girls too and was obsessive about it." I say.

Anakin looks at me doubtfully. Probably struggling to match Dee-Jay, Jedi Master with the image of me at thirteen. Adults have always been old and all.

"So who was she then?" asks Anakin.

Mentioning your daughter in a gold bikini is not useful as a teaching moment right now.

"Jennifer. She was my best friend's older sister." I say.

"What happened?" says Anakin.

"My family moved to another city. I was despondent for days. Then I met Karen, she lived next door. It's very easy to become attracted to someone. Just don't mistake it for love. That takes both time and effort from both people." I say.

"It doesn't matter because I am not supposed to fall in love anyway, ever. Because I am a Jedi." says Anakin.

Yeah, bit of a sticking point that. Still, there are all those exceptions. Some were a bit crazy, even the real ones. They are options I think you originally were unaware of. Is Conehead already married? Should look that one up.

"Even so, you are incredibly powerful in the Force Anakin. The Order might consider making an exception in your case if you ask rather than cast you adrift in the Galaxy." I say.

"But the rules say." says Anakin.

"The rules can change, have changed in fact. But, this is all still speculation. Things could change over the next ten years or so. The person you think is the one at thirteen normally is not the one at twenty," Or twenty five, or thirty.

"Oh I know." says Anakin gravely.

That does give me pause. I am talking to one of the most powerful precogs around. How does that work? Does Anakin just see a possible future, one he wants, then he warps space, time, events and people to make it happen? Is 'reality' constantly being pulled this way and that by those strong in the Force like some cosmic tug o war? The implications are frightening. Where does freedom fit in a universe with Anakin and presumably Palpy. Is that why he needs Anakin onboard? Because left alone Anakin wants a Galaxy where he can go really fast and bang Padme. Which doesn't match our would be Emperor's vision of absolute power and control. Another thought. Is this what the Jedi do when they meditate on Cosmic wellbeing and harmony? Are they shoring up a system that would fall apart were it not for their thoughts and prayers?

Nah. That makes too much sense for a universe which demonstrably has none.

Back to the matter at hand.

"Well then, it is fortunate to know that. Okay, you still don't need to worry, you weren't planning on popping the question when we get back to Naboo?" I say.

The look of horror on Anakin's face will be one to treasure for years.

"Relax, I feel you've got an easy ten years to work up to that. I'll give you some advice though. Women tend to be put off if you obsess over them like this."

"So what do I do?" says the teenaged reality warper.

Thought you'd never ask. I reach into my pouch and pull out the bluish crystal.

"Here read this. It's called 'Boundaries in Marriage'. Think of it an engineering manual for relationships. Play close attention to Chapter five."

Anakin slips the crystal into his pad and dutifully looks up the chapter.

"The Workaholic Spouse?" he says.

Phew. It was the bluish one.

"Call it a hunch Anakin. Now, I understand what you're about. I won't forbid you from viewing the message, only recommend you go easy. Viewing messages occasionally again shows you're interested. Constantly doing it is unhealthy. I shall trust in your wisdom though to find the balance. Besides, we have a racer to design." I say.

Anakin looks confused. He looks at the door, then back to R2.

"Can I watch it one more time?" he asks.

"Up to you Anakin. Ultimately it is always up to you." I say.

There is a pause. Anakin reaches towards R2 but then hesitates.

"Um, maybe later." he says and gets up before leaving for the passenger compartment.

I get up. R2 beeps at me.

"Not even close. Only the beginning." I say to the droid as I leave as well.

\-----

The rest of the voyage is brief and without further incident. We disembark at the spaceport and are quickly shuttled to a set of workshops near the Argentuffe Circuit. Anakin and co. set to building and improving their racers. Since I am no help whatsoever I go for a stroll. The air is cold, with the snowstorm kept at bay by a shield covering the town, track and race village. I watch the weather hurl itself against the shield for a while. It's like being in a reverse snow globe. Everywhere there are elegant personal vehicles and powerful racers on transporters. Most are covered, shrouded in secrecy while a few are on display as if to say 'Look at me, ye mighty and despair.' Those racers have small crowds round them either gawping or trying to discern their secrets.

There is a tugging on my robes.

"Mister Jedi?"

I turn round. Lavender Twi'lek. In a fur coat.

"Yes. How my I help you?" I say.

The woman tugs again.

"Please, help us." she says.

I look around. Guess I live to serve, no specified hours. I let her lead me to a hotel, she seems quite nervous, as if sneaking about isn't her normal profession. She seems genuine, no warning twinges from the Force. Inside a small room are three other Twi'leks. Just out of their teens, if that. They have the look of runaways.

"What are you doing here?"

Three of the women begin speaking at once. The fourth just huddles and is shivering despite the rooms temperature. Their master had brought them here and they had chosen it as the perfect time to escape. They had planned to lay low until the race ended and then seek help from the authorities. The main problem is that their loyalty is bought via chemical dependency. Simple, relatively cheap and very hard to trace if you live where a slave implant may get noticed. They only managed to get their hands on enough for three. Orianna, the oldest, refused to take any so the others could make it. The others don't want to watch her die and now it's my problem.

I activate my com. Anakin soon answers.

"Dee-Jay?" he says.

"Anakin. I have four escaped slaves on a timer. Lindrazine withdrawl. See if Joffs can do something."

"Okay." he says.

I wait. After a while the com beeps.

"Joffs here. Looks like you Jedi can't even go for an evening stroll." he says.

"Ha. Occupational hazard. You able to help?" I say.

"Sure. We shall send a vehicle, bring them here and then they're on Corellia. I will get a medtech too."

I give the address and cut the com.

"Okay, help is on the way." I say.

The women nod, but still look worried. Orianna is a pale red colour. Given she was blue, I'm guessing that's a Bad Thing.

"Can't you do something?" says Terrel.

Uh no. Damn. I get to watch this women die. My job can suck sometimes. Wait. I kneel before Orianna. Jedi Healing, sure I read about that in a book, over thirty years ago. Zahn, I think. Stackpole? Better not of been Anderson. Oh well. I take her hands in mine and concentrate.

I can feel her life slipping away. Actually fixing the problem requires an understanding of biology I don't have. I need something more brute force. There. A link. I can pour my life force into her, shoring up everything. At the same time I siphon off what is wrong with her and shunt it into me. I open my eyes. Orianna is a healthy shade of blue. The mottled appearance of my hands and the violent shaking is definitely bad I think as I collapse.

\-----

"What the hell were you thinking?" it's Sharon standing behind me. I sit up to face her, noticing I am not in the hotel room anymore. Instead I am above the representation of the Galaxy again.

"Saving someone's life. You must of noticed that's a Jedi thing." I say.

"One miserable slave. Was that worth your life? You are dying, you realise." says Sharon.

"Does this mean the endless, 'come to the Dark Side' conversations are going to end?" I say.

"No! Die here, die now and your essence will be in my power. I will have, let's see, eternity to express my disappointment." she says as a glowing red whip extends from her right hand. She raises the whip. "I had such hopes for you, With you as my champion I could of been freed." The whip strikes me and pain lances through me. "Was it worth it? For one miserable slave." she screams punctuating the questions with more blows.

"Arr! Certainly for the slave it was worth it." I manage.

Not the right answer. The Dark Side strikes again and again and I scream as the pain becomes unending.

\-----

"What the hell were you thinking?" comes a voice through a numb haze. I open my eyes blinking against the harsh light. As things come into focus I see a face, Green eyes, green complexion, my head cradled in her tentacles.

"Not dead then?" I say.

"Not dead? No, although it was close. Only thing that saved you was your weird biology. What were you thinking?" says Shayla.

"I couldn't watch someone die when I could help. It's a Jedi thing." I say. Haven't I had this conversation already?

"One slave? Is that worth your life? " Shayla says.

"Yes. The Jedi protect..." I get no further as Shayla kisses me. It's fortunate I'm already in a hospital bed and sedated as this is not for the faint of heart.

Which means we miss the door opening.

"Coruscant! What the hell were ... who the hell are you?" says Hera from the doorway. Shayla releases me and straightens, my head hits the pillow.

The only silver lining is that I am unlikely to be subjected to the same questions again.


	15. Let's try a radical approach shall we?

I really should be paying attention. Focusing on the moment and in particular, the two women squaring off against each other. Two things are interfering with such sensible behaviour. First, I'm high on Galactic medicine intended to keep me docile while the healing stuff does it's thing. Secondly, I am still recovering from Shayla's kiss.

Hot green space babe. The white medtech uniform alone is sufficient to hit me in my cultural programming. The combination of her body in it is devastating. Her kiss was something else. Not a gentle peck on the cheek from a relative or friend. It was the full on, 'I want my chemoreceptors to check out your antibodies as prelude to further genetic mixing' variety. Knowing Galactic medicine, she probably isn't too fussed about compatibility issues either. I'm also a telepath. There's no confusion, no doubt, no pointless angsting about whether she's really in to me or not. I, know.

This could be a big part of the reasoning behind all the stoicism and hemi-demi-semi celibacy on the part of the Jedi. This was just a kiss. I'll freely admit I'm high at the moment, but still, mind totally blown. What would the sex be like? Nothing would get done! Ever. Maybe if you've been Jediing all your life it's a bit easier to take the occasional dalliance in your stride. There was nothing 'occasional' about Shayla's kiss. It's a lifetime offer.

I try and focus. Not on Shayla's rear as she attempts to shield me from what is to her an unknown intruder, but on the running argument.

"You're deluding yourself." says Hera.

"I, I know it will be difficult. And dangerous." says Shayla.

"Do you now? Has he told you what he is doing? Anything?"

"Yes! Something about his apprentice, keeping him from going over to some evil Jedi and saving the Galaxy." says Shayla.

"Of all the, Coruscant!" says Hera as she advances on the bed. I look up.

"Oh, hi Hera." I say, half blissed out of my brain.

"Don't you 'Hi Hera' me. Tell me Coruscant, just how are you planning to break this woman's heart?"

I already told her. Didn't I? Recent events are a bit vague at the moment but I'm reasonably sure I said 'Thank you, but no, saving the Galaxy.'

Shayla has pulled out a pad and thrust it at Hera.

"Look at this. He has had broken bones, drowned, bled..." the list of my injuries accumulated over the years is kind of long when viewed as one. I find myself tuning out again, just listening to her voice. It's lovely. No, focus. "And now we can add deathly poison and dead for ten minutes. Break my heart? He would never do that." says Shayla.

Why do you believe that! I'm not even a real space knight.

"Oh you're the real deal Coruscant. All smiles, promises and how you don't care about the rules. Right until your council says jump. Then you'll be gone." says Hera. She shifts back to Shayla. "Because that's what they do. They lure you in and then just, walk away. He will simply forget you while you are left with shattered dreams and broken promises."

Oh Hera. This is personal. I am so sorry. Who hurt you?

"Don't you dare feel sorry for me Coruscant. Just, just ... Stay out of my mind!" Hera screams at me.

"Stay away from my patient." says Shayla.

Hera turns on her.

"Patient? Really? Just what were you doing when I arrived? Checking for a throat infection?" she accuses.

I would say something at this point but I'm not only high and recovering from a passionate snog, but also the unexpected telepathic image from Hera has me gobsmacked.

Mace Windu? Wow. You look a lot younger in Hera's mind but are still easy to recognise. I try taking a couple of decades off Hera. You chose the Order over her? You, no, let's not make judgements, especially over what I know is Mace's fatal flaw. Thanks Stover.

"And why are you here? At least I'm not afraid to tell him how I feel." says Shayla.

Medical alert button. Come on commonalities. What does one look like this side of the mirror?

"Well I am still in control unlike your case of raging Twi'lek hormones." says Hera.

There's the button. I raise my hand to touch it and summon help. Except my arm does not work. Great. I'm as capable as Wesley. I also doubt Shayla or Hera will react to a request to be gentle either.

"Raging? I'll give you raging." screams Shayla as she crouches, her tentacles lifting horizontally behind her.

Hera for her part adopts a more formal stance. "Just you try it, slut." and gestures 'come on' with her hand.

Shayla screams and launches herself at her tormentor. I concentrate and catch her in the Force. She struggles, but I gently restrain her.

"Let me go, you witch!" Shayla yells.

Hera is not moving either. She is trying to though.

"Now that I have your attention I thought we could discuss this like civilised beings." I say.

The Man in Black has nothing on me.

\-----

"Okay. I am going to release you and we will talk. Is everyone clear." I say.

"Yes." say both women. I let them go.

"You could do that the whole time?" begins Hera.

"We will get to that. I apologise in advance, but I could not let you attack one another. Now Hera, please apologise to Shayla. She is not what you accused her of. Shayla, neither is Hera, you next." I say.

Both women stumble through their apologies.

"Good, now for some answers. Where am I? And, dead for ten minutes?"

"This is Argentuff Medical. You were dying of what is to the staff an unusual poison. That, with your wierd biology was enough pings for me to notice and come on the first Medical courier. As for dead? You had zero function or response for ten minutes before I revived you." says Shayla.

"So, only a case of 'mostly dead'. Thank you again Shayla." I say.

"You are welcome." Shayla says quietly, looking a little puzzled at the reference. Of course no-one has heard of 'The Princess Bride'. I am in a land of savages, philistines and heathens.

"How long was I out?" I say.

"Five days Coruscant. Looks like I cannot leave you alone at all." says Hera.

"Thank you Hera. Now we shall talk about why we are all here. How about I start?" I say. Both women nod. Looks like we can proceed. Very carefully, ahead one quarter. "I find both of you incredibly attractive. I may be a Jedi and trying to save the Galaxy, but I'm not dead." and I am not convinced being dead is that much of an impediment, but still. Now. "I also have reason to believe you both are attracted to me."

There is a snort from Hera "Reason to believe Coruscant? That girl was all over you!" Hera says.

"Yes, Shayla was. We will be getting to that. First though, why were you so angry? What are my affairs to you?" I say.

"Your affairs?" says Hera.

"Okay, bad word choice. Why are my actions so important to you?" I say.

"Yes, I am attracted to you Coruscant! Is that what you want to hear? Are you happy?" says Hera.

"I am extremely happy right now. What a strange way to say that. I'm going to look forward to when you say I love you. Should be an exciting experience." I say.

Hera just looks at me. Shayla giggles "You said that out loud. Did you mean too?" says Shayla.

"I did? Damn. I blame the medication." I say.

Shayla looks sideways at Hera. Uh oh.

"Is there anything you want to ask him? Because I have several questions." says Shayla.

Hera looks thoughtful. "It is best to intersperse the important questions with more normal ones to put the subject at ease. Though refrain from kissing him. He wasn't all that talkative just after." says Hera.

"United against a common enemy, I see. Not fair." I say.

"Oh, everything is fair in love and war." says Hera with a grin.

\-----

Fortunately, I am able to be sufficiently evasive with regards to deadly secrets and abject nonsense. I was tempted with confessing my origins but rejected it since Shayla wouldn't care and Hera would refuse to believe me. Also, it's way too exotic. Master Dee-Jay, slightly unorthodox plodder who is training the Chosen One has kept me under the radar or at least where Palpatine thinks is a good place for me to be. Master Dee-Jay, extra dimensional visitor who has secured training of the Chosen One rings all sorts of alarms that only complete fools would fail to investigate. Because this sort of thing has happened before. Even if Flash and Dale were not corroborating evidence there are other incidents. I don't even recognise most of the places. As for my actual name? That seemed safe.

"I think it sounds silly. Too pompous and stuffy" said Shayla at that particular revelation.

"I, don't know. Don't know why they gave you a new name either. I'll stick with Coruscant." was Hera's comment.

"Now that you know a bit more about me, how about we address the big questions." I say.

"Like what you will do when your Council gives you your marching orders." says Hera.

"Yes, okay we can talk about that. Yes, know who will be giving the order? Master Windu." I say.

There is a sharp intake of breath from Hera. "No." is all she says.

"What are you talking about?" asks Shayla.

"Within the Jedi Order attachments are forbidden. While they understand that passion can get the better of us all, they demand that we do not pursue the matter. So, as a rule the Jedi do not fall in love, form long term relationships and do not marry. So they will tell me to not continue or encourage these relationships. They will ask me to move away and put aside my feelings for you." I say.

Shayla finds a chair and sinks into it, head bowed. There is a sniff.

"Shayla, look at me." I say.

"Why? This is horrible. A cruel joke." says Shayla.

"I have told you what the Order will say. I have not yet said anything about what I will do." I say.

Shayla looks up. Her eyes are slightly puffy, she sniffs again.

"What, what are you saying?" she says.

"Yes Coruscant, exactly what are you saying?" adds Hera, her arms folded.

"The Order's rules are good. They are sensible and right. They have allowed for peace and stability to continue across over a million worlds for thousands of years. In the next decade the Order will be tested to it's very limits. My defiance may cause a fracture at a time when unity is needed most. So, to do that I will need a good reason. Something truly noble to justify shaking the foundations of the Republic. No pressure." I say.

"You bastard." says Hera.

"I don't have anything like that. I'm not that important" says Shayla.

"How about true love?" I say. In the absence of a great BLT sandwich it will have to do.

\-----

The two women stare at me. As much as I can, I check to see if I have changed colour, sprouted tentacles or developed some other gross mutation. Nope, still me.

"Are you serious or is this just the drugs you're on?" says Hera.

"Patience. Yes, I am serious. So Shayla, what do you want? Again, I caution you to consider those worlds where it is still unsafe to tread upon because people thought no price was too high."

There is a long pause. That's okay. I may order my life with the fate of the Galaxy in mind, but other people, not so much.

"I want to not live in fear anymore." says Shayla.

"Something no one should live with. Why me?" I say.

"All my life I have lived in fear. That one day I would be forcibly taken away from everyone I knew and loved and enslaved. Beauty isn't a gift for a Twi'lek. It is a curse. A poisoned chalice. That your freedom will be taken from you. My parents would hide us whenever there was a ship."

I have been here four years and still find starships amazing. I cannot imagine growing up fearing them.

"I grew up as best I could. Afraid to make any real connections because they would be easily broken. I studied. Trained. I was determined to escape Ryloth. As an educated Galactic I would be safe I felt. I learned medicine and acquired a scholarship on Reshika. It was, not easy, but I persevered. I became a medtech and found a post on a peaceful little world, away from all the terrors of the Galaxy."

Naboo. Just before the little war that jump starts all this palavar.

"I had just settled in when the blockade began. Nemoidians are horrible. We are just product to them. I was terrified, but the Naboo were so optimistic. The situation would be resolved diplomatically they said. The Republic would come to our aid. There was nothing to fear. I, I believed them. Then, the invasion happened. Ships descending everywhere, those droids everywhere, like walking skeletons. Because I had believed and not run I was captured and herded into a camp. Those droids were terrible, they did not care, feel pity or remorse over what they were doing. They just ordered us about, cuffed us if we stumbled or fell and shot those who resisted or ran. I saw a boy, no more than six standard run for his mother who had been placed in a different group. The droids just blasted him and then his mother when she ran to his body. I was so powerless."

Back home the B1 battledroid is a joke, their clumsy antics a thing of fun. They exist to be laughed at. But this is what droid armies are really like. This is what they do to normal people who are not blessed with superpowers or combat training.

"So I was in a camp. With thousands of other scared, frightened people. I tried to help, to use my training to help those suffering. Without supplies or machines, there was little I could do. All it did was get me noticed. An actual Nemoidian visited, commented that I 'was a pretty one', made a note and left. The nightmare had come. I would be taken, made property, sold, and there was nothing I could do."

Nothing you did mattered. All your training, your knowledge was worthless.

"Then a miracle occurred. The Trade Federation and their armies were defeated. I was freed. We went home and tried to recover from the horror. Then a Jedi walked into my office with a strange request. You. You were so strange and exotic. Nothing you did made sense. Then you stood up for me, you started an abolition movement just because I asked. For the first time in my life I was not afraid. I had a champion. That is why I love you."

Well, damn.

"Very well, as you wish. So shall it be done." I say.

"Does that mean you love me too?"

"We are both enamoured of each other. So I suggest patience though, take things slowly. I may have many secret annoying habits after all. Also, it is best to pursue a romantic relationship when you have the use of your limbs." I say.

Shayla smiles, looks a little puzzled, but is otherwise happy. Good. Now.

"The same question applies to you Hera. What do you want?"

\-----

Hera looks down at me.

"What do I want? What is it you're proposing?" she says.

"Nothing as yet. What we do depends on what you want. We learn. We understand. Then we come up with the outrageous plans. Perhaps I should start. We work well together, our abilities and outlook are stronger together. This has happened before. Years ago." I say.

"I knew it. You know. Did he tell you? Laugh over it?" says Hera.

"As I have told you I came into the Force late in life. I cannot of done as you say. All I can do is reflect on what is happening between us. It must of been similar to cause you so much pain in remembering. For that, I apologise. So, you were a newly minted Green Jedi, on one of your first missions, if not the first. You met a handsome, charming Jedi, also probably on his own for the first time. Do you want me to continue?"

"You're going to anyway." snorts Hera.

"You worked well together, making a fine team, and more. He said he would defect, to stay with you. He promised you everything. You believed him. How could you not? Our telepathy granted by the Force leaves little room for deception."

"Yes. How do you know?" says Hera.

The entire universe runs on melodrama. Also, hello? The Force.

"Because I can see the shape of things. I am a little unsure what happened next, the order in which they occurred." I say.

Hera sits down.

"What does it matter Coruscant? It is done. Over. I will not be made a fool of again!" she says.

"An old part of the code says there is no Ignorance, but Knowledge. There are things you do not know. Tell me what happened and perhaps I can help." I say.

Hera shakes her head.

"No. It is too painful. No." she says.

"At some point, if you want to heal, you must trust someone. It will hurt, I will not lie, but there is something beyond the pain. Trust me." I say.

I wait patiently. I glance over at Shayla, she is leaning forward. Hardly surprising. The secret heretic lover of the head of the Jedi Order? There's a news story.

"Alright. Like all Coruscanti, Mace meditated on the Force. He often invited me to do so as well with him. One night, I declined, I just wanted to lie in bed. Afterwards he was changed, detached, cold. He contacted his Council and spoke with them for some time. Afterwards he was even more reserved. He said he had to return, that he had had a vision regarding the safety of the Republic. He said he could never see me again!"

Yes. Mace loves the Republic. It's ideals, what it stands for. It's the truth he clings to justify everything he has done. The Jedi serve the Republic. That is good. That is right. It makes the sacrifices worth it. Because he thought he could not both love you and save the Republic.

"Thank you Hera. I, see. You will need to speak with Mace again."

"No."

"It is what must be done if you wish to move on. To heal. If you wish, I will go with you. You need not face him alone." I say.

As if there was any doubt after I caught that image from her mind. There is another pause. I wait.

"Okay." says Hera.


	16. Lessons for everyone.

With the matter now settled from 'horrible mess' to merely 'mess' I am left to recover. Meaning Shayla gives me an injection of sleepy drugs, kissing me as I drift off. She slowly fades along with everything else, like the Cheshire Cat, only more erotic.

"Seems you are harder to kill than I previously thought." comes the voice.

Just darkness. In front of me is a darker shape in which I can see stars.

"And you are skimping on the illusions. Is this a more true representation?" I say.

The surroundings change to a dimly lit room. I'm reclining on some cushions and dressed in a gold shirt? I quickly check. Little gold badge. Uh huh. I look up. Among the dancers wearing barely enough fabric for a handkerchief is 'Shayla'. She sashays over and leans in.

"Come here often?" she says.

"Wrong type of green slave woman." I say dryly.

"Does that matter?" says the Dark Side as she kneels in front of me. "Come on. Just once. Wont even try and bring you over to the Dark Side. Guilt free, I'm not half your age."

"Really? What is our age gap measured in? Thousands? Millions? Billions?" I say backing up a bit. My foot slips on a cushion and I fall on my back. The Dark Side crawls over until we are face to face.

"Now, you know better than to ask a woman her age." she says.

"Dee-Jay!" Anakin? "Wake up!"

"Got to go. Business before, whatever this is." I say.

\-----

I open my eyes. Same medical room, same bed. Darth Vader in training waiting in a chair. After a quick check I find I can move my arms and legs this time. Mind much clearer too.

"Anakin! Good to see you. How's the racer?" I say.

"Oh, we're doing great. My racer is going to be in the finals." says Anakin.

"That's amazing Anakin. Congratulations. How's the other matter?"

Anakin reddens, you are such a teenager.

"I played it a few more times. Then I got busy. With the racer and all. So I told R2 to put it in deep storage. It's okay, I know it's there." he says.

"Well done Anakin. Remember, emotions and feelings are fine, but we rule them. Not the other way round." I say.

Anakin nods in what he must think is a sage manner but is a little silly on a teenager.

"So, Shayla raced all the way from Naboo to here. Just in time too." says Anakin. He pauses and gives me a pointed look. "Is she your girlfriend?"

I pause. Not out of embarrassment, but because I know this place too well. Genre convention practically demands she walk in to get half of the message and interpret it in the worst possible way.

"You can ask us both and judge for yourself. Come in Shayla." I say. The door opens as Shayla walks in.

"Do you know where I am all the time?" asks Shayla.

"I do not know. I could sense you just outside. How would you feel if I could?" I ask.

"I think, I would like that. You could find me wherever I was." says Shayla.

"I have an idea to test that after they let me out. Any idea when that will be?" I say.

Shayla examines her pad. "We are going to keep you observed for another day. The poisoning was very strange. Just in random tissues. I suppose that you will tell me that was because of the Force." Shayla says.

"It's an answer you will have to get used to, you know." I say.

"So, are you two boyfriend and girlfriend?" asks Anakin, finally unable to remain quiet.

"I want to be." says Shayla.

"Yes. It's a good way to tell if we really are in love with each other," I say.

"Don't you know?" says Anakin, a little puzzled.

"Love is not simple Anakin. There are too many cautionary tales, both real and fictional, which end tragically because people thought they were in love without bothering to check if they really were." I say. You're in that category, by the way.

"Are you saying it's complicated?" says Anakin.

"Most things are Anakin. You should be wary of those who say things are simple. Just as it will take many years for you to learn how to use the Force, engineering or being, say, a starfighter pilot, so it is with being in love." I say. I then look at Shayla "It can take a lifetime."

Shayla smiles, a good sign.

"That long?" says Anakin.

"Maybe even longer. Shayla and I have several large power issues to work out. For example, Shayla is an educated woman with a Galactic level education. I only learned to read a few years ago. Practically a barbarian savage."

"Is that true?" ask Shayla her eyes wide.

"Yes, until only recently if you had cut off my index finger I would have been illiterate. I have been catching up as best I can. I bring it up as something you probably didn't know about me.."

Anakin laughs. "He can't use a spoink either. Mom thinks it's hilarious."

So that explains the uniformity of dishes served when I have been invited to Chez Skywalker for dinner.

"There is that. I recommend keeping me away from fine eating establishments." I say.

"Do you have any useful skills?" says Shayla.

"Can sing, can dance, can handle a lightsabre a little." I say.

"Well, I know just how to begin your education." says Shayla smiling. She then turns and walks briskly out the door. I look at my charge.

"Well, comments traitor?" I say.

"Traitor?" says Anakin.

"You brought up my appalling eating habits. Anyway Anakin, you have several questions." I say.

"I thought you and Hera. She would be much better for you." says Anakin.

"Why is that?" I say and wait while Anakin struggles to evolve 'You're both old'. "Is it because we are similar in age?"

Anakin nods. "Yes. And you are both Jedi. It would work out better."

"It probably would. The Force grants us tremendous power that anyone not as gifted cannot hope to match. We also must be forever be wary of the Dark Side, If we fall, any normal partner could be killed with but an angry thought." I say. Yeah. Looking at you Darth Chokes a Lot.

Anakin just stares.

"Padme." is all he says.

"Yes Anakin. This is why the Jedi are so cautious about love and attachment. More than anyone else in the Galaxy, we Jedi must be sure we are truly in love and not anything else. We do not say we would never do anything terrible, instead we must remain vigilant against that, ever mindful of the consequences should we fall." I say.

Anakin continues to look at me. Serious lesson is serious.

"What do I do?" he says quietly.

"We must be mindful. We listen to the Force. And the women, do you know what Padme wants?"

Anakin looks at me like I have asked him to divide by zero. Don't worry, you're still only thirteen.

\-----

"Well, yes, sir, I must confess that I did gather the substance of the conversation." I read out loud.

"Very well then. You agree with me that the situation is a lulu?" reads Shayla affecting a high Naboo accent.

"Certainly a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, sir." I read.

I'm reading some of the funniest prose in the English language. With an alien woman, on an alien planet in a galaxy that has never heard of England or the crazy language it spawned. And yet here I am, on a date, beside the border of an energy shield while a snowstorm blasts the other side.

I'm on a date. That's the bit that is truly weird. I have kind of, sort of, mostly, got used to everything else. The aliens, technology and vistas sort of just wash over you after a while. Even the tales lifted almost wholesale in some weird memetic overlay makes some sense. It remains that I haven't been on an actual date in over twenty years. Yes, like any married couple Sharon and I had 'date nights', but that's a far cry from the whole 'getting to know you' ritual. It's totally something I never expected to really do again, in any galaxy. Not seriously. Should I mention I'm completely out of practice?

"You have stopped again." accuses Shayla.

I stare at the mishmash of characters that is aurebesh. I can read now, unless I am tired, stressed or, distracted. Hot green space babes leaning into me as she shares her love of PJ Wodehouse, sorry Poja Wodhut with me could be a perfect example of distracting.

"I am sorry. Aunts in Turkana was it?" I say sorting out the characters. I place my finger on the reader where I think the correct place is. Shayla reaches out and moves my hand to where it should be.

"Read it with me." she says and guides my hand.

"Odalisques, sir, I understand. Not aunts." as we both resume reading together this Galaxy's version of The Code of the Woosters.

\-----

"Ninety-nine, One hundred. Coming, ready or not." I call out over the drifts just outside the weather shield.

I scan the area quickly. I am playing hide n seek. I thought Shayla would be apprehensive about playing a game that could easily remind her of the past. She doesn't see it that way at all. Rather as search and rescue. All a matter of perspective really.

Speaking of which, I cannot see my elusive quarry, dressed as she is, all in white, white coat, white leggings with a white scarf and hood. Shayla doesn't so much hide, as vanish.

I close my eyes. Stretch out with senses that have nothing to do with light, noise, smell or vibration. There. I really can see her in my mind. I wonder about the range as I set of after her.

She is 'hiding' in a small depression. As I approach I sense a small spike of amusement and I duck, feeling an object whiz above me.

"I saw that." I say as I run over and reach down to help pull her out. There is another mental spike. I ignore it and am pulled over into the pit.

"You really can see where I am." she says holding me.

"All the time. How does it feel?" I say.

"Safe." comes the reply.

\-----

Skip, skip, skip. Turn your partner. Skip, skip, skip. Beat, clap, beat, clap. Spin your partner to the centre. Now strut clockwise, no spinwards round the circle and, stomp.

"Hey!"

Strut driftwise back. Receive your partner and bow.

It is after the end of the final race. To everyone's amazement but mine the new wonderkid of Layferra has performed another miracle. The silver racer won. We are celebrating, listening to music and dancing. To the the astonishment of everyone the Jedi knows many of the Corellian round dances. This universe never ceases to surprise me.

"You really can dance." says Shayla laughing. "Do you sing as well?"

"A little." I say as I lift her up for a kiss.

As I said, never ceases to surprise me.

That night after kissing Shayla goodnight, returning to Layferra and going to bed, I stare at the roof, unable to sleep. I knew this would be difficult, if not impossible. Train Anakin Skywalker, the modern doomed hero, prevent him falling to the Dark Side and defeat Palpatine, incarnation of evil. Make sure The Empire never rises and save trillions of lives. I have the Force as my ally and some foreknowledge. It seemed such a great adventure, that opportunity to see if I really was on the side of the angels after all. No-one said anything about falling in love again.

\-----

"Relax. We still have six hours of transit." I say to Hera. We are aboard a fast liner to Coruscant. On my left Shayla has fallen asleep. Transit really is hard on her. On my right Hera is gripping the armrests fiercely, knuckles white, expression set.

"Easy for you to say Coruscant." says Hera not turning, keeping her face set ahead.

"Still your mind. There is no Chaos, there is Harmony." I intone.

That gets me a look.

"Why do you insist on that ancient, outdated catechism? Nobody uses that anymore." says Hera.

"i find it calms me, attunes me to the Force. Not every revelation need be new. What do you prefer?"

"I am the bearer of the light. I carry it beside me when I walk into dark places. I shall bring the light and banish the darkness. The light is life, it is hope, it is freedom." says Hera.

"Does that help?"

"No. I am afraid."

"Then try this. I must not fear. Fear is the Mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it is gone I will turn my inner eye to see it's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." I say.

Hera stares at me. "I don't recognise that."

"Try it. With me. I must not fear." I begin.

"I must not fear." begins Hera.

\-----

Now we are ascending the steps to the Jedi Temple. An immense crowd is outside demonstrating. They have banners and megaphones but also giant holoprojectors listing their grievances.

"Test them all! Test them all! Test them all!" The demand washes across the crowd of beings from the announcers. Two million voices take up the chant.

"I am suspecting you Coruscant," says Hera as we weave our way through the massive throng.

"What makes you say that? I cannot be responsible for every event in the Galaxy." I say.

"Ordinarily, any other being on any other day I would think that. Now, I believe otherwise." says Hera.

So with the holos lighting the sky like fire above me I walk into the temple.

Yoda is, of course waiting for me.

"Master Dee-Jay. Your visits, portentous, as rare they are." he chides gently.

I bow.

"Master Yoda. Allow me to introduce my companions. This is Knight Captain Hera Koll of the Green Jedi. She has business with Master Windu. I am here to support her. This is Shayla from Naboo. She is a friend. Hera, Shayla, this is Grandmaster Yoda, he is counted as among the wisest in the Order." I say.

That earns me a number three glare. Mind probably being read.

"Friend is it?" says Yoda with a chuckle. "Pray such a friend have I do not, for perish, I would."

Shayla looks puzzled. Always with the slightly befuddled monk routine.

"Thank you. I think." says Shayla.

"Master Yoda, we have heard of your wisdom on Corellia." says Hera bowing.

"So you should. Now come, come. Grumpy he shall become Master Windu if wait too long he must. Know that I think you do though." says Yoda and then begins waddling down the hall.

I and Shayla follow. Hera however has not. I look behind.

"I, can't." she pleads.

"You have come all the way here. Just a few more steps." I say.

"No. This was a mistake." says Hera.

I walk back to her. I hold out my hand.

"I said I will support you. Take my hand. Remember. I must not fear."

"Listen to Dee-Jay, yes. Litany Against Fear. Recite and find strength you shall." says Yoda turning round.

With that sort of endorsement Hera takes my hand and we follow Yoda. All the while my mind is racing. How the hell do you know that Yoda?

Yoda turns his head at that moment to grin and wink at me. Damn. When all this is over you and I are going to talk.

\-----

"No."

I stand in the circular council chamber facing Mace Windu. Head of the Jedi Order. Master swordsman and paramount wielder of the Force. Also my boss. He has just refused my petition. There are other masters present but it's not like I can recall their names apart from Yoda. Let's stick with Conehead, Twi'lek, wobbly head guy and orange face mask. Hey I remember, that's Plo-Koon. Totally not a casual. They're all sitting down and apart from Yoda, are staring intently at me.

"I insist." I say.

"Did you not hear me Master Dee-Jay? But please, sit. There is much to discuss and you are related. I would appreciate your input." says Mace.

"I heard you Master Windu. Still, I insist. It is the Will of the Force." I say.

There is some murmuring from the assembly of the most bodacious badasses in the Republic. Well there is sniggering from Yoda. Come on! You are not helping.

"Very presumptuous." says Conehead.

"It is presumption to follow the Force? To do as it suggests? Go where it guides? I thought we were servants of the Force." I say. This would be easier if the little green goblin would stop.

"Are you saying that we do not." says Mace, leaning forward,

"No. Merely that the conflict within you has blinded you temporarily." I say.

Mace stands up, he walks over to me.

"There is no conflict." he says.

"In which case there should be no problem. See her." I say.

"No."

"It seems we are at an impasse, Master Windu."

"It seems so."

"Since we cannot resolve this by words, we should let the Force decide."

"And how do you propose we do that?"

"I believe our skill with a lightsabre will suffice."

"A duel? I accept."

"Very well. In an hour? In the ring?"

"In an hour. In the ring."

We step apart and I bow.

"Thank you for your wisdom masters." I say before departing.

\-----

Outside Hera stands up from where she has been waiting.

"Will they see me now?" she asks.

"Patience. There is one small formality to be dealt with beforehand. I must defeat Master Windu in a duel." I say calmly, as if this is something I do every week.

"Oh Coruscant, I used to merely think you mad. Congratulations, you have banished all doubt of that." says Hera.

"Thank you Hera. To have such clarity is a gift. This journey has been worth it." I say and walk over to a flunky "Excuse me, can you direct me to the fighting ring." I say to them.

The flunky looks a little surprised but bows "Of course, this way master."

I follow my new guide.

\-----

"A duel?" says Cin Drallig. I am at a fighting ring in the training grounds. It is a large space, open to the air and is filled with beings performing practice moves, sparring, observing or meditating. The clash of blades intersperse everything and yet, there is a sense of tranquillity, of purpose. Drallig has heard of what is coming and interested, come over.

Some names I can remember. Especially when they come attached to cool titles like Battlemaster.

"Yes. A little unorthodox, but if left unattended too long my padawan might, I don't know, build a planetary siege engine or something. I am on a timer." I say.

"Master Windu is an unparalleled master of the blade. You, I cannot quite recall your fighting style." says Master Drallig, a little worried. It's his job to know where everyone in the order is at when it comes to fighting techniques.

"I intend to use Rule Three." I say.

"Soresu? Against Master Windu?" says Drallig.

"No, Rule Three." I say.

"I am not sure what you are saying." says Drallig.

Join the club Battlemaster. Join the club.

\-----

It has been half an hour since my challenge and I sit in the shade of a tree. There are a few more bods now. The Jedi may be stoic space knights but they have a rumour mill like any other organisation. Maverick Master challenges the Head of the Order. Definitely worth a look. People come over, stare for a while, check out Shayla and then depart. I give her an encouraging smile since I can feel her nervousness.

"Nice day." I say conversationally to the latest group.

"How can you be so calm?" asks Hera pacing.

"Because it is in the hands of the Force." I say.

Before Hera can reply a young Jedi runs up. "Master Dee-Jay?"

"Yes. How can I help you?" I say.

The Jedi bows. "Master Windu says there will be additional conditions. First. When, that is, if you lose you will submit yourself for discipline. Second. When you lose you will also cease any relations with either companion. Third. The blades will be live. Do you accept?"

"No! He cannot do this! He cannot, can he?" says Shayla looking between the newcomer and myself.

"He can. He's in charge." I say.

"Hera please. You cannot let him go through with this." pleads Shayla.

"I agree. Corruscant, give it up. He can have his pride. I will be, fine." says Hera. Liar.

"No." I say. I then look at the messenger. "I, I accept. I agree to Master Windu's additional terms."

An hubbub begins to build. After all the crowd are all telepathic and extra sensory to one degree or another. Live blades? The information spreads like wildfire at the speed of thought.

Shayla kneels beside me. "What are you doing? Why are you doing this?"

I look into her eyes. "It is what must be done. Be at peace, Do not worry. Soon it will be done." I say.

"He's going to destroy you! Then I'll never see you again. I don't know what I will do then." Shayla says.

I raise a hand to stop a tear from her face.

"You will accept what happens as being the Will of the Force. A judgement endorsed by the Universe itself. You will move on and live. If I lose. If I win however, how about dinner at a restaurant I saw as we were coming in. You'll have to pay, because I don't actually have any money myself. Did I mention I'm a pauper?" I say.

"You're going to win." Shayla breathes, only half believing.

"I will not promise that. I have accepted that I will lose. I do not fear that outcome. That was the purpose of these terms. To create fear. As a Jedi I am sworn to fight such. Shayla, I want you to accept the possibility that I succeed."

Shayla nods. "I will believe you." she says and hugs me.

"You have a plan? Some sort of trick Coruscant?" says Hera.

"No. No plans. No tricks. Just faith." I say.

Which is a bit rich coming from an agnostic, but hey, why start small?

\-----

Now it is time. I kneel near the centre Mace is standing a few metres away.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

There is no death, there is the Force.

There is a large crowd. A lot of commentary. Everyone wants a look. Cin Drallig inspects our weapons before handing them back. Mace holds his in his hands. I place mine at my belt.

"Do you understand the terms?" asks Drallig.

We both nod.

"Do either of you wish to yield?"

"No." says Mace.

I shake my head.

"Master Windu are you ready." says Drallig.

"I am." says Mace.

"Master Dee-Jay, are you ready." says Drallig

"I am." I say.

Drallig leans over.

"Aren't you going to stand up then?" he says.

"In time. I am ready." I say.

Drallig leaves the circle.

"You may ignite your weapons." Drallig says at the edge.

There is a flash and a 'foom' noise as Mace activates his lightsabre and adopts a high guard position, blade ready to block or strike as required. Mine remains at my belt.

"Master Dee-Jay. Your weapon?" asks Drallig, uncertain.

"I am ready." I say.

There is a pause. Silence. Drallig no doubt is wrestling with his conscience. If he tells us to begin he is sentencing me to death.

"There is no death, there is the Force." I say.

With that I signal my commitment. Drallig gulps.

"Begin."


	17. Not even New Year's

Know your opponent.

Mace Windu is one of the best fighters in the Jedi Order. He is strong in the Force and his attunement to it makes him as close to invincible as you can get. He has some weird Force talent, ability thingy that I can't put my finger on just now but it involves seeing the perfect moment or place to strike. I am uncomfortably aware that right now that is a point three centimetres beneath my chin. He is the leader of the Jedi Order, of immense moral and unimpeachable character.

He is also proud.

Know thyself.

I am a middle aged fan from the twenty first century. While the looming danger of a surprise visit from the Legion of Sithfriends has spurred me into a serious exercise routine for only the second time in my life I am woefully behind almost everyone else who have been at this their entire lives. I was the despair of every hobbyist who placed a blade in my hands, be it steel, rattan or foam. Again, I have been catching up, but four years is a far cry from four decades. I have the Force and right now it wants me here like this. I cannot win. It is impossible.

I am at peace.

Since my vision is not careening wildly as my severed head bounces about, I surmise that I am still alive. I look up at my opponent. Mace is still at guard. Any move I make he can not only effortlessly block and counter strike, but he will see it coming. He will know when I make my move before I do. So, it comes to this, seek the perfect moment and act. Or not, as the case may be.

Your move, Mace Windu.

"Get up." says Mace.

"No." I say.

"You said this would be resolved by our skill with a lightsabre."

"It is. I am demonstrating mine. Demonstrate yours Master Windu. Strike."

"You cannot be serious!"

"Deadly serious. Strike."

"No. How can you be so calm!"

"I am at peace. I sense that you are not. Strike and remove the source of conflict. Or."

"Or what?"

"Speak to Hera. She's right over there. If that is too much to bear, then strike."

I close my eyes. I wait. Right here. Right now. What do I believe?

I believe that Mace is a good man. He would not be the head of the Order otherwise.

There is an uncomfortably long pause. Then a hiss as a lightsabre is switched off. I hear footsteps move away from me. Then a voice.

"It seems I must speak with you Knight Captain." says Mace.

"Of course Master Windu." says Hera.

A few more footsteps.

"Master Windu has ceded the ring. Master Dee-Jay is the victor." says Drallig.

I open my eyes, stand up and bow towards my opponent. Then pandemonium breaks out as everyone, speaks, shouts, cheers or undergoes a personal WTF moment. One cry in particular. I spin and catch Shayla as she runs into me.

"You're alive. You're alive. You're alive." she exclaims, punctuating the statements with kisses. She pauses and looks at me eyes flashing. "Never, ever do anything like that again. Promise."

"I will never, ever do anything like that ever again." I say truthfully, from a certain point of view.

After all. To face down the Sith will require audacity of an entire different order of magnitude.

As I walk away Cin Drallig approaches me.

"Excuse me, I must know. What is rule three?"

"Be afraid when you are in possession of a deadly weapon and face an unarmed man in a pose of submission." I say

Drallig frowns.

"Who said that?" he says

"Master Pratchett. A knight of unparalleled skill." I say.

"I do not believe I have heard of them. Were they a Jedi?" says Drallig.

"No, but none the less wiser for that. Excuse me, I have a friend to support." I excuse myself and walk to where Hera and Mace are. Lots of meeting, very little talking. Time to channel another master.

"Master Windu. Knight Captain Koll. Time for that meeting." I say and then turn to Shayla. "Meet you at the restaurant."

Shayla just stares "But we haven't decided on which one yet."

I smile. "Then pick one. I will find you. Always."

There is a small beat and then she smiles before leaving. I watch her go and then turn back to Hera and Mace.

"This way please." I say with a smile and begin walking.

\-----

"I do not like this." says Mace quietly behind me as I lead them through the halls of the Temple. "He is planning something."

"Of course Coruscant is planning something. I have learned the signs." says Hera.

"Care to share what those signs are?" asks Mace.

"For a start, he is awake." says Hera.

"Do you trust him?" asks Mace.

"No. Don't be absurd. Are you not curious though?" says Hera.

"I don't know why I am doing this." says Mace.

Eventually we reach a small foyer in the dormitories.

"Excuse me. Just wait here a moment." I say.

Quickly, because Mace looks ready to bolt at any moment I find a room, check it is unoccupied and rearrange the furniture a bit. I then walk back.

"This way." I say with a gesture and walk to the room. I take the only available chair and wave towards the bed. "Please, sit down."

Both look at me, the bed, each other and then at me again.

"Coruscant. This is underhanded, even for you." says Hera.

"No, I refuse to take part any more." says Mace, glaring.

I stare back.

"Shall we do this again? Sit. Down." I say.

With one last look at one another they sit on the bed. I fold my hands together and wait for them to make themselves comfortable. Given the way they keep shifting about, this could take some time. I wait patiently. Eventually they subside.

"Now. Who wants to resume?" I say brightly.

Silence. Patience.

"Every damn day. Every single damn day!" roars Mace. He stands up. "Is that what you want to hear!" he screams, looming over me.

"Not I. You need to tell her." I say pointing.

Mace turns round and sits down again. "I am sorry. I have regretted that decision every day since."

"So have I. I regret ever agreeing to remain apart." says Hera.

"I was a fool." they both say together.

They stare at each other for a long time. Well, seconds really. Maybe a Microsoft minute.

"What do we do now? We cannot go back and the Code." Mace begins, then pauses.

"The Code? The Code? Always, it is your precious Code." says Hera.

"The Code is good. It is wise." I say.

"What!" say the two of them turning to me.

"The Code is good. It has helped maintain Peace and Justice for thousands of years. I'll admit it's moved about. Changed, been altered and revised, but it is good." I say.

"You, you approve of the code? With that woman practically hanging off you." says Mace.

"Shayla? Yes. I am currently determining whether there is an attachment and then, well, I shall see. It remains that the Code is good. Now, I think sweeping changes right now or the Head of our Order as opposed to some no-name Master stirring things up would be a recipe for revolution. So, a proposal. I feel it is a good time for reconciliation between the Coruscanti and Corellian Orders. What is needed is a liason, someone who can often and freely negotiate with our Order at the highest level. If agreed to I foresee much negotiation to forge a strong bond of unity that is needed for the coming times." I say.

"Do you know of anyone willing to do that?" asks Mace, leaning towards Hera.

"I think I do." says Hera, leaning in.

"Well. Such negotiations are not my speciality. Above my non-existent pay grade. I shall leave it in expert hands." I say as I rise. I give a quick bow and leave. I quickly make for the exit. On the way I am intercepted by Yoda.

"Master Dee-Jay." he calls out.

I stop. "Yes Master Yoda?"

"Matters, how stand they now?" he asks.

"Improving by the minute, I imagine." I say.

Yoda chuckles, "Yes, yes. See that I do. Must ask however, Betan Therapy, necessary it was?"

Now I know you're trolling me.

"It seemed appropriate Master. Is there anything else?"

"No, run now, quickly you must." says Yoda.

I bow and take off at a run heeding Yoda. After all, one should not keep a woman waiting.

\-----

I look at the utensils as they are laid before me by the waiter and then at my smiling companion. Spoinks, really?

"I had to see for myself." Shayla confesses.

"My student is in so much trouble." I say as I pick up the troublesome utensil.

Shayla shifts round so she is beside me, "Would you like some help?"

I look at what she is wearing. The dress Is golden in colour and sparkling, the effect generated by tiny lights built into the fabric itself.

"What happens if any of the sauce lands on you? Will your dress short out?" I ask.

"Then you will have to be careful." Shayla says.

"Okay. Understood. No Pressure." I say.

"None at all."

Later, having escorted Shayla back to where she has booked a room we share a kiss. My mind attempts to maintain some sense of coherency as she wraps herself around me.

"Come inside. Stay with me tonight." she breathes.

What a great idea. Except. Fighting every instinct I disentangle ourselves.

"No. I am sorry. Not tonight." I say.

"I am returning to Naboo in the morning. You are going back to Corellia. I won't see you for almost a year. And I want to make sure you won't even think of looking at another in that time." she says.

"You are very safe of that. Before you ask, the real enemy is here, close. I will not give them any extra reason to target you." I say.

"So I have to wait? I don't like this." says Shayla, scowling.

"Patience love. For just a little while longer." I say. Did I just say that? Guess I did.

Shayla's eyes widen. No backing out now.

"I will hold you to that promise, Till we meet again." she says, opens the door and walks inside. The door closes.

As I walk back to the Temple I wonder. Am I being over cautious? Is this a sudden onset of nerves brought on by an inadvertent realisation? Can the Man from Naboo really pick up that sort of thing over what must be a lot of background noise? Hasn't he already got me under surveillance? No. There are two states. Very cautious and dead. Trust those instincts, well the Force powered ones. The ones reacting to Shayla's personal brand of chemical invitation can damn well wait. As I reach an open space I look across to the Senate building, framed by the lights of the Greatest City. I could just, no. Remember the plan.

I continue on my way back to the Temple.

\-----

The next morning I awake, choose a water shower, get dressed and make my way to the refectory. I get more than the usual glances, but still. Stoic space knight HQ. Before enlightenment, chop wood, pour water. After enlightenment, chop wood, pour water. Same here. I survived a live weapons duel with a master swordsman, but today? There's cosmic wisdom and harmony to be seen to. Life goes on. The Jedi protect. And if I fail then every single one of you dies. That Mon Cal there? Dead. That Ithorian munching on something a lot like a celery stalk? Dead. Those kids shoving each other and laughing? All dead. Slain by my apprentice or the Emperor's new goons. I am having breakfast with people I know will all be dead in ten years.

"So sure you are Master Dee-Jay" says Yoda.

God damn stealth master goblin.

"Every single one. You know that." I say.

"If destiny it is, struggle you should not, Accept it you should." says Yoda.

A normal person would of just said 'why bother', no we got to get all mystic.

"The Jedi protect." I say.

Yoda's eyes widen. He stares at me, as if he is looking deep within my soul. Which he probably is.

"Oh. A Jedi are you?" he asks

"Yes."

"Show me."


	18. In which some words are said.

I first saw Yoda in the Odeon in Napier in 1980. I thought he was funny, but a bit boring because all that stuff in the swamp was interrupting the cool space chase scenes. As the years went on I grew to appreciate those parts more. Like many others, Yoda became a template for 'wise' and 'good' for me. Concentrate, be calm, at peace. Use your gifts for knowledge and defence, never to attack. Do, or do not. There is no try. As an influence on how to be a better human, Yoda is pretty good.

Meeting him in the flesh almost forty years later was a welcome relief to the barrage of confusing shocks. You can trust Yoda. He is wise, good and compassionate. He got me calmed down, on my feet and then gently verbally smacked round so that I was in a state to do whatever it was I am here for. Because there are no accidents, coincidences or mishaps in his view. It is the Force. Minor planetary crisis? Space Jesus found? Son of Space Jesus needing training to kill mad bad dad? Office worker from another universe? It is all the Force. You learn, you understand and then, you deal.

So of course I told him everything. Skywalkers, Palpatines, Clones, Wars, Siths and the Empire. Well, as much as my frazzled brain could remember. Yoda patiently took me through it all, processed it and then said no to giving Sheev a thorough sabrering. Also, that if so bad a job they did, why don't you show us how? Train a better Anakin. Go on. Dare ya.

So the little green man from outer space supported me in taking on Anakin as my apprentice. Padawan. Whatever. Over the years he has dropped hints, some subtle, some, not, that I too, am a Jedi. Now that I have accepted that he wants me to prove it. How? What have I learned? What do I know?

I pick up my spoon and start my breakfast. It's porridge. Nutritious, balanced. If you put sugar and milk with it then it tastes like sugary milk.

"Well?" says Yoda when I am halfway through.

"Even a Jedi needs breakfast. So that is what I am doing." I say and spoon another bit of porridge into my mouth.

"Hmm. What next?"

"I need advice from the librarians on access to some older texts. To speak with Battlemaster Drallig about form one. Master Windu may still want some advice and I will most likely bump into Hera at some point."

"Hmm. So, nothing urgent then. Very well. Attend me you shall at the Tower Room. When finished you are." says Yoda. He then rises and walks off.

Of course. To prove I am a Jedi I should be able to find my way round the Temple. I finish breakfast. Wash my plate and spoon and return it. Then I walk over to the table of kids.

"Excuse me. If you are finished I need some Jedi for a mission and I need volunteers." I say.

Six young beings look excited at this raising their hands.

"Excellent. I am in need of guidance. Can you lead me to the Tower Room please." I say.

\-----

I may of remarked on how there are a lot of telepaths in this building. When one of the children tells a passer by what they are doing the news that Master Dee-Jay is going to face Master Yoda, a rumour quickly starts. When we reach the Tower Room there are many Jedi present in viewing balconies. There is a certain anticipation in the air. Also present are three immense pillars holding massive stone discs in place. It is a gigantic Towers of Hanoi set. In the middle of the room stands Yoda.

"Dee-Jay. To be lead by younglings, need you?" says Yoda.

"I seem to of forgotten the way, who best to lead me from my folly and banish pride into the bargain?" I say. Yeah, I can mystic too. Is this going to be a Zen off?

"Hmm. True that is. Now Dee-Jay. This room, it's purpose describe shall you." says Yoda.

Well, looks kind of obvious. We're also telekinetics and these are big, heavy rocks. I crouch down and regard my escorts.

"I seem to have forgotten what we do here? Perhaps one of you can tell everyone present and remind me?" I say.

The children laugh, look among themselves and then one, a Rodian speaks up.

"This is the Tower Room. Here we can practice lifting the rings, moving them from spire to spire." says the child.

"Precisely. Forgotten had you Dee-Jay? Very embarrassing." says Yoda to the general laughter of the crowd. "Very good Drecka. Now, Dee-Jay. Can you lift any of these."

I shake my head.

"No Master Yoda. I cannot." I say. To emphasise, I walk to the nearest disc, place my hands across what is almost a flat wall and heave. Predictably, nothing happens to more general amusement. After some theatrical grunting and heaving I walk back to the kids.

"Is there a better way?" I ask.

They look at each other as if expecting a trick question.

"Use the Force?" says one eventually. I smile and nod.

"Use the Force. Use the Force. Use the Force." chorus the others.

I close my eyes. See the disc in your mind. Feel it. Now, rise.

The smallest disc, a 'mere' two metres across rises off it's spire. Feeling more is required I cause another to lift, then another, shifting the massive discs to make room as more are lifted. There is a strain, a pressure as I concentrate on the objects. There is also the sense of standing besides a vast reservoir of power, something I can draw from if needed. Eventually they are all suspended within the chamber.

"However my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is!" I say as I open my eyes.

"Just so Master Dee-Jay. Now, back the way found them place you shall."

Great. Before enlightenment chop wood, pour water. After enlightenment... One by one I return the discs.

"Hmm. I wonder, who are you?" says Yoda.

"Dee-Jay. Jedi Master." I reply.

I try to ignore the whisper at the back of my mind.

'I can be so much more than an ally.'

\-----

"Test them all! Test them all!"

After I see to the Library and Master Drallig I go outside to where the crowds are. I descend the steps and approach a protester, a large red insectoid.

"Excuse me. What are you protesting?" I ask the being.

"Test them all! What? Are you really a Jedi?" it says.

I look at the Jedi Temple and the steps I have come down. Are the brown and cream robes not a clue either?

"Why yes, I am. However I am only recently back to Coruscant and are a little behind on events." I say, noticing a small semi-circle of beings no longer chanting but staring at me.

A human breaks the silence.

"The leaked bioscans." he says.

"There are people able to be Jedi in the Senate!" says a dinosauroid. Then others chime in.

"They obviously were not tested."

"Something should be done!"

"There needs to be more transparency."

"Yeah."

"Compulsory testing for government officials."

"Test them all!"

They resume the chant.

"Wait. Who was revealed as being a potential Jedi?" I ask.

The insectoid turns to me.

"We don't know. All we know is that part of the results were leaked. No names, no position. It's a giant cover up." it says.

"Yeah. You Jedi should get off your butt's. Line up the Senate and test them." says a Devilman.

"Test them all."

"Test them all."

"Do you have a copy of the test results?" I ask.

The insectoid looks at me for a moment, it's features largely unreadable but I pick up it's disbelief.

"Typical Jedi." it mutters as it pulls out a reader, selects a page and pushes it in front of my face. Human male, massive M count. Seen it before.

"May I?" I say and take the pad for closer inspection. Not that I am an expert or anything, but I scan it looking for anything that ties these test results to a clinic in Theed and more importantly, Shayla. I feel a knot of fear as my vision sweeps over the document.

'Afraid love? That's not very Jedi like. Hmm, whoever did this has been clever. Have they been clever enough? Palpatine is a smart man. Maybe he just needs a clue, a hint, a whisper.'

Don't you dare!

'Is that anger? Getting possessive over your plaything? Marvellous. We both know how this ends...'

I hand the pad back to the insectoid and thank it. I then walk off in a daze through the chanting crowds. This isn't a movie, a book or a game. The moment I walked into that medcentre I was signing the death warrant of whoever would help me. Would it have been different if I had never seen them again, never given them a second thought like any NPC with a question mark hovering above their head? Does it matter that Shayla is a living, breathing woman? Does it matter that I know her, her laugh, her smile? Does it matter that I am falling in love with her? Because the Dark Side is right. I do know how this ends.

In fire.

I kneel where I am standing. A space forms around me as I concentrate. The correct thing to do is, wait. Jedi. I am a defender and protector of civilisation. A guardian of peace and justice. We protect, guide and advise. What we don't do is rule. Decisions are to be made by the people. In this case, one person. Very well. I rise and look towards the Temple. At the top I see a short, green figure. It nods.

Yeah, yeah, grandmaster goblin. I got it. Always being tested.

\-----

Two days later I am in front of a door in Theed at night. The door opens, silhouetted against the light is Shayla.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to wait. What is it?" her tone abruptly changing as she reads my face.

"We need to talk." I say.

"Oh. Come in then." she says.

I walk in and sit down. Shayla sits down opposite me.

"They have ordered you to no longer see me." she says.

"No. After you left I received, a message. They threatened to reveal you to my more mortal enemies. Your life is in danger. This is what my being in love with you means. So.." I say, Shayla cuts me off before I can continue.

"You're in love with me?" she says, rising and walking over to me. Wrong take home message from that, but still.

"Yes, I am. I shouldn't..." I am cut off with a finger to my lips.

"For all that you are a Jedi you can be very silly sometimes." she says, wrapping herself about me and kissing me. "I am not afraid. Not of anything. Not with you. Incidentally, you are staying here tonight."

At least I think that's what she said. Wasn't in a state to really be paying attention.

\-----

Another five days sees me outside Layferra Campus on Corellia. Planet, city and engineering site all present. A good sign. Predictably, I find Anakin in the workshop, smeared with grime.

"Dee-Jay! You're back. I've got this new project for a new type of racer engine. It'll be wizard!" Anakin says accompanied by chirps from R2.

"Excellent. New type of engine. That does sound interesting." I say.

"Sure is. How was Coruscant?" says Anakin.

"Oh, I learned a few things. I have some new books for our lessons." I say.

"Really?" says Anakin, the academic side of things is of little interest to him.

"Really. We're not just about lightsabres and TK you know." I say.

"I guess so." says Anakin with a sigh, "But that's tomorrow right? I've got this engine to build today."

"Sure, tomorrow Speed Racer. We're still going for the run though." I say.

"Okay, I'll get these intermixers in then I'll be ready." says Anakin diving back to the machinery.

The next few days sees me back into the whole training routine. Also some reading. The texts are difficult, archaic and not always in the same language. I could really use Shayla's help, but am equally happy that I don't. So I press on. Stuff man was not meant to know. Like a name. A creepy name. Who do I blame for the surprise Cthulhus in my Star Wars? Now all I need to do is wait. Not long, if my life is any judge.

'Your little minx is quite brave.' comes the voice as I sit in the park meditating one day.

"We'll talk about that later. You've been rather rude, what with not introducing yourself and all. So Abby, may I call you that? Let's have a little chat."


	19. Not yet a thousand Psychic Wars.

What I know about confronting cosmic horrors by way of old HPL can be summed up in a single word.

Don't.

However, since he was a weird little neurotic and I am of the generation that grew up with Ghostbusters, my options are somewhat more flexible. Now, whoever added Mythos to the mythos was likely channelling Lovecraft over Reitman, meaning this is all probably squarely in the 'Nope' corner. Then again, she has been speaking to me for about four years. Clear case of familiarity breeding, well something at least. With some digging I have a possible name, and names have power. They make the unknowable, knowable for a start. Now if only my major had been Curses, Hexes and Spells like M. Adams. Then I'd have something to go on.

'Where did you learn that name?' the voice is almost a hiss.

"You'll be amazed what you can learn at the most comprehensive library in the Galaxy. Hints, rumours, legends, and a name that crops up a little too often. Your name?" I say.

'You are wrong!'

"And you are defensive. Also, whatever happened to whispering sweet nothings in my ear?"

'Impudent fool! I can erase you from existence itself!'

"Go ahead. Just remember who wins in that case." I say.

I really, really have got to stop negotiating from a position of weakness. How do all the others do it? Where are my kewl powers?

I wait for a while, there is no reply and better, no obliteration. Looks like for all that she is an ancient cosmic entity with almost unlimited power 'Abby' is still a people. For an extremely broad and generous definition of people, but still. Whatever she is. Whoever she is, all is not totally lost. Oh well, impossible thing number two before breakfast.

Compose lesson plan to make the Third Interregnum Period sound interesting to Anakin 'Speed Racer' Skywalker.

\-----

"Come on Dee-Jay" shouts Anakin from above.

We're free climbing Mount Droman, a large hill the Corellians think is a mountain. Still, it has an interesting cliff face, a good chance to pry Anakin away from all the droids and machines. It's also a change for our exercise routine and practice for when we do actual crazy adventures. Anakin was a little hesitant at first but then, once he gained confidence made me wonder if the Force, Palpatine, whoever hadn't spliced in the DNA of some mountain goat equivalent. Despite my longer reach, invaluable in finding remote bits to hang on Anakin swarmed past me and I swear jumped the last bit. Not really cheating, since I just said 'We go up here', but still.

"Hurry up!' calls Anakin again.

Hmm. There is a small ledge here. Why not. Using the Force I leap, clearing the last section of cliff. I activate my lightsabre mid-flight aiming for my charge. His weapon is however already ready and he parries the blow.

"Hey!" he says as he blocks the follow up blows before launching into a counteroffensive.

"You can never rely on our enemies to attack when we want to." I say as I give ground to Anakin's assault. A wild swing cuts across a boulder, but since we're training the blade leaves a small scratch as opposed to bisecting the rock.

"Why are you smiling?" says Anakin after a while. Of course he knows, this is part of the exercise.

"Because I know something you don't know." I say as part of what is now almost a ritual.

"And what is that?" says Anakin as our blades lock.

I change grips and push away before launching another offensive.

"I am not left handed." I say.

Some moments later Anakin 'reveals' he too is not left handed either. The duel continues across the hilltop, blades clashing and sparking. Afterwards, we take the easy way down.

\-----

I stand across the representation of the Galaxy from Abby. She's in her star studded female shilohette form today. Tonight. Whenever.

"Hello. What do you want." I say in my best Mr Morden impression.

"That's normally my line." says the thing we're calling Abby at the moment. Kind of childish, but I am real short of anything to use against ancient eldritch abominations. Name calling and, nope, that's it.

"Well, I asked first. So, at the top of the list." I say.

The blast flings me off my feet.

"Impudent ape! What I have always wanted. I want my freedom. You're going to give it to me." she says.

"Not going to happen."

As if gripped by a giant, invisible hand I am picked up and dragged in front of her.

"Really? I can make it feel as if every bone in your body is pulverised. Each night." she says, increasing the pressure with each word.

"Great. Idea. How. Will. A. Mentally. Broken. Wreck. Help." I manage to squeeze out, despite the pain.

In response I am squeezed. I feel bones crack and my body deform under the pressure as I howl.

"Do you know who you are dealing with? Do you!" she screams.

Not in a position to do much else I continue screaming.

"You will give me what I want!" the entity howls as I am squeezed and squeezed and...

I wake up. I am whole. No pain. I liked it better when she was trying to seduce me. I turn over and try to go back to sleep.

\-----

"And it's Layferra One across!" comes the announcement as the crowd erupts into a cheer. Nearby the engineers also exclaim and congratulate my charge.

We're at the Berulasft Open on Corellia and Anakin's prototype engine is cleaning up. Next year everyone will be playing catch up and in a few more it will be the new normal, but for now Layferra speeder thrusters will be the new hotness.

"No way we can convince you and Anakin to stay on?" says Joffs.

I shake my head and stifle a yawn. "I am sorry, but as much as Anakin loves it here there are other places that will benefit his education. Also, his home life is important and Shmi lives on Naboo."

Joffs fiddles with his moustache. "Home life? Your not one of our Jedi." he says.

"Anakin's a special case. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll be back." I say.

"If the damn fool Isolationists don't get their way and Corellia stays in the Republic you mean." he says.

I have not really been keeping abreast of local politics and isn't that a strange thing to say of two worlds and several thousand habitats? The Corellians have always been independent, but still stayed within the Republic. Even I know that.

"Could it come to that? Leave the Republic?" I say.

"The Separatist Movement is gaining ground everywhere. Lot of folks see only the sweet business deals to be made or are stirred up by Jacosk and that Dooku fellow. Idiots. Can't you do something? Go to a few meetings, wave your hands and tell everyone to start damn well thinking again?" he says.

"Rule by the Force has been tried before. It never ends well. You'll just have to trust in your fellow citizens and systems." I say.

Joffs looks at me and shakes his head. "That's what I'm afraid of. Still, I will look forward to Anakin's return and whatever technological terror he unleashes then." he says chuckling.

His inadvertent jest makes me pause. Technological terrors indeed. Let's stay away from the big round ones as much as possible.

"I am sure we shall be back." I say as the crew raise Anakin on their shoulders.

\-----

"Any witty remarks?" cries Abby as lightning seemingly crackles from her hands covering my form. No opening, no request tonight, Straight to the torture.

Back home this is called Force Lightning and is one of the signature 'Dark Side' moves. However that is a misnomer. It is torture, no two shakes about it. This is why Dark Side lunatics like this and the TK choking. Because they're sadists. They get off on inflicting pain on others and showing that they have all the power. They're not evil abilities per se, but because if you use the Force in these ways you are doing it because you are evil. Or very, very broken.

The blasts stop coruscating across my form. Abby lets me twitch for a while before walking up and kicking me.

"I, I forgive you." I say.

"What?"

"I forgive you. You have known nothing but pain, abuse and subjugation your entire existence. I understand."

"You know nothing!" she screams and the blasts resume.

I'm really growing to dislike the whole passive resistance thing.

\-----

"I am not an aquatic." says Shayla dubiously looking at the water ahead..

In essence it was a good plan. Space California has surf beaches, surfboards are not only fun, they can be used to practice our preternatural balance abilities and Shayla has a few days off and is visiting. The long distance relationship seems to be working. Of course, before that meant lives in different city or occasionally a different country and not two spiral arms driftward. Only flaw in the plan is the one Shayla just brought up. Humans might be the crazy all terrain vehicles of the Galaxy, but our fellow travellers less so. She is also a welcome balm for what I think of as my soul.

"Really? What about that holo of you at the Varissa Aquatic Centre?" I say.

"That's different. The water was chest high at most, there were life guards, no waves and ahhh!" Shayla cries out as the water washes over her feet. "And it was heated!" she adds reproachfully after retreating.

"Nothing I can say to tempt you?" I say reaching out a hand.

In response she folds her arms and shakes her head, tentacles flaring in a typical 'fight or flight' response.

"Okay. No immersion in water for you. " I say as I walk out of the water and approach carefully.

'Truly?" she says.

"Of course." I say and spread my arms out for a hug.

"No way. Dry yourself off first you Rim Neobarb." she says.

"No problem Space Princess." I say and pick up my towel. After drying a bit I sit down and watch Anakin perform various manouvers. Shayla sits beside me and leans on me for support.

"He's quite the show off. That's not a Jedi thing." Shayla says after a while.

"No, it's an Anakin thing. He likes to be noticed." I say.

"By a young queen in particular?" says Shayla.

"That obvious?"

"Yes. Shouldn't you do something? Before Amidala turns up with an admirer one day."

"Yes. Not looking forward to that conversation. Still, they both may surprise us."

"Like someone surprised you?"

"Yes." I say enjoying the sun, the sea and her company.

\-----

"No." I say through the pain. My form is in the grip again.

"Well, I guess we should get started then."

"Wait."

"Oh, change of heart?"

"No. Know that I forgive you. You could have been so much more. The Yin to the Yang. Instead, something happened. You were.." my voice is cut off as the jaw is torn apart.

"Be silent! You know nothing. You will suffer until you obey me. Until you love me."

Oh Abby. I feel so sorry. It is you who cannot learn, cannot create. Because you are so damaged. So very broken. You cannot see that you can only assail this imaginary form. Which, when you get down to it, is only an illusion, a projection.

This is going to take some time.


	20. Shaping up and shipping out.

"What do you mean you don't have an implant!" says Shayla, twitching angrily as I reveal yet another point of ignorance between my knowledge and the reality that is life in this Galaxy. Today's subject is reproductive health and safety, and how I have not been a good responsible Galactic. Personally, I think informing my lover and doctor as soon as possible was being on my best behaviour, but she doesn't see it that way. "What if mine had failed? You irresponsible, smeep-brained, Rim Neobarb!"

"Didn't know they existed. I have been taking these tablets." I say, trying not to appear the complete lout.

"Tablets! Are you, no wait. My gods. Gods. Gods." says Shayla as she moves about, takes a quick blood sample from her arm, checks her pad and waits until the scanner beeps. She starts breathing in a regular manner once she has read the results. "Well, my implant is still working perfectly. Unlike your brain. What were you thinking?"

I was thinking 'Male Oral Contraceptive, damn cool'. Of course I had thought that years ago now. Considered reliable enough for an Order of mostly celibate mystics. However we might be out of date given the way Shayla's reacting as if I have just confessed to using hastily sewn sheep intestine.

"They seemed bleeding edge compared to my homeworld's tech base. Not Galactic standard?" I say.

"No! Why did I fall for a damn Neobarb? Anything else you don't know about?" says Shayla.

"Not sure. I don't know what I don't know." I confess.

"Can sing, can dance, can use a lightsabre. I can't say I wasn't warned. Very well, on the bed." orders my doctor.

I comply and then get a jab that quickly numbs my left side. Shayla then works a few more devices for a few minutes.

"You are lucky I like you. Pants." comes the next order. Shayla then removes a patch of skin, places the implant and then applies skinfoam and a bacta wrap. "Right, no pirates, assassins, falling off mountains, ill-advised Jedi Healing and whatever else you and your mad apprentice can dream up for a few days. Promise me."

I hold up my hand. "I promise." I say. This seems to satisfy her.

"So, how did you find out?" she asks after a while.

"Would you believe a school play?" I said.

\-----

"Tell me more. Tell me more. Was it love at first sight?"

"Tell me more. Tell me more. Did she put up a fight?"

I have had many surreal experiences since waking up in a Galaxy Far Far Away. I've walked on other worlds, casually flipped off Newton and Einstien. Dealt with aliens, weird zen-like philosophies and confronted ancient evil. The sight of Anakin Skywalker, aka Darth Vader playing Danny in a production of Grease is definitely in the Top Ten. It's his last year at school.

Most, okay, all of it is my fault. Sacha is a local playwright who has access to an extra dimensional traveller who knows an awful lot of show tunes. Not the most useful ability, I must admit, but you work with the gifts you have. Grease has had a pretty good run and the local school in Theed is doing a production of it with advice from the 'creator'. It's has a few changes from the original, what with speeders instead of cars and the whole Rizzo subplot needing work because accidental pregnancy is really hard here. Both participants implants need to fail or be switched off. To say that's so improbable as to be impossible is understating their reliability. Eventually Sacha resorted to 'teenagers be idiots' with Rizzo and Kikenny not being unable to remember whether they had switched off or not and basically being, well, idiots. Sandy is from Alderaan by the way. Australia being a bit too far.

All that aside, the rather silly plot wends it way around the musical numbers. What's surprising is how much your average Galactic citizen likes theatre if the runs of this and Sacha's other creations are any judge. I guess they don't have Netflix or World of Warcraft to distract them. The other is who's attending.

"Ms Amidala. What a surprise to see you at a local production." I say to the elegantly dressed woman in front of me. Her companion looks kind of familiar. That's not surprising given every major character is a dead ringer for an Earth actor but I cant place him. Young chap, in their thirties perhaps?

"I'm here to support Ani. Oh, where are my manners. Allow me to introduce my companion. This is Commander Wilhuff Tarkin. He's here to aid in greater coordination to make the Rim free." says Padme.

I somehow manage to swallow the contents of my mouth rather than spray it all over what would suddenly become a diplomatic incident.

"I see my reputation precedes me." says Tarkin formally with a nod of his head.

Yeah. You could say that.

"Yes. Anti-Piracy Militia?" I say racking my brain, what did this guy do before becoming an absolute bastard?

"The Outland Regions Security Force. With it, we have brought security and order to Seswenna. With the Sky Marshall here I believe we can bring civilisation to the entire Rim." says Tarkin.

Okay, sounds like you're already at regular bastard and just need to put in the hours.

"Hey Dee-Jay, how do you think it's going?" says Anakin, all in black leather, greased hair and fake sideburns. He's no young Travolta but still getting the attention of almost every woman with a pulse. Think I can't tell? Telepath. Strong feelings, like the sort being broadcast here are kinda hard to ignore.

"Ani? Is that you?" says Padme.

"Yeah doll, that's my name. Who's the suit?" Anakin says performing a classic Zuko preen while staring defiantly at Tarkin. "Sacha says I got to stay in character." he adds as an aside.

Tarkin for his part is not fazed by some teen actors antics.

"Anakin Skywalker I believe. I am Commander Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outland Regions Security Force. Tonight of course I have the pleasure of escorting this young lady to your local entertainment. If you are interested in a commission in either of our forces I believe I could arrange something." says Tarkin.

"A G-man. Well, I shall give your offer, all due, consideration." says Anakin.

Since Naboo could well be in another glaciation event before Padme remembers how to speak I decide to help.

"You're doing great Anakin. Perhaps you have missed your true calling. Maybe a visit to the Plavalaguna Conservatory on Inva Mula should be part of our training." I say.

Padme finally manages to reconnect brain to mouth.

"Yes, you would make a fantastic singer Anakin." she says.

"Zuko! Where's Zuko." comes Sacha's voice across the auditorium.

"Well doll. I gotta go. Be seeing you. You too G-Man." says Anakin before sauntering off.

"You cannot seriously be entertaining such a notion. That young man is a natural pilot if his performance liberating this world is any judge. It would be criminal to have him follow a civilian career." says Tarkin.

"Anakin's future will be decided by Anakin. Excuse me, I must return to my seat. However, should he choose the military I am sure the Sky Marshal could find a position under her for him." I say and turn pretending to ignore the gasp behind me.

I reach my seat and hand Shayla her drink,

"What is it?" she asks.

"What is what?" I feign.

"You, are up to something." she accuses.

"Am not, well maybe composing a play, I'll call it 'When Anakin met Padme'. Catchy, no?"

"I think they have already met." points out my companion.

"Yes. As a kid, as a trainee monk, as a mechanic in need of a plasma arc over a shower. Not, like that." I say pointing to my charge strutting back onto the stage.

"Well, that is different." says Shayla laughing.

"Well, honky-tonk baby get on the floor."

"All the cats are yellin they're shoutin for more."

\-----

"The Theatre! You're going to train the Chosen One in musical theatre!" screams Abby.

Having had the presence of an Eldritch Abomination visiting my head for the last eight years has given me a sort of insight into her character. Right now, she's upset. It's not the shouting, screaming and yelling. It's how she's forgotten to start in on the torture that's the clue.

"What's the matter? Indoor work, no heavy lifting, well the occasional Soprano, but still." I say.

"You would squander his gifts on learning insipid show tunes?" yells Abby.

"I would encourage his gifts, just not the ones you're interested in. What's wrong with making people happy? While I admit the body count will be less, that's not the only way of keeping score."

Abby takes some steps back, shaking her finger at me. What? Where's the lightning? Tearing off of limbs? Immersion in acid? While I have long since learned to ignore pain in this not quite dream state I have not let on to that. Theatre skills are not totally useless. Is this some new tactic? Abby is ancient and unbelievably powerful, but not particularly creative.

"Destiny will not be denied by the likes of you." she warns before fading away leaving me confused. What, is going on?

I am jolted awake. Opening my eyes, I look straight into Shayla's face.

"I have got some exciting news!" she says.

"You do?" I say, somewhat cautiously. Women waking you with exciting news runs the range from a new haircut, unlikely here, through to new family members incoming.

"I have quit my job and applied for a commission in the Outer Rim Squadron!"

Not my best in the mornings. I struggle to get my brain going at the best of times. It's absolute rubbish when Shayla is sitting on me. You try sentient thought with an excitable green space babe straddling you. Dare ya. Still, I manage to connect various bits and bobs. Outer Rim Squadron. Anti Slavery Fleet. Commander Sky Marshall Amidala, not a Senator.

"That is exciting news. This is what you want?"

"Yes."

"Great! Wait. You already quit your job?" I say, my brain somehow picking out pertinent details.

"Yes. Oh. That was a little premature." she says.

"A little. Who are you? Where's my Space Princess?"

Any reply there may have been quickly became irrelevant.

\------

Later in the day Anakin eventually turns up.

"Long night?" I inquire.

Anakin reddens. "Um yeah. There were the presentations, and then speeches and then.."

"The party. How did that go?" asks Shayla besides me.

In reply we get a standard teenaged mumble and a deeper red colour.

"Not particularly informative." I say.

"No. If we commed Grete, we might get a better account." suggests Shayla.

Grete has known Anakin since he came here and has gone from best friend to carries a torch for our Chosen One. Not that Anakin noticed till we clubbed him over the head with the facts. He was then polite, but always 'sorry, Jedi in training'.

Not that that slows anyone down, but still.

"Nothing happened! Okay!" shouts Anakin.

"Sit down Anakin." I say. Anakin glowers, but does sit down. "Now, how much does this have to do with a Commander Tarkin?"

"Who's that?" asks Shayla.

"Padme's plus one two nights ago at the opening." I say.

"Yeah. Him." growls Anakin.

"I think you were focused on the wrong person that night Anakin. I suspect Tarkin's presence was an entirely professional affair." I say, noticing Anakin twitch at the last word.

"You can't know that for sure. I looked him up. Cultured, educated, wealthy, tough on pirates and slavers. He's got everything." says Anakin.

Everything you, an ex-slave and eschewer of worldly things doesn't have.

"There's something he didn't have. I was there Anakin. Padme couldn't take her eyes off you, she could barely speak." I say.

"Really?" says Anakin.

"Really. Barely needed my Jedi powers to see that." I say.

"How come I didn't?" says Anakin.

"Anakin. Your powers are incredible, stronger than any living, but you are still a person with feelings. In this case jealousy. It blinded you, showed you only what you thought was happening and kept you from the truth of things. That can happen to anyone. This is why we Jedi must be cautious and mindful of our feelings. Left unchecked it is a very small number of steps to embracing the Dark Side and losing everything." I say.

Anakin looks at me. Hopefully he's taking the words on board. He then looks at the table, away and back at me.

"There's something else, isn't there?" I say. I then wait while Anakin frets.

"Anakin, tell us, we are your friends." says Shayla.

"I was an idiot. I yelled at Grete, lost my temper." Anakin confesses.

"Is she alive?" I ask. Not a normal question but given who we are speaking to a pertinent one. Anakin nods.

"Yes, I just shouted at her." he says.

"It's good to see you retained some control. It remains that the wrong words can be just as painful as wounds, even more so."

"I told her I didn't love her. That I would never love her." Anakin confesses.

Somehow, I suspect there was more than that. Let's not press though.

"What do you do now?" I say.

"Me? I've done enough already." says Anakin.

You never grew out of this, did you? You never thought you could make things right and instead doubled down in pity and self loathing.

"No you have not. You may think the situation is beyond salvaging, but it's not the case. You can always seek forgiveness. No action, no matter how terrible, is beyond redemption. So you will go and apologise. Now."

Anakin stares back at me. "I, I can't." he says.

I stare back. "You will do this, young Jedi. Because it is what is right. It is what is needed for both of you to heal. To be able to move forward. I will go with you. I will help."

Anakin stares back for some time. "Okay. When."

I stand up. "Now seems a good time. Follow me." I say cheerily

Anakin doesn't move. "Now?" he says.

I have already reached the door. I turn round.

"Yes. Or do you somehow think some more angry brooding will make it easier?" I say.

Anakin ceases frowning and gets up. "I guess not. Okay."

I pause and reach out with the Force. This is getting easier.

"Care to accompany us?" I say to Shayla.

"Me? Wait? Why?" Shayla says.

"Because all things are connected. Trust me." I say.

"What are you planning Neobarb?" says Shayla, rising too.

As we leave I wonder why everyone is so suspicious of me.

\-----

Now we are outside of Grete's house. With a little prodding I get Anakin to the door to knock. The door opens to reveal Carlo, Grete's father.

"You! Give me one reason I don't knock your block off." he says raising an arm.

"Because Anakin has come here to apologise." I say.

"Yes, I need to speak to Grete. I am so sorry about what I said to her. Please." says Anakin, head bowed.

"You broke my daughter's heart. Thought you Jedi were better than that." says Carlo.

"I know. I'm sorry. I can't take the words back, but I can apologise for saying them. I was an idiot. A fool. Please." says Anakin.

Carlo looks at Anakin for a while. "Guess I was an idiot at your age too. Still, you can't see her. She's not here." says Carlo.

"When will she be back?" says Anakin.

"Hmm, don't really know. A few years, maybe. Gre's gone and joined that new outfit, as a marine. Couldn't talk her out of it." says Carlo.

Since Anakin is just staring blankly I intervene.

"Thank you Carlo. We shall be going now. Come on Anakin." I say and walk away. Anakin mumbles a good bye and follows us. It quickly becomes apparent we are not going home.

"Dee-Jay. Where are we going." asks Anakin.

"To speak with Grete." I say.

"Oh dear. I know that tone." says Shayla.

"What tone?" I say.

"You know. Anakin. I'll hold him and you run." Shayla says laughing.

"I don't think I can run far enough." says Anakin finally smiling.

\-----

A quick trek across town sees us approaching some new buildings. Like such collections everywhere there are people everywhere in uniforms doing things in an orderly manner. Like Naboo buildings everywhere there are lots of plants and trees, giving the whole place a 'one with nature look'. I ask about and find my way to the office in question. Sky Marshall. Outer Rim Squadron.

"Anakin! What brings you here?" says Padme, standing quickly as we enter.

Everyone outside looked pretty busy. Now is not the time for an extended staring contest.

"Anakin needs to speak with one of your recruits. A Ms Grete Hama. Marines, I believe." I say.

"We are preparing for departure, you know." says Padme towards me.

"I did notice. I am training a Jedi." I say.

"Why does Anakin need to speak with one of my marines?" asks Padme.

"Direct us to her and you too can find out." I say with a smile.

We stare at each other for a beat.

"Now I'm intrigued. Okay." says Padme and makes a few entries on her pad. "Just in time. Follow me."

We follow her as she departs. Out the base HQ. Across a landing field to where young people in uniform are getting ready to board a shuttle. Everyone comes to attention.

"Trooper Hama. Come forward." says Padme. Soon Grete is standing in front of everyone. I give my apprentice a nudge.

"You're on." I say.

"Here?" whispers Anakin.

"You think forgiveness is easy?" I say.

Anakin steps forwards. "Grete, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you. I, I was an idiot. I didn't mean it." he says.

Grete regards Anakin for a moment. "Permission to express myself freely." she says.

The officer in charge of the company looks at Padme, who nods.

"Permission granted."

Bam! Grete's fist slams into Anakin's stomach. He contracts but then straightens, grimacing.

"Guess I deserved that." says Anakin.

"You did. I'll consider your apology." says Grete. She then returns to the rows of troopers.

"Far be it from me to intervene in military matters but you might want to promote her." I say in an aside to Padme.

"You think? Rather presumptuous Master Dee-Jay. Any other disruptions to my command planned?" says Padme.

"No?" I say.

"Good. Well you can kiss my CMO goodbye. Physician Commander, I take it you are ready to depart as well?" says Padme.

Shayla looks surprised. "What? Did you know about this?" she says looking at me.

"No. I just knew you had to come with us. Congratulations by the way." I say and kiss her. After a while we separate.

"Excellent. Physician Commander, if you would come this way we can get you settled in. We'll send someone to collect your things." says Padme.

"One more question Sky Marshall. What is the name of your command?" I say.

"The Liberator. Now, excuse us. We have work to do." says Padme before the women depart.

Liberator? Figures.


	21. What do you mean, mud?

As we walk back home I wonder about fate, destiny and how I will be asked to choose one life or trillions. Because I know where I live. Behind us, the drop shuttles begin ascending to their parent vessels in orbit.

"Dee-Jay?"

"Yes Anakin, you have a question?" I say.

Anakin stops, he looks at the drive flares in the sky, then back to me.

"What is going on?" he asks.

"The Outer Rim Squadron is launching today. They will patrol, interdict and capture Slave ships. Part of a campaign to free those who have been enslaved and make it difficult and expensive to continue the practice." I say. At considerable expense too. The fast cruisers Amidala ordered were not cheap. Then again, the various Systems who paid for them, feel that the dent in piracy will justify the expense.

Anakin looks back again.

"How can you be so calm?" he says.

"Because I am at peace. Because this is good." I say.

Anakin turns and grabs me by the shoulders.

"She's throwing herself into danger! It's all my fault!" he says.

"Grete? How is it all your fault?" I say.

Anakin looks at me blankly.

"What do you mean. If I hadn't yelled at her, said those things, she would be here, she would be safe!" he says.

"You may have spurred her to immediate action, but I think you will find that signing up was on her mind as something to do after schooling. If we asked her parents I think you will find out that she was considering it. Just, not right now." I say.

"But, but, what if she gets hurt? Or, or killed? Palpatine says..." says Anakin the sentence dying on his mouth.

"Palpatine? The Supreme Chancellor? What did he say?" I say. Rather redundantly, Anakin's unlikely to have been corresponding with Gustas Palpatine, local fruit grower.

Anakin looks away. Well, least you recognise now it was appalling advice.

"Nothing good. I see that now." he says.

"Did he tell you that Grete was trying to steal your affections? That she just wanted you as a trophy? To drive a wedge between you and Padme? That she didn't really care?" I say.

Anakin's wide eyes tell me I've been pretty accurate.

"How can you know that?" he says.

"I have some insight into the mind of the Chancellor. He has spent his life in pursuit of power and so finds it difficult to ascribe pure motives to others." I say. True too. "He was the one to suggest being rather forceful in rejecting her?"

"Yeah, it was. It seemed so good at the time." he says shaking his head.

"That was your jealousy and anger getting the better of you. He sought to use you, to trick you into harming those you love." I say.

"Why?"

"Palpatine, and those like him see things in only in terms of power, who is in control of who. Imagine if in the following weeks Grete was badly injured or killed in action. He would hold this against you, suggesting it was your fault. He would ask you to do other things using that guilt against you." I say.

"No. He's always been so helpful. He listens. He says he understands. He likes racers." says Anakin.

Palpy's a speed freak too? Really?

"And how was his first piece of real advice? Did it help? Or almost drive off a good friend?" I say.

"Grete hates me." grouses Anakin. Force save me from moody teenagers.

"Yes, she's angry with you. But I don't think she hates you. She only punched you in the gut. She could have aimed lower." I say.

Anakin grimaces, then nods.

"There is that. So, you don't think I should trust the Chancellor?" he says.

That's an understatement.

"I would question his motives. His advice almost ruined a good friendship. Why? Also, consider. That little war just before we met? Who did very well out of that again?" I say as we continue walking home.

\----

"You're a fool." accuses Abby. Today's torture is, being strapped down to a bed?

"I get that. A lot. Which particular foolishness are we discussing today?"

"Do you truly think your toy will be safe from me? What are ships and troops to me?"

"It's not a question of safe. It's a question of growth. The experience will be good for her. Besides, your influence on the material is limited, without a champion or, a master."

I have been learning. A common theme regarding the most powerful dark side adepts through history is that they sought out a being of immense power. Abby, not always by name, but you learn the signs. Through her, they gain access to incredible power, but always at a price. Course, once you are powerful enough to summon Abby you've drunk way too much Kool-Aid already.

Abby's view of material life is thus rather skewed, and warped. Crazed lunatics, fanatics, psychopaths and victims are who she normally deals with. I may be one of the few relatively sane beings to have spoken at length to her.

"You know nothing!" she says as a glowing red whip extends from her hand.

Only relatively sane, since what I am attempting is both questionable and impossible. May as well change the charge of the electrons. After all, they post date her if I am right.

"I know you have suffered immense loss. Unbearable. Unfathomable. I can still help." I say.

Can I? Only one way to find out. Do, or do not.

"Why do you keep saying that?" she screams, lashing out.

"Because if you want to change you need someone to help." I say.

There is a brief pause, as if the being actually is considering my offer. Then it is back to the screaming, torture and mutilation.

Do I call this progress?

\-----

The next day we have an early morning meditation and exercise class outside. I've heard that there are such classes across Naboo, even spreading to other systems. I would say they're little more than yoga classes, except that the Force is real. So something is going on. All I know is I don't have to lead the classes anymore. This morning it's a rather nervous looking couple who keep giving me nervous looks.

"It was a good session. I feel centred and ready for the challenges of the day." I say when they ask me afterwards.

"That's a relief. We're not real Jedi you know." says Kayne.

"Being a Jedi is not about power, but faith, heart and love." I say.

They nod.

"Which one is greatest?" says Danielle.

"Isn't it obvious? What binds you, surrounds you, holds you together? It is love."

Ol Saul and I may disagree on a great many things, but with this, he was on the money.

Not long after, Anakin and I are alone.

"What now Dee-Jay?" he asks.

"There are several options available to you. Corellia, Neforaan, Inva Mula or something else." I say.

Anakin looks pensive.

"Or maybe you feel we aid the Outer Rim Squadron?" I say.

"You don't think so?" says Anakin.

"We could. Make sure those we love are safe, protected?" I say.

"Well, yeah. What's wrong with that?" he says, a little confused.

"Should we protect those we love from all harm?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Even at the cost of their own growth, their own freedom?" I say.

"What, do you mean?" says Anakin.

"Imagine you saw someone drowning. Would you rescue them?" I say.

"Of course." says Anakin.

"Now if they were about to dive into a pool. Would you stop them? Even if you knew they were a poor swimmer?" I say.

"No?"

"Just so Anakin. Just so."

There is a pause as Anakin thinks this over.

"Shayla's not a good swimmer, is she?" he says.

"No. It is amazing what she is doing. I am happy at the choice she finally made. It wasn't an easy one." I say.

"Did you foresee it?" Anakin asks.

"Not in a precise sense. It was hard to miss the pamphlets or her emotions at any recruitment holo that played." I say.

"So you did know."

"Yes, but it was her decision, not mine. Just as where we go next is your decision." I say.

Anakin thinks on this as we walk.

"Can I have some advice?" he asks.

\-----

In the end Anakin decides to visit the Jedi Terraforming Corps operating on Neforaan. I can't say I was entirely neutral in my decision. Improving and making a world habitable while low profile and looked down upon by those already having benefited from it sounds like one of those largely overlooked good things the Jedi do. As a non-stabby Force related activity I would have welcomed it even if it meant planting trees or tending algae farms for a year. As it turns out that's what they put on the brochures. Neforaan is shrouded in cloud, it rains constantly and I spend days on end squelching through mud keeping goddamn smeeps alive and away from various machines. Two months in and I am tired, cold, miserable and I really miss Shayla. What was I thinking?

Anakin loves it.

I am not sure what Master Zhalen thought when we turned up announcing we would be helping for a year. A quick call to Coruscant confirmed that I was legit and also, not totally insane. Who chooses terraforming over all the high diplomacy and aggressive negotiating Jedi do? After a quick assessment of my technical skills, that is none, I was assigned to smeep herding. Smeep are, well my first thought was 'giant tribble' and that's not far off. As far as I can tell, they are furry, have eight limbs for crawling about and they spend their existence eating, mating, pooping and popping out more smeep. If they were not covered in mud and rain I would guess they look cute. Not that it matters. Smeep also make your average sheep look like Stephen Hawking. While they are here to breed fast, make tons of fertiliser and then die they are not supposed to die gummed in an atmo processor. Or fall into a borehole, wander off and die in an unformed area or any of the creative ways the most stupid creatures in the damn Galaxy can find to inconveniently off themselves. The stupid things can bang themselves to death, for example. Breaking up a smeep orgy is not, I repeat, not for the faint hearted.

Anakin on the other hand is a whizz at anything mechanical that got him on tending to the giant machines, the transport fleet and every other thing that breaks down. Which they did, a lot before we showed up. Anakin spends his days leading the tech crews on repair, maintenance and various upgrade projects. Evenings and days off are spent playing sports, meditating or with a group of the younger members being, well, teenagers.

"Anakin!" calls out Amelia as my charge approaches the shower block. One advantage of this place. Water is in abundance. No sonics here. I pause in trudging back to my room to watch one of the few sources of entertainment. The Anakin show. Watch Anakin hold various admirers off at arms length. If I wasn't from a very liberal and secular society I might find all this suffering and holding out noble or something. I might even have thought that were I not looking forward to another ten standard months of smeep wrangling. As it stands I am using all my stoic space knightness to not grin or laugh at the ongoing antics. Anakin vs Amelia, round three. Ding ding.

Anakin turns round to regard Amelia, a cute young terraformer whose excavation walker has recently come down with all manner of technical issues that apparently only Skywalker can see too. Not that any machine on this forsaken world doesn't need regular maintenance and I'm sure most of the glitches are real, just not urgent.

"Yes?" he says.

"Bunch of us are taking Crawler Four to monitor the Ion Storm on the Karga Flats. I could use your help with that." says Amelia.

"I, um, don't I have to review Terkali's Conciliation of the Ghazi?" says Anakin looking in my direction. Amelia looks my way too.

"No Anakin, I believe you're mistaken. That would be tomorrow night, or the one after possibly." I say.

"Dee-Jay!" says Anakin in surprise.

"What? You know, this sounds important. Perhaps Amelia needs your attentions. To aid in the observations of course." I say.

Amelia smiles and blushes at such agreement.

"But, but. I need to get cleaned up. You don't want me all cooped up smelling like this." protests Anakin.

"Well, get cleaned dummy. We'll wait." says Amelia.

Unable to find further objections Anakin hurries off to the showers.

"Too strong?" says Amelia to me after a moment.

"Eight point seven, eight point two and two from the Russians." I say. "That means pretty good." I add.

"Any advice?" asks Amelia.

My advice? Sorry kid. Anakin's choices are his and his alone. Still.

"Those crawlers have a rather large storage bay? Here's an idea. You'll need to fab a mat, about three metres to a side. On it you'll need 16 printed dots in a square. Four colours. Additionally a smaller mat with a spinner..."

It's listed as a fun family game. Entirely wholesome. No one has to get naked. So I have been told.

\-----

"Your latest trick is pathetic!" accuses Abby while my form is in her mental grip.

"Hi Abby, I've missed you. No tricks, by the way." I say. I do wonder why I have not heard from her lately. Have I just been too tired?

"Destiny will not be denied! The chosen one is mine!"

"Really? And him not becoming a sexually repressed edgelord ruins that? Had I known I would have done this sooner."

"He is mine. You are mine."

"And you belong to them. You are not free. Perhaps you could trust..."

I am cut off as my mouth vanishes.

"Silence!" roars Abby.

I am permanently cold, tired and hopefully my apprentice is not playing Twister the way it was initially envisaged while I sleep alone each night.

'No'

"I will rend you apart!"

'Go ahead, but that is getting tedious. How about I give you a choice? You can listen to me or remain a slave, forever.'

"You do not understand! You cannot understand!" Abby screams as my arms and legs are torn away. I concentrate and my form re-establishes itself.

"Are we ready to talk?" I say.

"I'll show you." says Abby before departing.

I really hope we are getting somewhere.

\-----

"Dee-Jay?"

"Yes, Anakin?" I say. It's a few days later and today's activity was preventing Herd Seven from enacting 'Journey to the Centre of the Earth' via Borehole Five. Is Force Throw Bloody Stupid Animal a legitimate power? Swear I've got several levels in it by now. Actually I'm close to swearing at anything.

"Did you tell Amelia about that game?" Anakin says.

"Twister? Yes Anakin I did. Have fun?" I enquire.

"Why yes. I'm quite good at it. The others were rubbish, by the way." Anakin explains.

I'm doomed. We're all doomed.

"I did have a long talk with Amelia. Did you know she was going to be a Jedi Knight but volunteered for the Service Corps? She said she wanted to build worlds and homes for people. I thought that was a good thing. I, we, um. We decided we should see each other more and examine our feelings." Anakin says.

Not all doomed.

"Well, that is good Anakin. Carry on young Jedi." I say and amble towards the showers.

Later, while washing up after dinner I receive the news from the other party.

"Dee-Jay?"

"Yes Amelia?"

"Your idea didn't work, not exactly. Still, Anakin and I had a long talk while everyone else was busy."

Somehow my apprentice left that part out.

"Any developments?"

"Anakin told me about his past. How by being a Jedi he believes he could bring an end to slavery as it is in the Galaxy. It's why he's so serious. I, we decided however to see each other more. Talk things out. I may. I."

"Yes."

"I love being a terraformer. It's what I always wanted, but."

"Yes Amelia."

"I may want to become a Knight as well."

Totally not doomed.

\-----

The next day the berm I TK into place to keep the smeeps away from the borehole collapses and I am covered in mud, sludge and smeep manure, but I don't care. Mostly because how my charge is handling things and also because I received a letter. Holo. Whatever.

"Hello we're in hyperspace back to Naboo to drop off those we freed and so I have some time finally. I have been so busy. I have an entire staff to get organised and most off shifts I have collapsed into bed exhausted. Then there have been the ships. The things I have seen! I can barely describe them. My staff have just performed four hundred slave implant extractions, almost fifty myself. That's four hundred people freed love. That's just the Liberator too. The entire Squadron is busy. I'm really making a difference out here, but I do miss you. They tell me you are at Neforaan. I don't even know where that is. Please stay safe love. Till we meet again. I love you. Your Space Princess." the holo blows me a kiss and ends.

I remove the message crystal and store it in my pouch and smile.

A few weeks later;

Attention citizens of Neforaan. Rejoice, for the day of your liberation is at hand. You are free of the shackles of the tyrannical Galactic Republic and are now free to join the Confederacy of Independent Systems.

What? Aren't you buggers early?


	22. Boomshanka

'You cannot stop them. They are coming. They will begin the killing and subjection here. All thanks to you.'

The news that warships from another power have appeared in orbit and are intent on conquest was taken quite calmly by the local members of the Terraforming Corps. After all, they were neutral in whatever conflict the system had found itself embroiled in. Their duty was to nurturing Neforaan itself,

"These newcomers have a quarrel with the Republic Leadership, not with us. They will ask the Neforaans to join this, this Confederacy and once they have their answer they will leave." says Master Zhalen to a gathering of most of the Jedi Terraformers and their families. There is a calm murmuring as the people take this onboard. What he is saying is right. It is what has been the norm on the Rim for thousands of years. The flag overhead may change, but no-one in their right mind would interfere with the improvement of the worlds out here.

"You are mistaken Master Zhalen. They are here for us. This is the beginning of a war bent to one purpose. The extermination of the Jedi. When they land their ships, they will come here. No doubt there will be some manufactured excuse, or it will be listed as an unfortunate mistake, but they will come. Anyone here will be destroyed or enslaved. I would prevent that tragedy." I say.

Not the best news to bring to a town meeting. Jedi Terraformers are serious people. They may laugh and joke but not like this. They begin talking, worriedly.

"Calm down. Calm down everybody. These are very troubling predictions Master Dee-Jay. How do you know this." asks Master Zhalen.

'Go on love. Tell the truth. It's the Jedi way, is it not.' whispers Abby in my ear.

"It has been revealed to me via the Force. After all, why else would I be called here?" I say and also true, technically. Somehow revealing which exact part of the Force, that is, a very cranky and petulant eldritch abomination is not part of a winning argument. It helps that it makes sense. Why else would I be here, really?

"What do you propose?" asks Zhalen.

"Those with families I suggest dispersing into the general population. You are all well liked and related to them besides. They should shelter you. As for the rest. The Jedi protect. I intend to defend this world. They picked what they think is an easy target. I will show them otherwise." I say.

"This is madness! You would have us disrupt our project, the work of generations on your interpretation of the Force alone? How come no one else feels as you do?" says Khalen.

Again, he makes a good point. While I wonder what to say Anakin walks over and fiddles with the holo projector until he find a news station.

'... Federation Battleship still in orbit. The Commander, Nute Gunray says he will patiently await the choice of Neforaan's citizens. Meanwhile, all attempts to contact Coruscant have failed although this is...' comes a summary from the reporter. The image switches from a picture of the vessel and Gunray.

"That is who is here. Nute Gunray. The Butcher of Naboo. That monster had everyone in the capital herded like animals into camps. People I know!" says Anakin as he paces back and forth.

"Be reasonable Skywalker. The Naboo Occupation was relatively bloodless. Thanks to the Queen's order to not resist, casualties were very light." comes a voice.

Anakin rounds on the one interrupting him.

"Light? You call almost twenty thousand dead, light? I live with those people, many of whom are missing a loved one. People who will never see a child grow up, their friends, lovers and relatives ever again. That's the fiend responsible. He now sits above this world, ready to do it all again. I, for one, will not let that happen." says Anakin.

I remember, that for all that he was an evil authoritarian maniac, Darth Vader was a charismatic evil authoritarian maniac.

"We're all Jedi here. Search your feelings. You can sense what is coming. We can prevent another tragedy. Who is with me?"

There is a moment of quiet as everyone able to do so concentrates, seeking an answer from the Force. Then someone raises their hand, then another and another. Soon the entire room is looking at Anakin. Anakin looks at me.

Jedi Master. That's what I am. Which means I am now in charge.

"Okay. We fight." I say.

"What will you fight with? We have no weapons!" says a man.

"Yes. Are we to fight armies with terraforming equipment?" says another.

I smile.

"In a word, yes. What say we beat some ploughshares into lightsabres." I say.

Someone raises a hand.

"Yes?"

"Wouldn't our plasma arcs be better suited to that?" they ask.

\-----

"Dee-Jay?" asks Anakin once everyone is gone.

"Yes, Anakin?"

"What are we going to do? With that battleship in orbit. They have the high ground."

"Don't worry Anakin. I have an idea."

\-----

A week passes and while the local Planetary Government debates on whether to accept the Confederacy's offer, we are busy. We shuttle a good number of people to the surrounding towns, mostly by loading them into the transports which routinely make the trips. They go stay with their extended families. To make sure the same number of life traces remain on base we move in the smeeps. It's not going to fool someone who really bothers to check but I have faith in the droid armies. Life signal numbers are staying the same. We also, as the wag pointed out convert plasma arcs into lightsabres. It's more for morale than anything. I have no intention of terraformers charging battledroids with deadly rave sticks. We also repurpose other equipment including a few special projects from my secret weapon.

\-----

"Come on, you stupid things!" I yell at the smeeps as they bumble through the halls. "Dinner time! Into the mess hall. Which you can make a mess of."

I, of course, am wrangling the smeeps. While in charge, I am rather low on the needed and useful skills list. I keep them away from the workshops and moving about since even the dimmest droid may wonder why the occupants spend their time congregating in large clumps. It takes a while, but I get the current bunch into what used to be the mess and then close the doors. I then lean against them for a moment. Whose dumb idea was, oh right, mine.

"Master Dee-Jay!" comes a cry. Now what? I see Terris approaching.

"Yes?" I say.

"We lost Insolation Three! That Battleship just flew through it. Shattered against it's deflectors."

"Okay. That's, bad?" I say.

"We needed all four Insolators. It can't work with just three. It's just impossible." says Terris.

Impossible? I'll see about that.

"Anakin!" I call out and go looking for my charge. After a quick Force assisted search I find him, predictably with Amelia.

"Here. Now, if you contract the field like this, carefully, then the charge is contained within the shell." he says.

"Where did you learn this?" asks Amelia.

"On Naboo, from the Gungans. Everyone thinks they're primitives, but their technology is just different. Useful too." says Anakin.

Bonding over making boomas? Not my idea of a date, but still.

"Your adopted world sounds beautiful." says Amelia.

"It is." says Anakin.

The couple lock eyes and would share a moment if I didn't have a small matter.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we have a small problem. How do we do the thing with three mirrors?" I say.

Both young engineers look at me.

"Three?" says Amelia.

"How did this happen?" asks Anakin.

"The Confederacy accidentally destroyed Insolation Three." I say by way of explanation.

"But our plans." begins Anakin.

"Have been ruined by the enemy. Only to be expected, that's why we call them the enemy. Can we still do the thing?" I say.

Anakin thinks for a while.

"I guess so. But it will burn everything out. We won't get another shot." says Anakin after a while.

"We probably wouldn't have got a second shot anyways." I say.

"This won't be easy." says Anakin.

"We are Jedi. If you wanted easy, you picked the wrong destiny. Can I have that?" I say. The last pointing towards the new booma.

"Uh, sure." says Anakin.

"Thank you. As you were." I say and pick up the mostly stable plasma charge before leaving. I notice several smeep shuffling towards Vehicle Bay Two and hurry.

"Oi, you lot! Away from that." I yell.

Could always use plan B. Leave the droids to a smeep infested facility and see how long it takes for their logic circuits to all pop.

\-----

Another few days sees us all in surrounding facilities, caves and other not so obvious places. The locals have decided not to join the Confederacy's new vision for the future. Everyone's old pal and patsy, Nute Gunray has declared Jedi interference in local affairs and things have gone downhill from there. It doesn't take too long for the good viceroy to declare sending in the troops to 'oversee' more 'fair' deliberations 'free' of meddling Jedi. That's okay, we have been busy too.

"Satellites in place?"

"Yes."

"Boreholes charged?"

"Yes."

I watch as the Trade Federation drop shuttles descend through the clouds.

"Commence primary ignition. You may fire when ready."

I have so always wanted to say that.

\-----

As Anakin pushes the button several things happen. Three boreholes, which we had been blocking for a few hours, now release all that pent up energy. The magnetic shielding, normally used to keep the walls from melting and to efficiently disperse the heat into the atmosphere now is focusing all that power into a beam. Three beams lance straight up, each one directed at a very conveniently placed insolation mirror. Those normally redirect solar energy planetside to power, well everything really. They're amazing reflectors. In this case they reflect the beams briefly before being consumed. Those reflected beams converge at a focal point, said point being where the battleship is. Or, to be precise, was. Through the now cleared clouds there is briefly a new star in the sky.

None of which should have worked. Until you figure in the Chosen One, his extraordinary mechanical genius and better, his ability to twist space, time, fate and chance to his desires. What he desires right now is a battleship free sky.

Gotcha.

Undeterred, several droid carriers and hover tanks advance on the complex. Time for phase two. We observe from a ridge as the droid force hovers into the courtyard. A carrier unloads a company and it approaches the main doors. As the doors are opened the surprised droids are greated by a pack of smeeps. Predictably the smeep attempt to see whether these strange new things are edible or shagable. Equally predictably, the droids open fire.

"Now." I say.

Amelia pushes a detonator switch and there is a flash as several dozen ion charges, normally used for seismic survey go boom. The droids stumble about a bit and fall over.

"Let's go."

Anakin and I lead a team of terraformers armed with the Galactic equivalent of jumper cables to steal the droids and armour. Well, except for the ones that are currently the victims of amorous smeep.

No way am I cleaning that up.


	23. A not so Short victorious war.

"Roger, Roger."

"Roger, Roger."

"Roger, Roger."

I am reminded of those talking toys that would repeat a stock line back when it 'hears' something and what happens in a warehouse full of the damn things. Except these are B1 Battledroids. They're a whole lot less fuzzy, much bigger and better armed than your standard Furby.

"Roger, Roger."

"Roger, Roger."

They are also only slightly more intelligent than smeeps. How do the Neimoidians stand it?

"Roger, Roger."

Ow. By not being cramped in a carrier with the daft things is how. I look over at Anakin who is calmly just lying down and not being jostled, jabbed and stepped on by the damn Rogers.

"I blame you. This was your idea." I say.

Anakin turns his head.

"My idea? I distinctly remember your input too Dee-Jay." he replies.

"Okay, okay. Our, plan. So who the hell approved this? I want to complain to the management."

"That would be you. Dee-Jay. In conclusion, this is all your fault." says Anakin with a smirk.

Is there any way to go back in time, tell the Jedi to go screw themselves and retire to the Nudist Planet? Damn all exiting adventures.

"Roger, Roger."

"Oh, shut up!"

Fortunately, the trip does not take forever. It only seems that way. The carrier stops and the droids disembark. We wait patiently.

"What is this?"

"Relief rotation. You're all due a maintenance cycle."

"Phew. This planet is terrible. Hear that boys? Oil baths for everyone!"

There is a chorus of mechanical cheers.

"Actually, I lied. This is a takeover. Hands up."

"Ohh, no."

We then get out, secure the base and then call in the others to begin reprogramming our captives. Well, everyone else does. I keep an eye out for any actual reinforcements.

In the morning I give the two Terraformers staying behind to oversee Orbital Traffic Control Four my best 'Master Dee-Jay is serious' glare.

"I want you two to promise that you'll get out at the first sign of trouble. No heroics or last stands. Just leg it." I admonish.

The two kids nod and smile.

"Yes Master Dee-Jay!" they chorus, the Force indicating that they're being honest, for now.

"And remember, small errors only, and not every one. Keep them guessing."

In return I get 'the look'. Yeah, yeah, don't tell us how to do our jobs barbarian.

"Very well." I say and give them a quick bow. "The Force is with you, always."

\-----

Driving out of town we are stopped by a checkpoint. A droid walks over to the crawlers cabin.

"Relax. It's one of ours." says Anakin besides me.

"Let's see some ID." rasps the droid

"You don't need to see our identification." I say.

"What? Oh right. I don't need to see your identification." says the droid.

"These are not the droids you're looking for." I say.

"Huh? Oh, of course. Not the right droids. Gotcha." says the droid and then waves us through.

We continue driving away from the town.

"Dee-Jay?"

"Yes Anakin?"

"I don't understand the code phrases. I mean, the first one makes sense, but the second? Why would anyone say that to droids?" he says.

Why ever indeed?

"Because it's not something you would normally say. That way our droids know it's us." I say.

There is a pause.

"Okay. I just, get this sense that you're not telling me everything sometimes."

Big understatement Mr Maybe Vader Someday Later.

"I promise, I will reveal everything in the fullness of time. Besides, have I ever lied to you?"

"Well, when you said you were not well to get out of dinner with mom and instead spend the night with Shayla."

"Oh come on, your moms cooking is good, just not that good.":

"Or when you told me lime ice cream is disgusting."

"A noble sacrifice."

"Or when you didn't have a lesson ready so I was free to go with Amelia."

"I beg the greater good on that one"

"Or when..."

"Anakin! Anything, substantive?"

"I'm just pointing out that you do lie, a lot."

"Well, when you have your own apprentice or worse, children, I believe you will finally understand."

There is at last some silence. For a few minutes.

"What do you mean, children?"

While we're now so off base I doubt we'll be getting the terrible twins, I feel they're still a good indication of what's in your future buddy. If this all works out. If.

\-----

Making the battleship go boom wasn't going to be the end of this. The bad guys have more and it wasn't long before two more arrived. They decided to park further away though. Although there was no way we could recreate our little trick we also were not letting them know that. This has totally ruined many of their advantages. They can't scan us from orbit and Neforaan's atrocious weather makes longer range surveillance all but impossible. Fighter strikes have appalling long time to target and cannot remain for very long at all. This means ground bases and traffic control points like the one we just converted. All that adds to the general confusion as to whose droids are whose down here. The Neimoidian EW boys are no slouches, but again are limited by operating remotely. Or to brave visiting planet side and playing 'is this droid on my side' in person. We have our code phrases, the Force and the enemy droids are really leery of getting destroyed. How can you be such shitty employers that even your droids don't like you? Thank the Force for cartoon villainy.

It's not all overcast skies and mud wrestling however. While the government managed to get a message off to Coruscant, the reinforcements have prevented any semblance of a reply. Since I have a pretty good idea who Abby tipped off, I wasn't really counting on any help from the capital. I'm also not sure what they could do in any case. What does the Republic have? Not sure Patrol ships are going to be able to do more than say 'Please stop invading the planet.' The Neforaan Terraforming Corporation might cobble together a mercenary fleet to protect it's interests, but equally given that their biggest asset isn't going anywhere they might just wait it out. Our biggest hope is to make this way too costly for the Neimoidians that they give up and go conquer something worth actual money. Since with that we're up against Gunray's fear of Sideous that could take some time.

I still don't believe the bastard survived. What possessed him to come down with the ships heading for the capital anyway? It's not like he had any problem berating everyone for a week via holo before. So it looks like a case of the Force looking after fools and madmen, and isn't it always a worry when I start referencing Kreia. Hopefully, it's the crazy sense of melodrama that's practically a cosmological constant in it's own right at work, saving him for some climatic confrontation with someone. He's now safe and cosy back on his ship. Oh well, back to the issues at hand.

"Stay away from the edge of death you stupid, stupid rat creatures!" I yell as I brandish a shock staff and try to herd the smeeps away from a cliff edge.

I'm a Jedi Master, a Rebel Leader and still, my most useful skill when not on mission is smeep wrangling.

"Oh for the love of, that's a bush, you amorous dolt!" I say and brandish my staff.

\-----

I am a smeep. I am a smeep. I am, a smeep.

No, having been on this mudball, er, currently thirty three hundred light years from Shayla for several months has not finally driven me insane and going totally native. Rather, this is my latest cunning plan. Since the Neimoidians developed a sense of total paranoia regarding any battledroid not fresh out of the box and been in their sight all the time we're giving new methods of infiltration a go. Such as driving smeep herds up against compounds or where they have not bothered with walls, through them. So they are used to the stupid creatures bumbling round. Which means this mud splattered filthy animal can bumble in with the other mud splattered filthy animals, delivering them the occasional kick because I am still not that far gone. Amble, amble, amble. Booma goes here. Amble, amble, kick. Booma goes there. Amble, kick, amble out.

An hour later the base explodes because kids, this is important. Do not place semi stable plasma charges in starship thrusters. Nor should you place them under fuel tanks. It is extremely irresponsible and someone could get hurt.

A few days later I am back at our base.

"Who is it?" calls Jane, who is currently on guard duty.

I stagger up and point at my chest.

"Tarzan." I say. I then prod the guard. "Jane."

The geologist looks at me blankly.

"I'll get Anakin. I'll tell him you're in the showers."

Everyone's a critic.

\-----

"Die, evil Jedi." I say, imitating a battledroid. I check the blaster's charge is set to practice mode and then unleash a burst at Anakin down range. Anakin for his part, deflects or dodges the bolts to the amazement of the onlookers as the barrage continues. Several of the bolts whizz past me. After a while I stop.

"You see, it can be done. Nothing is impossible. Not in the Force." I say.

"But Skywalker is incredibly powerful. We can't do that." points out Valea.

"Really?" I walk forwards and toss Anakin the blaster, which he catches. "I have a more normal Force potential, if there can even be said to be such a thing." I continue as I walk back to where I was. "But I am old and easily confused." I say as I tie a cloth round my eyes before activating my lightsabre. "In your own time Anakin."

There is a small pause and then I move the lightsabre in quick, fluid motions, blocking the bolts. When the assault ends I remove the cloth.

"Does that satisfy your concerns? Strength is important, but so is skill, confidence and faith in the Force. Which is why we practice. Now, who wants to begin?"

Later I watch Anakin spar with Amelia.

"Why are you holding it in that hand?" she says as they begin.

Anakin looks down. As normal, the weapon is in his left hand.

"Oh. It's how we always start." says Anakin looking at the weapon in his left hand.

Amelia transfers her lightsabre from right to left hand.

"Is this so we can learn to use the lightsabre in either hand?" asks Amelia.

Anakin pauses, unsure,

"I don't know. No, that must be it. You're right. Shall we begin?" he says.

Amelia nods and they both bow, adopt a guard stance and begin.

\-----

"I'm losing her!" shouts Herkam.

He and several volunteers are attempting to save Maran. Blaster bolt to the chest. Massive tissue damage, Herkam is the our local medtech. While supplies are limited, the sheer potency of Galactic medication borders on the miraculous. I am the local Jedi Master and through me, the Force works actual miracles. With our powers combined we have kept casualties far lower than I expected. Anyone who makes it back is almost guaranteed to survive.

Almost however, is not always. Maran is dying, technically she has been dead for fifteen minutes. That is not beyond the scope of Galactic medicine, nor the Force. Herkam and his team struggle while I implore the Force to bring this kid back. I have learned a lot since my first, near fatal attempt at healing, both in how to manipulate the Force and general physiology.

It is not enough. Twenty minutes later we finish. We cover Maran's body. I go and speak to her family. Later I find somewhere to be alone. Maran wasn't the first and won't be the last. I just wish...

'You could have saved her.' comes the voice.

'No, go away. Don't you have others to torment? Go bother Sheev. Let him know he's winning.'

"I don't want Sideous. I want to help you. Aren't you curious as to how you could have saved her?'

'You know I would.'

'Wonderful. Actually, you've done it before already. You just need control and maybe a little willingness to use another's life force instead of your own.' purrs Abby.

\-----

"Roger, Roger."

"Dee-Jay!" asks Anakin. We're aboard another carrier, it's full of stupid droids and we're enroute to pick up.

"Yes Anakin?" I ask.

"Are you alright? I sense something, about you, you feel different." he says.

"It's just the fighting. I am tired Anakin. We should have done this sooner." I say.

There is a jostle as the carrier boards the transport. Along with several others.

"We couldn't do it before now. Wait. You know this. You planned all this." says Anakin.

"I know. I know. I just wish it could have been done faster. We could have saved more people." I say.

"Roger. Roger"

Oh, be quiet.

The shuttles ascend to the battleship far above. This would never work in a sensible universe, one where robot ships wouldn't bother with silly things like atmosphere and life support for any stowaways to conveniently take advantage of. Even if they did, they would certainly scan for lifeforms. They do neither. So we sneak aboard with several companies of battledroids and a plan of Grand Theft Lucrehulk. I detail various bods to their targets and then Anakin, Amelia and myself lead the assault on the bridge. Things go well. We have the advantage of speed, surprise and, aside from a few Droideka induced hiccups we reach the bridge. Unlike in TPM, the doors open for us revealing a crowd of terrified Neimoidians and an elderly, silver haired man in dark clothing.

"Hello Master Dee-Jay. We meet again. May I thank you for delivering the Chosen One. It would of been such a chore to search the planet for him." says Count Dooku.

I'm in a room with Dracula. Who has a lightsabre, and I have already used up my makeshift Death Star.

This is... bad.


	24. Sith Lords be tough.

Earlier...

Bail Organa, Hereditary Representative to the Galactic Senate of the Republic for the Principality of Alderaan looked across the massive Senate Chamber as his pod hovered near the centre. He met the eyes of Sheev Palpatine, Chancellor of the Republic. The Chancellor smiled. Trust me, everything is going to be alright, there is no need for alarm those eyes said.

Bail blinked and shook his head. No. Everything was not alright.

"Beings of the Senate. My esteemed colleagues. Eight years ago this man promised change. He promised that no longer would there be pointless deliberation while worlds within The Republic lay threatened, or worse, in the hands of another power." Bail said, pausing and looking about the chamber. "A promise he never had any intention of keeping. My colleagues, nothing has changed and again, as it was eight years ago, nothing is being done."

"Please, you are mistaken. Things are in motion. Our dear Republic is vast. Everything takes time Senator." replied Palpatine.

And that was right. Things did take, no. It had been too long already. While he stood here, safe at the heart of the Republic, others were less fortunate. They were having their lives, their homes taken away from them by the corporate masters of the Confederacy. Something had to be done!

"No. It is you who is mistaken. You have changed nothing, you have done nothing but aggrandise your own self and promote your cronies while all the while the Rim catches fire. I will not stand idly by while our worlds burn. Beings of the Senate! I call for an immediate vote of non-confidence in the Supreme Chancellor."

His call was quickly seconded and in a few minutes a vote called, taken and tallied. Fully eighty percent voted in favour of the Chancellor's removal. Bail looked across at the former leader of the largest polity in the Galaxy.

"This body has spoken. You are relieved Mr Palpatine." said Bail

"No." said Palpatine.

"No? Palaptine. This body has spoken." said Bail.

"You think I care one whit about you snivelling worms. You want this office? Then come take it!" snarled Palpatine.

A murmur rose at this uncharacteristic defiance and the Senate Guard began moving towards the access to the central podium. Then suddenly, Bail's vision tilted and slewed rapidly sideways. With a shock, he realised that the pod had lost control and was now careening wildly towards one of the observation platforms. Then the motion stopped as he saw two figures on the platform with arms reaching towards him. Jedi, they had caught him and the pod, as well as several others safely with their telekinetic powers. It was in vain as twelve other pods, their occupants screaming slammed into the platform. Bail felt himself falling again, there was a massive impact and everything went black, the mad Chancellor's cackling echoing in his ears.

\-----

Battle raged across the Senate district on Corruscant as various forces strove to capture a single man. Mace could barely believe his eyes as he and Hera sped across a trail of destruction in a speeder. In their wake trailed police, judiciary, emergency services and other Jedi.

"What was that?" he asked, his companion's comment drowned out as a million windows shattered, spraying the pursuit, damaging several vehicles and the resultant explosions from their crashes adding to the din.

"I said I am going to kill him." yelled Hera over the din.

Mace nodded, the ex-Chancellor would surely pay for this.

"Oh, I have no intention of taking that monster alive." agreed Mace.

"Not him. Dee-Jay. He knew."

"That's insane." said Mace as he swerved to avoid a volley of actinic lightning.

"Is it? He seldom comes here and always has an excuse why his apprentice is never with him when he does. If we investigate I am sure we will find that maverick has never let Palpatine get within a thousand lights of Anakin. Because he knew."

The speeder flew after the quarry through explosions, blasts and other vehicles.

"If that's true then I will question him myself." said Mace.

"And then I will kill him." agreed Hera.

\-----

They finally cornered Palpatine in some access corridors after the monster had abandoned his speeder and gone to ground. Mace and Hera advanced on Palaptine, weapons out and at guard.

"It's over Palpatine. There's no escape," said Mace.

In response a door opened behind Palpatine revealing what appeared to be a ship's corridor. The monster raised his hand and an immense wave of force washed over the Jedi. Mace and Hera managed to stand their ground.

"No Master Windu. I think I will be going. Do not fear however. We will meet again." said Palpatine as he stepped through the door.

"You. Are. Coming. With. Us." said Mace as he advanced slowly despite the torrent, Hera a few steps behind him.

"No." said Palpatine and twisted his hand.

With an audible snap Hera's left leg was broken and almost immediately she was hurled backwards by the telekinetic hurricane. Mace turned and held her with the Force before she was swept away. This was accompanied by the door closing and a shaking. Carrying Hera Mace ran as the structures about him came apart as Palpatine's escape ship tore itself free and raced skywards. Mace turned to look from the ship to Hera.

"Why?" was all she could manage through the pain.

"Never, again." said Mace.

\-----

Now...

500

I look across at my opponent. Freaking Count Dooku. Probably Darth Tyrannus, probably. In any event a supreme badass with both the Force and lightsabre. I take a step so I am in the room. Lightsabre on and live.

"Anakin, get everyone out." I say.

"What? I can help." protests Anakin.

"I gave you an order, apprentice." I say, to emphasis the point I cause the door to close and then telekinetically tear the door controls to pieces.

Great, now I have locked myself in a small room with Dracula.

400

"A brave gesture, but a futile one. Surrender." says Dooku.

I take a few more steps. Anakin is, actually retreating. I'm kind of surprised. I have never pulled rank on him before and didn't know how he would jump.

"You choose to surrender? Very sensible. I accept." I say.

"Surely you jest. Now kneel." says Dooku.

That last part isn't a request. It is a command. The Dark Side crashes against me. I remain standing.

"No. I was not joking. Surrender Dooku. It's not too late." I say.

"Too late? When was it not too late? When we abandoned our rightful mantle of leadership? When we became little more than the tools of the Senate? When Yoda yielded leadership to that lickspittle Windu? When they sent Qui-Gon to be butchered, butchered by that Sith brute? It has always been too late!" says Dooku as he advances. His lightsabre is pointed directly at me.

Lightsabres back home are pretty props. Here, they are the real deal. Both of us hold a crackling, humming plasma psi blade pointed at each other. They are more than that though. These weapons are almost extensions of our will. Sure, someone else could pick up my lightsabre and use it, but for anyone else it is merely a dangerous weapon, even for another Jedi. In my hands it is alive. My strength, my skill, my faith in the Force made manifest. That's why the Sith have red blades. It's what they are. You can't choose the weapon's colour in any conscious sense. This is not merely a physical duel, but a spiritual and mental one as well. When you get down to it, who is truly right?

300

I circle to the left, blade between me and Dooku.

"Yes, it could well be that we are living in the final last days of the Jedi Order. So, tell me coward. Did you abandon the Jedi the instant you learned of your former apprentice's fate. Or did it take a week out of respect for what he died to protect?" I say.

Dooku lunges, impossibly fast, following up with a series of lightning fast jabs. I however, am already back peddling, staying out of reach and scrambling over consoles. The Neimoidians trapped in here with us scrabble to stay as far away as possible. I note Gunray is not present. Damn, that sucker is slippery.

"You know nothing of what I have felt! I died that day. I swore vengeance on the Jedi, The Republic, on everyone responsible!" screams Dooku.

"And the Sith? What of them? They orchestrated the whole affair." I say as I launch a probing attack of my own. I have reach on this monster. I have a chance. Just maybe.

Dooku parries almost effortlessly. His style is very economical, restrained. We continue about the bridge, lightsabres extended, pointing at each other. Dooku gestures and I leap as a bank of consoles I was standing besides explodes. He drives forwards, stabbing as I come up. I slam my blade down, driving his through the floor and aiming for his throat on riposte. Dooku, however is no longer there, leaping back and away.

200.

"You have no grasp of the power of the Dark Side. Through it I shall have my revenge. The Jedi, the Republic and then finally, the Sith. All shall fall! All shall become as dust before me!" says Dooku as he raises his hands and everything explodes. Consoles, screens, luminators, Neimoidians. The bridge becomes a charnel house of deadly, flying, razor sharp shards. I appear to be covered in the things. With a wave I reveal that they were all stopped about a centimetre from my skin.

"Thank you for disabling the ship. Bit messy, but I suppose we all lose our touch eventually." I say.

Dooku screams and attacks. Once again I am on the defensive. I block almost every strike. The red tip of his blade pierces my left shoulder and I scream. In that moment of pain and confusion he follows up with a strike to my right arm and left thigh. Nothing serious, but still agonising. I collapse in shock, cutting myself on the shards littering the floor.

100

"Hurts, doesn't it." says Dooku as he stands over me. With a contemptuous wave the bridge doors are wrenched open. "You were a fool and so you deserve a fool's death. I just want to know one thing before you die. I remember you Master Dee-Jay. You were always there, in the background of my memories. No-one special. No-one noteworthy." He lifts me up telekinetically so we are face to face.. "So tell me, exactly why I don't recall remembering you more than eight years ago?"

"You can have my reply when you see me in hell." I say in reply.

Whatever Dooku is about to say is drowned out in an explosion as something crashes through the bridge. I fall to the floor as Dooku acts to protect himself. There is an instance of depressurisation and then a shield envelops the breach sealing us from the vacuum outside. A door opens and a figure in brown leaps out wielding a blade of pure blue light. Following up are silver suited, Mandalorians? Dooku is driven back by this fresh assault. He quickly decides on discretion in the face of this unknown threat and flees. My rescuer returns.

"What kept you?" I say to Obi-Wan Kenobi as someone slaps trauma patches on me and I am jabbed with something. Whatever reply there may have been is lost as the drugs take effect. My last thought is 'that's strange are the Mandos recruiting Twi'leks now?'

0

\-----

"Commander! He's coming round." I hear as consciousness returns. What is that smell? Hope it's not me. I am in a hospital bed, everything is kind of fuzzy and, nope, can't move my limbs.

The door opens and Shayla walks in carrying a pad. She looks at it and then at me.

"Thank you Timo. That will be all." says Shayla and the orderly leaves. "Well?" she says when we are alone,

"Have I ever mentioned how hot you are?" I say. The Outer Rim Squadron uniform, all dark blue and gold trim looks amazing on Shayla. Okay, so I'm biased. Even so.

"Don't change the subject. It is said your opponent was a Sith Lord." says Shayla.

"Yes, it's true. Dooku is a Sith."

Shayla walks close and leans over me, her face set. Does she know she looks real cute like that?

"Then you listen to me Neobarb. You will leave this Dooku to the other Jedi. You don't have to save this Galaxy alone. I won't allow it." she says.

"No. I will do what I must. The Jedi protect." I say.

"No! I forbid it. Please love. Palpatine killed millions escaping. Please, I cannot let you face them." cries Shayla hugging me.

"I am sorry Princess, I cannot..." I pause as a pertinent conversation points hit home. "Wait? Palpatine did what?"

It seems all my smeep related activities has left me behind on current events. As I had guessed, Palpy had dragged his heels when the Confederacy launched their little planet grabbing operation. This apparently backfired as a bloc of Senators motioned a vote of no confidence in the Man from Naboo for doing exactly what he had sworn to prevent all those years ago. Unlike Valorum, Ol' Sheev didn't go quietly and, well things got very messy, very fast. Thousands dead in seconds as the Sith Lord started throwing occupied Senate Pods like Frisbees to squash the Senate Watch Jedi. From there the death toll rapidly escalated as Jedi and Judiciary Forces pursued Palpatine across Coruscant.. Cars, ships, even an entire building thrown like toys. As the Jedi struggled to prevent further loss of life Palpatine escaped the last actual pursuers. Everyone is reeling from the shock. The Confederacy is making bank on the fact that the Republic had an honest to goodness Sith Lord in charge and the Republic and Jedi have suffered grievous blows. He had a backup plan. A way to get out and then continue with his crazed goals of Galactic Domination. This was why Yoda had urged we proceed slowly, investigate and act cautiously. It looks like we ran out of time. Now I get to discover what Sheev's backup plan is along with everyone else. Oh joy.

"Anything else?" I ask after Shayla gets me up to speed.

"Well, there's the small matter of a warrant for your arrest. Not that I, or any Naboo intends to honour that. More importantly, who is that young woman with Anakin? Just exactly what have you been doing while terraforming my love?"

Oh yes. That. I am on a star cruiser with Anakin Skywalker and the two, no sorry, three women who fancy him. Can I just be arrested? Promise to go quietly.


	25. Losing track of planets is embarrassing.

I try for my most innocent expression, which is hard, since I don't have one.

"I have been stuck on a miserable mudball and missing you every moment. I should have recommended Inva Mula more. Then there was this invasion, people needed help and yeah, Anakin met Amelia." I say.

"Just like that?"

"Yes, just like that. I'm being optimistic."

"Of what?"

"Of everyone making good decisions, growing a bit and learning."

"Okay. It's just that, never mind love. You rest up." Shayla says and then gives me an injection. I drift off noticing she's worried. I wonder what...

\-----

Later, when I wake up again I find Anakin sitting in a chair reading beside me. He looks a little hunted.

"Good morning Anakin?" I say as I trying moving. It's painful, but doable.

"It's main shift. I think that means it's the afternoon." says Anakin.

"I see we have been rescued by the Outer Rim Squadron. How is everyone?" I say brightly. Well as bright as is possible when the chances of coffee are absolutely zero.

"Fine. I guess. Um, do you know what's happened?" says Anakin.

"The Chancellor of the Republic turned out to be a Sith Lord. He escaped before the Jedi could capture him. What I remember as the Clone Wars has started early. I'm wanted for several as of yet unspecified crimes."

"Yeah. Palpatine. Dee-Jay, did you know? About him." asks Anakin.

"Yes, I did. It had to remain a very close secret. No one could know, certainly not anyone in contact with him." I say.

"You knew about that as well!" exclaims Anakin,

'Yes Anakin. I had a vision regarding the Chancellor and what would happen if you were trained as a Jedi in the normal way. He would recruit you as his apprentice and plunge the Galaxy into darkness. It was decided to attempt a slightly more non-traditional approach to avoid that tragedy."

Anakin just stares at me. Got to admit, it's a lot to take in. Look on the bright side, everyone still has all their bits.

"So, any questions?" I ask after a bit.

"I don't know." comes the surly reply.

I shift and sit up. Ow. Then I essay standing up and nearly collapse as my left leg registers it's displeasure to being used so soon.

"Okay then. In your own time. Meanwhile, care to help me to the bridge?"

Anakin supports me as I stumble out of medical.

"Arghh! I think we should hurry." I say as pain lances up my side with each step.

"Why? What's going on."

"Clone Wars. Except there's no clones. Ow. I'll explain later." I say to Anakin. I look at the woman at the duty station and wave my hand. "It's okay, I am fine. I have been released." I say before departing and hobbling towards the Bridge. "So Anakin, any other reason you were hiding out in my room?" I ask.

Anakin reddens, but fortunately does not drop me.

"Dee-Jay!"

\-----

The bridge has lots of people in uniform all busy at the business of 'make sure the starship does not explode'. Several people look up, but return to their duties. The Sky Marshall is a little more attentive.

"Master Dee-Jay. Anakin." she says.

"We need to go to Kamino. Ow. Now." I say.

Padme looks at me. "Why?"

"To rescue some folks before Palpatine has them all killed." I say.

"You know where that monster will strike next? Very well, where is this system?" says Padme.

"Excellent. It's..." I begin but then realise I have no bloody idea. Damn it. I should know this!

Fortunately, Padme is at least used to me and my ways.

"Nevermind. We can find it. Navigation." she says.

"Yes Ma'am."

"Locate and set a course for the Kamino System. All due speed." orders Padme.

"Yes Ma'am."

A few minutes later there is a small problem.

"What do you mean there's no such system?" asks an officer.

"There's no such system. Master Jedi? Are you sure that's the system's name?" says the rating.

Oh, there was something about this place. Why can't I remember? Wait.

"The locals removed it from the databases. Because they're so damn dodgy. It's, it's in..." I trail off. Damn it! Bloody obscure plot points from the Prequels!

"Dee-Jay. I could help." suggests Anakin.

"No! I can remember. Obi-Wan! He knows. It's in some star cluster and you can find it because all the local stars are still acting like it's there." I say.

"Obi-Wan knows? Someone get him here." says Padme.

"Thank you. Wait. That didn't happen. He talks to Yoda, there's all these kids, they had lightsabres and.." I can see the damn scene in my mind. This would be a lot easier without everything hurting. I hobble towards the other side of the bridge, everyone watching the mad Jedi Master.

The door opens and Shayla trailed by a few medics enters. She looks kinda angry.

"What are you doing out of bed!" she says advancing with a hypo.

With Anakin's help I hobble away from her.

"I just need some more time. Please, it's on the tip of my tongue." I say

The door opens again and Kenobi steps in.

"Sky Marshall. You have..." he begins but trails off. "What exactly is going on?" he says regarding the tableau.

"I'm not sure. Your Master..." says Padme.

"Oh, he's not mine." says Obi-Wan. Thanks dude. Not recommending you for the Council anytime soon.

I look at Obi-Wan. Great. Now put him in the scene. What does he say?

"Rishi Maze! Kamino is at a gravitational centre South of the Rishi Maze! Okay, now you can take me back to medical." I say at last.

"I have half a mind to make you walk back." says Shayla before injecting me with the hypo. Things start getting blurry.

"Anakin, since you're here. Can I have a talk with you." requests Padme.

From the look on Anakin's face maybe this was something he was avoiding. He hands me over to a medical flunky.

"Don't panic. Don't mention sand and you'll be fine." I say before being dragged away.

\-----

When my vision returns Shayla is looking down at me, arms crossed in a pans species gesture, expression set.

"I'm still in trouble?" I hazard.

"What do you think?" says Shayla.

"Are we at least on our way to Kamino?" I ask as I sit up.

"Yes, we are. Why is it so important that you aggravated your injuries and scared me like that?" she says.

"I am sorry. It is important. Two million lives important. Slaves too. Can't let them be killed, they're innocent victims." I say.

"This is all part of that vision of yours?" asks Shayla.

"Yes. Almost the last piece." I say.

"I, see. Dee-Jay, I have to know. I've been thinking about things. You knew about Palpatine. It was him you were testing when we first met. You once told me everything you do was in service of preventing your visions." she says.

Oh no.

"Yes Shayla, I knew. I have endeavoured to prevent a terrible future." I say. I am about to say more but she interrupts me.

"Am I a part of that plan?" she says quietly.

I pause and consider my words carefully.

"Well?" she says.

"No, you are not. I fell in love with you, which was not part of any plan, I promise."

Shayla sits down beside me.

"How can I know that?" she says uncertainly.

I pick up her hands in mine.

"I love you Shayla." I say looking into her eyes.

"Do you?"

"Yes"

"Then tell me. No lies. No evasions or half truths. Who are you?"

"Yes, You deserve to know. You were right. I am not human. Not the species you know as human at least. I don't even come from this Galaxy. I was born in a small country on a world from another universe..." I say as I begin.

It's something of a relief to confess almost everything to Shayla. While being open about who I am and where I really am from we are still leaving out the 'and an ancient evil has a line into my thoughts' part. Mainly because there are some really worrying implications regarding how her presence seems to keep Abby away. Shayla is a bit wide eyed as my tale is incredible, but rather accepting for all that. This is a civilization that routinely uses another dimension for space travel after all. She is amused more than anything. To her, Earth is like a quaint backwards village stuck in some weird time warp.

"No AG, no holocom, no sonic showers?" she says somewhat incredulously, listing some common technologies that have been here forever.

"No, I think my home universe is similar, but different." I say.

Other things, of course are more sobering.

"You still miss her." she says.

"I do. I'm sorry." I say.

Shayla hugs me and then looks at me.

"Don't be. I'm someone new, someone different, someone who loves you." says Shayla.

\-----

Later, I get several visitors. First is Anakin, wearing his 'guilty as hell' face. How did you ever keep your marriage a secret? I know when you sneak a snack. Maybe everyone did know but were politely ignoring it because The Hero with No Brain was winning the war for them.

"How are you?" he asks as he enters.

"My patient is to not go on any exciting adventures for at least two standard days, which I expect a responsible member of the Jedi Order to take seriously." warns Shayla.

"Hear that Dee-Jay, I'm the responsible one." says Anakin.

Force help us all.

"Speaking of responsible, how did your talk with Padme go?" I say.

Anakin reddens, looks between the two of us, at his shoes and finally back to me.

"That well? Care to elaborate?" I ask.

"Well, she was asking me about what happened on Neforaan. What the terraforming was like. So I told her about the various machines I worked on and she seemed quite interested." says Anakin.

I try to maintain a serious demeanor. Anakin, you could have been reading off a list of hyperspace coordinates and Padme would have appeared interested.

"And did you mention Amelia?" I ask.

Anakin looks away for a moment.

"Um, yeah. What happened was not my fault!" he says defiantly.

"Not your fault?" says Shayla.

"Um, well she asked me how things were going. When I said we had kissed then she asked 'was it like this' and she, she kissed me!" says Anakin.

I give up on serious.

"And now you're in medical." I say smiling before turning to Shayla. "Is there a cure?"

"None I'm afraid. Completely fatal. I give him, oh, eighty to ninety years." says Shayla.

"You're not helping." grouses Anakin.

"With what? It's a little surprising, I'll admit, but you both are attracted to one another. In fact, given some of her ancestors, you got off lightly." I say.

"What do I do?" says Anakin.

"About what? You can always say no thank you next time. Stand on your toes. She's not that tall." I say.

Anakin glares at me.

"Dee-Jay! Be serious, what do I do?"

"About what? Very well, find out what everyone wants, including yourself and then negotiate a solution for everyone." I say.

Anakin stands up.

"I don't know what I want! I have always liked Padme, but then there's Amelia and..." he says pacing.

"Calm down Anakin. Relax. Take a moment. Focus." I say.

Anakin stops pacing and his breathing becomes more measured.

"Good. Now, second step. I can tell you're feeling guilty. So, go have a talk with Amelia, tell her what happened and then see how things go from there."

"Talk?" says Anakin.

"Did you think worrying and patiently awaiting a miraculous solution was going to work? Now get, also, leave your lightsabre here."

Anakin looks doubtful, but he unclips the weapon, hands it over and shuffles out.

"Are you sure about that?" asks Shayla.

"He's going to have to talk it out. That's best done before Amelia hears a warped version via the rumour mill."

Shayla nods.

"What did you mean by Amidala's ancestors?" she asks after a moment.

"The Naboo weren't always an Elective Monarachy. Some of their rulers were, well, colourful in their abuse of power. Also, look up the Bene Villa, one of her ancestors wrote that too."

Shayla's tentacles coil as she parses the old Naboo dialect.

"The Good House? Why?"

"Trust me. The housekeeping tips are not what it's famous for." I say.

"Sounds intriguing, I'll look it up." says Shayla.

\-----

It's not long before I get my next visitor. Grete walks in and salutes Shayla.

"At ease, Specialist Hama, relax, You are here to speak with Dee-Jay." says Shayla.

"Yes Sir. I am in need of Jedi guidance." says Grete.

Grete moves over, sits down and looks at me. After a pause.

"How may I help?" I say.

"Have I done the right thing?" says Grete.

"Joining the Squadron? Making the Rim a better place? Fighting slavery? These are all good and worthy things." I say.

"But, but, you know why I joined." says Grete.

"Yes and however rash, it was a good decision. Mentioned in Dispatches three times already. Recommended for Squad Leader." says Shayla looking at a pad.

"Seems like this is something you are good at. Is it what you want to do?" I say.

"I thought I did, but..." Grete trails off.

"You thought this would impress Anakin." I say.

"Yes, but the Sky Marshall." begins Grete.

"She outranks you, but she cannot order you to not ask Anakin out."

"What about that Jedi woman?"

"What about her? Grete you are fixed too much on the advantages your rivals have. Yes Amidala is the Sky Marshall, Saviour of Naboo and a member of the ruling class. Yes Amelia is a Jedi and an engineer. You however know him the best. You were his best friend. You don't have to guess at what he likes because you already know. If that fails, remind him of when you two attended Jar Jar's marriage." I say.

Grete brightens up at that.

"Yes, you're right. Thanks Dee-Jay! Sir." she says and leaves. We watch her go.

"Now. Was that wise? Also, marriage ceremony?" asks Shayla once Grete is gone.

"What? I merely reminded her that she isn't as totally outclassed as it first appears. As for Jar-Jar? He was welcomed into a Family Circle. Sort of like a marriage. Anyways, they insist on attendees coming as 'they were hatched'. They do make allowances for non aquatics to use a breather. Otherwise we were naked."

"Naked?" says Shayla smiling.

"All part of diplomatic training. It was the taking a bite of the ceremonial fish that was the tricky bit."

\-----

Fortunately there are no more interruptions. A day or so later I am on the bridge , having promised Shayla not to do anything too crazy, watching the weird realm of hyperspace outside.

"You're under arrest." says Obi-Wan in an aside as he comes to stand beside me.

"Fine, you can deal with Chosen One's love life." I say back.

"You are being released under escort and advisement." replies Obi-Wan.

"Very wise." I say.

"Transit!" calls a crew member and the view immediately shifts to normal reality, dominated by a blue sphere shrouded in clouds. Of more interest are the nasty looking cruisers in orbit. They look like large claws and are releasing a series of shuttles which are descending towards the planet. Sporadic flashes indicate them trading fire with ground defences.

"All ships engage those ships and prevent them dropping more troops. Master of Marines, prepare for combat drop to defend the planetside assets." orders Padme.

Everyone hurries to obey. I turn towards her.

"With your leave, I believe we could best assist on the ground." I say.

Padme nods and confers briefly via com with a subordinate.

"Very well, use shuttle ten." she says.

"Thank you. Come on Obi-Wan. Exciting adventures await." I say as I leave.

"You're still under arrest." he says following.


	26. Everybody was Jedi fighting.

I am in a drop shuttle with a platoon of silver suited Naboo Marines of the Outer Rim Squadron in Mandalorian style armour descending towards a ocean planet to rescue immature clones of a Mandalorian. This is a far cry from housekeeping, budgets, mortgages and fighter's practice on a Wednesday. This is real.

"Sergeant? What do you know about these Kaiminoans?" says a silver suited marine.

"Don't know much. Briefing said they're cloners. Why don't you ask the Jedi? They sent us here." says another waving at Obi-Wan and myself.

Several helmets turn my way.

"Okay Jedi, these Kaiminoans. You say they're cloners?" the trooper asks. I nod.

"Yes, they are." I say.

"Then why the hell are we protecting them? I say shoot them and these raiders, then extract the clones." the trooper says to murmurs of agreement.

"We're to follow orders. Currently that means the Kaminoans are listed as friendlies." says the sergeant.

Cloners don't exactly have a positive reputation in the Galaxy at large. Cloners are basically slavers except that they make their victims. En masse too. Palpy must of hugged himself with glee every night at getting the Jedi to be commanders of what is basically a slave army. Just another dose of low grade evil on the Dark Side mill. That was what the bastard was good at. Getting people to just flow with the banality of evil. So why did he go all electro-bastard rays and zorching his way out? Did he have a precognitive warning that the Jedi would come after him and then became part of the self-fulfilling prophecy? Was his entire house of cards so flimsy that going quietly was not an option? Was he just having a really bad day? Or is it too much to expect Ming the Merciless 2.0 to be a rational actor?

"Dee-Jay. Can I ask where your padawan is?" asks Obi-Wan interrupting my train of thought.

I look over at Obi-Wan and Helena. Good question oh perfect one. I concentrate briefly. I get the sense of a rapidly rotating star field, cockpit controls and a sense of concentration from my charge.

"He's fine. He is also at my side." I say.

Obi-Wan looks pointedly at the trooper sitting besides me.

"It's from a certain point of view." I say.

"And that would be?" says Obi-Wan

"Anakin is escorting us down, the best starfighter pilot in the Galaxy, I am told." I say.

A cunning warrior and a good friend. Let's hope we can keep it that way.

\-----

Obi-Wan, Helena and I help provide cover for the troopers as we exit and push towards the raiders. As is usual for Kamino it is raining. The smooth alien features of the landing area is covered in water and slippery as anything. This is not the place for jumping about. We push forwards, keeping low and in cover since our bright blue blades are still easily visible through the rain. I notice movement on a nearby platform and run across the gantry towards it. There is a cry of warning up ahead and several bolts are fired at me. With quick motions my lightsabre deflects them. I advance on the enemy squad who were in the process of setting up a heavy blaster and I raise my right hand.

"Put down your weapons and surrender." I command. Four of the beings do so. The others fire and I jump roll for cover before knocking them flat with a gesture. Two are out cold and the others raise their hands as the Naboo marines following get into position.

I nod and hurry to the next point of contact to assist.

\-----

What quickly becomes apparent is that the starport interface for the cloning facility is a massive affair, much bigger than the futuristic oil rig depicted in the movies. The raiders have landed several thousand soldiers, all intent on penetrating the blast doors to gain access to the facilities deep underwater. The marines quickly set up defensive points to safeguard the shuttles and organise air defence to harass the enemy fighters. Everywhere there are requests for our assistance. I quickly discover it is not so much my supernatural abilities as the immense effect on morale a Jedi's presence has. I am a Space Paladin. I am, by definition, Right. The marines may wonder why they are drenched, cold and being shot at by people they cannot possibly know. They might start regretting signing up for what sounded like a glorious, idealistic adventure. They certainly are questioning why they are aiding scum like the Kaminoans. Then I run past with nothing but a blue glowstick in hand, imploring them to push forwards and kick these raiders off this planet and the doubts vanish. The Jedi are here on your side. This is Good, it is Right. So they follow me, rally instead of falling back and push where they would normally hold.

It also helps that I have my own organic fighter support.

"Anakin! I've got a repeater battery pinning down our flanking maneuver." I say as I take cover from the torrent of fire.

"No problem Dee-Jay. We're on it." comes Anakin's reply.

A few moments later a silver fighter dives out of the clouds. There is no need to say where or give coordinates. Anakin knows. The fighter inverts and the rear guns rain fire on the defensive position from above. I use the chaos, confusion and smoke as cover to charge, marines following in my wake. Overhead the fighter targets and blasts a raider ship intent on doing the same thing before ascending back among the clouds.

\-----

It's not all happiness and light. I may have preternatural speed, reflexes and the guidance of a mystical energy field but the marines don't. While I draw the lion's share of the enemy fire and I can protect those with me I cannot save them all.

A scream rings out behind me and I blast the raiders in front flat with a wall of telekinesis before looking behind me. A marine is leaning against a bulkhead, left side smoking. I can see others advancing through the hole I made but this kid needs more than a trauma patch. I reach out with the Force. Damn, he's worse than he looks. Blaster fire does horrible things to a body. No. Not now. Not on my damn watch kid. You don't get to die while I have something to say about it. I reach out with the Force. One of the raiders is concussed, they'll do. Using the Force I link the trooper and raider. The Force resists, briefly as I command it to obey. I will decide who lives and who dies not some abstract energy field. It's easier this time as I transfer the states of the two beings. The kid will have a hell of a headache but that's a small price for not dying.

As a squad advances, I point to the now not so injured marine.

"He's hit. Medic check him out. The rest of you with me." I say and we continue on.

'See love. Was that so hard? You can decide. The Force shall free me.'

\-----

I run through strangely lit corridors towards the sounds of panic. Some of the raiders made it inside. With them is a lunatic with a red lightsabre. Just as I can inspire hope, courage and strengthen resolve, so too can Adepts of the Dark Side cause fear and terror. Two marines stumble past me carrying a comrade and I round a corner. Two marines are backing up and firing. The Adept is here. Red skinned, bug eyes, face tentacles, black cloak, red lightsabre. Not classic purple, but still. The universe can let up any time. Any time at all. Oh well. Time to really Jedi.

I step up to the marines.

"Fall back. I've got this." I say to them, they obey and I then I face the Mindflayer. "Oi! You with the ravestick. Care to dance?"

The creature regards me.

"Jedi. My master said I would prevail against you." it says.

I advance guard high.

"Really? Sideous I know. Tyrannus I know. Who the hell are you? How about you surrender, come quietly and we can talk about this sensibly?"

In answer, the being screams and attacks with powerful two handed blows intended to heroically cut me apart. I block some of the blows and give ground to avoid the others.

"Typical. You are weak, like all the Jedi." it says advancing

I continue to fight defensively. Suddenly, I launch a brief series of attacks and move so we change places.

"You mistake mercy for weakness. You may still surrender or retreat, the path will be clear. I will see you can go." I say and gesture with my hand.

"You are wrong. I am stronger than you. More powerful. I will destroy you." it says attacking furiously. Again I fall back. "See how you retreat before my righteousness, my power, my fury. Fear me."

"I am not retreating. I am giving you one last chance." I say. Behind him I notice some marines come round the corner.

"Never!" cries the being and makes an overhead strike. I raise my blade and they lock.

"Now!" I say and the marines open fire. A volley of bolts sprays down the hallway, several catching the unfortunate Adept in the back. His body shields me from the fire. He collapses, dead before he hits the floor. I catch the red lightsabre with the Force and deactivate it before walking to the marines and presenting it to the one in front.

"A trophy. Well fought. Now, can I help you kick these sorry bastards off this world?" I say.

I may not be able to see her face but I know Grete is grinning as she takes the weapon.

We make sure the interior is clear before heading out for the end.

\-----

Blaster fire crosses the platforms as we push forwards through the rain to the raiders' landing site. They are making a determined defence.

"There has got to be a better way to do this." I shout across the din.

"Oh, I agree. How about we remove their way out?" answers Obi-Wan.

"Good idea. Do you want the one on the left or right?" I ask.

"Left. Helena, cover us!" orders Obi-Wan.

Lifting or moving things, like say, a drop shuttle takes focus and concentration, both of which are rare commodities on a battlefield. As we concentrate, visualising the ships in our minds we are not doing other pertinent things. Such as keeping an eye out for anyone aiming at us to prevent any attempts at space magic. Helena covers us, deflecting blaster fire and telekinetically bouncing away a couple of grenades. Some bolts come a little too close. I lose concentration as I am sprayed with hot metal shards and cry out in pain. There is a massive thud as the shuttle collapses to the platform, landing struts crushed. Still, the sight of one shuttle going over the edge and another being wrecked takes the fight out of our enemy. Soon there are calls for surrender. We have won.

\-----

Then there is a lot of waiting around as I get Obi-Wan to contact the Jedi Temple since I figure a call from me may not go down well. Meanwhile I get the nice dodgy cloners to show me round the base. Mostly in the forlorn hope that Mr Fett will show up. I'm not holding my breath. He wasn't here when we arrived so he's unlikely to just fly in with several cruisers in orbit. The other reason is that this technology is so cool.

"I am not sure I understand the question." asks Taun We, a long necked Kaminoan. You would think there would be some selection pressure against that sort of thing in a universe with lightsabres but I guess Darwin got chucked out with Newton and Einstein. I've tried to make sense of the local science but I suffer from it being so similar but still different.

"These cloning facilities. You say the template, is that the right term? The template is this mercenary?" I say as we wander along a gantry displaying several thousand incubators.

"Yes, Master Jedi." says We.

"But it could be anyone. I could clone myself, for example." I say.

"Oh yes. Did you wish a clone made? I must advise that duplicating your extraordinary Jedi abilities is very unlikely however." says We.

"Just a theoretical example. You could also, say grow a person from a fertilised egg. Or even perform the fertilisation process with donated germ cells?" I say.

"No, no, no. We would never do that. Everything here is perfectly legal." says We, as much as I can tell, the elegant being looks shocked by such a suggestion.

Say the hell what? With the right credits I can grow my own army but a child is verboten?

"Okay, why is that." I say

"It is illegal. I myself have always wondered at the reluctance of the Republic to embrace what is clearly a very beneficial technology. I believe that such sanction came with the blessing of the Jedi themselves. I am surprised you are unaware of it." says We.

The Jedi are responsible? Does ultra IVF have some effect on Force sensitivity?

"I was unaware of that. Now tell me about this flash learning process." I say to keep Taun We focused on me.

\-----

"It is a little surprising. Are you sure you want to take delivery now?" says Lama Su, Prime Minister and Head Cloner.

"Yes. In light of the attack it may be safer to remove them to elsewhere." I say.

"I see. Where would that be?" asks Lama Su.

"Well, that depends, can you keep a secret?" I ask.

"Oh yes, Master Jedi." says Lama Su, it's head bending down to hear whatever I whisper.

"So can I." I say.

\-----

A few days later the rescue is finished. I am cold, damp, tired and Shayla seems upset. Our definitions of 'crazy' not exactly in sync it seems. I watch as a red and white cruiser descends, replacing the last transport. The ramp extends and several blue suited Judicial troopers in full armour step out followed by Mace Windu.

"Master Dee-Jay. I trust you will come quietly?" he says.


	27. Not so quietly.

I look across at Mace.

"Can I at least know the crimes I am accused of?" I say.

"Hmm, how about we start with excessive use of force against civilian targets, move through the various acts of terrorism, attempted kidnapping, destruction of private property, theft and piracy before we get to the things I want you in a cell for." growls Mace.

I try to process the alleged crimes with what I have been up to lately. Wait, oh right.

"Seriously? The Trade Federation in general and Nute Gunray in particular are complaining that I destroyed their battleship and then kept them from taking over a planet?" I say. Mace nods.

"The Trade Federation vessels are officially Merchant Shipping. They say they were there at the request of the legally appointed government." says Mace.

"Really? Oh never mind. Arrest me. Unless the weather is worse inside the Patrol Cruiser. By the way, did you inform the people currently in orbit what you are about?" I say and hold out my arms. Mace nods and one of the Blue clad troopers approach, takes my lightsabre and attaches some sort of weird handcuffs.

"I informed them we were here to take custody of a dangerous criminal. Why?" says Mace.

I look about, noticing several Marines talking into coms. Yeah, go ahead and arrest me.

"No reason. Is Hera aboard?" I say.

"No." says Mace.

"So I'll survive transport to Coruscant then?" I say as I am led aboard.

I am going quietly. I claim nothing on behalf of the Outer Rim Squadron.

\-----

Once aboard I am led to a holding cell and the force field is switched on. I check out the bunk and try to get comfy. Compared to most of my accommodation for the last while this is very nice. Warm, comfy and dry. I am very fond of dry. I doze off.

"Dee-Jay!" comes Mace's voice. He is on the other side of the force field looking angry. Of course that's his ground state, I don't think it's me. Dude probably brushes his teeth at a low boil.

"Oh, we at Corruscant already?" I say, stirring. I'm a bit surprised. Jump to and from lightspeed usually wakes me up.

"It's been twenty minutes. These vigilantes won't let us leave." says Mace.

I sit up.

"You don't say? Who's not letting you leave?" I ask, as If I couldn't guess.

"That crazy Sky Marshall is incensed the accusation is from Gunray. She refuses to allow us to leave. As for that hellcat of a Twi'lek with several squads of marines outside. She is threatening to dismantle this ship if we don't hand you back." says Mace.

"Hellcat? I would suggest doing as she says. Then we can go hunt down minor problems like a couple of Sith Lords." I say with a smile.

"You suggest? Might I remind you where you are?" says Mace.

"Yes. Once again I am entirely in your power. So, time for a rematch? Don't take too much time. Shayla will eventually discover that those marines with her have breaching charges." I say.

"She wouldn't dare!" says Mace.

"Are you sure? Shayla loves me, fiercely. Now, you can open the door and we talk this out or she will open the door for you." I say.

"Is that a threat?" says Mace.

"No, I am calmly informing the Head of my Order as to what is going on. I suggest a peaceful resolution before..." I begin but stop as the lights go out, the shield door winks out and there is a lot of swearing heard down the hall. "before the other person out there upset at my arrest does something." I continue.

"You stay there." says Mace and I hear him depart.

I lie back down on the bunk. I am still tired after all. Also, I did agree to be quiet. Hope my snoring is not in breach of that.

\-----

It's not long before someone is waking me up again. It's a guard with a luminator.

"Excuse me Mr Jedi." they say.

"Again? This is poor treatment of prisoners, waking me up every ten minutes." I mutter as I get up. The guard takes a step back. "Okay, not your fault. You want me to follow you?"

The guard nods and leads me to access hatch. In the small antechamber there is Mace and a few worried looking guards. Someone hands me a com.

"Is this my one phone call? Thought that was a myth." I say as I take the device. I then activate it. "Master Dee-Jay here." I say into it.

"Dee-Jay! Are you alright. Have they done anything to you? I swear if they have so much as touched you I..." comes Shayla's voice over the com.

"I love you too. I am fine. They gave me somewhere to sleep, that's all. I have some binders on, but they're quite comfy. You know, we should get some, I could be completely at your mercy. I think you might like that." I say.

"Dee-Jay!" comes the reply.

"I know, I should of thought of this sooner. Perhaps we should continue this discussion later and you can express how bad I have been in neglecting you. For now, can you disarm the explosives and get Anakin to turn the lights back on? It's dark in here and becoming a serious Health and Safety issue." I say.

"But that's just giving them what they want." comes Shayla's voice.

"Good point." I say and look at the faces around me. "So, any suggestions as to what we can offer the beautiful woman behind door number one?"

"I refuse to let you out of my sight." says Mace.

"Okay, we need to offer something. Now, everyone here, including me, wants my body, for various purposes. Now, the Sky Marshall has the majority of guns and normally, that would be a winning argument. However, I am a Jedi and should try to set a good example. Anakin is still in need of training, although since he just shut down a cruiser from the outside may give anyone pause to release his teacher. The Judiciary have me currently arrested and while they are the representatives of Law and Order, the fact that these are charges from a possible stooge of a Sith Lord I think we should not go with that. Mace here wants me dragged to Coruscant to answer for what he considers conduct unbecoming of a Jedi, but since he is not in possession of all the facts, I feel we must defer on that one. I myself want somewhere comfy to get at least a few hours sleep. I am of course self interested because it is in fact my self. Again, as a Jedi, I should set an example to not act so selfishly. Shayla however has however what I would call a moral claim to my body and a few others, which we shall skip over for the moment, but in essence she is the only one here with a pure motive. Therefore, I should be handed over to the lovely woman behind the door." I say.

I wait a moment for everyone to catch up.

"That's just getting what you want." says the senior guard.

"Not at all. I want some uninterrupted sleep. I assure you, that in Shayla's company I will not be getting that." I say.

"What do you mean not in possession of all the facts? says Mace.

"Not, in possession, of all the facts. English Motherfucker, do you speak it?" I say adding a small prompt with the Force.

Mace reacts as if struck. He quickly recovers.

"Damn. Alright, let him go. I still want you in Coruscant. Damn." Says Mace.

"I promise to be there as soon as the Force wills. Now, shall we see about opening the door?" I ask.

It takes a few minutes for the lights to come on and a short while later the main door opens. I look out. There are a lot of marines and the most beautiful woman in the Galaxy. Okay, so I am biased. I walk down until I am in front of her.

"I am all yours." I say and hold up my hands. "Gift wrapped even."

Shayla looks at me, eyes wide, her tentacles in a double helix arrangement over her chest.

"How?" is all she says.

"Can we just say it's a kind of magic for now?" I say.

"Very well. This way." Shayla says and leads me past the marines to a shuttle.

"Any chance of sleep?" I ask yawning.

"What do you think?" says Shayla.

"I think I need to work on my negotiation skills." I say.

\-----

Later, during which was eventually allowed to sleep I awaken to find my left hand handcuffed to the bed. I could remove them, but don't. These are supposed to be Force Suppressing whatnots and also, there's all those trust and power issues at work. The illusion of control is very important. Still, it is impractical, no-one ever mentions that. I wonder why. I endure a few zaps to summon the pad and get to slowly reading. Title is 'On the Force' which doesn't narrow things down, since every other book by a learned Master is titled that.

'A Jedi's life is that of sacrifice. This is often misunderstood, but understanding it lies at the very core of what it means to responsibly use the Force. It is when you accept that you can lose everything that the Darkness has no hold on you.' I read slowly as I begin.

The ancient mystic's words flow over me. This text is older than human civilisation, in either Galaxy. It has likely been translated and updated numerous times. I still get a sense of the being speaking to me, explaining it's understanding of the Force and the that of how can be best lived in service of it.

"Still here love?" says Shayla breaking me out of reading the ancient's words. I raise my left arm as much as possible.

"This seems to indicate you wanted me to stay." I say with a smile.

"That I did." she says and pauses, tentacles twisting behind her, she examines the pad she is carrying. "There was something, odd. Captain Neeran on the Repulse reported an odd set of injuries. Marine Catre is in the Medbay there with a mild concussion, nothing strange there. However his chest armour was all melted through on the left. Heavy blaster bolt. It's almost always fatal unless you put them in the tank right away. He was fine."

"Well, that's one lucky marine. Tell him to hit a casino when they're on leave." I say.

"There's more. Our medical teams found a casualty among the raiders. Armour intact, but with massive burns beneath, I cross checked. They look like what Catre should have received. Several marines remember you being there. Love, what did you do?" says Shayla in a worried tone.

"I did what I had to do." I say.

Shayla puts the pad down and sits beside me. She reaches out to touch my shoulder.

"I am worried about you. I. I don't know why. Are you okay?" she asks.

What is she talking about? I feel fine, still a bit buggered but another night's sleep should see to that.

"I'm fine. There's nothing wrong." I say and in an attempt to reassure her reach out with the Force. Just relax, everything will be okay I prompt.

Shayla relaxes and moves closer, then stops.

"I, I. I need a second opinion love." she says and kisses me on the forehead. "You stay here." she adds rising, picking up the pad and moving for the door.

"It's not like I can go anywhere." I say.

Why is she so worried?

\-----

I spend the next hour or so wondering about that. Why is she so worried? So I used the Force to heal someone? Big deal.

When she returns she has Obi-Wan in tow. Shayla has that 'you're getting an injection' look that doctors across the multiverse must all learn. Obi-Wan looks at me, there is the hint of a smile.

"Yes?" I say.

"Not judging, least not about that. Shayla here tells me you used an, unusual healing technique." Obi-Wan says.

"Yes? Why is everyone so concerned? I kept that marine from dying. Is that wrong?" I say.

"Love, listen to him. Please." says Shayla.

"Alright, what's so bad?" I ask.

Obi-Wan scratches his beard.

"From what Shayla here has told me it matches something I remember Qui-Gon mentioning. Something similar used by a Dark Side cult on Yevers Minor." says Obi-Wan.

"Something similar? Is that all?" I say.

"Yes. I am not sure though. Master Dee-Jay. I think you should speak to some of the senior masters about this." says Obi-Wan.

I look disbelievingly at them. All this over some weird ability?

"Look, so it's not normal. I am not the most orthodox Jedi, I've got some unusual techniques." I say.

Obi wan glances down at the cuffs.

"I noticed that." he remarks.

"Dee-Jay. I am very worried. Please. Do as he says." says Shayla.

I cannot remember the last time Shayla called me by my name. She doesn't even do that when she's angry. She must be really worried.

"Okay, okay. I'll go. I'll talk to Yoda. This is probably nothing, but they may insist I tow the party line elsewhere as well." I say. At the blank looks I elaborate. "They will ask me to no longer see you."

"No." Shayla says and turns to Obi-Wan. "They would do that?"

"They may. Master Dee-Jay has largely been out of sight and out of mind here on the Rim. However if he faces the council, your relationship will not be so easily ignored." says Obi-Wan.

Shayla is silent.

"Do you still want me to go?" I ask.

There is a long pause.

"Yes."

\-----

The next day I am at the airlock leading to a shuttle to carry me over to the Judiciary Cruiser. I hold Shayla in a tight embrace as we kiss. It may be for the last time. Eventually, reluctantly, we separate.

"Now. You come back. If, when you can." says Shayla.

"I will be back," I say reassuringly.

"How can you be so sure?" she says.

"This is true love. You think this happens everyday?" I say.

We hug again and then I turn to walk through to the shuttle.

"Dee-Jay! Wait." calls out Anakin running down the hall.

"Yes, Anakin?" I say.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks.

"Because someone who cares about me thinks I should. She is likely right." I say.

"He doesn't have to go alone though? Does he? Do you?" Anakin says to the two of us.

Shayla smiles.

"No, he does not. After all." she begins

"I'm the responsible one." interrupts Anakin beaming. "Come on Master."

"Lead the way apprentice. Goodbye Shayla." I say.

"Goodbye love."

\-----

A few days later, Mace having convinced the boys in blue I am needed by the Jedi first, we ascend the Temple steps. Anakin is looking everywhere like a tourist. Standing at the top is Yoda. With Anakin at my side I make it up the steps and bow.

"Not long back I have been and yet, much to discuss there is." says Yoda.


	28. Performance review.

The Jedi Temple is one of the oldest structures on Coruscant. Especially when you consider that the foundations are in fact the old Jedi Temple. There's some evidence to suggest that it is temples all the way down. In any case, it is a place of peace and sanctuary for members of the Jedi Order.

The woman marching towards me with a set expression indicates I have been wise in seeking solace elsewhere.

"Coruscant! You dare to show your face here." shouts Hera as she pushes me.

"Good day to you too, Hera. Can I ask what it is I have done this time?" I ask.

You would think with my being rather unorthodox and Hera belonging to an actually unorthodox sect that we would get on like a house on fire. Actually we do. Ever been in a burning house?

"You knew. You knew. You knew and you did nothing!" says Hera, prodding me with each statement.

I look about the hall. There are several people looking on. Perhaps this is not the best place to bring up one of the biggest secrets in the order.

"Hera, there are extenuating circumstances. Which are best explained in private." says Mace, stepping forward.

"Oh are there? Just what would those be? Being left alone with Coruscant for ten minutes? Whatever happened to that pig headed stubbornness of yours?" says Hera as she turns on Mace.

Behind me Anakin and Yoda watch the escalating drama.

"Is this why I never got to come here before?" he asks Yoda.

"Some of it. yes. For your safety, it was judged necessary." the goblin replies.

"Palpatine. Damn. He seemed so nice. He always sent me and mom presents on our birthdays and Freytana." said Anakin.

The rest of their discussion is drowned out by the nearby shouting match. Hera and Mace are intent on each other, faces only a few centimetres apart.

"You knew as well? Was that not something I needed to know?" yells Hera.

"I can explain further. In private." growls Mace.

They then both turn to me.

"Come with us." they say in unison.

As I am led to the Council chamber Hera looks back at me and frowns.

"Can you at least explain why he is not in binders?" she asks her companion.

Mace puts one hand to his head and grimaces.

"No." is all he says.

"No?"

"Trust me on this. It is beyond explanation."

\-----

We get almost all the way to the Council chamber before I clutch at my head and fall over.

An incandescent and thoroughly pissed off entity looms over me in the void.

"You snivelling coward! I offer you power, anything you want, anything you desire. Yet all that wench has to do is snivel and you run." screams Abby as she picks my form up. "What does she have that I do not?"

"A regular physical form? Quite a nice one too." I say. Not the most brilliant answer, but the best I can do in the face of an angry cosmic horror.

"Is that all?" yells Abby as she flings me away. She looks about to add something but there is a flash of light behind her and then there is a hole. Abby screams and is dragged towards the hole.

I leap forwards and I lock arms preventing Abby being drawn into the hole. Well, I prevent her arms, head and torso from doing so. The rest of her form begins elongating and stretching.

"Hold on!" I call out.

"I, I can't" screams Abby.

While I now have insight as to why summoned beings are normally depicted as being very cranky that's not very informative as to how you stop a summoning. Especially from the non-material side.

"Change into a form!" I shout.

"Like what?" yells Abby.

"Now is not the time to be creatively challenged! Anything, anyone." I implore.

I am suddenly holding onto Shayla's form. Which means I should learn to set conditions. Still I hang on. Obeying some rules for physicality, Abby's new form stays at under two metres and is no longer stretching. I hang onto her, preventing her fall into the hole which is currently 'down' for her. I manage to brace myself, not sure against what and get hold of her with both arms locked tight.

"Coruscant!" the voice piercing through to me. I feel myself losing my grip as I return to my body.

"Oh for goodness sake. Not now!" I scream as I try to hang on.

"Help me!" calls out Abby as her arm starts to slip through mine.

There are things you should never, ever do. No matter the circumstances. No ifs, no buts, no special cases. It's a fairly simple rule. Do not voluntarily kiss eldritch abominations. I mean it's right up there with not licking power sockets. For much the same reason. I am completely out of options. The kiss completes a psychic link. I gain a glimpse into what for want of a better word is her mind. Compassion, not passion is the key here. Hope it confounds and confuses whatever is summoning her.

As we embrace Abby's sense of down matches my own and despite the pleas I remain in this reality hanging on. Despite the pull on her I hold her fast, reminding myself I don't actually breathe here.

'What are you doing?' comes her voice in my mind.

We don't have to bang air molecules together to communicate here either.

'Saving someone.' I say.

'Me?'

'You.'

'Why?'

The pull is ebbing, subsiding. The hole is closing. We pull apart slightly.

"It's a Jedi thing. No matter what you say, you are still a person." I say.

"Coruscant!" comes the call.

"I have to go now. Will you be okay?" I say.

Abby just keeps holding on to me.

"What about when they try again?" she asks.

"Then call me back." I say.

"No. I want you here." she says.

Now it is her keeping me in this realm.

"You have to let me go. You have to trust someone." I say.

"No! you will just betray me. Like all the others!" shouts Abby, her form shifting back to that of humanoid star field.

"Coruscant!"

"Dee-Jay!"

That was Anakin. The pull on me intensifies as does Abby's grip.

"If you don't trust me then this goes nowhere, together we can end this."

"No!"

"Please."

"Dee-Jay!"

Now the forces are intense. I am going to be torn in two. That would be, bad here.

"Let me go!" I scream as the pain, real pain this time increases.

"I won't"

"Trust me!"

"No!"

I break the really important rule again and lean in to kiss Abby on what might be her forehead. The brief moment of surprise is enough for me to be pulled free, Abby fades, her eyespots flaring like novae.

"Traitor!" she screams.

"I promise, I will return." I say as she vanishes screaming.

I awaken. I am lying on the floor. I am in the Council Room and there are several people looking down in concern.

"Dee-Jay. Are you alright?" asks Anakin.

"No. I think I may have a problem." I say.

\-----

I am helped to a chair and I collapse into it. I feel like I have been through the wringer. I look at the others. My original conspirators, Mace, Mundi and Yoda, plus Hera and Anakin.

"Dee-Jay. What just happened." asks Mace.

"Something truly strange, I think first however we let these two in on the truth." I say indicating Hera and Anakin.

"Yes, the truth, help us it will." says Yoda. The other two masters nod.

"More secrets?" says Hera folding her arms.

"You're going to come clean and admit you're not from this Galaxy." says Anakin.

"What!" says almost everyone else.

"You knew! How?" I say.

"That's true?" says Hera.

"Well, I suspected. You're always referencing things no-one else does. Now that could be you just being from an isolated system, but then there's all the things which you only get partly right. Like things in your Galaxy are similar but not always a one hundred percent match. I think you might be from a pre-flight world as well. Nothing in your memories suggests spaceflight is common." explains Anakin.

"My memories? How? Oh wait. Galaxy's most powerful telepath. Never mind." I say.

"There's other things. You have never got used to space travel, you're always staring at hyperspace, you can't use a spoink." says Anakin.

"Okay, okay. Enough, did you tell anyone?" I say.

"Nah. Not really. I mean I talked about it with Grete a bit, because she likes those stories. She was the one who gave me a few things to check, to see if someone I knew was a changeling, or from another Galaxy. Once I knew though, I figured it was personal and that you would tell me when you were ready. I didn't know for sure until you told me you were keeping me away from Palpatine." says Anakin.

In hindsight, keeping any sort of secret from Anakin when he is also your apprentice was a lost cause.

"Yes Anakin, you are correct. I wondered why you didn't have any questions." I say.

"Well, yeah. Then we got busy. So, we're going to hunt him and Dooku down?"

"That all depends on them." I say indicating the Jedi Masters.

Master Mundi is the first to speak.

"Yes, you are quite perceptive Skywalker. Years ago, Yoda brought Dee-Jay before us. You were in shock..." he begins

\-----

I am standing in the Jedi Council Chamber from the prequel movies with Yoda, Samuel L Jackson and a conehead alien. Does he even have a name?

"Master Dee-Jay. Is something the matter? I can sense you are distressed." says Jackson.

I look about for this other Master person, get distracted by all the flying cars outside and look dumbfounded at them.

"Master Dee-Jay!" stresses Jackson.

It occurs to me that is who they think I am.

"Something the matter? Yes. Um what year is it?" I say.

"Thirty six twenty one." says Conehead which is both informative and completely useless. Of course, what did I expect? 'Why, it is thirty something years before the Battle of Yavin.' Then again even that would be only marginally useful. Let's see, Luke is the same age as the Empire, but damn it. No good either. Only bright spot is that this is the Prequels and everyone was kind of nice as opposed to ending up during the reign of the Empire.

I really don't have a lot to go on. That's the problem with a setting where everything happened 'A long time ago.'. Exact dates are not really needed. Until you are dropped into it all and need some frame of reference.

"Thank you." I say. How do all those clever buggers do it? Aside from being superfans and probably being able to tell exactly when they are by, I don't know, the shade of these orange chairs, their arrangement or something. Wait, there is a name that can tell me sort of when I am.

"Have you heard of Anakin Skywalker?" I say.

Jackson, Yoda and Conehead look at one another.

"No, should we have?" says Jackson.

"Skywalker. That sounds like a slave name. From Hutt Space?" says Conehead.

Slave name? Hutt Space? What?

"Okay, you have not found him yet. It's going to involve a mission to a place called Naboo."

\-----

That got me sent to the Healers Ward and my head examined by some serious Jedi Healers convinced I was suffering some trauma. They were very kind, understanding and completely unwilling to lose sight of me until they worked out what was going on inside my noggin. Yoda came to visit a few times and seemed to be the only one taking my story seriously. A few weeks later they summoned me again.

"What did you say that person's name was?" asked Mace Windu.

"Anakin. Anakin Skywalker." I said.

The Jedi Masters looked at one another.

"You found him? Great! Get him trained, only not by Kenobi, send a dozen Jedi to Naboo to get Maul while the rest do for Palpy." I said.

"Why should we do that? Master Jin and his apprentice can handle whatever threat lies on Naboo, Palpatine has done nothing wrong and we did sense danger in the boy Skywalker, thank you for your warning." said Conehead.

"You are being overly alarmist, Master Dee-Jay. Perhaps some more healing is required." said Mace.

Did I just cause the end of Phantom Menace? Did they not take this threat seriously because they believe me mad?

"Overly alarmist? The Republic has just elected a Sith Lord as Chancellor, Qui-Gon is going to die, Kenobi will be promoted to Knight and set to teaching Anakin after the kid single handedly destroys the blockading battleship." I said.

That got me sent back for more therapy. The next day however.

"Come to pass, everything you predicted it has. Qui-Gon dead, Naboo saved, Kenobi promoted and trained the Council urging the boy should be." said Yoda.

"Great, now you listen." I groused.

"You have to understand how unbelievable your story sounded." said Conehead.

"Yeah, alright. It does sound crazy." I admitted.

"So. What do we do now?" said Mace.

"Palpatine. Lightsabre enema. Now." I said.

"Very hasty. Caution, I suggest." advised Yoda.

"I concur. One does not casually assassinate the Head of the Republic." said Conehead.

"We would have a revolution on our hands. With the Jedi seen as the enemy." said Mace.

"What? You're going to wait while that bastard gets more secure and powerful? Wait till he has an army of clones and the entire Republic singing his praises?"

"No. we will act cautiously." said Conehead.

"We will investigate." said Mace.

"The right time to act, decide ourselves we shall." said Yoda.

"Well, at least tell me you're not going to hand Anakin over to Kenobi."

The masters looked at one another.

"No. We have someone else in mind." they all say looking at me.

Oh shit.

\-----

"And so the plan was put in motion. Yoda and I would work to subvert Palpatine's powerbase and organise support against him in the Senate. Mace agreed to 'forget' all that had transpired since he would be dealing with the Chancellor directly and we could allow no hint of suspicion. Dee-Jay was chosen to train Anakin and keep him away from the suspected Sith Lord." completed Mundi.

"I. See." is all Hera says.

"It was mostly successful. Alas, we did not predict Palpatine's reaction to being removed from office. We did leave him some resources. One does not back a Varg into a corner and poke it." said Mundi.

"Yes. Why did he do that?" says Mace.

"Destructive, the ways of the Sith, also treacherous. Perhaps he was unaware of the avenues out left for him, or by the Dark Side, blinded he was." mused Yoda.

"Yeah, I think I know who may of done that." I say.

Everyone looks at me.

"Okay I have some problems. Number one is the ancient cosmic horror who has been a constant companion in my mind tempting me to the Dark Side." I say.

"Does this entity have a name?" asks Mace.

I consider lying and saying I do not know. After all, the answer will likely get me locked up and the key destroyed. Then again, these are some of the most bodacious telepaths about.

"Well?" says Hera.

"She is known in your records as Abeloth, although I suspect she is far older than what even the legends allude to. I think she is some ancient leftover from the formation of the universe and, what she really needs is a hug. She also successfully tempted me to use the Dark Side." I say.

Oh, this time they pay attention.

"Go on." says Mace.

\-----

After a quick recount of events to date Anakin and myself are requested to wait outside. I find somewhere to sit and meditate. Anakin does likewise.

"Dee-Jay?" he says after some time.

"Yes Anakin?"

"What do you think will happen? They won't split us up, will they?" he asks worriedly.

"I feel I will have to abide by their decision. As for you, promise me you will not drive your new master insane." I say.

"Insane?"

"My hair was all brown before we met." I say with a grin.

"Come now. You had grey hairs enough when we met." snorts Anakin.

"I have a lot more now. Joking aside Anakin. You have been an excellent student. It has been a pleasure to be your teacher."

"I don't regret having been your student. I feel I have so much more to learn."

"We all do Anakin. We all do."

\-----

The deliberations take some days. We are given accomodation and I spend most of my time in the Fountain Room meditating until called back to face judgement. Inside I face the Masters once more.

"We have come to a decision. Master Dee-Jay. In light of these developments it has been decided that you will be placed in seclusion and observation until we have determined if the Dark Side or this entity have any hold upon you." says Mace.

"Punishment, this is not. Rather a treatment it is." adds Yoda reassuringly.

I look at them. Well, they're not throwing away the key at least.

"I accept." I say.

"Something to add Master Dee-Jay?" asks Mundi.

"Yes. What will happen to Anakin?" I ask.

Mace frowns.

"At Knight Captain Koll's, insistence, it has been decided that Anakin Skywalker will remain your padawan learner. After all we want to keep your heresies contained."

I think I heard a muttered 'Self righteous ass.' from where Hera was standing, but I could be wrong.

"Anakin will remain here until you are judged fit to leave or too afflicted to be ever be released." continues Mace.

"Do not despair, either of you. I feel there is still a part for both of you." counsels Mundi.

I bow.

"Fine. Take me to my cell."

\-----

I am led to a simple cell. Bed. shelf, fresher, chair. There is little to do. I sit on the bed and meditate. Clear my mind. Relax. Envisage the Galaxy spinning slowly beneath me.

The terrible cosmic horror looks up and floats over.

"You returned! Why?" she says.

I hold up a hand.

"I said I would help and I shall. First however, we are going to have some ground rules and boundaries." I say.

"Very well, I am listening." says Abby.

Maybe you can negotiate with ancient evil after all.

\-----

In the end it is only a matter of a few months. Progress with Abby is slow and I keep Yoda, who visits regularly, informed of the progress. He also seems grudgingly pleased with my lack of Dark Side influence.

"Learned your lessons, have you?" he asks one day.

"Some of them. There are others though. Always something new under the suns." I say.

"Hmm. Well, there is a task awaiting your attention." says Yoda.

"Yes, Master Yoda?"

"Seceded officially and violently the Separatist Alliance has. Led by my old padawan, Dooku they are. Your help and that of Skywalker I forsee the Republic will need." says Yoda and hands me a small metal cylinder. It is my lightsabre. I take the weapon. "A saying, your people have. The time is upon us to kick ass and take names. A crude saying, it is I feel."

"As do I. Still appropriate." I say with a grin.


	29. When I said I come from a large family.

Anakin and I stand once more in the Council Chamber to receive our new orders from Mace. Most of the other Jedi volunteers have received their orders via com, but we're special cases.

"You and your apprentice will be assigned to assist and advise Admiral Tarkin. A high priority is the location of either Sith Lord. Should you do so, you are to contact us and we will deal with them together. Am I understood?" orders Mace.

"Yes Master Windu." we both say.

"Furthermore you will not pursue any of these relationships both of you were developing in what was formerly the Outer Rim Squadron. You will conduct yourselves as exemplary members of the Jedi Order at all times."

Anakin besides me stiffens.

"Yes Master Windu."

"For how long?" I say.

"Until you cease these dangerous feelings you have for each other."

"I see. Until the stars grow cold then. I wish to negotiate a shorter term than until the heat death of the universe itself." I say.

Mace rubs his forehead.

"Why should I do that? You're here specifically because Skywalker otherwise developed an unhealthy relationship and caused the downfall of the Republic."

"Key word being unhealthy. I feel that with everything in the open," I begin

"In the open! Let me make this clear Dee-Jay. You will not openly flaunt yourself with that woman!" Mace is shouting at the end.

"Shayla, it's her name. Please use it." I say.

Mace is standing now right in front of me.

"Very well. You will not indulge your relationship with Shayla." he growls.

"Until?" I ask.

"Until I say so. Please, I am trying to be reasonable."

"As am I. Note that I am not defying you. Now is not the time for that. I also recognise that I need more time for reflection and I don't do that round Shayla. I need a time period. Anything indefinite would be cruel. How about six months?"

"Six months?"

"Yes, then we examine and re-negotiate. With Shayla present next time."

"One year." says Mace.

"Very well. One year. Assuming no drastic changes." I say.

"What do you mean by drastic." asks Mace.

"Oh, I am sure we will know when it happens. Thank you Master Windu for being so understanding." I say.

We bow and then leave. As we do so I hear,

"Never should have let Yoda retire, swear he saw all this." muttered by Mace.

Then again, I could have been mistaken.

\-----

A few days later we are aboard the Liberator. The ship is a hive of activity as Amidala transfers her flag to the Repulse, an old Republic Dreadnought above Fenargh. I find Shayla in her office.

"What do you mean Kolto Tanks? When does that ship date from? Never mind. I will see the appalling state in all it's glory later today. Goodbye." she then looks up at me and smiles. "You have returned! You can help me get acquainted with the new ship. Of course, when I say new, I mean hauled out of a museum. Sorry. How are you?"

"All the better for seeing you. Yourself?"

"Stressed love. Being in the Fleet is great, but it's mostly organising everyone to face in the same direction. Which is exhausting. I could use a few clones of myself and still be overworked. That reminds me, you are a father. We are both parents."

Remain calm. Remember to breathe. You're a stoic space knight. Who has broken most of the rules regarding relationships, including apparently, this one. I take a breath.

"You're pregnant? That's wonderful," I begin, pausing when I see Shayla's expression.

"No love. Not quite. Not that we should ignore that either, but, it's complicated. You know all those clones we rescued? You may want to sit down."

I find a chair and sit down.

"Okay, I'm seated. What happened?" I ask.

Shayla looks down at me, grimaces and then begins.

"I am not sure how it started. There were some difficulties with getting the clones declared citizens. Then several of the rescued clones decided to declare me as their next of kin on the citizenship form. Mostly because my name is at the top of their medical reports after we saw to extracting those hideous chips. This lead to a row with Immigration. Then many of them requested their applications back and amended them likewise. A delegation then came to me to formally request my help in the matter. So, after consulting with Legal we came up with a solution, eventually. Things were helped along when Amidala pointed out that you are my common law husband and, since you were otherwise unavailable I got to adopt them on our behalf. As my children, they are all legally and neatly Naboo citizens. We had a ceremony and everything. It was very moving. Well, except for Amidala's constant giggling. It is amusing, but not that hilarious. Are you okay, love?"

I am now focusing on breathing. Calm. Everything is normal. For given values of normal. Okay, brain connects to mouth and we say something sane. Somehow.

"So, how many instant teenagers do we have Princess?" I manage.

Shayla walks over, picks up a pad and checks it. Normally people don't do that to remember how big the family is.

"One hundred and eighty-eight thousand, seven hundred and forty two at last count. I hope you were set on a large family."

"It's a surprise. No doubt about that. Can we go back a bit though. Husband? Did I miss that?"

"Common law love. We have been in an exclusive relationship for over three standard years and listed as being at the same residence for the majority of that. I was surprised too, but I think I like it. There's no way the Jedi will let me officially marry you after all." she says with a smile.

"Yes, about that. This was supposed to be a short visit. I have to not pursue a relationship with you for a year still. Something about showing I am a good Jedi and all." I say.

"A year! I just got you back." protests Shayla.

"I did talk Windu down from forever. Also, you get to be present when they revise that in a year's time. Bring the kids."

Shayla's smile becomes distinctly predatory.

"Oh I will. I promise. Now this year? Can it start tomorrow?"

\-----

Anakin is of course, grinning like an idiot as we walk to the courier.

"Do I offer congratulations or commiserations?" he smirks.

"Congratulations. You know, I'm looking forwards to seeing Windu in a year from now. It can be a take your children to work day." I grin.

"Wow. Um, don't you think we should inform him? That you now have a family that can invade small planets?"

"That would be 'developing and encouraging relationships'. Which we, are specifically forbidden to do."

"Of course, oh wise Jedi Master."

\-----

I hold Abby firm against the virtual hurricane. Palps is getting stronger with these attempted summonings, but I am learning as well. Still, it is grueling for all that and a relief when the doorway closes as whatever bizarre Sith sorcery ends. We are both shaking and use the other for support.

"I hear you are a father now."

"In a sense, yes."

"Almost two hundred thousand. I thought your mate was a Twi'lek, not an Ascomayrin."

"They're adopted."

"I had two children, adopted too. None, of my own."

"I disagree. I believe you had a child."

"Really?"

"Look at yourself, oh Queen of the Stars. Is that not your child?"

Abby's form shifts as she moves to look at her starfield.

"They also call me Bringer of Chaos."

"I am told it was a difficult birth, yes."

"Every time I visit, am summoned, terrible things happen."

"We can change that. Do not fear. I have a plan."

\-----

I slide down the scree slope, the last obstacle before a mad dash to the giant sphere that is a landed Trade Federation battleship. Behind me, Anakin and a dozen clones are following.

"I still say it is Tuangsday." shouts Anakin as we descend.

"Are you sure? Could of sworn it was a Primeday." I yell back.

We reach the bottom and scurry towards the grounded vessel become instant base. No one notices us. They really should but there is a big battle going on nearby and well, target fixation is a thing. The Force favouring fools and madmen also helps.

"Five day week, not seven." reminds Anakin as we reach the edge of the spheroid.

"Besides, you always miss a day or two when you see mom." says Athos as he reaches the door controls and pulls out the slicing kit.

"Yeah, you're right. Athos." I say.

The clone looks up at me. "Mate, I'm Porthos, tech specialist. Athos is on heavy weapons detail. Can't tell his own kids apart. You're a terrible parent. No wonder I ended up in the army." says actually Porthos. Nearby Athos gives me a wave.

"Anyways, Federation Battleship Core. We blow those up on Taungsdays." points out Anakin.

There is a series of beeps from the access point.

"Clear." says Porthos and the clones take cover as we prepare for entry.

"Okay, it's Taungsday." I concede.

The door opens and we step in, I hold up my hand as I spy the figure at the end of the hall. Tall, grey, bald, two red lightsabres and one hell of an attitude problem.

"Did you think you could just stroll in so easily?" hisses Ventress.

Anakin and I look at one another.

"Benduday." we agree in unison before advancing on the wannabe Sith maniac.

\-----

I never really got into the Clone Wars in my old life, I was busy, it was on at the wrong times and some of those early episodes that I did catch were kind of derpy. So all I really knew about Ventress was 'psycho assassin chick who works for Dooku'. I have had a crash course in who she is since the fighting started. Dooku's go to hit man and spec ops commander. Massive chip on her shoulder. Really good with a lightsabre. However, she's not a true believer. Like it or hate it, knowing you are right is very important. Plasma psi blade. Funny how everyone focuses on the plasma part and ignores the psi bit. Ventress has the skill, the anger, the thirst for revenge but she doesn't believe. To her, the Dark Side is just another tool. All of this makes her merely bloody dangerous as opposed to 'unstoppable whirlwind of death' like her master.

I move to block one red blade with my own while deflecting the other with telekinesis. Meanwhile Anakin moves to threaten her right side and Ventress counters by striking at both of us alternatively blocking and striking with her weapons as needed. Soon, however we have her between us.

"Nice. Not bad. You are still fighting angry though." I say.

"Cease your taunting Jedi and just die already." yells Ventress as we resume.

The duel continues until a blue bolt narrowly misses Ventress, leaving a scorch mark on the wall.

"Venkman! What took you so long?" I say to the clone with the not exactly legal disruptor rifle.

"Just remembering you said you wanted her alive." says Venkman, sighting and preparing to fire.

Ventress leaps, impossibly high, lands on a ledge slashes open a grate and leaps inside.

"Never mind her, come on, we have a ship to blow up." I say and lead everyone on.

\-----

Then it's running, shooting, yelling and more running as we fight our way through the ship.

"Are the droids not on our side this time?" says Athos as he and I take cover from the new B2's advancing upon us over the bodies of their fallen B1 brethren. Bolts explode all over the exposed front of the bulkhead we are behind.

"We're working on it! They've updated again." yells Anakin from the control centre.

"Can I stress the time sensitive nature of the operation!" calls Athos.

"No! You may not!" comes the reply.

"Anyone got a droid popper?" asks Stantz nearby.

A quick inventory indicates we're out.

I reach out with the Force. Droids are harder to sense, which explains why the Separatists still employ them against Jedi. Sure Anakin can see them clear as day, but he's busy right now. On the other hand I have had practice.

"Okay, on three." I advise and the clones get ready. I then wait, even droid weapons have a recharge cycle. In the brief lull I rise and raise my hands the B2's arms do likewise, several firing futilely into the ceiling and struggling to lower them to blast me.

"Three!" I shout. The clones break cover and open fire. Soon the corridor is full of shattered droids.

"Got it!" comes the cry from the control room. Moments later Anakin and Porthos are with us.

"They're all yours." I say waving at the pieces of scrap.

"Oh, ha ha, Dee-Jay." says Anakin. He pauses for a moment as sounds of panic, confusion and fighting breaks out everywhere around us. "I didn't want these ones anyway. Come on!"

We follow Anakin towards the next objective.

\-----

Charges set and everything ready, we fight our way to a hanger through droids shooting each other, panicking Neimoidians, smoke and fire. I lift Spengler onto the transport Anakin has selected and try to make him comfortable. I reach out with the Force to soothe the burns and mend some of the damage. You can heal without accessing the Dark Side but it's more accelerated healing. Not so quick or easy, but less seductive too. I do not like using it. At all. Especially on the kids.

"Don't bother with that. I never, liked that leg anyway." says Spengler through the pain.

"You're going to be fine." I say as the transport boosts and begins climbing for orbit. Below us there is a series of explosions as the Ship Core is torn apart.

"You may be a great Jedi, but you're a lousy liar. Us kids have spotted the signs." says Spengler as I inject him with another sedative dose.

"Oh yes?" I say.

"Yeah, your lips, they, move." says Spengler as he falls under.

\-----

Anakin manages to convince the Avenger who we are so that we can land. Reports filter through that Separatist resistance is collapsing without their command centre. Another day, another planet liberated. As we walk towards the briefing room two clones fall in behind me.

"Don't mind us. Just making sure you don't sneak off afterwards." says one.

"Thank you." I say.

"Don't mention it." one of them replies.

"Who are you two again?" I ask. They really do all look alike after all.

"He's Spock, I'm Leonard." says Leonard.

"Really? Where's James?" I inquire.

The two look at each other.

"On a date, there's this midshipman in engineering." explains Spock.

Seriously? Sometimes I wonder about this universe. We continue to the briefing.

\-----

Admiral Amidala makes a show of looking over the notes.

"Thank you. A job well done, again. Dismissed." she says and stands. We take that as our cue to rise, salute and leave. "General Skywalker, please remain as there is future strategy and planning to discuss. Anakin pauses and turns round as the rest of us exit. They manage to restrain themselves until we're outside.

As I am escorted to dinner I consider one of those tiny details that was probably unimportant for an experimental film in the seventies. Namely, that Wilhuff Tarkin, orders Vader around and blows up planets Tarkin, that Tarkin is an incurable romantic. Maybe it's the arranged marriage, maybe it's all that opera or it could be that he's a human being too. So, as it often happens, when the Third Outer Rim Fleet needs to coordinate with the Fifth he makes sure we get sent along as organic support. It helps that he is good at his job. Most times we are packed into a courier with a bunch of grinning bods we do end up being needed. Other times, circumstances contrive to keep us from getting bored. One of us is Anakin, never a dull moment Skywalker after all.

"Good evening. A Jedi. What a coincidence. All the seats appear taken, except this one." says Shayla indicating the seat besides her as I enter. Of course it is. There's an identical face at every other place in the mess.

"Why thank you, Physician Commander is it?" I say as I sit down.

"Yes, indeed. So, a Jedi. How exotic. Tell me all about that. Oh, but first, could you introduce me to these fine men?" says Shayla waving at the clones at the table with us.

Nine identical faces look at me smiling. Nine? At once? Oh well.

"Mercury, Venus, Mars, Terra, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus and Pluto." I say naming the kids.

What am I going to do if she breaks out a platoon or Force help me, a company at once? States of the Union? My Periodic Table of Elements? Also, they are all mine. I will have to think of something.

"Pleased to meet you all. Now Master Jedi, tell us about your day."


	30. Rest and mostly relaxation.

"I am sorry General Skywalker, but I fail to see even the nature of the problem." says Admiral Tarkin as we eat with him. Just a simple affair. Admiral, two Jedi and a dozen or so staff.

There are many reasons to dislike him. This is Tarkin, for crying out loud. Even ignoring the entire planet explodey thing, which I have to remind myself regularly that he hasn't done yet, there are still plenty of things to take issue with. He's pompous, aristocratic and makes your regular conservative look like the Red Menace. He thinks Palpatine was 'on the right track' what with his consolidation of powers and all. He's into human supremacy not so many steps removed from those delightful nutters in the Imperium of Man. He's a technocratic, authoritarian arse who probably sneers in his sleep.

We get along quite well for all that.

Like everyone else in this crazy Galaxy there is a man behind the actor. He's charming, cultured and intelligent. His dedication and care for those under his command is legend. He makes it his business to know something about everyone and can recall it instantly. When I asked him how he does that, suspecting some device or implant at work he merely looked at me and said 'Practice Dee-Jay' in that supercilious, why can't everyone do this voice of his. He is what Cornwall had a character describe as a 'killing officer'. He is honest and principled. Betraying a trust simply does not occur to him.

Our current subject being a case in point. Anakin, our Hero with no Brain is still being bloody indecisive over which woman he should commit to.

"Marry Admiral Amidala, take Sergeant Hama as your Acknowledged Mistress and the Jedi Amelia as your Known Lover." explains Tarkin as if the solution should be obvious.

He may possess unshakeable morals. They're just not the morals of an early Twenty First Century ex-pat, or a Tatooine slave. I glance towards Anakin who seems to having trouble with his dinner.

"I think Anakin was looking for a simpler solution, one where he does not have to so rigidly categorise his affections." I say.

"That is the simple solution. Or do you have one of your irregular and egalitarian suggestions?" says Tarkin.

Oh, go on. Say dangerous and subversive. I promise not to catch fire.

"As his elders we can provide advice and guidance. It remains that the solution will be up to Anakin, Padme, Grete and Amelia." I say.

"Yeah, I can't just sort them like that." protests Anakin.

"Respectfully, I disagree. They are already sorted. By birth, by profession, by class and by rank. This is just another orderly distinction to remove all that bothersome chaos from one's affairs." says Tarkin.

"I can't go introducing Grete as my Acknowledged Mistress! As for Amelia? Known Lover? She'll eviscerate me! With her lightsabre." says Anakin.

"Grete has a lightsabre too." I point out helpfully.

"Not helping!" replies Anakin.

"These are honoured and respectable titles. Why would anyone take offense at them? Is it the order perhaps? Marry Jedi Amelia." suggests Tarkin.

"No!"

"No? Was I mistaken when I met her? You seemed quite affectionate towards one another." says Tarkin.

"I am! I love her. It's just, I love Padme and Grete as well." says Anakin.

"I believe Anakin feels that loving more than one person is a major betrayal of trust." I say.

"Oh. I understand. Pardon me General Skywalker. I will not trouble you on what is clearly a matter of honour." apologises Tarkin.

With that, the conversation turns to less personally charged topics. Later, after the others have left, Tarkin finally asks the question which I know has been nagging him.

"Why does Sergeant Hama have a lightsabre?"

"Battle trophy. While my view was obscured I am reasonably sure the majority of blasts that took down the Adept were from her weapon. Quite appropriate I felt. After all the morale is to the physical." I explain.

"Yes. I see."

\-----

Not every day is joyous. This is a war after all. People die. Our children die. I kneel before the fresh graves on Ryloth. Fully half of them are our kids. I know they're fully mature. I know they volunteered. No one forced them or compelled them to fight in the Republic's wars. I know that they feel fighting freely is a form of protest and a matter of honour. They are also ten standard years old. Child soldiers. Our children.

Shayla and I hold each other for support and comfort. We know they are dying almost continuously in a war far more bloody than Palpatine's manufactured conflict ever was. It's a constant. Both of us need these moments to grieve. Because no one else will.

After a while I sense them approach.

"Come on you two." I turn round. It's Clark. Behind him are the others.

I get up and turn for the transport.

"Too many. Far too many of you are dying."

Clark places a hand on my shoulder and looks at Shayla.

"For this world? To watch over it forever? My brothers died gladly. You freed us. We are returning the favour. Anyways, it is over and we found this pub. Come, celebrate being alive."

"Yeah. You can tell us how you met." adds Bruce.

Another pipes up.

"We want to try out those moves ourselves."

"Oliver!"

"Okay. First, I want you all to promise. No shaking hands with Sith Lords" I begin as they lead us away.

\-----

I kneel and focus. It's a little hard tonight. Ryloth freed, in more ways than one. Everyone is letting their hair or tentacles, down tonight.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

"Why are you alone?"

I look up. Shayla is standing in front of me in a short red dress.

"I am a Jedi. A stoic guardian of peace and justice. I seem to be on the Planet of Hot Space Babes. Seclusion seemed advised."

She kneels in front of me. A tentacle wraps round my neck.

"Really. So we are unlikely to be interrupted then."

"No. No interruptions, barring a counter attack."

"Do you see that happening?"

"No. Not tonight."

Shayla pulls out a small remote and hands it to me.

"Can you switch me off?"

I do so and hand it back.

"Can you switch me off too?"

\-----

"Master Dee-Jay!" comes the piercing voice.

I open my eyes. Sounds like that Orange Leader guy.

Shayla stirs as well.

"Are we under attack? Tell the Seperatists to come back after lunchtime." she says and turns over.

"Master Dee-Jay!"

Since he is not going away I get up and open the door.

"Are we under attack?"

"No, it's, something else." they say.

Pause. Concentrate. Stop using the Force almost immediately. Way too much information.

"Does this involve many of the locals being enthusiastic in expressing their thanks?" I say as I close the door behind me.

"Yes. We did not exchange one boot for another."

"If I catch anyone sleeping with their boots on there will be trouble." I growl.

"I feel you are not taking this seriously." says Orange name will come to me in a minute.

"Okay. I'll take this seriously. What is the problem? Liberated planet, off duty troopers, grateful population. I would be concerned if everyone was just politely chatting and sipping tea." I say.

"The problem? They're clones, Who." begins Orange but stops when I hold up a hand.

"That's what's wrong?" I interrupt and lean back inside "Princess, there's someone here complaining about your kids."

"My kids? I'll have you know they are our children. Oh, hello Cham. How can I help?" says Shayla brightly as the door opens.

I leave as the conversation heads downhill and becomes positively subterranean, I am a space monk. Knowing that sort of language would flip me to the Dark Side 'like that'. Outraged parents? Yeah, I have one of those.

\-----

"Master Dee-Jay!" comes the interruption as Anakin and I are jogging through the halls of the Brilliant. I see it's Losk the new Jedi Knight attached to the Third Fleet.. Fairly chill guy once you get over the whole two metre tall purple Mantis thing. We stop running.

"Losk. How may I help you?"

Losk twitches, but I think that's just something it does.

"I have heard some disturbing rumours that you have sired thousands of children." it states.

Not millions? Reasonably sure we were that high last time I looked.

"Thousands? That's simply not possible. Humans are strictly K selected." I try by way of explanation.

"What?" says Losk.

"K selection. Means my species only has a few offspring per individual." I elaborate.

"I think you mean L selection." says Anakin

"L? Not K?"

"No. Trust me. I did well in Bio."

"Okay. Thanks Anakin. Yes L selected. Definitely. Only a few children at any rate. Ten is considered a huge family." I say as a platoon of clones jogs past.

"I thought so too. Still, it paid to be sure. Of course, complete nonsense. One wonders how these rumours start." it says.

"There are many tales about us. Not all based in fact." as a squad of kids marches the other way. "While you're here, what is your opinion on Vessage's 'Of One Mind?' I find some of his predictions quite interesting."

"Yes, an interesting thought exercise indeed. I think the Galaxy will remain populated by singular beings for some time."

"But fascinating nonetheless. Care to run with us as we speak?"

\-----

"And these are the new combat speeders. Dual light cannon. Layferra thruster rated at 350, although with the TSR it's best to stay below 270." says Grete showing off the latest toy in our growing arsenal.

Well, the latest toy guaranteed to captivate my apprentice's attention.

"Layferra? Can I have a look. Hey! This looks like one of mine." exclaims Anakin.

Sure. What a coincidence. Not. I drown out the bonding and gushing over tech specifications. It's a pleasant day and since the Seps cant seem to find their mechanical arses to organise a counter offensive it looks to remain that way. I try to consider the big picture. On pad, it still does not look good. The Separatists took a lot of territory with their initial offensive but they're losing momentum and are hampered by their Sith overlords conflicting goals and ideologies. Another reason Sheev was probably so keen on Anakin. He's good at this military organisation. That's why he's General Skywalker and I'm basically a civilian advisor. Which Dooku and Palps really fall down at. They can get a populace worked up, pointed in the right direction and then, well, they flail about. They should be focused on either conquering the Republic, seizing sites of Force power or wiping out the Jedi. Not all three at once. Certainly not by only pretending to the first in the guise of 'defending ourselves from Republic aggression' and actually attempting the others on the sly. They need an Anakin to keep their goals in line.

I am distracted from Galactic strategy by the sound of a speeder zooming off. Of course that's when he's not distracted by a combination of fast things and pretty marines. I sigh, stand up and walk over to the big pile of kids arguing over an ovoid.

"Optimus, Megatron! Suit up. We're following Anakin. Discretely, until he and Hama stumble over whatever nefarious Sep plot they find brewing out there."

It takes a few minutes before the kids and elements of the 27th are loaded up, I climb aboard.

"Autobots. Roll out!" I say.

Racetrack looks at me, sighs and then gets the armoured floater moving. Just another weird dad reference.

"Dad? Is this wise? We stumble over them and it's nothing well, that could put Hama off her game." calls out a clone.

"Yeah. She's best sister in law." says another.

I turn round.

"Right, we've talked about this. We, are neutral. Also, if you believe we're just going to surprise them in the act then I've got some nice real estate on Korriban for you all."

"Oh come on. He can't stumble onto something every time."

An hour later I am running through an network of corridors as we try to escape the complex before the overloaded generators tear the place apart. The two lovebirds just behind me. We leap from the entrance towards the cordon the kids have set up and then watch the big crater form as the area falls in on itself.

"Any chance, you two could just go to a restaurant, take in a holo or visit a nightclub like everyone else?" I say wearily.

"But da, Dee-Jay, this is so much more fun. Do you see A and A stomping earthquake machines, atmo converters or, what was this?" says Grete.

"Subduction generator, and yeah, that was fun." agrees Anakin.

"You better believe it." says Grete kissing him as the clones cheer.

Maybe 'neutral' is a big word.

\-----

"Where, is my Padawan?" says Knight Elhana. Amelia's master now that she has been readmitted for training as a Jedi Knight. Finally.

We are on the night side of a gravitationally locked planet in a creepy deserted city and there is a huge glowing obelisk plainly visible. Where do you think they are?

"Your efforts will come to no avail Jedi. You have no idea what your dealing with." snarls one of the Adepts trussed up nearby.

"Sorry, was I speaking to you? Quiet in the cheap seats." I reply before addressing Elhana. "Anakin and Amelia are just tying up loose ends. Probably over there."

Definitely over there. They'll be carefully moving through some ancient temple, helping decipher demented writings and aiding each other to keep the darkness at bay. They'll confront some ancient Sith spirit or mystical whatsit, ignore it's blandishments, contain it and bring it back. There will be several tense moments but I have faith in the Dark Side busting team.

"How could you let them go off like that? Isn't it dangerous?"

"Only if you're dumb enough to use the Dark Side." I retort. One of the Adepts thinks of speaking up, sees me look down and thinks better of it.

Then there's some waiting while I try to remember anything about Amelia's new Master. It's a forlorn hope. After all I need que cards to remind me to not call Mundi 'Conehead' Some rando near-human Jedi? Hah. Still.

"Dee-Jay, perhaps you can clear something else for me. These rumours, about your Padawan." she begins.

"Yes, he's the Chosen One. Most powerful Jedi ever. That's why he is on obelisk duty while I guard the prisoners." there, mostly true.

"Not that, his relationship with my Padawan. Weren't they close when she was a Terraformer?" she asks after a while.

"Oh, that's just Padawans being Padawans. Who did you experiment with?" I ask casually. Nine years has given me some insight into all this hemi-demi-semi celibacy.

"None of your business!"

"Well, then their business is none of ours. They will grow, and move on." I say trying to supress the telepathic image just broadcast.

It's another hour before the Force power couple return with some large green glowing crystal thing telekinetically supported by them. I spend the time suppressing a smile. Kenobi, you dog. No wonder it took you till twenty five to get knighted.

"What's in the box kids?" I ask cheerfully.

Anakin and Amelia look at each other and smile.

"Nothing really, just a mad Dark ghost moaning about fate, destiny and power." says Amelia.

"Yeah, you hear one, you have heard them all." agrees Anakin.

'The Spirit of Daken Rhul. Quite the catch.' whispers Abby in appreciation. No surprise who's team the cosmic entity is on.

"Well, we came, we saw, we kicked it's ass! Let's go."


	31. Why yes, it is.

"Transit!"

The Third Fleet appears above another world. Not particularly strange or noteworthy, This happens constantly. In recent months the war has tilted in the Republic's favour. New Kuati cruisers, the famous Stardestroyer classes are ready. Armies have made it through training and are being deployed to hold and then reclaim systems. The clones, Eridians and Naboo are no longer stretched thin and needed on desperate recovery and holding actions. Instead, as the Republic's most experienced forces they were now at the forefront of an offensive. Our other advantage is of course spiritual. The Jedi aid the Republic and no matter how you try to spin that you end back at the famed Guardians of Peace and Justice since time immemorial are a strong indicator of which side is on the side of the angels. In short the Confederacy has it's work cut out for itself just keeping its own systems onside. Like this one. The former rulers have decided to throw off the shackles of their new masters and requested aid in returning their world to the Republic. There is just one wrinkle in all this. I know this place.

Antoroine.

We have come to restore a nasty theocracy as a small stepping stone towards defeating the Separatists and their Sith leaders.

"Launch recon cutters and CSP. Sensors,get us a picture of the system. You too Master Dee-Jay, something tells me I will need your insight." orders Tarkin.

Gone are the days of jumping in at the hyper limit of a system. Occupied planets come with defence cannon capable of tearing cruisers out of orbit. Starting the engagement at knife range with defensive fleets is another good way to take unneeded losses. This isn't an excuse to 'accidentally' kill off the Jedi, we're trying to not get killed this time around. Which means cautious tactics.

"Lucrehulk! High equatorial orbit. It's the Tooval. Fifteen Banking Clan escorts."

"Fifteen? Where is the other one?"

"Not in scanning range. They could be still behind the planet or they're short sir."

"Find out for sure. I do not like surprises."

As the chatter continues about me I reach out with the Force. All about me beings are focused and determined, anticipating the coming battle. Out further and I can feel the cold mechanical minds of the droids, the panic of the Separatist organic crews as they realise today will not be boring. There is also despair, fear, anger from the planet. Lastly, terror. Over, there.

"Should we expect anything over here?" I say indicating on the tactical display the source of the last set of feelings.

One of the officers looks at me.

"No? Transit point to Incora, but that's Hutt Space. They're neutral." he says.

"Found something Dee-Jay?" asks Tarkin as he walks over.

"Just a feeling. Here. Terror. Surprise," I begin but he cuts me off.

"No need. A Jedi's feelings are better than any sensor." he says and turns to an officer. "Send two squadrons to check it out."

"Yes Sir." says the officer and moves to carry out the order.

"With any luck we'll find the missing frigate." says Tarkin. He examines the display. "The Tooval. Well. Maintain range. Have the Advance and Choomis organise strikes against those frigates. The Terrible and ourselves will see to defending against their strikes." orders Tarkin.

Then it's largely hanging on as our big ships maneuver to stay out of range while our Starfighters engage. There are some wild evasive turns in an effort to avoid missile strikes. Through it all Tarkin calmly inspects the progress of the battle and issues orders. I watch the small battles develop. The Vulture fighter doubles as a light walker and while that sounds impressive, in reality it does neither well. Of course they could be the best fighters in existence and they would be outmatched by Anakin.

The 'Best Starfighter Pilot in the Galaxy'. Those words do not do the reality justice. Anakin is growing in both skill and power as a Jedi, but it is in a Starfighter where he truly shines. It is not just his superlative flying skills, his instinctive grasp of tactics or his ability to always be in the right place at the right time. It's the way everyone under his command flies and fights the same way too. Anakin's squadron tears apart strike missions, almost casually destroying any escorts. With that and the majority of our Starfighters configured for anti-fighter operations the Third Fleet effectively destroys the Separatist fighter support.

"Time, Master Dee-Jay?" asks Tarkin on occasion.

Usually I shake my head. This time however, I nod.

"Excellent. All ships head for point Aurek." comes the order.

As our ships turn for the new vector the enemy frigates boost to intercept. While we can fight them at cannon range it will be at some cost, one the Separatists can afford. Our crews are tired and our Admiral has made a mistake. One the Tactical droids will not hesitate to exploit.

It is a pity we planned it. We launch our reserve Starfighters, loadout configured to antishipping strike. Using the planet they can slingshot about it and make an attack on the now exposed Lucrehulk. Tarkin's plan is tricky to pull off and so it helps having a Jedi to spot the correct moment. The battleship immediately requests the frigates move to cover it and being, droids, they obey. However they are completely out of position and the strike badly damages the Lucrehulk, which turns and runs for hyperspace, the frigates soon following.

Now for the tricky matter of liberating a planet we probably should not.

\-----

Following the battle our scouts return escorting a freighter. It's almost all engine with two massive cargo pods slung above and beneath it. Since it sustained some damage we are sending some engineers to see what can be done. They find more than burned and damaged components. In short order the freighter's crew are brought aboard and their captain summoned to the Admiral's office.

"Master Dee-Jay to the Admiral's office. Master Dee-Jay to the Admiral's office."

As I enter I notice the body lying on the floor, it's head a charred mess. Tarkin is sitting at his desk examining a pad.

"Ah, Master Dee-Jay. That freighter was a slaver. We are unloading the slaves now."

"Yes Admiral, this is Antoroine. I did mention it." I say.

"You did. I refused to believe it. A Republic world? Slavery is barbarism. Pure barbarism." says Tarkin.

"I don't think that slows down these systems Admiral." I reply.

"i have orders to restore Antoroine to its people Dee-Jay." continues Tarkin.

Of course. Tarkin is not going to disobey orders. He is also not going to willingly restore a society that engages in slavery. He wants the traditional Guardians of Peace and Justice to provide a magic solution. Which means me. Trouble is, I don't have one. Antoroine, and by extension every system with a crappy society cannot be easily changed. We could install some other bunch to power, but with no real way of knowing what they will be like. We could leave a garrison and run things ourselves but the revolution would be underway before the announcement of that was over. The only thing to change would be they would sell people to the Hutts to buy weapons to get rid of us. Peaceful change has to come from within.

"I am sorry Tarkin, there is no good solution." I say.

In response Tarkin throws the pad at me.

"Read that list and tell me there's nothing you can do. Some of them are little more than children. Tell me Master Dee-Jay, just what are your vaunted powers for?"

What indeed. Sill I read the list. Five hundred names. Okay. That's one ship. When they are properly in charge they sent far more. I close my eyes.

"Well, Jedi?" says Tarkin.

I open my eyes.

"Patience. The Force is not an underling you can order about."

I close my eyes. Stretch out to see the connections between many things. Traditions, customs, beliefs of both the locals and Galactic society.

'What are you doing?' comes the voice of Abby.

'Looking for an answer. We're at Antoroine. Tarkin wants a solution. So do I.'

'His original solution not satisfactory then?'

'I prefer to avoid Orbital Bombardment as a tool of social change.'

'I have a suggestion. Read their holy book.'

'That's it?'

"That's all. Oh, and make the rivers run red with their blood.' there is a pause. 'That was a joke Dee-Jay. I am giving them a go. What do you think?'

I think I prefered the torture and misguided seduction attempts.

'Oh, good. Do you think you could warn me next time?'

I open my eyes.

"I have a plan. First we need a copy of their holy book."

\-----

Very quickly I ask for an analysis of the Calarite Faith as their holy book is five million words total. Not casual reading. I will need the Cliff's Notes version. Still, even a casual reading reveals the prophesied coming of the Chosen One is a pretty big thing. Coming of the Chosen One. When the Chosen One returns. Till the Chosen One returns. In the name of the Chosen One. Pretty standard stuff.

It takes three weeks until I am looking at some of their art, when it clicks. I have been here too long. I have gone native. I have forgotten how this place works. One person can change everything, especially if their surname is Skywalker.

After yelling at myself for a minute I run down to the hanger. I find the goddamn Chosen One working on his fighter's engines.

"Anakin. Go have a shower then meet me back here. We'll be taking a shuttle to the surface." I say.

I am an idiot. I have been training Space Jesus for almost a decade. Of course this crazy universe has religions incorporating him as a central character.

"So, what are we doing again?" asks Anakin as we approach the capital.

"Going down to speak with the locals. Just remember to tell them that selling women into slavery is bad." I say as we land.

"Why would they listen to me?" asks Anakin as we disembark.

We are in front of a structure. In the front is a massive stained glass window with a sole figure represented. Even allowing for artistic licence and the assumption that he would be their brand of human, the likeness is unmistakable.

A twenty metre tall Antoroinian Anakin Skywalker smiles beautifically down on us. I nod towards the graven image.

"That's why." I say.

In the end, maybe it will still fail. The Calarite Canon will be five hundred thousand words larger. There will be a revising by the old guard as to what the Chosen One really meant when he said no more selling people as slaves and treating the entire population as fellow sientients. Then again, the warning that he can come back and check up at any time will hopefully give the saner parts of their society some time to gain traction. For now, world recovered and no more slave ships. Eventually, after a big parade, the Chosen One and his helpful attendant are allowed to leave to bring the Words of the Chosen One to the Greater Galaxy.

"I don't understand those parting words you asked me to say." says Anakin as we ascend to the cruisers.

"You don't think they would not make an excellent closer to the Book of Anakin?" I say.

"Those were very serious people Dee-Jay. It will probably get edited out." says Anakin.

"What's wrong with 'Be excellent to each other' and 'Party on dudes!'" I say.

Useful addition to any canon in my opinion.

\----

We move on. Other systems, other battles, other damn crazy Sith plots. Through it all we pick up no idea, no hint, no clue as to where Sheev is. We run across Dooku, Ventress and all the little wizards on a regular basis but of Palps, not a single clue. Even Abby is no help.

"I do not know where he is." she says when I visit. We no longer are suspended above the Galaxy, but rather seem to be within it somewhere.

"How can you not? You seem to know where I am?" I say.

"You don't hide things instinctively. Sideous is a master of deception and secrecy. You are quite different."

"Worth a try I guess. So, anyway. How are you?"

The entity shrugs, then sighs.

"I am the same as ever."

I move over and give the ancient cosmic horror a hug.

"Not the same. I think you have moved on, become a person."

"They did that too. When I was summoned and trapped in a body."

"This time it was by you. You can always change back."

"Why would I do that, not while you are here."

"And what will you do when I die?"

Abby lets go, retreats.

"I don't know. All I know is that I do not want to go back to what I was."

"Well then, that can be our new topic, learning to let go and saying goodbye."

There is a pause.

"Yes." says Abby.

\-----

I awaken, get ready for the day and make my way to the bridge in case I am needed. I notice we are in hyperspace. I look on in wonder for several minutes before I think to ask the pertinent question. I walk over to where Tarkin is surveying the crew. He's probably doing performance reviews in his head. Because that's his idea of fun.

"What do you think of Midshipman Foyle on comms?" he asks.

I look at the indicated crew member. Uniformed, male, seems intent on his job. I stretch out with the Force. I pick up a sense of anticipation.

"Seems to be looking forward to our destination. Where is that?"

Tarkin looks at me.

"We are headed to Naboo. Neatly combining a spot of Rest, Repair and Relaxation with your personal needs."

"Me?"

"You and Skywalker have been with me for almost a year. I was given to understand you had some sort of review due. Additionally, your woman is due to give birth. At the Royal Theed Hospital."

It's been a year? Already? Shayla is due? Where did the time go?

"Mouth closed Dee-Jay. You are a Jedi. We should be there in good time if I understand your woman's biology correctly. Also, please do something to formalise your relationship, I dislike indulging in such crude terms."

\-----

Of course, we are called off while crossing the Agora system to deal with a surprise raid nearby in Boroglen. It goes without saying that I'm in a bit of a hurry. Powered drops are too slow in my opinion. I lead the charge once we are down. Anakin leaps out of his Fighter and runs to catch up.

"Admiral Tarkin suggested a cautious approach!" he yells as I blast the prefab gates open. There is a brief battle as we overwhelm the defenders.

"He did, did he?" I say as I advance towards whatever the hell this thing is. It appears to be some sort of massive laser. I look to where it is sighted. Large doors in a cliff face. Huge bits of granite which is a bit ostentatious because the cliff is disbarred from being classic East Coast Bays formation by not being in the right universe. That gives me pause. Home. It's not often I get reminders.

There is a warning from the Force. I look up.

"Die Jedi!" screams the red blade wielding maniac as they leap from the superstructure.

I raise my hand. The lunatic stops mid fall.

"Look, I'd love to fight you, exchange all that 'Your no match for the Dark Side' banter, but I'm in a hurry." I wave my arm and the Dark Sider is moved to one side mid air as Anakin and I cut down the laser tower thing. That down we get the troops to set the charges, blow the thing to pieces and jog back to the shuttle. We com news of our success.

"Well done. Troops and Jedi. One thing Dee-Jay. Please keep me informed of any plans for the future expansion of your family. So I can plan the campaigns accordingly." comes Tarkin's reply back.

\-----

Even with the delays I make it back in time to witness the birth of my daughter first hand. Afterwards, I look down at my family.

"Any idea for a name?"

Shayla looks up from her daughter and then back again.

"Idun. It was my grandmother's." she says.

"Idun. A beautiful name." I say agreeing.

I'll just have to warn her off keeping an apple tree, which should be easy in my new home.


	32. I'm the mentor.

Once again I am walking across the plaza to the Jedi Temple. Of course, there are a few differences. The steady march of a few thousand feet behind me is one for certain. Shayla's hand in mine and Idun sleeping in the crook of my other arm is another. Besides me walks Anakin Skywalker, a young man I am happy to say will never become Darth Vader.

"I feel an odd sensation Dee-Jay." he comments as we advance.

"That's because you did this too."

"As, Him you mean? What happened?"

Anakin's reaction to his alter-ego's deeds is encouraging. He can understand why everything happened and It scares him. Knowing that if life had been different, various choices made or not made, then this would have been a very different type of triumphant march on the Temple. But Vader is another person to him, a path he will never choose because he had other options.

"Bad dialogue Anakin. Terrible, atrocious dialogue." I reply.

Shayla looks at us and laughs.

"Bad dialogue? Anakin?"

"It was a Dark time. This one is much better." I say smiling.

Different choices all round.

\-----

There is a small crowd at the top of the steps. Yoda is using that stick of his to support himself. Not due to age but because otherwise he would be rolling on the ground laughing. Hera has her arms folded and has that habitual 'what have you done now', look that is her version of friendly. As for Mace.

"He looks upset." whispers Shayla to me.

"He always looks like that. It's a stressful job." I say back.

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know. All those forms, meetings, policy briefs or..."

"Master Dee-Jay!" calls out Mace as we get near.

Okay, it could be that too. Balancing Idun, I make a quick bow as does Anakin.

"Master Windu. As requested I am here." I say.

Mace regards me.

"What, do you call this?" he growls.

"Bring your children to work day?" I say.

"HELLO MASTER WINDU!" comes the cry from the crowd.

Mace just stares.

"Inside. Now."

"How much trouble is he in?" I hear Anakin ask as we are walking inside.

"Only most young Skywalker. After all, a Sith, he is not." replies Yoda.

\-----

Once within the Council Chamber and the Masters are seated Mace begins.

"Is there a single part of the Code you have not flagrantly disobeyed and ignored? I gave you specific instructions to not pursue or develop this relationship. I heard rumours but I dismissed them as too outrageous, even for you. I see I, wait, what are you doing? Are you listening to me?"

I pause in waving the red squeeze toy in front of my daughter.

"Oh yes. Visual stimulation, very important. Yes I am listening. I am a bad Jedi. Broken the Code. I would suggest the same punishment I suggested to Hera years ago."

Hera grimaces.

"Coruscant. That is too cruel. For the reader."

"Well, there is that. I am still puzzled though. Which part of the Code specifically? Which Code for that matter?" I say.

"Are you serious?"

"For the moment."

"You stood here one standard year ago and agreed you would neither pursue nor indulge in a relationship with her."

I turn to Shayla.

"Over this last year have I pursued you?"

"No." says Shayla giggling.

"Did I indulge in our relationship?"

More giggling.

"No."

"Well, there you are. Almost everyone is a telepath here. Is Shayla lying?" I ask.

No one speaks up.

"Nobody? Excellent, so since I have been an exemplary Jedi." I continue but am interrupted by Mace.

"Exemplary? You have a daughter! Care to explain how that happened?" he bellows.

"You mean you do not know? 'Someone' failed bio. It's a bit impromptu but I can go over the basics if you want."

There is a small thud and we all turn round to see Yoda climbing back into his chair.

"Excuse me. Slipped must I have. Please, go on, continue." says the little troll.

"Dee-Jay! I want to know how come you two in particular have a new born daughter."

"It was on Ryloth, We had won. I saw that our dead were buried and commended them to the Force. The clones wanted to celebrate, so I shared a drink with them before retiring to meditate." I said.

"And then I went looking for him, he had become quite adept at sneaking off. I have to thank you Master Windu, this year has been very exciting, but I feel a change of pace is in order. I can't be aggressively seducing this Neobarb constantly. He's only human." says Shayla.

"You planned this." says Mace.

"Planned what? I needed time for reflection and I have done so. I also knew that Shayla would not sit idly by. Maybe you could have asked me what she might do." I say. I also wave the toy.

"Okay, okay. Now, the clones. Your children?" asks Mace.

"Apparently so." I say.

"You didn't think discovering you have adopted an actual army was drastic?" asks Mace.

"It's not as if I hid them. I don't think it's possible." I say.

"And it all started as a way to get them all declared people. Cloners are horrible, the boys had no one but each other. So what started as a joke really, became something more." says Shayla.

"We just gave them something they never thought they needed. Parents." I say.

"Parents?" says Plo Koon.

"Why is that so strange? They're people. Not organic droids. They want people things." I say.

"Especially with those hideous chips out. It's by my order that they had them removed." adds Shayla.

"Which means Shayla is their mother in some senses. By extension that means." I say.

"Yes, yes. We understand." said another Master interrupting.

"Do you? The real issue here is 'Where is Palpatine?' Remember him? Sith Lord? This high? Wants every single one of us dead? Does anyone know where he is? I say.

A long silence indicates no one does.

"You have to understand the magnitude of the problem. When his escape ship left it quickly entered hyperspace. He could be anywhere." says Mace.

I open my mouth to speak but then pause as a horrible thought hits me. I pass Idun over to Shayla.

"Take our daughter and leave Coruscant. At once."

"Why? Dee-Jay. What's going on?"

"Please love. Trust me on this." I say kissing her.

"Okay. I will need an explanation for this."

"Later love, I promise, just go, now. Remember, I love you."

I watch Shayla leave. As the doors close behind her I turn back to the Masters.

"We would like an explanation too." says Mace.

Very well. I take a deep breath.

"He's here. Palpatine never left Coruscant." I say with what will probably be interpreted as a mad grin.

\-----

"That's insane! I saw him board that ship." says Mace

"Then what happened?" I say.

"His ship took off and I got Hera to safety."

"So, for example, if Palpatine walked to the other side of the ship and left, leaving it to depart on auto-pilot, you wouldn't know."

"Surely we would have sensed him?" says a Master.

"Really? He stood before you multiple times and you never suspected a thing. Subterfuge, misdirection, sleight of hand games, having all the pieces. It's what he does." I say pacing.

"If you did not use the Force how do you know this?" asks Mundi.

"Because..." I pause. Oh well, they're were hell bent on locking me up anyways. "It's what I would have done."

Hera laughs.

"You're mad Coruscant. Completely mad. Shame you're probably right. We haven't looked here, have we?"

"But Coruscant is immense. He could be anywhere. Where do we begin?" says a Master.

"We begin near the site of the greatest collection of Dark Side Artifacts in the Galaxy."

"And that would be?"

"Right here. I also suggest we start moving those things somewhere else. Come on Anakin. We have a Sith Lord to catch before he knows that we know." I say and turn to leave.

"Master Dee-Jay! We have not finished." says Mace.

I turn and walk back.

"Yes we have. What's important Master Windu? The Code? The Order? Who cares what one crazy Master does? Palpatine is the most powerful, most evil being this Galaxy has ever seen. So have your tribunal. Make your decision and, if I am still alive, well, we shall see."

"And if you're wrong?"

"Then I'm wrong. Throw me out of the order. I'll go quietly, peacefully. I'll enjoy it. But if I'm right Mace, then you will be forever known as the Head of the Order that ended the Sith."

There is a pause. Mace rubs his forehead.

"I don't know why I am agreeing to this." he says.

I decide to leave before he changes his mind.

\-----

Outside I quickly find a few of the kids.

"Gandalf! Is Shayla bound off planet?" I ask.

"Yes. What's going on?" says Gandalf.

"I may have found Palpatine. If Anakin doesn't come back then organise with the other Jedi to find him."

Gandalf nods.

"Wait. What do you mean, if Anakin doesn't come back?"

I place a hand on his shoulder.

"If I am right, I am not coming back. I like you kids. All of you. Please behave for your mother."

"Then let us come with you. There's almost two thousand of us right here." he says.

I shake my head.

"Thank you, but no. Troops and guns won't matter here. This will be decided by the Force." I say.

"But surely a lot of Jedi..."

"It wont matter and may even make it worse. Palpatine will sense many Jedi and sneak away. Anyway, two or two hundred, it does not matter to the Force."

"And you're not coming back?"

"If I'm right, then no, this is it. Goodbye. Don't spoil your sister too much."

I turn and walk with Anakin towards a lift to take us to the lower levels.

\-----

"Did you mean that Dee-Jay?" Anakin asks after a while.

"Yes Anakin. I'm sorry, I should have told you all earlier, but I was afraid. I was kind of hoping someone else would find and defeat Palpatine. I should have known better."

"Known better?"

We enter the lift and begin the descent.

"You are the Chosen One. You can end the Sith. Bring balance to the Force."

"So why do you think you will be destroyed?"

"Because I am the mentor. It's what happens. Don't worry, your universe has been a nice place to live and without Palpatine it will remain so."

"It's what happens?"

"Yes. I had few illusions about surviving all this."

"I, I still don't understand."

"Look beyond the material Anakin. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."

"What if you're wrong? That you survive this."

"Then you will have another duty to perform."

"What's that?"

"I am going to need a best man at my wedding."

"So, you don't really know? Do you?"

"I am allowing for a possibility for a miracle, that's all."

\-----

The lift continues downwards. The walls fade from view and are replaced by stars.

"I cannot believe you are doing this?" says Abby advancing on me through the star field.

"I am sorry Abby. It's over." I say.

"You're going to die! I will be all alone again." she says.

"I was always going to die. It's just going to be now. You have made amazing progress. I had hoped to reconcile you with your family, but you are fully capable of that yourself. Remember, forgiveness is the key. They were afraid, like you were."

"I won't allow it!"

"Abby, please, with Palpatine gone there will be no-one able to summon you for a long time. Time enough to learn to resist such calls all by yourself. Without Palpatine or you out for blood the Galaxy becomes a saner place. It was a pleasure to know you as a friend."

"What will I do?"

"Reach out to others. In friendship. It may take a while, but there will be others willing to listen."

There is a moment of silence.

"I don't know. Alright then. Why am I doing this?"

I reach out and hug the ancient being.

"Because we do what is right. It's a Jedi thing. Goodbye Abeloth."

"One condition. I don't like that name. I want another."

Seriously? I have to do this now? Fortunately it doesn't take long. Naming several thousand clones on the drop of a hat has given me some talents in that direction.

"Aurora. Means she who brings the dawn, the light."

The entity changes from a star speckled void, becoming brighter, luminous. Soon, a shining figure stands before me.

"Thank you. I like it." says the newly named Aurora.

"Good. Just one thing before you contact anyone else."

"Yes, Dee-Jay?"

"Clothes. Highly recommended in my opinion."

My vision returns to the material. This is a clunk, the door opens. We're here.


	33. In a tragedy you die, in a comedy you get hitched.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

It's still quite a walk. Palpatine isn't so overconfident that he was right under the Temple. We pass through access tunnels, old avenues, through what originally may of been plazas and open spaces, past old rusting machines and long forgotten dwellings. All around us there is movement as the dwellers down here investigate and keep pace with us as we interlopers from the surface realm invade their territory. They are held back by fear. Each of us carries a blazing blue brand to light our way. We are Jedi. Almost everything else down here is less scary than us. Almost everything. As we approach the escort peters out until we are alone.

Jedi are respected. The Sith are feared. However, there is nothing to fear. I concentrate briefly. Shayla and Idun are two hundred light years away and increasing. They are safe.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

I know why I am here. Train a better Anakin. Make sure the Empire never happens. Which means today I face down the modern incarnation of evil because the Jedi upstairs are not taking my claim seriously. Along the way I have learned about the Force and myself, what I told Anakin all those years ago about what makes someone a Jedi Master. No more tests, no more zen offs and although there is always more to learn I really don't have that much time to cram in a quick life lesson.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

We walk across an old boulevard towards an ancient structure. The darkness is closing in, threatening to overwhelm the light from our lightsabres. Never mind. I can 'see' perfectly fine with the Force. Our destination has certainly seen better days, probably better millennia. For a moment I feel sorry for old Sheev. You were rejected and had to fall on well, whatever letter of the alphabet this plan is. You could have called it a day, but no. Driven by hate you have to go on. Labouring away in this underworld, far from the light, the adoration and wealth. Consumed by a desire for revenge. Well, it will all be over. Perhaps then, even you can rest.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

Now we are on the footpath. There is an almost palpable pressure radiating from the building. The Dark Side. It has left its mark on everything. The metal is rusted and warped, the flagstones pitted as if by acid. The strange growths and fungi that has replaced any garden glow with an eerie light. Does he even notice this? Does he regard it as a small price to pay for all that power? Or is that he simply does not care? Personally, I take the friends, comrades and family over whatever the Dark Side can offer.

We are at the door. Do we knock? It would be polite, after all. The door opens revealing nothing but darkness beyond. To enter means death. To never see Shayla or Idun ever again. We enter.

There is no death, there is the Force.

It is a short walk through the antechamber, a short hallway and then we are in a massive room. Luminators along the walls are visible but do little more than provide a dull gloom. A large staircase dominates the centre leading to a mezzanine. Instead of some tasteful statuary, chandeliers and a well panelled dance floor there are twisted structures about a large sickly green crystal, like a parody of dancers waltzing about some central ornament. Descending down the stairs is Sheev Palpatine. The Emperor.

I read about Luke's confrontation with the wizened Emperor in a comic book, those getting to us a while before the film did. Even though I knew the outcome the movie still blew my mind. If Yoda was my go to template for good. The Emperor was it for evil. Many agreed. Sheev doubles appearing everywhere. The original is still the best.

Of course, the man approaching us is not McDiarmid hamming it up but the real deal. An honest to God evil sorcerer high on evil, rage and his own ego.

"Well, well, well. Jedi. I am surprised. I thought it would take much longer for you to discover my whereabouts." says the monster as he walks.

"Sheev Palpatine? As a duly appointed representative of The Jedi Order, Planet of Coruscant and the Galactic Republic I hereby order you to cease any and all Dark Side activity and to come quietly." I say.

"Oh well, that's it then. Good job Dee-Jay." says Anakin.

"What if i do not wish to come quietly?" snarls Palpatine.

"Then there will be, trouble." I say.

"Are you going to use your Jedi weapons?" says Palpatine as he walks forwards, right hand raised.

He has reached the bottom of the stairs. I switch off my weapon.

"No. Last warning Sheev." I say.

"We're not using our lightsabres?" asks Anakin in an aside.

"No, not me. You can keep yours on." I reply.

"I hope you did not expect this to turn out like that charade with that fool Windu." says Palpatine as he unleashes his signature electro death rays.

I raise my left hand and step forwards. The crackling energy diverts into my hand harmlessly.

"Master Windu is wise. He did not attack." I reply.

Several of the twisted structures rise and are hurled towards us. I feel a pressure as the Dark Side probes my body, looking for an opportunity to snap, crush or tear me apart. With simple gestures Anakin and I deflect the missiles while keeping our bodies intact.

We are a few metres apart.

"You fools are no match for the power of the Dark Side!" screams Palpatine and an almost visible wave of evil crashes over us.

For a moment I hear them screaming, pleading. I blink it away.

"Really Sheev? That's weak. Try this." I say and project some old memories. Nothing special really, just an ordinary day on another world, another Galaxy.

I watch as the monster's eyes widen in terror at the sheer ordinariness of it all.

I also bat away the statue he tries to drop on me.

"Yes Sheev. Every day. Nine to five. Total nobody. And I loved it!" I say as we advance on the retreating figure.

However, the monster rallies and hurls red death at us.

"Stop calling me that!" he screams.

"What Sheev? I can't hear you Sheev. Is that because you're losing to a pair of nobodies?" I say.

There is a scream and a hiss as the monster launches himself at me, red lightsabre on and driving straight at me.

"Die!" yells Palpatine.

I do not dodge. The blade pierces my right side. Palpatine's triumphant grin turns to confusion as my right hand grabs and holds the blade, preventing him from moving it to slice me apart.

"I'll let you in on a secret. I, am not left handed!" I yell in the monster's face.

An instant later that face falls away as Anakin's lightsabre decapitates him. The red blade snaps off. Brutally wounded, I collapse besides the headless body. It's hard to breathe.

"Dee-Jay!" yells Anakin as he falls besides me.

"It is, done." I manage.

"No, you can't die. You have a trick, a plan." protests Anakin.

"I did. Get him, to commit, fully. So, he was, vulnerable. Just required, sacrifice." I croak.

"But."

"No buts. Over. Good job. Sky, walker."

Is it getting lighter? There is no death...

\-----

...there is the Force.

I awaken. I am in the void. No pain. Near me is Aurora.

"You are dead for real this time." she says.

I sit up. Check my side. No big hole or charred flesh. Of course, flesh is not a thing here.

"I guess so. No way to survive that." I say.

"That's right. As I promised, your essence is mine now. For all eternity." says Aurora.

"Eternity? So almost enough time for Europe in Flames then?" I say.

"Jokes? Now?"

"Why not? It can't get any worse can it? Unless you have reverted, and it's whips and chains till time stops. In which case, I want a safe word."

"Well Dee-Jay, if that's what you want." says Aurora as a glowing red whip forms. She then smiles. "Not funny?"

"Not yet. Still, we have time." I say.

"Not now. Not for you. As you are fond of pointing out, you are mostly crude matter." she says fading from view.

\-----

I awaken to a sense of motion and sobbing. It's Anakin. I open my eyes. I then close them again. First thing I see after coming to is Sheev's face?

"Anakin." I say. No response.

"Anakin." still nothing.

"Anakin Skywalker! Get this bastard's ugly mug out of mine, help me up or I will make you wish you never had been born."

I hear the head being moved.

"Dee-Jay?"

"Yes Anakin?"

"You're alive!"

"Yeah, about that." I say trying to sit up. Ouch. Everything hurts. Serves me right for being mostly dead. Still, no big holes.

"I saw you die. I felt you fade into the Force!" he says.

"Well, let's keep that between us. Makes regular folks nervous." I say.

"So, what now?" says Anakin.

"We drop off the head, then you and I my young apprentice are going shopping for, um whatever it is the Naboo get themselves married in." I say.

The lift carries us back to the Temple.

\-----

In the end, I am not booted out of the Order. Seems that if you toss a Sith Lord's head into the Council Chamber before staggering off to bed it sends regular Guardians of Peace and Justice into shock. Well, long enough to catch up with Shayla, propose and organise a small wedding. Just her, myself, our family, her relatives, the several fleets that sort of come with the kids, a pile of Jedi and about half of Theed it seems. Good thing Amidala could swing things and organise a stadium.

Yoda stands in front of me and Shayla.

"Do you Shayla, take Dee-Jay to be your husband. To have and to hold, to love, honour and cherish, till death do you part?"

"I do." she says.

"Dee-Jay. Your wife take Shayla do you. Hold and have, honour, cherish and love will you, until all dead finally, you are?"

Yoda could knock off trolling me, just once.

"I do." I say.

"Then kiss each other you shall. Married you are."

I kiss the bride.

\-----

Then it's a matter of speaking to folks.

Some remind me that I still have a job to do.

"So when are you returning to the Fleet. The Confederacy won't magically go away you know." says Tarkin.

"Oh, Anakin and I will be back. Dooku is still out there. Once we get him, hopefully the Confederacy will probably be more willing to talk." I say.

"And cease this nonsense and come back to the Republic." says Tarkin.

"Oh, I don't think that's necessary. They did have valid reasons for leaving. Those will still have to be addressed."

"What reconcile with rebels and traitors? You trust too much."

"It's how I get results beyond imagining my friend."

Others have an odd way about saying thanks.

"The Council are still undecided about you. When they asked me I said we should lock you away until the stars grow dim." says Hera.

"Thank you Hera for the vote of confidence. So, if I do get the boot I take it the Greens are not an option?"

"No! Stay away from us. You Coruscant are the Order's problem. Trust me, no one sane wants you." says Hera.

"Oh woe is me. Lost and all alone in a godless, uncaring universe." I say.

"Oh be quiet Coruscant. 'Lost and alone' is never going to be your problem."

Some have only a few words.

Shmi finds me during a quiet moment.

"Thank you. For keeping him safe." is all she says.

Others may never shut up.

"So what are we doing next Dee-Jay?" asks Anakin.

"Next? We defeat the Separatists, end the Sith and in general be the Guardians of Peace and Justice Knight Skywalker."

"Yeah, I know all that. I just thought you might have some, you know, hints?"

This place is now on it's own brighter course, what do I know? Wait.

"I am afraid you will have to do that on your own. Wait, In a year or so consider taking on an apprentice. I hear there's this Togruta youngling who's quite the handful."

"An apprentice?"

"Or did you want some other advice? For that I can only tell you, be patient, search your feelings and Anakin."

"Yes Dee-Jay"

"Wait till the war is over. People tend to make bad decisions during one."

Lastly, Shayla and I are alone. She rests her head against me. Weddings are exhausting. Let no one tell you otherwise.

"Are you worried love?" she asks.

"About what?" I say.

"The future. Things must be different now than what you saw."

"Oh that. Things went off base a long while ago."

"Really? When was that?"

"I recall it was when I walked into a medcentre claiming to have an infection..."


End file.
